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TurtleTyrant's Death Critiques; All in five sentences or less. Bring it on.
Topic Started: Nov 16 2014, 09:51 PM (1,383 Views)
Slam
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Mr. Danya
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Alex King would be cool.
V7 Freunde
Hey look I have a relationship thread

V6 Amigos - Spoilers!

Die Slam's Art, Die
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Ciel
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"That’s not a prediction, that’s a spoiler.”
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Oh hey TT. Uhh... Ami and Darren? Do not read Carlos it will make you shake your head.
V6

G052 - Reed, Jasmine - 0% - Falchion - START END
G060 - Pfeiffer, Scout - 100% - Sawlaska Thunderfuck 5000 - START
G025 - Reyes, Audrey - 0% - Nunchaku - START END

releases greatest hits album, is an one-hit wonder
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Un-Persona
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Mains Shaggy Verde
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Thank you again tayteh~
V7 relationship thread! Say hi to my kids!
Super Spoiler God Super Spoiler
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MrMissMrs Random
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Shut up I'm in the robot
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My face is super red but thank you so much, TT. ^^
Version 6
Adelaide Walker-N/A
V6 Pregame: 1-2
Image Song: TV on the Radio- Wolf Like Me

Frederick "Rick" Brea- N/A
V6 Pregame: 1-2
Image Song: SOHN- Artifice

Version 5
(G006) Rosemary Michaels- Butterfly Knife: "H-h-heh..."- DECEASED
V5 Game:
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-6 (Return)-9-10-11-12-FINAL



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VoltTurtle
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The girl who dreams on the back of a giant space turtle.
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Woo more child murder! Reminds me of a couple months ago when a kid shot another kid near my school.

Adonis Alba

I'll admit I haven't read Adonis' (admittedly short) story, but I liked his death. In the scene leading up to the death I really liked the humor value of the minor confusion Adonis had over Joachim saying "mur-killers" and Adonis acting like he was tough shit when he began fighting/finished fighting Joachim. I liked how Aura wrote the sudden realization that Adonis was done for, and the jarring change from how he was acting just a post ago was handled well. I liked the thoughts of regret and that Aura didn't go for a "everything's okay" death (I hate "everything's okay" deaths). However, I really wish that Aura had done a bit more with the death; I can't name exactly how it was lacking, but after reading it I felt as if something more could have been done (perhaps elaborating on feelings regarding the things Adonis thought about besides his regrets).

Only one for now because of time constraints I am under. Also, if I can make a little note to everyone: I would super duper appreciate it if people put their thoughts on my two characters on the wiki. Nobody's obligated to but I really love getting people's thoughts so I can improve.
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simpleinsanity
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Blueberry.
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TurtleTyrant
Nov 18 2014, 08:31 PM
Woo more child murder! Reminds me of a couple months ago when a kid shot another kid near my school.
D:

Also, Cyrus White please.
V5: Cyrus White
Weapon: Ice Axe
Pregame: Debates and Discourse (Main Pregame), Nox Mirabilis (Prom), Sin and Sacred Light (Before Prom)
Game: One, Two, and Three.
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VoltTurtle
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The girl who dreams on the back of a giant space turtle.
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I finally found the time in between faffing about in The Binding of Isaac Rebirth to do another one of these.

Michael Mitchellson

I think that I have established that I like Michael, he's funny and I enjoyed reading his story a lot. However, his death I was not quite as fond of compared to the rest of his story. The scene and how it was set up was great; Boogie, Snarft, and Medic did a good job setting a good pace and build up for the death, but the cause of death (Michael accidentally shooting himself) felt anti-climactic and didn't really make all that much sense from a reader's perspective/mesh with the scene all that well. As for the death post itself and Michael's internal reaction to it, I liked his reaction and the parallel structure that boogie used at the end with Michael's crawling. Michael's death really made me feel bad for him, despite my confusion to the cause of his death.

This is another one I wanted to elaborate more on, specifically about how the cause of death confused me and such since it's a big part of my lack of fondness, so... Dmboogie, I invite you to PM me for elaboration on what I found confusing about Michael's death.

No, that is not an invitation for ALL of you to PM me. :V

More to come later.
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