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Brackie's Whacky-Tacky Critiques; who is this guy and why does he think he can critique
Topic Started: Aug 6 2014, 12:14 PM (1,180 Views)
Brackie
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i love him, i love him, i love him, i love him
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
So! I have been technically back on SOTF for over six months now and during that time I have already lead one poor lamb to its death in v5, wuh-wah. While this implies I have been extensively reading v5 in order to broaden my writing horizons, sadly, I have not. I've read a fair few of the early threads, everything my sole v5 character was connected to, and that's about it. Bad Brackie.

So to make up for this heinous laziness I'm forcing myself to actually read what I've missed of v5, which by this time it looks like a lot. And rather than do what I tried doing before (going through all the characters in death order), I'll open it up to the handlers of v5 to direct me towards their fantastic characters so I can both read v5 and pay real attention to what I'm reading in order to give critiques (or failing that, impressions - I'll make them good though).


And I'm back again! All of that stuff is technically still true but replace v5 with v6. I think I'll pick up where I left off but remove handlers who haven't been around for longer than 2 months to free up some spots.

Notes:
1. It's been a while since I've critiqued anything and this is my first real critique thread of any kind on any website ever, so it may be slightly amateurish compared to the good critics in this here forum. I'll do my best tho.
2. It might not be particularly long even, I might just put down my thoughts. I will, however, try to make them constructive.
3. In the mean time, go nuts on requesting characters. Hell, as long as you don't have too much intersection between your own characters, you can request all of your characters to be put in the queue. Once I'm overwhelmed though I'll amend this.
4. If for some reason you don't want a public critique/impression/feedback I can send word via carrier pigeon, pack mule, or Private Message.
5. I'm mainly hoping to look at SOTFMain characters atm, but I'm open to looking at Mini characters somewhere down the line.

So yeah, go nuts.

Main SOTF queue (max of 10):
1. Aileen Aurora Abdallah
2. Mirabella Strong
3. Stacy Ramsey (WIP)
4. Cody Patton
5. Alex King
6. Ian Williams
7. Juhan Levandi
8. Adonis Alba
9. Hansel Williams
10.
11.

side-non-v5-queue (max of 3):
1. Forrest Doe
2. Taylor DeVasher
3. Leah Bissard
Edited by Brackie, Dec 11 2016, 07:22 AM.
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
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I can't sing but I wrote you a song

Wrong notes but the melody's so clear

When I'm lost, I'm still close to gold

cause I found my treasure in you
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Riki
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Winner
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
You are opening yourself to tragedy.

But sure, Aileen Abdallah, pwetty pwease?
Fiyori Senay
 


Version 7
Version 6
Version 5


ChatShit

My Credentials
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Un-Persona
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Mains Shaggy Verde
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Marcus Leung, thank you. He's the dark green heart in my signature, next to the gray one.
V7 relationship thread! Say hi to my kids!
Super Spoiler God Super Spoiler
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SansaSaver
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Player
[ *  *  *  * ]
Hey Inky! Could you pretty please critique Mirabella for me? <3
Version Seven:
Tristan O’Hara
Dorothea Rodriguez
Ariana Simpson


Past Characters:
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Will
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Player
[ *  *  *  * ]
Could you critique Stacy Ramsey for me please? :)
V6 Characters:

Posted Image------------------Posted Image
----Cassandra "Cassie" Venus--------------------------------Eleanor "Elle" Duval----------

V5
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MK Kilmarnock
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Hate, hate, HATE!!!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Why the hell not.

Cody Patton.
V6 Tributes

Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5

Things We Say
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Slam
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My Critique Process
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Alex King because your opinion would be dandy.
V7 Freunde
Hey look I have a relationship thread

V6 Amigos - Spoilers!

Die Slam's Art, Die
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VysePresident
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Long-winded, meticulous, & thoughtful. Mostly long-winded though.
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I'd absolutely love to get some feedback on Ian Williams, please. :)
Constructive criticism is always welcome! Feel free to send me a PM if you have any pointers or feedback you'd like to share!

Character #1: Boy #37 Ian Williams - Now with 55% less self-insert.
Designated Weapon: Polaroid Instant Camera With Film (Enough for 8 photographs)

Past - | 1 | 2 | (Current thread - Birds of a Feather)
Pregame - None
Island - | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | (Final Thread - Glass
)
Character #2: Boy #66 Chase Rodriguez - Adopted from Pippin.
Designated Weapon: Silver Pill Box Containing Three Cyanide Capsules

Past - None
Pregame - | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | (Last seen in - Diversions)
Island - | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | (Final Thread - Drawing to an End)



(Relationships Planning Thread #Pi)
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TwelveFourtyFive
Winner
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I'd give you my V5 character, but I have none. So...I guess, Forrest Doe?
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LordB
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Grossly Incandescent
[ * ]
Mind doing a critique of James Wade, please?
V5
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Maraoone
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yes thomas why
[ *  *  * ]
Juhan Levandi pleaaase.
V6 Characters:
G062 - Olivia Fischer prayed a thousand prayers in Ye Not [37/107]
Previous Threads: Sæglópur - Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools... - the way to dusty death - a concrete cave - I'd Say That I've Had Worse Days, but Then I'd Be Lying - Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Until Then, You Are Free - Cast in the Name of God
Memories: Sometimes when we reach for the stars...
Weapon: Lobotomy pick.

V5 Characters

Chat

Pledges

"Mara was a mistake." - Cicada, 2017
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Aura
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Has seen that which cannot be unseen.
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Adonis Alba, pretty please?
Posted Image

Characters

Posted Image
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Brackie
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i love him, i love him, i love him, i love him
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
And with that, I think this is a good cutoff point for v5 characters.

Each time I finish critiquing a character I'll open up a spot in the queue, but for now I won't be accepting any more requests.

However, if anyone does have a non-v5 character they'd like me to review I have a side-queue with a max of 3.
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

I can't sing but I wrote you a song

Wrong notes but the melody's so clear

When I'm lost, I'm still close to gold

cause I found my treasure in you
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Laurels
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Cause what you see isn't always the truth
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
For a non V5 kid, can you look at Taylor DeVasher?
V6 Cast

V5 Cast

Chat, Art, and Fun Stuff
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Brackie
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i love him, i love him, i love him, i love him
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Added.

Now, everyone, brace yourselves for my first. EVER. CRITIQUE.

Posted Image

Aileen Aurora Abdallah, by Bikriki
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Because it seems easiest, I'm going to divide my thoughts into three sections: Story, Personality, and Narrative.

Part 1: Story


Part 2: Personality


Part 3: Narrative


I wasn't planning on doing a scorecard but I'll see if I like doing it or not:

Story: 3.5/5
Personality: 3
Narrative: 2.5

Overall: 3/5

The main thing that can be improved upon is the bare necessities, such as spelling/grammar/etc. After that, I'd say the biggest thing to improve on would be making sure she flows consistently as a character, maker her motivations move through the story with her and mold her. It did feel like she was a passive force at times just floating along and her personality swathed around a bit too much (such as going from having genuine moments with Owen in the haunted house to coldly threatening Jessica in the next thread, not much insight as to why, only that it happened). Nail it down and shape the story to that next time.

When she was consistent though, I liked her. Like I said she worked great IMO with Joe and good with Owen, her pragmatic personality meshing well as a contrast. When she let down her guard we saw a side of her that I liked to see.

I'd mostly recommend reading Aileen for her story, because she does intersect with some pretty big characters and she bounces well off some better than others. It's the story of a girl who puts up a barrier for herself because most people hate her, she tries to stick along with people in spite of that, she makes some genuine connections, she makes the wrong move at the wrong time and pays the price for it.

Alright, up next, Marcus Leung.

And someone else can request a single v5 character now.
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

I can't sing but I wrote you a song

Wrong notes but the melody's so clear

When I'm lost, I'm still close to gold

cause I found my treasure in you
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