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Espi Reads: V5; Is this a terrible idea I THINK SO YES
Topic Started: Nov 19 2013, 07:20 PM (1,856 Views)
Espi
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Death By Truth
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Eh, I'm bored and need to get back into V5.

Critique notes:

1: I kind of suck at reading things so don't expect a super fancy/in-depth critique. This is just a casual thing.
2: 5 to a queue at once so I don't get overwhelmed. Once I've done those 5 I'll reopen the queue.
3: I'll be critiquing in the thread unless you specifically request it be PMed to you.
4: Which you probably don't need to because I will try to say nice things and offer suggestions rather than go "THIS SUCKS AND IS BAD"

Queue 1 (complete)
1- Ami Flynn (Ciel/Seel)
2- Venice Pennington-Johannes (Un-Persona/Unpy/Persy/Un/Santa-Sona)
3- Alice Gilman (dmboogie)
4- Mirabella Strong (SansaSaver)
5- Madeline Wilcox (TurtleTyrant)

Queue 2 (Open)
1-Natali Greer (Backslash/Zarina)
2-Owen Kay (Pippin)
3-Jack MacDonald (Flare)
4-Zoe Leverett (Kalopsia/Rachel)
5-Ian Williams (VysePresident)

(INB4 thread gets 8 posts in 3.5 seconds)
V5: Cut Short


V6: Broken Down


V7: Unprepared
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Ciel
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"That’s not a prediction, that’s a spoiler.”
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
3.4 seconds.

I'm going to be a jerk and ask for Ami Flynn plz. Keep it casual, I like it casual.

Edit: you weren't joking...
Edited by Ciel, Nov 19 2013, 07:28 PM.
V6

G052 - Reed, Jasmine - 0% - Falchion - START END
G060 - Pfeiffer, Scout - 100% - Sawlaska Thunderfuck 5000 - START
G025 - Reyes, Audrey - 0% - Nunchaku - START END

releases greatest hits album, is an one-hit wonder
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Un-Persona
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Mains Shaggy Verde
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Venice Pennington-Johannes. Links in the sig. Please and thank you.
V7 relationship thread! Say hi to my kids!
Super Spoiler God Super Spoiler
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dmboogie
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A Delicate Machine
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Could you please critique Alice Gilman for me?
a tribute for the dead and dying

Posted Image
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SansaSaver
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Player
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Ah, critique threads, the things that fill up faster than... some other threads or something. I dunno.

Anyhow, could you please critique Bella for me? c:
Version Seven:
Tristan O’Hara
Dorothea Rodriguez
Ariana Simpson


Past Characters:
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VoltTurtle
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The girl who dreams on the back of a giant space turtle.
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I don't normally get into these things but what the hell. Put Madeline up there.
Edited by VoltTurtle, Nov 19 2013, 07:34 PM.
Turtle's Signature
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Espi
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Death By Truth
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Okay queue full.
V5: Cut Short


V6: Broken Down


V7: Unprepared
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NotAFlyingToy
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Southern motherfuckin' democratic republicans.
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Oh hey look a new critique thread aaaand it's full.
A list of the dying, a list of the damned.

V6
V5
Future
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Ciel
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"That’s not a prediction, that’s a spoiler.”
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
that's what you get for not being a flying toy.
V6

G052 - Reed, Jasmine - 0% - Falchion - START END
G060 - Pfeiffer, Scout - 100% - Sawlaska Thunderfuck 5000 - START
G025 - Reyes, Audrey - 0% - Nunchaku - START END

releases greatest hits album, is an one-hit wonder
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Espi
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Death By Truth
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
OKAY SO I SUCK BUT THIS IS GONNA BE A THING NOW BECAUSE IT'S SUMMER AND I HAVE LOADS OF FREE TIME

AMI CRITIQUE COMING PROBABLY SOON
V5: Cut Short


V6: Broken Down


V7: Unprepared
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Espi
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Death By Truth
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My thoughts on Ami Flynn:

I think Ami's a really interesting character. From a writing standpoint, I think Ciel's done a really good job on giving her this clear-cut identity while also making her subject to change and variation, which I appreciate. I really like the motifs of certain phrases (hindsight 20/20) being repeated at key times as well.

As for her story, I think Ami's got a really interesting one. From being this sort of protectorate under Ruby's care to being Mira's protector to taking her own life into her hands (or trying to) by planning suicide. I really like how her narrative is so self-loathing, especially after she kills Sara. Killing was also handled very nicely because it stays a huge part of her story and her mental health's degrading can be attributed to this action. She kills someone and it continues to affect her, which is awesome.

Ami's a really interesting person and I just find her thought process to be fascinating. She's a really unique person and I'm enthralled by her decisions, and her backstory and history is a lot more built-up and important to her than you might think. Overall, I strongly enjoyed Ami and would recommend her to anyone.

Next up is Venice by Persy.
V5: Cut Short


V6: Broken Down


V7: Unprepared
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Espi
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Death By Truth
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Venice is done.

So this is probably gonna be way shorter than Ami because Venice is...way shorter than Ami. I think she'd have really benefited from a longer story and a more dynamic situation. She rescues Amy, plays Clue and is shot, and that's about it. Her death was kind of disappointing, because I think a more violent and/or drawn-out situation would've benefited Venice just by breaking her into the island rather than nothing really dangerous until her death. It just doesn't click with me, personally.

Of course, that's not really your fault, so Venice I'd rank pretty well for an early character aside from dying too early to do much which you can't control.

NEXT UP ALICE GILMAN WHICH WILL PROBABLY TAKE A COUPLE DAYS
V5: Cut Short


V6: Broken Down


V7: Unprepared
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Espi
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Death By Truth
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Alice Gilman, I think, had a really strong voice. She was pragmatic and logical without being robotic or stiff. She was still a human being, just a smart one. I really appreciated the chemistry in her group; it was a little stiff at the start, but I really felt that bond that formed between the three, and Alice's despair at times was very relatable without being over-the-top or excessive, since it came in enough to be a notable trait without being her dominant personality point. I think her story was pretty good; she avoided danger for the most part, so it really became more about her relationships, which I think were all very solid. I also appreciate that as soon as she tries to play the hero and steps out of her role she's killed.

Overall, I really liked Alice.

ON TO MIRABELLA (who will take at least a few days fair warning)

Also, as soon as I finish Bella and Maddie, I'll reopen the queue for five new kids.
V5: Cut Short


V6: Broken Down


V7: Unprepared
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Espi
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Death By Truth
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Finished Mirabella.

She's quite interesting. I feel like the common perception that she improves significantly is not entirely inaccurate; as the game goes on and she becomes less and less stable, her voice and personality become very cohesive, and I think her breakdown is fascinating, especially compared to the far more subdued Bella we see early on. Not to say that Bella was ever bad! Her attempts to hold it together prove interesting conflict in and of themselves, and it sets a good base point for her breakdown. My one issue is with the participation in the escape, if only due to the principle of the thing; Bella's desire to escape works okay, I just dislike the execution of the escape overall. Still, I enjoyed her a fair bit!

After I critique Maddie, I'll open my queue for five new kids.
V5: Cut Short


V6: Broken Down


V7: Unprepared
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Espi
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Death By Truth
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Madeline is an interesting character. I like how distinctive her voice is, and I think she's got a really interesting enemy in herself; she's not entirely unjustified in her questioning of her actions, having robbed a girl and later murdered two people. She's still very sympathetic though, and I think her interactions with RJ bolstered that a lot. I think Maddie's a very interesting person who's really unique as a not-quite-hero but not quite a villain, being in a shade of gray that gives her a lot of potential choices.

Queue is now open for new critiques! I'll be taking 5 once again, then closing up shop for a bit.
V5: Cut Short


V6: Broken Down


V7: Unprepared
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