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Garrett Wilde
Topic Started: Mar 12 2013, 03:17 PM (360 Views)
Emprexx Plush
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Paige/EP/Plush, they/them pronouns pls thanks :3
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Name: Garrett Wilde
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: The Debate Club, Stoicism, Memetics, Developmental Psychology, Music, Board Games, People Watching, Walking, Meditating, Men's Formal Wear.

Appearance: Garrett inherited many things from his paternal ancestors, including his below average 5'7” height and his notably gray eyes. He was also gifted with his mother's dark black hair and fair white complexion, though hours in the sun have tanned him well. He keeps his hair cropped short and maintains a well-manicured goatee. He opts to keep his clothing simple and serviceable on most occasions, defaulting to well-worn jeans and colorful but otherwise unremarkable t-shirts for his day-to-day wear. However, he is very fond of formal wear when the opportunity to employ it arises, and often goes suit-shopping with his father. He is never seen without his black leather driving gloves, which he inherited from his late grandfather, or the look of contented calmness that has come to characterize his life and his philosophy.

Biography: Garrett was born to Linda and Matthew Wilde in Seattle, Washington. The pair had decided early on to delay having a child into they were both well-established in their respective careers, with the intention of being able to provide a stable and suitably attentive environment for their offspring. While they succeeded in staving off their progeny's arrival until their early 30s, their plans for stability went awry shortly after his birth. His father was a journalist by trade, and a combination of financial strain and temptation towards his familial wanderlust led him to accepting a position as an international affairs correspondent with a fairly respectable news agency. After much discussion, it was agreed that he would travel alone while Linda raised their young boy in the environment they always hoped to settle him in. What started as a necessity, however, soon began to consume Matthew's attention. He found the field and travel to be invigorating in a way he couldn't adequately convey to Linda. He would remain an active correspondent far longer than they had initially planned, a fact that would occasionally place a great deal of strain on their marriage. As a consequence, Garrett's early years progressed with little to no paternal influence, an absence that quickly grew to resentment as the concept of a father seemed to grow more and more distant.

His connection to his mother, however, was practically unbreakable. She was an administrator for a program specializing in tutoring at-risk preschool children at the time, and would often involve Garrett in teaching sessions for new mentors. She made sure that he received the best care she could offer and established him as the center of her universe while Matthew was away, always treating his well-being and happiness as her first concern. The unfortunate consequence of this admirable love was that she was often unwilling to curb his enthusiastic, emotional outbursts. She knew that it was normal for young children, and wished to help him explore and establish his own boundaries. As he grew older she ignored the fact that his often volatile nature had not tempered itself, convincing herself that he was simply developing slowly. After all, He wasn't violent or destructive, merely expressive. This all changed one afternoon when she took him to a nearby park, as was customary on the days she was able to work from home, a few days after he turned eight. While she was distracted with her planner, Garrett climbed a nearby tree with another boy, but quickly grew tired of his company. During his resulting tantrum, he kicked the boy in the face, causing him to fall out of the willow tree and hit the ground with an unmistakable thud. While the young acrobat survived the fall, he was paralyzed from the neck down as a consequence of the accident.

This event changed Garrett profoundly. He became quieter over the next few years, withdrawing in on himself. This change influenced his mother as well, who found herself slipping into a depressed state due to her perceived failure as a mother and the profound loneliness she felt trying to handle the aftermath without Matthew. This combination of events caused him to associate his emotions with all the bad things in his life: He was angry at his father, so he never came home. He was angry at the boy, and now he can't move. He was angry at himself, and how his mother is always sad. He stopped expressing himself at all around her, due to the fear that letting anything out might hurt her like he hurt a poor stranger. She misinterpreted his silence as contempt and confirmation of her failure, causing her to sink further into her sadness. Matthew was too engrossed in his work to truly absorb the gravity of the situation, and his long distance from the family had dulled his empathy with them. He suspected that she was exaggerating the situation in an attempt to cause him to abandon his passion for the field, and after many arguments and misunderstandings it was agreed that they would separate when Garrett was nine years old. Linda was so heart-broken by the events that she could no longer bear the hands-on role she had prided herself on in Garrett's early life, opting to spend more and more of her time working. This, in turn, made Garrett's suspicions about his feelings a self-fulfilling prophecy. His world was shattered by his parent's separation, viewing it as the ultimate confirmation that feeling anything at all would only drive people away. He tried to shut all of his feelings out, to keep his emotions from influencing his life, but he couldn't. It took all of his energy and control to keep from expressing them, turning him into an outwardly despondent shell and an inwardly chaotic maelstrom. This self-loathing would have continued to spiral out of control if it had not been for the intervention of his paternal grandfather, Alexander. The death of Alexander's wife, Elizabeth, had prompted him to move to Seattle and assist Linda in her increasingly tumultuous role as Garrett's guardian. By the age of 10 Garrett had begun to spend all of his spare time with Grandpa Alex, slowly opening up to him. He was introduced to the concept of Stoicism and given a copy of Marcus Auerlius's Meditations , and under Alexander's tutelage he began to strive for the ideal of Apatheia: Serene contentment with whatever life chooses to throw at you. Alexander adapted these ideas to teach Garrett balance and acceptance, and the young boy took to the ideas immediately. He learned to embrace his emotions without allowing them to rule him, and to let go of his latent egocentricism to understand the perspectives and desires of others. He learned that the events of life are only as taxing as you allow them to be, and that every situation can have a favorable outcome, even if it is for someone else. He learned that he alone was not and could not be responsible for anything other than his own reactions, and that all other people are similarly limited. Once Garrett began to accept these basic principles, the tone of Alexander's lessons shifted from instructional to conversational. They spent many long hours discussing various aspects of philosophy while playing board-games ranging from simple to esoteric, challenging their wits on multiple levels at once. These moments would be regarded as the most important events in Garrett's life, as he based nearly everything he did around his time with Grandpa Alex. Their relationship only became closer as Garrett grew older and was ready for more complex lessons. In time, his grandfather became more than just a paternal figure, mentor, and protector: he became Garrett's closest friend.

Garrett is now a well-adjusted, rational teenager in the midst of a loving family. Garrett's pursuit of Apatheia allowed him to let go of the resentment he felt towards Matthew Wilde long before the man returned home permanently shortly after his 13th birthday. Matthew Wilde returned to his wife after a series of stern chastisements from his father, and the crippling reality of how much he had missed over the last 12 years. It took almost a year of meetings, e-mails, and late-night phone calls between the long-divided lovers, but eventually they rekindled their passion. When Matthew came to move in to his old home, Garrett was the first to meet him. He easily re-connected with his father once he retired from active journalism to become a non-fiction author, and developed a comfortable relationship with him. They often spend Saturdays browsing various thrift shops for interesting and unique men's suits before sitting down to discuss the latest developments in foreign politics over tea. He has chosen to follow in his mother's footsteps and study developmental psychology, with an emphasis on the theoretical field of memetics. He still holds the ideal of Apatheia as paramount despite being tested by the death of Grandpa Alexander. He was 16 when his avus paternus passed. Two years later he still visits his grandfather's grave at least once a week to meditate on the lessons he was taught, and to idly discuss his day-to-day life. He has become an avid speaker in the school debate club due to his father's influence and the inquisitive spirit instilled in him by the long hours with Alexander. Each morning he wakes early before school and walks aimlessly through the streets, allowing himself to become lost in thoughts of nothing in particular. Most of all, he enjoys visiting Alki beach and watching the scattered strangers in the sands. These brief windows into their lives fascinate him more than anything else. Even though he does not know them, he values the contribution they make to his world simply by existing.

Advantages: Garrett is calm, logical, and intelligent. He is not likely to take any drastic actions and his philosophy makes him difficult to shake. He bonds well with strangers and has grown to excel at putting the needs of others before his own. He learns quickly and can adapt to unfamiliar situations well if he is given a moment to think. His habit of rising early and walking the streets alone has left him in good physical condition.
Disadvantages: Garrett has little regard for his own safety. If left alone he will defend himself and survive as necessary, but his unshakable calm also leaves him at a decided disadvantage when dealing with hostility. If he can maintain his training, he will never kill another individual to save his own life, though he may be able to act to save someone else. Likewise, he will put himself in danger if he believe it will assist someone else, even if he has no particular attachment to that person. While he isn't necessarily trusting of other people, he is quick to support what he perceives as good intent and could be easily fooled by someone claiming to be passive. While walking has put him in above average physical condition, he has no formal training in any form of sporting activity and rarely runs for more than a few seconds. His contented approach has left him in no particular hurry, and as such he lacks the ability to quickly escape dangerous situations.
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Rattlesnake
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Now you may be wondering, who was wearing the bolo tie? Me or the shark? Answer: YES!
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Hi there!

Garrett is temporarily DENIED, pending revision. I will provide a line-item commentary below (my thoughts in green), followed by an additional explanation at the end.

Quote:
 
Name: Garrett Wilde
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: The Debate Club, Stoicism, Memetics, Developmental Psychology, Music, Board Games, People Watching, Walking, Meditating, Men's Formal Wear. Half these are mentioned either off-hand or not at all in the biography. The Hobbies and Interests section serves as a summary of the biography, not the other way around. If it's listed here, it needs considerable attention below.

Appearance: Garrett inherited many things from his paternal ancestors, There are a lot of tonal issues in Garrett's profile, this being the first. I'll explain further below, but in this case, you can just say parents rather than paternal ancestors. including his below average 5'7” height and his notably gray eyes. He was also gifted with his mother's dark black hair and fair white complexion, though hours in the sun have tanned him well. The last bit is too informal. More importantly, Garrett doesn't have any sort of indication about his weight, general build, or facial features. All of these need to be in the final biography. He keeps his hair cropped short and maintains a well-manicured goatee. He opts to keep his clothing simple and serviceable on most occasions, defaulting to well-worn jeans and colorful but otherwise unremarkable t-shirts for his day-to-day wear. However, he is very fond of formal wear when the opportunity to employ it arises, and often goes suit-shopping with his father. He is never seen without his black leather driving gloves, which he inherited from his late grandfather, or the look of contented calmness that has come to characterize his life and his philosophy. Describing his typical attitude works, but don't characterize his face through one specific expression.

Biography: Garrett was born to Linda and Matthew Wilde in Seattle, Washington. The pair had decided early on to delay having a child into until they were both well-established in their respective careers, with the intention of being able to provide a stable and suitably attentive environment for their offspring. While they succeeded in staving off their progeny's arrival until their early 30s, their plans for stability went awry shortly after his birth. His father was a journalist by trade, and a combination of financial strain and temptation towards his familial wanderlust Another tonal issue. I'm not sure what familiar wanderlust even means - he liked traveling? led him to accepting a position as an international affairs correspondent with a fairly respectable news agency. After much discussion, it was agreed that he would travel alone while Linda raised their young boy in the environment they always hoped to settle him in. What started as a necessity, however, soon began to consume Matthew's attention. He found the field and travel to be invigorating in a way he couldn't adequately convey to Linda. He would remain an active correspondent far longer than they had initially planned, a fact that would occasionally place a great deal of strain on their marriage. As a consequence, Garrett's early years progressed with little to no paternal influence, an absence that quickly grew to resentment as the concept of a father seemed to grow more and more distant.

His connection to his mother, however, was practically unbreakable. She was an administrator for a program specializing in tutoring at-risk preschool children at the time, and would often involve Garrett in teaching sessions for new mentors. She made sure that he received the best care she could offer and established him as the center of her universe while Matthew was away, always treating his well-being and happiness as her first concern. The unfortunate consequence of this admirable love This is informal again. As a general rule, don't drop judgement calls (more generally, most adjectives) regarding characters' actions/motives. was that she was often unwilling to curb his enthusiastic, emotional outbursts. She knew that it was normal for young children, and wished to help him explore and establish his own boundaries. As he grew older she ignored the fact that his often volatile nature had not tempered itself, convincing herself that he was simply developing slowly. After all, He wasn't violent or destructive, merely expressive. Why is she completely oblivious to his issues when she works with at-risk children? This all changed one afternoon when she took him to a nearby park, as was customary on the days she was able to work from home, a few days after he turned eight. While she was distracted with her planner, Garrett climbed a nearby tree with another boy, but quickly grew tired of his company. During his resulting tantrum, he kicked the boy in the face, causing him to fall out of the willow tree and hit the ground with an unmistakable thud.Informal - describe scenes, don't paint them. While the young acrobat Informal again survived the fall, he was paralyzed from the neck down as a consequence of the accident. What really concerns me here is that Garrett suffers no consequences at all coming from this. He kicked a kid in the face. And paralyzed him as a result. This is a really big deal. A really freaking big deal. I'm unwilling to accept that there were no actual consequences for either Garrett or his mother. There should be lawsuits, a mandatory psychiatric evaluation, just something that comes as an actual consequence. All things considered, the best course of action would be to dial back the action rather than dialing up the consequences.

This event changed Garrett profoundly. He became quieter over the next few years, withdrawing in on himself. This change influenced his mother as well, who found herself slipping into a depressed state due to her perceived failure as a mother and the profound loneliness she felt trying to handle the aftermath without Matthew. This combination of events caused him to associate his emotions with all the bad things in his life: He was angry at his father, so he never came home. He was angry at the boy, and now he can't move. There are tense/tonal issues in this run of sentences. Tense needs to be consistent and the parallel structure is a bit artsy. He was angry at himself, and how his mother is always sad. He stopped expressing himself at all around her, due to the fear that letting anything out might hurt her like he hurt a poor stranger. She misinterpreted his silence as contempt and confirmation of her failure, causing her to sink further into her sadness. Again, she works with at-risk children but can't recognize a problem with her own child? And a problem she's experiencing (major depression) to boot? Matthew was too engrossed in his work to truly absorb the gravity of the situation, and his long distance from the family had dulled his empathy with them. He suspected that she was exaggerating the situation in an attempt to cause him to abandon his passion for the field, and after many arguments and misunderstandings it was agreed that they would separate when Garrett was nine years old. Linda was so heart-broken by the events that she could no longer bear the hands-on role she had prided herself on in Garrett's early life, opting to spend more and more of her time working. This, in turn, made Garrett's suspicions about his feelings a self-fulfilling prophecy. His world was shattered by his parent's separation, viewing it as the ultimate confirmation that feeling anything at all would only drive people away. Ok, I'm confused here. First, why does Garrett decide that his mother working more hours is A. Driven by grief rather than finance and B. Driven specifically by his display of grief rather than her divorce? He tried to shut all of his feelings out, to keep his emotions from influencing his life, but he couldn't. It took all of his energy and control to keep from expressing them, turning him into an outwardly despondent shell and an inwardly chaotic maelstrom. This self-loathing would have continued to spiral out of control if it had not been for the intervention of his paternal grandfather, Alexander. The death of Alexander's wife, Elizabeth, had prompted him to move to Seattle and assist Linda in her increasingly tumultuous role as Garrett's guardian.

This paragraph needs a line break somewhere. Here is fine, as well as a few other spots.

By the age of 10 Garrett had begun to spend all of his spare time with Grandpa Alex, slowly opening up to him. He was introduced to the concept of Stoicism and given a copy of Marcus Auerlius's Meditations , and under Alexander's tutelage he began to strive for the ideal of Apatheia: Serene contentment with whatever life chooses to throw at you. Alexander adapted these ideas to teach Garrett balance and acceptance, and the young boy took to the ideas immediately. He learned to embrace his emotions without allowing them to rule him, and to let go of his latent egocentricism to understand the perspectives and desires of others. He learned that the events of life are only as taxing as you allow them to be, and that every situation can have a favorable outcome, even if it is for someone else. He learned that he alone was not and could not be responsible for anything other than his own reactions, and that all other people are similarly limited. I have a pile of misgivings here. First, his grandfather's behavior is just strange. With his wife out of the picture, he decides to move in with the former wife of his son in order to help her parent? Why does she accept that reasoning? Why does she want anything to do with him? And why, of all things, does he decide it would be appropriate to begin instructing a 10-year-old child in a particular school of philosophy? I'm also really uncomfortable with the degree to which Garrett catches on. We have a fifth-grader who when presented with an abstract book far above his grade level by a man he's had little or no contact with (presumably - where did Alexander even live?) takes to it like a moth to a flame? Motivations aside, it's all just too complex. The text itself (as mentioned) is something far beyond most 10-year-olds' ability to comprehend, let alone truly understand. I don't know to what degree a 10-year-old brain is even capable of grasping concepts like egocentricism and equanimity. My point is, how does a kid who hasn't even learned what an exponent is grasp and master a particular school of philosophical thought? Once Garrett began to accept these basic principles, the tone of Alexander's lessons shifted from instructional to conversational. They spent many long hours discussing various aspects of philosophy while playing board-games ranging from simple to esoteric, challenging their wits on multiple levels at once. These moments would be regarded as the most important events in Garrett's life, as he based nearly everything he did around his time with Grandpa Alex. Their relationship only became closer as Garrett grew older and was ready for more complex lessons. In time, his grandfather became more than just a paternal figure, mentor, and protector: he became Garrett's closest friend.

Garrett is now a well-adjusted, rational teenager in the midst of a loving family. Garrett's pursuit of Apatheia allowed him to let go of the resentment he felt towards Matthew Wilde long before the man returned home permanently shortly after his 13th birthday. Matthew Wilde returned to his wife after a series of stern chastisements from his father, and the crippling reality of how much he had missed over the last 12 years. It took almost a year of meetings, e-mails, and late-night phone calls between the long-divided lovers, but eventually they rekindled their passion. When Matthew came to move in to his old home, Garrett was the first to meet him. He easily re-connected with his father once he retired from active journalism to become a non-fiction author, and developed a comfortable relationship with him. This ties into the above, but how does Garrett lose any of the quite reasonable resentment he's built up and bond so well with a man who he never really knew but who has done both him and his mother considerable harm? They often spend Saturdays browsing various thrift shops for interesting and unique men's suits before sitting down to discuss the latest developments in foreign politics over tea. He has chosen to follow in his mother's footsteps and study developmental psychology, with an emphasis on the theoretical field of memetics. Chosen to follow how? Does he just like to read about it or does he just think he has an idea of a college major? He still holds the ideal of Apatheia as paramount despite being tested by the death of Grandpa Alexander. He was 16 when his avus paternus Just use "grandfather." passed. Two years later he still visits his grandfather's grave at least once a week to meditate on the lessons he was taught, and to idly discuss his day-to-day life. He has become an avid speaker in the school debate club due to his father's influence and the inquisitive spirit instilled in him by the long hours with Alexander. Each morning he wakes early before school and walks aimlessly through the streets, allowing himself to become lost in thoughts of nothing in particular. Most of all, he enjoys visiting Alki beach and watching the scattered strangers in the sands. Off-tone. These brief windows into their lives fascinate him more than anything else. Even though he does not know them, he values the contribution they make to his world simply by existing.

Advantages: Garrett is calm, logical, and intelligent. He is not likely to take any drastic actions and his philosophy makes him difficult to shake. He bonds well with strangers and has grown to excel at putting the needs of others before his own. He learns quickly and can adapt to unfamiliar situations well if he is given a moment to think. There isn't currently any explanation of Garrett being particularly quick-witted in the biography. His habit of rising early and walking the streets alone has left him in good physical condition.
Disadvantages: Garrett has little regard for his own safety. If left alone he will defend himself and survive as necessary, but his unshakable calm also leaves him at a decided disadvantage when dealing with hostility. Isn't calm in the face of danger an advantage? If he can maintain his training, he will never kill another individual to save his own life, though he may be able to act to save someone else. Likewise, he will put himself in danger if he believe it will assist someone else, even if he has no particular attachment to that person. Try to stay away from will/won't in this section. If he has a tendency to forget himself, that's fine, but specific predictors aren't good. Show, don't tell, essentially. While he isn't necessarily trusting of other people, he is quick to support what he perceives as good intent and could be easily fooled by someone claiming to be passive. While walking has put him in above average physical condition, he has no formal training in any form of sporting activity and rarely runs for more than a few seconds. His contented approach has left him in no particular hurry, and as such he lacks the ability to quickly escape dangerous situations. The last bit here is a contradiction. He can be physically fit to an advantageous degree or especially unfit to a disadvantageous one, but not both. If he's in good shape, he can run.


There are a couple big issues with Garrett's profile. First, there are a lot of tonal issues. Your submission should read as if written by a detached, (mostly) professional, possibly bored terrorist. This means avoiding editorializing and things like colorful descriptors, particularly strange vocabulary, or unusual sentence/paragraph structure, among other things. I've noted the more evident tone slips, but it wouldn't hurt to comb through on your own to smooth out the rough patches.

Secondly, I'll be a bit more precise on where I stand with the Stoicism issue. I'm frankly not a fan of any of it, but there are lines between what's denial-worthy and what's not. It's fine for Garrett to have an interest in philosophy, even an understanding of a few specific schools by the time he's a senior. What isn't fine is for a 10-year-old to pick up a serious study and gain mastery within a year or two. I've pinpointed what irks me about the whole thing, actually, so here it is: the character in his current state feels more like a vehicle to explore Stoicism than a fleshed-out person. In fact, we don't really know all that much at all about Garrett besides his main interest. How does he do in school? What are his grades like? What are his favorite classes? Which does he dread? What sort of friends does he have? Are they many or few? Are they generally close or just glorified acquaintances? What is he like in social situations? Is he quiet? Loud? Funny? Is he introverted or extroverted? As it stands, we have no idea. A casual reader should be able to read through a v5 biography and make vague assumptions on how the student might act in certain situations, but not the direction they will take once they're embroiled in the stress and chaos of the island.

Reply when you've fully covered everything I've addressed and I'll give Garrett another look.
VeeFive


V4


NO. THERE IS NO MORE TIME, EVEN FOR CAKE. FOR YOU, THE CAKE IS OVER. YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE.

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MurderWeasel
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested from the staff.
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
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