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David Zimmer
Topic Started: Feb 10 2013, 04:38 PM (346 Views)
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Name: David Zimmer
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12th
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Swim Team, Soccer Team, Gardening

Appearance: David's height is 5'7'' and he weighs 155 lbs. His physique can be described as naturally muscular, with a slightly being more top-heavy. He is moderately toned, and wouldn't be visible when he wears something loose. His skin is slightly tanned and his eyes are gray-blue. David's face is shaped like an oval, featuring thin lips, a big nose with narrow nostrils, small eyes and thin, strongly-arched eyebrows. It is surrounded by curly blond hair, which reaches to his neck on the sides and to his upper back on the backside.

David doesn't care a lot about his clothing, but he usually wears t-shirts and denim pants in the warmer months, with an additional pullover in the colder ones. At the day of abduction, he wore a white t-shirt, whose motif resembles the Puma logo, although the puma is substituted with a kitten, and the caption reads kitten. Additionally, he wore blue skinny denim pants, light-brown leather shoes, gray socks, and black retroshorts.

His inner left palm has a thumb-sized brown scar, which he acquired as a child.

Biography: David was born as the only child of Maria Zimmer (born Breyer), an unemployed mother who stayed at home to raise her child, and Nicolas Zimmer, the owner of a local bakery, on the 29th of April 1994 in Seattle. He was raised in the suburbs of Seattle and never moved, as the uncle of Nicolas, Pierce Zimmer, owned the house.

At the age of 2, he touched a hot cooking plate and burned his left hand, leaving a visible scar. Five years later, Pierce Zimmer, himself an avid swimmer in his youth, advised David to get more athletic by swimming regularly. David took up the advice and began to swim regularly in different locations in and around Seattle. He continued to be a passionate swimmer. His parents both approved his new found hobby and supported him with every possibility they had.

In 2000, Pierce Zimmer died, and Nicolas inherited the house. David, who has bonded with Pierce, was rather shocked by this, and his performance in elementary school dropped for a while. He eventually managed to overcome his grief, and became better in school.

On his tenth birthday, Nicolas Zimmer gave David a soccer ball, thinking it might be fascinating for the kid. When entering middle school, he joined the soccer club of his middle school since he thought that the concept is interesting. He still keeps a medium interest in soccer. David also joined the swimming club of said school.

In the next spring, Maria Zimmer began to create a garden in her yard. This caught David's interest as he was fascinated by the growth that plants are doing and he began tending the garden with her. Over the years, he learned much about this activity and became very good in nourishing a garden. Maria deeply appreciates his help.

When he began to attend Aurora High School, he joined the swimming club and the soccer club. His grades are either lower than average or higher than average. PE is his favorite subject and his enthusiasm usually earns him a A+. On the other side is English. It is his least favorite subject since he usually doesn't get any better than a D-. His father doesn't mind the English marks, but his mother regularly lectures David to learn. The continued failure hasn't resulted in any bigger consequences than that.

The most prominent traits David got from his parents are his friendliness and great optimism. Other defining character traits are his tidiness, his light ambition and his pacifistic nature. David is a very caring and protective individual, which earns him many friends across all age groups.

His circle of friends is rather big. A lot of younger children admire him for his protective attitude and some teenager in his age group are fond of his open mind. David can be rather obsessive with his behavior, insisting that people become friends with him, mostly people who are shy. He believes that he helps them to break out of a shell this way. While he has a lot of contacts, he doesn't have many people who are very close to him. This doesn't bother David too much since he believes that someday the right person will come.

Despite his socializing nature, he can be rather antagonizing towards people he deems as jerks. He never openly admits it, or disrespects these people, but he actively tries to avoid them as often as possible, as well as warning other people.

Despite the wishes of his mother, who wants David to get a job with a great income, David only wants to live a simple life. He doesn't know yet what he exactly wants, although he plays with the thought of some social job. Nicolas slightly urges David to take over his bakery someday, yet he accepts the wishes of his son.

He wants to have a girlfriend, yet his big nose makes him feel insecure in romantic matters. David usually doesn't like to talk about this topic. This resulted in some unrequited crushes in middle and high school. Often, if these crushed would demand anything from David, he would do them that favor.

Advantages: David's biggest advantage will be his athletic body. His experience with swimming might help him crossing obstacles on the island (for example, rivers) that are too difficult for other students. His friendly attitude might help him in finding allies.
Disadvantages: The biggest disadvantage will be his pacifism. It is very unlikely that David will actively pursue to hurt or kill someone.
Fiyori Senay
 


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Rattlesnake
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Now you may be wondering, who was wearing the bolo tie? Me or the shark? Answer: YES!
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Hey there!

David is temporarily DENIED pending some cleanup and elaboration.

In his appearance section, I'd like a little more detail on his physique. Basically, how does he carry his weight? Is he especially top-heavy or bottom-heavy? He's somewhat muscular, but does that mean toned or more shapeless?

The phrase, "thin eyebrows in the form of an arc" should probably be "thin, strongly-arched eyebrows."

I'd like a little more on his clothing choices - what does his typical outfit look like? Does it vary at all according to mood or season?

Moving onto the biography, I'd like to know a good deal more about Pierce, who seems to be a fairly big figure in David's family's lives. How did it come about that Pierce ended up with his nephew's family living in a house he owned? Did he live with them, or simply nearby? Why don't David's parents own or rent for themselves? Is it a financial issue? There's a lot of room for elaboration here.

In the second paragraph, using the time he burned his hand as a reference for when he picked up swimming suggests that the two are somehow related. The explanation for how he burned his hand can be moved into the appearance section. The number two should be spelled out in this instance as well.

In the same paragraph, why did Pierce suggest he become more athletic? Did David have health or other issues to the point where exercise was recommended as a fix? If not, why was Pierce so interested in seeing his great-nephew become more athletic? And why did David's parents go along with his reasoning?

"His parents both approved his new found hobby and supported him with every possibility they had." should be "His parents both approved of his new-found hobby and supported him in every possible way."

In the next paragraph, there's a bit of a chronology issue. David is established to be seven years old when he started swimming, which would be in the year 2001 or 2002, but here it's stated that Pierce died in 2000. One of those dates needs to be fixed up. I'd also like some detail on how his performance in elementary school suffered - David would have been in first or second grade, where things are very much based on participation and socialization. If his grief was enough to affect his schooling, there should be some other notable effects as well.

The wording is a little strange in the paragraph about his soccer playing. David should probably be referred to as "David" or "him" instead of "the kid." "He thought that the concept is interesting" should be "He found the game interesting." His interest in soccer needs some elaboration in general, because it's touched on fairly lightly in the bio but comes up in the summary of his major hobbies and interests. How well does he play? Is there a certain position he found himself drawn to? What makes it a big thing in his life?

Similarly, the paragraph about his gardening could use a bit of tune-up and some elaboration as well. The phrase, "he was fascinated by the growth that plants are doing" should be something along the lines of "he was fascinated by the way plants grow." His interest in gardening also needs some more detail to justify the inclusion in the hobbies section. How has his interest developed over the years? Does he still just help his mother with the original garden, or does he have projects of his own?

Why specifically does David get those listed traits from his parents? It's good that we know something of his personality, but the biography is the perfect place to put the "Why" behind it all. Are there any specific events or attitudes that lead to his parents passing on those traits? Basically, this section needs some more detail in general.

His social tendencies are a little strange. He tends to be protective, but why doesn't he realize that trying to force his company with shyer kids might be doing them a disservice? Also, it's stated that he's pacifistic and doesn't openly disrespect people he sees as jerks, but that he can be rather antagonizing and has a habit of speaking poorly of them behind their backs. I see that he has a pretty clear sense of what he thinks is proper or improper behavior, but there are some inconsistencies in his behavior. I'd like the direct contradictions resolved - he can avoid open disrespect, be occasionally antagonizing, or talk behind the backs of those he dislikes, but not all three at once - and some more acknowledgement of how and why his behavior can be hypocritical.

The phrase "social job" isn't commonly used, so a description would be better - "a job that allows him to work directly with customers" or something along those lines would clarify exactly what is meant there. "Slightly urges" is an odd descriptor, and "gently urges" would be a better choice there. I've also got some questions about the nature of his father's bakery now - is it large or small? What level of income does it produce - does his father earn a lot, or do they just barely scrape by? Depending on the size, it seems like taking over his father's bakery might fit in with David's wish to interact with his customers. Also, if his father wishes him to take over the bakery some day, I'd expect him to want to employ David. If he has, that should be mentioned, and if he hasn't, I'd like to know why not.

In his advantages, "(for example, rivers)" is a parenthetical statement which should be revised. "Like rivers" or "such as rivers" would be good substitutes. As for his disadvantages, unwillingness to actively want to hurt or kill someone isn't a proper disadvantage - most high school kids should be at least initially unwilling to hurt or kill anyone, and if they are, they probably wouldn't be on the trip.

Post once you've addressed everything and I'll give David another look.
VeeFive


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NO. THERE IS NO MORE TIME, EVEN FOR CAKE. FOR YOU, THE CAKE IS OVER. YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE.

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Rattlesnake
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Now you may be wondering, who was wearing the bolo tie? Me or the shark? Answer: YES!
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This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested from the staff.
VeeFive


V4


NO. THERE IS NO MORE TIME, EVEN FOR CAKE. FOR YOU, THE CAKE IS OVER. YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE.

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