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Luke Farrow
Topic Started: Feb 6 2013, 10:05 AM (384 Views)
watcher in night
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Name: Luke Farrow
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12th
School: Aurora High School
Interests: Weightlifting, Book Club, martial arts

Appearance: Luke is fairly tall, standing at 5’11” and weighing 149 lbs, making him fairly thin. He has dirty blond hair which he wears rather long and green eyes. His face is fairly handsome, with a mostly clear complexion and a scattering of very faded freckles across his nose. He has a finely formed jawline and his skin is quite pale, especially during colder months.

When Luke was younger, he was very thin but due to his recent attempts to take up weightlifting he’s begun to get in shape, though he still has a slender frame. Luke was born and lived out his early childhood in England, but was raised for more than half of his in the United States, so he has only the mildest hint of an English accent. Luke usually dresses casually, sometimes in poorly fitted clothing. On the day of the abduction he was wearing sweat pants two sizes too large for him, a red T-shirt and a black vest.

Biography: Luke’ mother, Naomi Smith, was an American overseas college exchange student who married a software developer named Andrew Farrow in Coventry, England. Naomi finished college and married Andrew Farrow, who was fairly wealthy, and planned to stay in Coventry and raise a family there, and for the first six years of Luke’s life they attempted to do their best to fulfill that dream. Andrew’s father had died young and left substantial amounts of money to his son when he was only eighteen, and Andrew, a shrewd businessman, ensured that Luke never wanted for anything at a young age.

When Luke was six, Andrew’s job forced him to move to a suburban environment outside London, where Andrew hoped to be able to expand his business. However, Andrew’s software ideas were not particularly well received there, and Andrew continued to rely upon his father’s money, much of which he’d been hoping to save for eventual retirement.

When Luke was eight, his maternal grandmother died in Naomi’s old home in Seattle, Washington. Immediately his parents flew back to the United States for the funeral and eventually decided to stay there for several weeks. During their time there, the plan changed, and Luke’ parents decided to move into the United States for good, which they thought would provide better financial opportunities for both Andrew and, eventually, his son.

Eventually, Andrew returned to England, leaving Naomi and Luke in Seattle. The plan was for Naomi to help Luke settle in at a local Seattle school and eventually for Andrew to take his business overseas to America. After about a year, Andrew had finished his preparations for the move and had applied and received American citizenship for both himself and his son. When he’d finished procuring that and transferring his small, private business overseas he moved in with the rest of his family for good.

Luke spent the rest of his childhood in the heart of Seattle, and when he was of age he began attending Aurora High School. Luke’ strongest subject area always had been in liberal arts, and he particularly enjoys the AP English courses he’s taking this year. Luke has always enjoyed reading, and his love of books of all kinds led him to join the Book Club at school. During his sophomore year at Aurora High School, Luke, who was very thin and not in good athletic condition, decided to take up weightlifting. However, he didn’t take it very seriously, and it wasn’t until his junior year he developed a workout schedule and began to reap the benefits of his workout routine.

Three months ago Luke decided to take up judo, a discipline of martial arts. However, he is very new to this and is nowhere near an expert, to the point where it hasn’t yet provided him with any discernible advantage in life as of yet. Luke has expressed his interest in continuing to develop this skill, but so far has not made much progress.

Luke’ personality can be best described as amused by life. He often makes wisecracks, and can seem on the surface a shallow, wise-cracking joker unconcerned with the darker sides of life. However, Luke also has a deeper side that he rarely shows in school, one that is quiet, contemplative, and introspective. However, he rarely, if ever shows this side of himself.

Luke has a few close friends, mainly made up of people who share his interests in literature. As his parents’ only child he maintains a close bond with them both, and they have been very supportive of his recent interests in athletic fields such as weightlifting and, recently, martial arts. He’s not yet been accepted into any colleges, but recently has applied to several local universities and is awaiting a response.

Advantages: Luke is intelligent and widely considered harmless, if a little strange, by most of his classmates, which may provide an advantage in surviving potentially dangerous confrontations.
Disadvantages: Luke, while strong, has no particular edge over other, stronger physical contenders in his grade. In a straight-up fight, it’s very likely that he’d end up losing miserably.
Edited by watcher in night, Feb 6 2013, 09:25 PM.
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G048 - Meera Stele: Deceased
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Violent-Medic
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Heyo, watcher. Luke is a decent start, but he's DENIED pending some edits. Let's do this thang.

Name: Luke Farrow
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12th
School: Aurora High School
Interests: Weightlifting, Book Club, martial arts

Appearance: Luke is fairly tall, standing at 5'11" and weighing 149 lbs, making him fairly thin. He has dirty blond hair which he wears rather long (Shoulder-length? Longer? Long is just a little bit vague.) and green eyes. His face is fairly handsome, with a mostly clear complexion and a scattering of very faded freckles across his nose. He has a finely formed jawline and his skin is quite pale, especially during colder months. (I would like some more distinguishing facial features. What about the nose? The eyes? The general face shape? More detail.)

When Luke was younger, he was very thin but due to his recent attempts to take up weightlifting he's begun to get in shape, though he still has a slender frame. (Depending on how recent he took up weight lifting, this likely means he should weigh a bit more. Muscle is a lot heavier than fat, and if he's weight-lifting he would probably have a decent amount.) Luke was born and lived out his early childhood in England, but was raised for more than half of his in the United States, so he has only the mildest hint of an English accent. Luke usually dresses casually, sometimes in poorly fitted clothing. On the day of the abduction he was wearing sweat pants two sizes too large for him, (what colour were the sweat pants?) a red T-shirt and a black vest. (His clothes are pretty terrible-looking. Vest, t-shirt and sweatpants isn't a normal combo and over-sized stuff looks bad. While this isn't necessarily bad, I'd still like to know why. Why so badly fitted? Does he just fling on whatever he finds, and if he does, why?)

Biography: Luke'(s) mother, Naomi Smith, was an American overseas college exchange student who married a software developer named Andrew Farrow in Coventry, England. Naomi finished college and married Andrew Farrow, who was fairly wealthy, (They were already stated to have married in the previous sentence, so this is needless repetition) and planned to stay in Coventry and raise a family there, and for the first six years of Luke's life they attempted to do their best to fulfill that dream. (It's not really a dream if they're doing it, you could replace everything after the word life with 'they did.') Andrew's father had died young and left substantial amounts of money to his son when he was only eighteen, and Andrew, a shrewd businessman, ensured that Luke never wanted for anything at a young age. (First off, most eighteen-year-olds are not shrewd businessmen. Also, what happened to Andrew's mother? Where did Andrew's father get all that money from?)

When Luke was six, Andrew's job forced him to move to a suburban environment outside London, where Andrew hoped to be able to expand his business. However, Andrew's software ideas were not particularly well received there, and Andrew continued to rely upon his father's money, much of which he'd been hoping to save for eventual retirement. (Why would Andrew's location matter? He's a software developer. It's not really something that requires going to a suburban area.)

When Luke was eight, his maternal grandmother died in Naomi's old home in Seattle, Washington. Immediately his parents flew back to the United States for the funeral and eventually decided to stay there for several weeks. During their time there, the plan changed, and Luke'(s) parents decided to move into the United States for good, which they thought would provide better financial opportunities for both Andrew and, eventually, his son. (While I understand that his business was failing, I don't see why Andrew needed to move so far for the financial opportunities. He shouldn't have had to move at all, everyone needs software and it's not something that fades in and out based on location. Were there other reasons for the move? What happened to the maternal grandfather? Did they have to move to help support him? Did they inherit the house and move over so as to make use of it?)

Eventually, Andrew returned to England, leaving Naomi and Luke in Seattle. The plan was for Naomi to help Luke settle in at a local Seattle school and eventually for Andrew to take his business overseas to America. After about a year, Andrew had finished his preparations for the move and had applied and received American citizenship for both himself and his son. When he'd finished procuring that and transferring his small, private business overseas he moved in with the rest of his family for good. (Did this year without his father have any impact on Luke? If it didn't, it feels like an irrelevant detail to mention he was gone for a year and why. If it had some impact on Luke, explain what. If it didn't, remove the detail.)

Luke spent the rest of his childhood in the heart of Seattle, and when he was of age he began attending Aurora High School. (What happened in the years between Luke moving to America and high school? I'd like more detail on Luke's life during those years, in particular how he adjusted to America. Moving from one country to another is a massive culture shock and would have had some sort of effect on him, even with his mother helping him adjust.) Luke'(s) strongest subject area always had been in liberal arts, and he particularly enjoys the AP English courses he's taking this year. (Okay, he's enjoys and is good at liberal arts and English, but I'd like more info on his grades on average. What does he get on average? Does he struggle in any classes?) Luke has always enjoyed reading, and his love of books of all kinds led him to join the Book Club at school. (I would split the next part into a new paragraph, since it deals with a different subject.) During his sophomore year at Aurora High School, (remove the 'at Aurora High School,' we already know he's there) Luke, who was very thin and not in good athletic condition, decided to take up weightlifting. (Why weightlifting? There are many sports which make people fitter. Did he specifically want muscles?) However, he didn't take it very seriously, (why didn't he? If he went out of his way to pick weightlifting, that indicates that he should at least take it a bit seriously) and it wasn't until his junior year he developed a workout schedule and began to reap the benefits of his workout routine. (Why did he become more serious during junior year?)

Three months ago Luke decided to take up judo, a discipline of martial arts. (Why martial arts? There has to be a reason he would pick martial arts over anything else. Also, remove 'a discipline of martial arts,' judo is a well-known enough martial art that the clarification isn't really needed.) However, he is very new to this and is nowhere near an expert, to the point where it hasn't yet provided him with any discernible advantage in life as of yet. (Could cut out the rest of the sentence after the word expert, the sentence is a little redundant.) Luke has expressed his interest in continuing to develop this skill, but so far has not made much progress.

Luke'(s) personality can be best described as amused by life. He often makes wisecracks, and can seem on the surface a shallow, wise-cracking joker unconcerned with the darker sides of life. However, Luke also has a deeper side that he rarely shows in school, one that is quiet, contemplative, and introspective. However, he rarely, if ever shows this side of himself. (It's rare for people to fake or hide personality like that. Any particular reason for it? It's kind of a contradiction in personality.)

Luke has a few close friends, mainly made up of people who share his interests in literature. As his parents' only child he maintains a close bond with them both, and they have been very supportive of his recent interests in athletic fields such as weightlifting and, recently, martial arts. He's not yet been accepted into any colleges, but recently has applied to several local universities and is awaiting a response. (American colleges usually accept students at some point in April, so by the time of the school trip Luke should know if he's gotten into anywhere. What kind of things is Luke applying for at college?)

Advantages: Luke is intelligent (intelligence isn't mentioned anywhere in his profile, while he does like reading that doesn't necessarily equal intelligence) and widely considered harmless, if a little strange, by most of his classmates, which may provide an advantage in surviving potentially dangerous confrontations. (Why is he considered harmless? Because he's skinny? Because he's a wise-cracker they can't take seriously? Also, the sentence is a little awkward and run-on. Would do better as '...and may be considered harmless because *insert reason here.* Also, though his skill in judo is limited, it is still a significant advantage and should be noted, as should his weightlifting.)
Disadvantages: Luke, while strong, has no particular edge over other, stronger physical contenders in his grade. In a straight-up fight, it's very likely that he'd end up losing miserably. (This is not a disadvantage. At all. He still has an advantage against the majority of his classmates, because he still knows something about judo, and he lifts weights, and that puts him a big step up from his classmates. You need at least two, preferably three, more legitimate advantages.)

So, the main issue with Luke is that his profile needs a fair bit more elaboration. Half his profile mostly concerns just his parents and how they moved to America, which doesn't tell me that much about Luke himself. You mention things that he does, but with little context as to why. You have a decent basis, but I still don't know what makes Luke tick.

Edit as requested, and post when you're finished.
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MurderWeasel
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This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested from the staff.
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