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| Opal Lamb; I had a profile fleshed out before I made an account >_> | |
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| Topic Started: Jan 10 2013, 10:18 PM (362 Views) | |
| Nytie | Jan 10 2013, 10:18 PM Post #1 |
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Cannon Fodder
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Name: Opal Lamb Gender: Female Age: 17 Grade: 12 School: Aurora High School Hobbies and Interests: Gymnastics, over-the-top action movies, fashion. She had a habit of emulating the action movies for a while, but that stopped after it got her suspended from school. Appearance: Opal stands at 5'7” tall and weighs 144 pounds. She has a gymnast's muscular build and is somewhat flat-chested. She has wide-set hazel eyes and long, straight bleach-blonde hair that is usually kept out of her face with a headband. Her face is long and oval-shaped, and her skin is fair, with a smattering of freckles across her nose, cheeks, and shoulders. She tends toward high-end brands of clothing and follows the trends. There has been more than one instance of Opal embarrassing herself with her misguided fashion sense, especially when she tries to apply to much makeup. She loves big sparkly accessories, especially rings. At the time of her abduction, Opal was wearing a deep blue tank top, dark skinny jeans, and high top sneakers. She had on a long silver beaded necklace and a large gold-and-rhinestone ring in the shape of an alligator on her right hand. She had a messenger bag containing a bottle of water, her makeup case, her wallet, a leather jacket, and a pair of sunglasses. Biography: Opal is the only child of a wealthy couple; her parents produce and direct movies. Her parents took every opportunity to pamper and spoil her, which lead to her developing a sense of entitlement to what she wants. Opal developed the ability to charm people, especially her parents, into going along with her wishes, and she becomes angry and sulky when she doesn't get what she wants. She tries to give off an air of sophistication, but the act slips when she loses her temper. Opal's childhood was spent mainly in the care of hired nannies who spoiled her just as much as her parents did. It was fairly uneventful, except for the few occasions when her parents would allow her to visit their movie sets. She developed a fondness for the over-the-top action and fighting scenes and requested martial arts lessons. However, she was severely disappointed when she found out that real life doesn't work like her parents' kung-fu movies. The movies especially left out the part where fighting gets you suspended from school. As a result of her fighting, Opal's martial arts lessons were stopped, and she now avoids physical confrontation, preferring instead to verbally harass those who antagonize her. In middle school, she got involved in gymnastics. After doing well in several local gymnastics contests, Opal decided that she wanted to someday compete as an Olympic athlete. However, her inability to take criticism has impeded her progress because she is unwilling to take advice on improvement from others. Despite her athleticism, she is unsuited for the outdoors; she's used to her comfy bed, air conditioning, and a warm shower being available whenever she wants it. At school, she spends most of her time hanging out with other athletes and movie enthusiasts, particularly those who are willing to compliment her and admire her skills. Her grades are decent but nothing special, and she has few extracurricular interests other than sports and films. She sometimes experiments with fashion, but it doesn't always turn out well. Opal has had a few boyfriends but no serious relationships, preferring short, casual dates. She is secretly afraid that getting into a serious relationship will cause her to focus too much on dating and ruin her chances of becoming an Olympic competitor. Advantages: Opal is fairly fast and strong due to her gymnastics training. She can be quite charming when she tries and often uses that to persuade people to side with her in arguments or get her something she wants. Disadvantages: Opal doesn't take criticism well and often sees legitimate advice as such. She is quite spoiled and not suited for the outdoors. Though she has a beginner's knowledge of martial arts, she has forgotten most of the technique and is not a proficient fighter in hand-to-hand combat. |
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| MurderWeasel | Jan 26 2013, 07:16 PM Post #2 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Hiya, Nytie, and welcome to SOTF! Apologies for the wait; the post-holiday time has been very busy for staff. Anyways, Opal's profiles is a good start, but she is DENIED pending a good bit of revision. First off, the hobbies and interests list should be in list format only, and should only really cover what a character is currently interested in. Next up, what's Opal's natural hair color? How often does she redo the bleach? Bleaching can be really uncomfortable, and is also hard on hair in the longterm. How long exactly is Opal's hair? Long isn't quite as descriptive as I'd like. "to much makeup." should be "too much makeup." I'm a bit confused by Opal having embarrassed herself trying to be fashionable. An interest in fashion implies that she spends enough time on fashion that she'd probably be able to at least realize when stuff wasn't working with a mirror. I'd also like some more description of Opal. What are her notable facial features? Does she have any piercings? How's her posture? Moving on to her bio, the big issues I have are relating to detail. What sort of movies do Opal's parents work on? Most of the profitable movie business is more in California. Why did they spoil Opal? How did they deal with her behavior? She may be charming with them, but schools don't cater to spoiled kids much, and tend to let parents know if their kids act up like Opal is described as doing. Basically, I'd just like a ton more detail on Opal's childhood, how she grew into the habits she has now, etc. Why would nannies spoil Opal? Nannies are paid to raise children well, and my experience has been that they are often highly competent at this, often possessing lots of experience raising kids. Kung fu movies haven't been a huge thing in a long time. Opal's martial arts experience and problems at school need a lot more detail. What happened? When? How did she feel about this? How did her parents react? Where do Opal's issues with criticism come from? Have they caused her problems? Have her parents sought help/anger management for her? I need to know a lot more about Opal's friends and interests. Where did her hobbies come from? Why does she like them? What does she do with her free time? What classes does she like? Which does she struggle with? Why does Opal worry about dating? I'd like a bit more detail on Opal's training and manipulative abilities in her bio. Right now she doesn't sound super convincing outside of dealing with her parents. Being unsuited for the outdoors is basically the assumed default for high school students; Seattle's a pretty urban city, so a lack of experience in the wilds isn't unusual enough to count as a disadvantage. On a related note, a lack of martial arts/hand to hand combat skill is not a disadvantage. It is, in fact, the assumed norm for an average high school student. That Opal has any experience is actually a notable advantage, and should be put down as such. I'd like to, in light of this, see Opal have a couple more disadvantages. The big thing, though, is detail. Check out some of our approved characters for an idea of the level of detail we'd like to see in profiles. Post when you've got Opal edited, and we'll give her another look. Thanks!
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
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| MurderWeasel | Feb 10 2013, 01:02 PM Post #3 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested from the staff. |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
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3:57 AM Jul 11