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| Astrid Ahlquist | |
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| Topic Started: Dec 10 2012, 12:24 AM (452 Views) | |
| analane | Dec 10 2012, 12:24 AM Post #1 |
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Cannon Fodder
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Name: Astrid Ahlquist Gender: Female Age: 16 Grade: 12th School: Aurora High School Hobbies and Interests: Linguistics (Chinese in particular), Sketching, Cooking Club Appearance: Astrid's name easily betrays her Nordic heritage. Tall and willowy, Astrid stands at around 5'8" and 125 pounds. She isn't self conscious about her height, simply because she prefers being able to see over other people's heads. Astrid is relatively sedentary, and thus has little muscle definition and pale skin from years of indoor reclusiveness. However, in recent months, Astrid has taken to jogging, which keeps her confident in her body as well as not completely out of shape. While thin, Astrid maintains a childishly round face, with near-almond shaped ice-blue eyes and a small button nose that she shares with her mother, Maisie. Astrid finds it to be less dignified of a nose than she'd prefer, but she copes with it. She tends to bite her lip without thinking about it– a habit that started her freshman year of high school in an attempt to look more intellectual when she was thinking. It didn't work, but the habit stuck. Astrid tends to get frustrated with her hair: although she likes the pale-blond, nearly white shade, the overall thin texture of her hair prevents her fron playing around with the style. In middle school Astrid used to have hair down to her mid back, but it was unruly and knotted easily, so she chopped it off. It now sits roughly at her chin. Astrid began high school with a pitiful fashion sense, choosing to continually wear the artifacts of her youth– too-tight jeans, men's t-shirts, and oversized puffy vests– sometimes all in one outfit. After a mid-sophomore year examination of her sorry state, Astrid decided it was time to grow up. In fact, Astrid grew up so much in the realm of fashion that she entered her junior year with a wardrobe and fashion sense possibly standing toe to toe with the more fashion-conscious girls at Aurora High. Easily dropping thousands of dollar on clothes every year from money gifted by doting parents and relatives, Astrid puts together her outfits meticulously every day. A closer look at Astrid reveals, however, that having the right clothes doesn't necessarily entail class. While Astrid does indeed boast a large and versatile wardrobe, her clothing is often in disrepair, from runs in stockings to stains on dresses. For Astrid, a put-together outfit doesn't necessarily mean being put-together; in this way, she's similar to a child playing dress-up with her mother's clothing. She normally wears dresses paired with tights and slouchy cardigans if it's cold out. She still tends towards the functional rather than the flashy on days when she doesn't necessarily need to impress, but she's toned it down from her freshman wardrobe, which, looking back on, she now views as an embarrassment. However, she's chosen to hold onto a pair of worn, black leather Doc Martens, and will wear them with almost every outfit– partially due to nostalgia, and partially because the only kind of shopping she hates is shoe shopping. On the day of the trip, Astrid was wearing a navy blue dress with a Peter Pan collar, emerald-green tights (with holes in the feet and upper thigh that she tried to hide from her peers), her signature Docs, and a thick, dark grey cardigan. Biography: Astrid's life, in her opinion, has narrowly missed being a complete disappointment. Born to locally famous author Arthur Ahlquist and published astronomer Maisie Bridges on June 30th, 1996, Astrid quickly expressed a burgeoning ability to read at the mere age of two and a half. Rapidly climbing the ranks of literacy, Astrid read her first chapter book just before kindergarten, to the excitement of her parents, who had hoped for a clever daughter. And clever they did get– at least for the first 13 years of Astrid's life. Astrid ascended the ranks of elementary and middle school like a professional, quickly taking on any new material she was given. She enjoyed doing workbooks meant for children years older than her, and expressed interests in many things, from the mundane (drawing) to the not-so-mundane (archaelology) to the completely bizarre (the Elvish language). When she was in 2nd grade, Astrid was selected as a candidate to skip the rest of the year and move immediately to 3rd grade, where she would be challenged more. Her parents accepted eagerly. However, as Astrid became older and recognized her potential as a bright student, she began to put pressure on herself to perform to her highest standard on absolutely everything. After growing up thinking she had this potential if she just pushed hard enough, Astrid expected to be the absolute best at everything. Taking what she performed best in as a benchmark, Astrid would become worried if she could not hit that standard, even with the recognition that she could not be amazing at each and every thing she attempted. She became very much a perfectionist, choosing to pick up many hobbies and devote just as much time to each and every one of them, then dropping them one by one when she became frustrated. Rather than improving at one or two chosen hobbies, Astrid instead remained mediocre to decent at just a few, rendering her even more consternated. In school, Astrid made friends quickly. Her intellect and age barely hindered her in her quest to be the best at everything– including making friends. She had no trouble finding a group of boys and girls who shared the few unwavering passions Astrid developed in middle school– languages (a throwback to her love for fantasy scripts such as J.R.R. Tolkien's Tengwar and Star Trek's Klingon, though she never actually watched the show) and art. These fantasy languages were initially simply distractions from her actual Spanish classes in middle school, which she disliked the most of her academic classes. However, as time went on, Astrid developed a genuine passion for linguistics and dabbled in shoddily pasted together constructed languages, dreaming of being the next Tolkien. Conlang creation is one of the few things that Astrid has genuinely attempted to work on and improve in high school beyond academics and sporadic club meetings, and thus it is one of the few things she still prides herself in. Astrid's family during this time consisted of just her, Arthur, Maisie, and their 2 cats, Alfie and Snow. Unaware of Astrid's worry and perfectionist tendencies, Astrid's parents encouraged her to take on as much as she wanted, thinking she could not only handle the workload but enjoy it. Wanting to maintain her status as the "clever young mind," Astrid met her parents' naïve challenge, digging herself deeper and deeper into a pit of stress, neuroticism, and feelings of inadequacy. And it wasn't that Astrid thought her parents were putting pressure on her to get straight A's– the only person Astrid tried to please was herself. Being told as a precocious young girl that she had potential, skipping a grade, learning years ahead of her fellow students in elementary school– Astrid had to keep the facade up in her own mind that she was unique, that she was special. Meeting her own expectations was natural; in Astrid's mind, she knew she could face any challenge– but as the academics got harder and Astrid couldn't adapt to the fast-paced environment, she had to quickly get used to not performing to her usually-high standards. Astrid entered high school at 13 years of age. With a change to reinvent herself as a new person, Astrid instead elected to continue on course as the charming intellectual. Thus, it was a shock for her to enter a space where there were teens just as capable and intelligent as she was but in fact were smarter and even more overachieving. Even with the knowledge that she already knew most of her classmates in theory, Astrid realized that while she may have chosen to remain the same, many of her classmates had in fact matured over summer break both mentally and physically. They were high schoolers now, but Astrid wasn't ready to act like one. She felt profoundly lost– not only was she no longer the one high-achieving, bright young girl, she was treated with less maturity and for the most part seen as just another face in the crowd by her older classmates. She wasn't special anymore, at least, in her eyes. In freshman year, her grades took a hard hit due to her disorientation and distress, and though she was able to boost them back up to their usual level– low to mid A's– by the end of the year, her self esteem never recovered from seeing that one tiny, black "C+" in Biology on her report card. By sophomore year, Astrid had fallen into a deep depression, unsure of who she was anymore or where she was going. She could likely have pulled herself together but for the fact that she almost liked being depressed, because she felt like she was "good at it." She wallowed in self loathing and pity, maintaining her facade of "dealing with it" for her classmates, teachers, and most of all, her mother and father, who were proud of her newfound resilience. Her depression became a part of her identity, and she allowed it to swallow her up simply because she needed something to be there; in her mind, she needed to have a label. Currently, Astrid can't tell if she's holding onto her depression because it's actually still present or because she needs an identity. During sophomore year, Astrid made her first real friend, a freshman girl named Jade. Astrid considers this friendship to be the high point of her high school career, though 95% of all her insecurities stem from the inevitable end of the friendship. The pair were inseparable, as friends generally are– going to the movies and comparing tastes in music, books (Astrid favored Tolkien over Rowling, while Jade preferred the younger British writer over the older, and television shows– but whenever the friendship's course seemed to be nearing its end, Astrid found it extremely difficult to deal with it. If the pair fought in any way, Astrid would tear herself apart over it– even when Jade could no longer remember the slight. For Astrid, it was especially hard to balance friendship and her other emotions, as she had over the course of the year developed a not-so-small crush on the girl. By the end of sophomore year, Jade confronted Astrid about her overreactions to their every disagreement, and while the pair came to an agreement and remain close to this day, Astrid's jumpiness and fear of abandonment by any subsequent friendships push her away from others without meaning to. She is open to making new friends; she just can't figure out why everyone else can cope with small fights and imperfections while she can't. The summer before junior year brought a second wave of bad thoughts and feelings for Astrid, for no particular reason other than hormones and a particularly bad bout of teen angst. To a melodramatic, confused Astrid, self harm surfaced. She didn't entirely do it because she loathed herself. It was present in her life less because she was suicidal and more because it seemed like something she should just "do." In the past, especially during Astrid's more deeply depressed and confusing periods, she had thought about self harm, but always saw it as wrong and illogical. Now, she still saw it as illogical, but after straying to it once, the nagging feelings in the back of her head kept her coming back. Astrid was unprepared for this. She had never really seen cutting as an addiction; she could never understand why others would do something like that– but she could almost understand now. Astrid experimented with scratching herself early in her junior year solely because the burning sensation left behind for a day or two helped clear her mind. She would never cut with a blade; it just didn't occur to her– but she did scratch with her nails and assorted jagged objects often, in places no one but herself would be able to see. At this time in school, Astrid was in fact doing better: her grades had settled into a "high B, low A" range, and she was able to pursue her penchant for linguistics. Astrid saw self-harm as another hobby, another phase, and thus, it gradually took the back seat in her life, though she still misses it every once in a while to this day. During this time, Astrid also attempted to get herself out into the school community, joining many clubs then subsequently dropping all but a few, as was the norm for her. Cooking club stayed, to Astrid's surprise. She saw the activity as a stress-reducer as well as a way to make conscious choices about nutrition and diet planning, and soon spent much of her time at home in the kitchen, helping to make dinner (to the pleasant surprise of her father, who did most of the cooking prior). Infrequent visits to Aurora High's art club also remained– and though these infrequent visits gradually became for frequent as Astrid became more familiar with the cast of the art room, she still doesn't consider herself to be a true member. By senior year, Astrid had settled somewhat comfortably into her role at Aurora High as a spectator– able to witness the plot of high school unfold around her while she pursued her own interests (including linguistics– Astrid began taking both Chinese and French early on in high school). With many acquaintances but few real friends other than Jade, Astrid has gotten used to a frequently solitary existence, and had decided that she can live with it for now,– at least, until an opportunity is presented to her. Overall, Astrid is dismissive of her childhood yet strangely enough, misses it. She pushes away her previous self while trying to hold onto it as long as she can, and can't decide whether or not she really wants to keep growing up. She hopes to attend a liberal arts college and get a degree in linguistics, maybe Chinese if she works for it. However, she hasn't applied to any colleges yet, as with her parents' approval, Astrid is set up to take a gap year so she can be eighteen in time to start college. She plans to travel to China as well as to Sweden to visit her grandparents. Advantages: Astrid's mellow demeanor can make her a lot of friends very quickly if she tried hard enough, even with her minimal interactions with her classmates thus far. She knows how to prepare a decent meal, and as a corollary knows what plants are edible from her time spent looking up recipes and meal preparations. Her minimal experimentation with self harm means that Astrid knows where to cut and scratch people where it stings the worst. Though these locations aren't necessarily the most fatal places to cut, nor the most gruesome, they'd be enough to allow Astrid to shake her briefly stunned attacker off in the event of an assault. Due to Astrid's rapid shuffling through a wide variety of interests, Astrid has become quite good at picking up skills quickly if she needs to. Disadvantages: Astrid, though somewhat in shape endurance-wise due to her jogging, is noticeably physically weaker than even other girls in her class, and would lose in a fair one-on-one, hand to hand fight with most opponents. Her abandonment issues leave her open to worry and a despair so deep as to leave her physically and emotionally vulnerable if connections with allies or friends are severed. Astrid has absolutely no sense of direction due to the fact that she's never actually hung out in the city, so even with the help of a map she'll have a very difficult time not getting herself accidentally turned around. In the event of becoming lost, Astrid would be more likely to panic than to work out her location and point herself along the way. Finally, Astrid is rather flighty in her attention to things she sees as less important to the matter at hand, and could potentially quickly lose interest in important social matters that she sees as less important than her physical survival, such as alliances. Astrid would be more likely to steer negotiations in the wrong direction rather than the right. Edited by analane, Dec 20 2012, 03:20 AM.
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| MurderWeasel | Dec 10 2012, 12:29 AM Post #2 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Hiya, analane! Before we give Astrid a full critique, please be sure her bio conforms exactly to the template. Specifically, please remove the spare lines between the various sections, including the spare one between biography and advantages, so only one line is skipped instead of two. While this may seem like a very minor detail, the extra line actually causes a lot of hassle when putting profiles onto the wiki. Post when you've got that done, and we'll give Astrid a full critique. Thanks! |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
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| analane | Dec 10 2012, 12:38 AM Post #3 |
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Cannon Fodder
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Edited with changes. Sorry about that! |
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| MurderWeasel | Dec 19 2012, 08:09 PM Post #4 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Hiya, analane! Astrid's profile is a pretty good start, but she is DENIED pending a good bit of editing. First off, all we need is Astrid's current age. If her birthday matters, it can be shared in her biography, and that will let us know she's close to a birthday. Astrid's appearance paragraph is really blocky at present. It'd flow much more smoothly if broken into a few paragraphs at logical points. The statement that Astrid's name betrays her Nordic heritage is okay, but the list of descriptors doesn't make sense tied to that. The sentence should probably be rephrased for clarity. Astrid's nervousness over her weight should come up in her bio somewhere. Where does it come from? How does it affect her life? Why doesn't she try to exercise a bit to overcome it? I'm confused by Astrid's Sámi roots; the Sámi are a distinct ethnic group separate from what most people think of when "Swedish" is stated, and the common features of the Sámi are soemwhat different from what is described in Astrid's profile. While outsiders may not know why Astrid switched up her fashion, the staff would like to see it in her profile, since it represents a marked change of behavior. Also, while I'm cool with Astrid being very fashion-conscious, I don't like the comparison to other students, since that kind of dictates information about other handlers' characters. It can be stated that Astrid is one of the most fashion aware girls in her grade, not the most. A thousand dollars, while a lot for a high school student, isn't actually that much in the world of fashion; many simple jackets and sweaters can cost a hundred dollars or (much) more. I would like to know where Astrid gets her money in her bio, though. "complete and utter failure of apocalyptic proportions." is too informal for a profile. In general, we prefer not to see quote in profiles. "Peter Pan" collar does not need quotation marks. It comes up at several other places, too; in general there should not be quotation marks in profiles. I'm confused by Astrid being characterized as super fashion conscious yet making a fashion choice daily that clashes with almost all her outfits and would likely get her some negative attention from her peers. I'd like to know Astrid's hair color, and how her hair is styled. Why did Astrid's mother keep her maiden name? How did Astrid's parents view her perfectionism? I'm honestly not seeing how she could keep it totally secret for years. What did they think about her overall academic progress? What drew Astrid to school, and what attracted her to the various subjects she was interested in? Why did Astrid prefer made up languages to real (and therefore more practical) ones? This: "and with a change to make herself over again, instead elected to continue on as planned." is a bit confusing to me, and should probably be rephrased. Why was Astrid so shocked to enter high school? Since Aurora is presumably her neighborhood school, a lot of the kids would be the same people she'd already gone to school with for years. Why did Astrid have problems socializing, since she never had before? I'm not really liking Astrid's depression. Her symptoms don't match up at all to how depression tends to work, and her hiding it from everyone strikes me as highly improbable. It also seems like it doesn't actually impact her in any way. Why did Astrid and Jade drift apart? Again, I'm just not seeing nobody being willing to associate with somebody who is generally smart and sociable. Astrid's isolation doesn't really mesh with her traits. Where I have real issues, though, is Astrid's self-harm. This is a very, very serious and sensitive issue to many handlers, Right now, it's kind of glossed over, and I'm very uncomfortable with that. I'd prefer to see it removed, but otherwise I'd like to see enough detail that it's clear proper research has been done on it, since it's a very touchy thing. Astrid's hobbies should come up in more detail in her bio. How did she get into them? Why does she like them? I'm still bugged by Astrid having no friends; opportunities to make friends are all around in high school. The only way someone could conceivably have no friends at all is through persistent personal choice, and even then it strikes me as highly unlikely. Astrid's relationship with her family could use some more detail. All of Astrid's advantages and disadvantages should come up in her bio. The sudden mention of her going shooting especially stands out; it seems very out of place as she's expressed no interest in it before and there's no real reason why she'd be taken shooting. Astrid's skills at picking stuff up quickly should be referenced and explained more. Even if her self-harm stays, it letting her make scary looking wounds doesn't make sense, since she expressly did the opposite. Astrid's physical condition is only a disadvantage if she is notably below average for a kid her age. Her abandonment issues and neuroticism don't really come up in her bio, and worry me because those describe pretty severe psychological issues. The same is true of Astrid's sense of direction; using a compass is really easy, and since she lives in a city it seems quite odd that she'd have trouble making her way around. Lastly, losing interest in key parts of survival sounds, again, like a serious psychological issue, and should be switched for something else or explained in great detail. Post when you've got Astrid edited, and we'll give her another look. Thanks! |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
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| analane | Dec 20 2012, 03:22 AM Post #5 |
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Cannon Fodder
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Phew, I think that's all changes made. Tell me if I miss anything. I hope I haven't changed the character too much from her previous incarnation; I think I've done what you've told me to do while incorporating some changes I wanted to make earlier on. |
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| MurderWeasel | Dec 25 2012, 11:18 PM Post #6 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Hi again, analane! Astrid is looking a lot better, but there are still a few changes I'd like to see. Also, no worries on changing big details; sometimes that's what it takes to get a character how you want them. ![]() I'm still confused by Astrid being stated to have good fashion sense while wearing clothes in notably awful shape. The big issue is that there are extra descriptors that don't really add much. By noting Astrid is the equal of fashion-conscious students, it is implied that that is overall, which then makes her lack of attention to her clothing's state come as a jarring surprise. I think things would flow smoother without the comparison with other students. While Doc Martens are better than combat boots, they're still not exactly high fashion. That's fine, but it again raises questions with the comparison. You should be okay if you drop that and add a little caveat about Astrid's unfashionable choice in this arena. At Astrid's current birthday, she'd actually only be 15; she should be born in 1995 to be the stated age. This: "Rather than improving at one or two chosen hobbies, Astrid instead remained mediocre to decent at just a few, rendering her even more consternated." is a bit awkwardly phrased. It's work better as "Rather than improving at one or two chosen hobbies, Astrid instead remained mediocre-to-decent at a few, rendering her even more consternated." Actually, I'd personally swap out consternated for a synonym as well; the usage is technically correct but it sounds rather awkward. That's just a style thing, though, and doesn't factor into approvals. Why did Astrid pick Klingon instead of a real language? I can get Spanish not interesting her, but why take time to work on something made up when there are so many useful things to learn, especially for such a perfectionist who has no interest in Star Trek? Conlang is an abbreviation most handlers will be unfamiliar with; as such, I'd rather see it depacked into "Constructed language". Numerals, like 2, should be spelled, like "two". I'm still really not buying Astrid's perfectionism staying secret. I'd like to know a lot about that, because most parents are involved enough to notice that kind of thing pretty quickly. "Wanting to maintain her status as the "clever young mind,"" is a bit too informal. We generally want to avoid quotation marks in profiles, so I'd like that rephrased to omit the quote, please. There are several spots with quotation-marked phrases in the bio, and all of them should have the quotes removed and be rephrased if that makes them make less sense. I'd like to know more about how Astrid felt about being unable to meet her own standards. Did she reassess her expectations for herself? Speaking of, I'd like a bit more on why Astrid's family moved her ahead so easily. Often, it's recommended that even smart/advanced children not be skipped up a grade because an early advantage does not necessarily translate into a long term one, and kids who are rushed through early schooling often struggle in their later school careers. This: "With a change to reinvent herself as a new person, Astrid instead elected to continue on course as the charming intellectual." is odd. Do you mean "chance"? I'm really not comfortable with Astrid's depression as it's currently described. Depression isn't something people can just pull themselves out of, and it's something that affects every area of life. Right now, Astrid's feels a bit tacked on and not well examined. I'd like to either see it expanded to the point where it makes sense or dropped. The reference to Astrid making her first real friend in sophomore year is strange to me; almost everyone has friends throughout school, and Astrid is expressly social and friendly in her early school years. I still contest the use of inevitable to discuss the end of a friendship, especially one that seems to not have actually ended. I'm still not sold on Astrid's self harm. It's just not developed in a way I'm comfortable with, and I'd like the causes, feelings, etc. delved into at much greater length if it is to stay. I'd rather see it gone, personally, and if it's not at a level I feel comfortable with next edit I'll probably ask it to be scrapped entirely. This is an issue with a lot of personal resonance to many handlers, and I really need to know that it will be handled with respect and realism. "these infrequent visits gradually became for frequent" should be "these infrequent visits gradually became more frequent" What about art appealed to Astrid? What did she do in art club? I'm still confused by how exactly Astrid became such a loner. It sounds like chances to branch out are all around her. Knowledge from cooking wouldn't be too useful in identifying wild plants unless they were the very specific correct types, and wouldn't be entirely reliable even then. I'm not sold at all on Astrid being able to fight better as a result of self-harm. It just doesn't make much sense as currently presented. I'm also still not sure how learning quickly will be much use in game. Astrid's weakness should be explained in her bio. Where does it come from? How does it affect her life? Her abandonment issues should also come up in her profile, as should her issues with directions. Where does it come from? How does she get around in town? Seattle is a big city, after all. Why would Astrid panic if lost? Why would Astrid steer directions wrong? This should come up in her bio. Also, no line should be skipped between Advantages and Disadvantages. Post when you've got Astrid edited, and we'll give her another look. Thanks! |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
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| MurderWeasel | Jan 9 2013, 01:27 PM Post #7 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested from the staff. |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
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3:58 AM Jul 11