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| Isabella Lane | |
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| Topic Started: Dec 8 2012, 09:10 AM (439 Views) | |
| CCH098 | Dec 8 2012, 09:10 AM Post #1 |
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Cannon Fodder
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Name: Isabella Lane Gender: Female Age: 18 Grade: 12 School: Aurora High school Hobbies and Interests: Writing, Reading, Taekwondo Appearance: Isabella has a slim build, standing at 5'7'' and weighing 120 pounds. Her skin is a pale and she has thick, brown, wavy, waist length hair which is usually tied back into a ponytail. Her eyes are hazel and are a slightly lighter shade of color than her hair. Isabella also has an oval shaped face with full, red lips. She has naturally rosy cheeks without the application of makeup however, she often wears eyeliner and mascara because of her lack of self-confidence, making herself feel more confident and satisfied about herself. Despite this, Isabella often wears vibrant and colorful clothes to express her true personality which is unknown to most. On the day she was abducted Isabella was a wearing a white T-shirt with blue swirls running from her lower left ribs upwards to her right shoulder. Over the top of her shirt is a flimsy, gray, sleeveless cardigan. She is also wearing black leggings, and tanned colored Ugg boots. Biography: Isabella is the eldest child of Charlotte and Cameron Lane and has grown up in quite a privileged manner in safe surroundings with a very low crime rate. Her father works as a criminal psychologist and her mother works as a English teacher in a school not so nearby Aurora High school in another region of Seattle the reason why they chose not live to live in this region was because of the increasing crime rates and her father's work which demanded a lot of his devotion. Her younger and only sibling Lewis, aged 16, is very supportive of Isabella and acts as the older sibling of the two. Her mother, Charlotte originally wanted to become an author after her short story about a couple's love blossoming in a post-apocalyptic setting was noticed by her lecturer when she had just enrolled in college. This motivated Charlotte to go on and write more stories, but she often found herself lacking inspiration to write about anything. However, it wasn't long after this that she had met her first boyfriend, love and eventual husband Cameron. It was their romance and love which gave Charlotte inspiration to write more romantic short stories, many of them in a gothic and chilling setting. With the support of her lecturer and boyfriend Charlotte went to a series of publishers in hope her short stories would be released as part of a collection. But she was turned down by all of them, many of them criticizng her for her stories being too similar in tone. With her dreams shattered she went to teaching in hope she could manage to get her brightest students into publishing their stories and to fulfill a life a life Charlotte herself was denied. So when Isabella was born, Charlotte vowed that if she had the potential she would also try to help her in achieving a life full of stability and opportunity through the writing industry. Her father, Cameron held little ambitions in life and after meeting Charlotte, he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and that was good enough for him, but during his teenage years he had a vague interest in psychology and after spending many of his years watching programmes involving real life criminals he began to wonder what made them so different from the rest of society. So after merging both interests into one he decided to pursue a career into trying to understand the criminal mind. But after years of studying and learning about mentally disturbing events, he also vowed to push his children away from the dangers of life no matter how extreme he would have to be to achieve this. The first few years of Isabella's life where pretty uneventful. Despite her mother's wish she did not push either Isabella or Lewis to devoting their time to writing, but her father was extremely over protective and disallowed Isabella from visiting her friends outside of school, severly affecting her relationships with her friends. As time went on, when Isabella was 10, Isabella grew even further from her friends as she hadn't experienced many social occasions, holding back her social skills all because of her father who feared he would . Isabella constantly found herself becoming more and more isolated from her classmates and after witnessing the consequences her father decided to join her up in Taekwondo classes along with her brother Lewis who was mainly there for support and comfort. At her first lesson Isabella met another young girl roughly her age and decided to go talk to her and after this one encounter with one another their friendship took off and Isabella discovered a more loud, empathetic, humorous side to herself, massively increasingly her self-confidence even though Ashleigh attended another school but that didn't matter to either of the girls. When Isabella went back to school she found she could get along just fine with the other girls in her class but not the boys as Isabella was frightened and intimidated of them because of the relationship with her father. However despite the fact Isabella had started developing relationships with these girls they were no where near as strong as the one she shared with Ashleigh. But in fear of being alone again she kept in quite close contact with the girls in her school. Isabella kept continuing her Taekwondo, and at the age of 13 she went under her black belt examination along with her brother, his group of friends and her own best friend Ashleigh. All 3 of them passed with flying colors, with Isabella being technically perfect, Lewis with his natural affinity for sparring and Ashleigh with a mixture of the two. With this knowledge spreading around her school and the local community many of the children in the surrounding are becoming quite terrified of the three of them. With only those nearest and closest to them associating with them once again leaving Isabella quite isolated and alone. Sinking further into depression, her brother, Lewis offered Isabella a lot of support and let her associate with his own group which Isabella felt was a great act of kindness. Although she was extremely nervous before hand, Isabella found that they were all so welcoming and one of them even started coming onto her. Lewis had then go on to say afterwards that it was always going to happen sooner or later as she was beautiful inside and out. This had lead the relationship and bond between Isabella and her brother to develop even stronger. With more and more encounters and meetings with Lewis and his friends, both in school and Taekwondo (her father was still uptight on letting his children out alone) Isabella found herself falling in love with one of the boys in the group named Ryan, but she could never bring herself to confront him about her feelings and in denial about the situation tried to push it to the back of her mind. Isabella made the most of the resources she had, especially the internet and in denial about her romance she turned to fiction to try and live out what it could have been like. After searching the internet to find the right site to record her feelings, she found the perfect one and began to get to work on her story. Isabella took quite well to the idea and she went to after school writing classes in order to improve her writing and eventually get some of her works published when she was ready. Advantages: Has a very high level of ability in Taekwondo. Disadvantages: Is quite socially awkward making it harder for her to strike up an alliance especially with boys. Because she was over protected as a child she remains unaware of many of the dangers the world around her holds, so therefore is unknowing of what people can be capable of. Edited by CCH098, Jan 1 2013, 09:49 AM.
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| Ruggahissy | Dec 18 2012, 11:12 AM Post #2 |
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i'm not upset
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Howdy Callum. Isabella is denied for now, but I'll tell you what to fix up to make her not-denied. Name: Isabella Lane Gender: Female Age: 18 Grade: 12 School: Aurora High school Hobbies and Interests: Writing, Taekwondo This is a very short list of hobbies and interests. I'd feel much better if Isabella had at least one more thing she liked to do. Appearance: Isabella has a slim build, standing at 5'7'' and weighing 120 pounds. Her skin is a pale and she has thick, brown, wavy, waist length hair which is usually tied back into a ponytail. Her eyes are hazel and are a slightly lighter color than her hair. Isabella also has a round and typical face shape I'm not sure what you mean by "typical face shape." Her face is round. She has naturally rosy cheeks without the application of makeup however, she often wears eyeliner and mascara because of her lack of self-confidence How does makeup relate to a lack of self confidence?. Despite this, Isabella often wears vibrant and colorful clothes to express her true personality which is unknown to most. Can you include something about how she dresses other than in bright colors? Does she wear a lot of jeans? Skirts? T-shirts? What sort of style does she dress in? On the day she was abducted Isabella was a wearing a white T-shirt with blue swirls symbolizing streams running from her lower left ribs upwards to her right shoulder, encased in the middle of the shirt is the quote source of romance The description of the shirt is confusing to me. You don't need to tell me what the shirt symbolizes, just describe it to me so I know what she looks like when I picture her. In this case, just saying the shirt has blue swirls is enough. The word choice of "encased" means something that is inside of, which makes me think words are physically stuck in her shirt. I have no idea was "quote source of romance" means so maybe explain that?.Over the top of her shirt is a flimsy, gray, sleeveless cardigan. She is also wearing black leggings, and tanned colored Ugg boots. Isabella's face needs more description. What does her nose look like? Cheek bones? Eye brows? Eye shape? Biography: Isabella is the eldest child of Charlotte and Cameron Lane and grew up in quite a privileged manner in safe surroundings with a very low crime rate. Her father works as a criminal psychologist and her mother works as an English teacher in a school not so nearby Aurora High school in another region of Seattle If her mother works at a school in what I assume is another district, why doesn't the family live there?. Her younger and only sibling Lewis, aged 16, is very supportive of Isabella and acts as the older sibling of the two. Her mother, Charlotte originally wanted to become an author after her short story about a couple's love blossoming in a post-apocalyptic setting was noticed by her lecturer when she had just enrolled in college. This motivated Charlotte to go on and write more stories, but she often found herself lacking inspiration to write about anything. However, it wasn't long after this that she had met her first boyfriend, love and eventual husband Cameron. It was their romance and love which gave Charlotte inspiration to write more romantic short stories, many of them in a gothic and chilling setting. With the support of her lecturer and boyfriend Charlotte went to a series of publishers in hope her short stories would be released as part of a collection. But she was turned down by all of them, many of them criticizng her for her stories being too similar in tone. With her dreams shattered she went to teaching in hope she could manage to get her brightest students into publishing their stories and to fulfill a life a life Charlotte herself was denied. So when Isabella was born, Charlotte vowed that if she had the potential she would also try to help her in achieving a life full of stability and opportunity through the writing industry. Her father, Cameron held little ambitions in life and after meeting Charlotte, he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and that was good enough for him The first few years of Isabella's life where pretty uneventful. Despite her mother's wish, she did not push either Isabella or Lewis to devoting their time to writing Conjunctions are words that connect two phrases or sentences together. These connecting words are and, but, so, yet, or. When you use one of these words to connect two ideas together, you need to have a comma before the conjunction (except for and) So: I went to the store, but they were out of eggs. It's common convention and Strunk and White Elements of Style rule that you not start a sentence with a conjunction. The reason for this is when you start a sentence with a conjunction is comes out as a sentence fragment. Sometimes in creative writing or narrative writing people can get away with starting a sentence with a conjunction if they want to place emphasis on the second half of the phrase. Example: I want to go to university. But who will pay for it? However, these are to be used very sparingly and in this case, the profile is not creative or narrative writing really. It is formal writing. So please please do not begin your sentences with a conjunction, and when conjunctions are present make sure the two thoughts they are connecting are related and remember to use a comma. Okay, back to the profile. As time went on Isabella grew even further from her friends as she hadn't experienced many social occasions, holding back her social skills. Isabella constantly found herself becoming more and more isolated from her classmates and after witnessing the consequences her father decided to join her up in Taekwondo classes along with her brother Lewis who was mainly there for support and comfort Why was her father so against her going out with friends? Didn't she make friends at school? Why did he allow her to do taekwondo?. At her first lesson Isabella met another young girl roughly her age and decided to go talk to her and after this one encounter with one another their friendship took off and Isabella discovered a more loud, empathetic, humorous side to herself, massively increasingly her self-confidence even though Ashleigh attended another school, but that didn't matter to either of the girls. How old was Isabella when all this happened? When Isabella went back to school she found she could get along just fine with the other girls in her class, but not the boys as Isabella was frightened and intimidated of them because of the relationship with her father. Despite the fact Isabella had started developing relationships with these girls they were no where near as strong as the one she shared with Ashleigh. But in fear of being alone again she kept in quite close contact with the girls in her school. Sentence fragment that starts with a conjunction. Isabella kept continuing her Taekwondo, and at the age of 13 she went under her black belt examination along with her brother, his group of friends and her own best friend Ashleigh. All 3 of them passed with flying colors, with Isabella being technically perfect, Lewis with his natural affinity for sparring and Ashleigh with a mixture of the two. With this knowledge spreading around her school and the local community many of the children in the surrounding are becoming quite terrified of the three of them. With only those nearest and closest to them associating with them once again leaving Isabella quite isolated and alone. A few things here. I know that it is possible to achieve black belt at such a young age, but I would feel better if you upped her age a little when she tests for it. 16 would make me feel much better, especially since I have no idea when she started up with the sport and I have no idea how long she's been doing it or how often she practices. Along with that, you already stated that Lewis is two years younger than her, but in this it seems like he's getting his black belt at the same time which would make him 11. The other thing is, I don't see how being very good at martial arts would alienate her from other kids. Surely she has kids who are also in her Taekwondo classes. Kids doing martial arts is fairly common. I had a friend in high school who was a black belt at 15 and no one reacted differently to her. How would these kids even know she was in Taekwondo unless she mentioned it at school? Sinking further into depression, her brother, Lewis offered Isabella a lot of support and let her associate with his own group which Isabella felt was a great act of kindness. Although she was extremely nervous before hand, Isabella found that they were all so welcoming and one of them even started coming onto her. Lewis had then go on to say afterwards that it was always going to happen sooner or later as she was beautiful inside and out. This had lead the relationship and bond between Isabella and her brother to develop even stronger. Lewis goes to the same school, I am assuming. Why would his friends be different than the rest of the kids? I am also assuming that as a boy, Lewis has mostly boy friends. I thought Isabella didn't like to associate with boys? I'm not really sure what Lewis is trying to tell her here. That's she is beautiful on the inside? The wording is confusing With more and more encounters and meetings with Lewis and his friends, both in school and Taekwondo (her father was still uptight on letting his children out alone) Isabella found herself falling in love with one of the boys in the group named Ryan. He had sea green eyes, light brown hair spiked up at the front and had a tall, muscular build, he was even the same age as her Isabella made the most of the resources she had, especially the internet Advantages: Has a very high level of ability in Taekwondo, because of her dad, she knows a vague idea into what a killer may be thinking or experiencing. I thought you said the father wanted to shield his children from his work, so why would he talk to them about it? Disadvantages: Is quite socially awkward making it harder for her to strike up an alliance especially with boys. Okay, so.....I still don't know very much about Isabella. Is she smart? What sort of grades does she get? What are her favorite subjects? What sort of things does she like to write? What does she want to do after high school? What sort of people does she hang out with? How does she feel about her dad being so over protective? Outside of writing, how does she get along with her mother? Outside of Taekwondo, what does she do with Lewis? What happened to her best friend? What kind of personality does she have? Is she clean? Messy? Selfish? Generous? Worrisome? Carefree? Lazy? Optimistic? I feel like I know more about the parents than her. Post when you've got the edits! |
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| MurderWeasel | Jan 2 2013, 02:15 PM Post #3 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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