| Welcome to Survival of the Fittest, a RPing board loosely based off of Koshun Takami's Battle Royale, with its own unique plot and spin on the 'deadly game'. We've been around quite a while, and are now in our thirteenth year, so don't worry about us going anywhere any time soon! If you're a newcomer and interested in joining, then please make sure you check out the rules. You may also want to read the FAQ, introduce yourself and stop by the chat to meet some of our members. If you're still not quite sure where to start, then we have a great New Member's Guide with a lot of useful information about getting going. Don't hesitate to PM a member of staff (they have purple usernames) if you have any questions about SOTF and how to get started! Let the games begin! |
| Katsumi Lin | |
|---|---|
| Topic Started: Nov 29 2012, 05:18 AM (610 Views) | |
| Mina Mystes | Nov 29 2012, 05:18 AM Post #1 |
![]()
Cannon Fodder
![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Name: Katsumi Lin Gender: Female Age: 17 Grade: 12th School: Aurora High School Hobbies and Interests: Fashion, Climbing (rock and trees mostly), collecting random trinkets, Crafting Appearance: Katsumi is about 5'9" tall getting most of her height from her American mother Marissa George. She weighs about 128 lbs at most and her body is lanky in appearance rather than muscularly defined. Katsumi's skin is a pale-tanned color. Her eyes are almond shaped eyes with very little upper eyelid much resembling her Taiwanese father Yu Lin. Katsumi's eyes are a brown almost appearing amber when the light shines within them in more direct manners. Her hair is very dark brown, nearing black, and resembles her Asian heritage much more than her Caucasian heritage. When let down her hair reaches mid-back and is very straight by nature. Katsumi's nose is slender and her nose tip buttoned. Her lips are soft and pink like cherry blossom petals and are very small much as desired in more traditional Asian women. Katsumi has a thick cross of scared tissue the front of her throat similar to an old surgical scar that was sliced over another horizontal wound. Her nails are usually chewed off and the paint usually chipped of various colors. She does not usually wear makeup unless dressed up though she does hide the scar on her neck beneath scarves and necklaces. Her ears are pierced and her teeth are straight for the most part due to her father's dental plan and demand for proper oral care. Katsumi's makeup is very minimal, eyeliner and a thin lip-gloss at most, as she rarely goes through the effort of putting a foundation upon her face. Her eyebrows set just a small distance above her eyes and are naturally thin and dark like many of her features. Her ears are normally hidden by her hair but their small and pierced forms have a tendency to stick out at times due to their small outward angle. Katsumi's attire at the time of abduction would be a black skirt that falls just below her knee. Textured with folds in a way that would make it look as if it had laid around folded up for years. Her shirt would seem over-sized but merely part of the fashion. Long sleeved and hanging on her slender frame like a table cloth and colored off-white with patterns of birds done in a black similar to the skirt she wore. The texture of the shirt fabric being near sweater-like material. Her feet are covered in a pair of ankle-high black leather boots which barely touch the skin of her ankles where her sheer stockings rest. Her undergarments are black and rest tight to her skin, a pair of black underwear with lace trim to match the bra that rested over her small breasts, a handful was all she had but they are still hers to be proud of. She is unable to speak, when she tries her voice comes out as though she is still being strangled, giving a very broken gurgle of sounds. Therefore she rarely tries to speak at all. Katsumi holds herself in a casual manner. The way she sits is less than lady like, often with her legs relaxed, and open. She slouches a lot and leans against things when she's tired, but otherwise she carries herself with pride. Holding her head up though it's hard for her to look anyone directly in the eye. Biography: Born on Jan 28th, 1995 in Hualien City, Taiwan; where she would live most of younger years. Katsumi's life began rather simple, happy,and to a family with good standing in the community. Her mother Marissa George, who would have been 45 this year, was a nurse at a local hospital. Loved for her kind and curious spirit which was partially adapted by Katsumi at a young age. Katsumi's father Yu Lin was a local police officer and worked hard at his job. This was also a feature that was expected of Katsumi from a young age. Katsumi was taught to value family, education, and success very highly. However, even then her curious and adventurous nature lead her into trouble quite often. Often scolded for getting dirty or pushing down the boys that were her school mates for being mean to her or others. Even getting in trouble for wandering to far off and getting lost because of it. The habit of wandering off had not broken by her freshman year, but getting lost was a thing of the past. She spent daytime hours working on her studies while she would sneak out at night to collect pieces of materials for her collection of junk trinkets and sometimes even to purchase the latest fashions or magazines that her father would find repulsive. Katsumi was rebellious to an extent, however, her she both feared and respected her parents above all else. Due to this she put little effort into relationships and buried her mind in things that were demanded of her and to her own hobbies. She often spent hours using her collected trash to make fashion items that were, more often than not, silly. It was around 10:11pm on the 5th of November, 2009 when her nightly sneak-outs stopped. As Katsumi arrived home she was met with a house full of strangers and ribbons of tape preventing her access to the interior of that very home. She was told by her father, nearly a half-hour later, that her mother had suffered a Cerebral aneurysm and passed away while she was out. For months to follow Katsumi would become more defensive and slightly more reclusive as her way of defending herself from the pain of loss. She had loved her mother very deeply and looked up to her despite the expectations that she had placed on her shoulders. People at Katsumi's school would try to comfort her, but it was only a rare few that she would let past her own defenses at that point. It was in 2010 Katsumi's emotions would overload and snap her former personality in two. On the 20th of May 7pm, Katsumi had missed her stop on the bus ride home, having been heavily distracted reading the English language book she was reading at the time, a two hour walk that would not be a bit of fun for her. Two hours passed, the walk was long, her feet ached. She was tired and her defenses were down, she didn't even notice she'd been followed home the last half-mile, to her home. Followed by a man looking for both revenge and information on what her father knew about a recently arrested man. Immediately looking for her father, who was of course still not home, she would begin undressing to make her way to the bath in order to relax and get cleaned. However, her path would not meet it's end as she was rushed upon by a man who's face she never saw due to the hat he wore. The man, for reasons that did not involve her directly, wanted revenge upon her family. She was beaten and questioned before the man would try to rid of the only witness to that very crime. When Katsumi was found at 11pm hanging from the ceiling fan of her living room, 10 minutes had passed from the time the man hung her until she was found, she was rushed immediately to the hospital. The wire that was used to hang her cut into her throat, but it was not the only cut that was received that night. Her throat had been crushed by the strangulation from the wire and surgery was preformed both in hopes of reviving her as well as to keep her airway from suffocating her further. Katsumi spent six months fighting for her life, for her mentality, and when she woke from her coma the doctors told her father not to have hope that she'd ever be normal again; given the oxygen her brain had been denied. December 5th, 2010 Katsumi was released from the hospital to return home. The criminal was at large, there were no suspects, and Katsumi couldn't tell them anything helpful. It took until the following November, of 2011, for Katsumi's life to get back to as normal as it would ever be again. Surpassing what little expectations they had for her. She still did not speak verbally, nor could she remember many details about that night, but the scars on her throat and her lack of words were a constant reminder to her father that he was a failure in his job to protect his family. In attempts to regain a sense of safety for himself and for his daughter Katsumi's father packed up what was their home, their livelihood, and moved them as far as way as he could manage. It was the only way he could think of for his daughter to have the best chances at living a normal life. In a new place, even forced to transfer schools, it seemed like the right choice to him and for Katsumi it was indeed. Her school life improved a little at a time at that time after she was re-enrolled with her transfer to Aurora High School and catching up on her work through pure determination and much time put into her work, she began to make friends once more. Whether it was because they pitied her for not being able to speak or because she was violently protective and tomboyish she did not care at that point. Her mind began to see the world in a way that made it feel like she could only live if things were put to her advantage. Her hobbies were secret, at least the feminine ones, and her theory of keeping sacrifices around so that she wouldn't be hurt again seemed to be working. So silently she continues her existence. To this day her relationship with her father is improving though strained, they speak little despite, both verbally and otherwise. Though he still takes care of her and checks in on her. Nothing angers her nearly as bad as the thought of the criminal that has still yet to be captured or explained to her. However, she continues to study hard. Hoping to one day become a fashion designer. After all, you didn't need words to display beauty. Personality wise, in her current state, Katsumi is laid back and tomboyish. She rarely goes out of her way to hurt someone, but she's quick to defend those she is loyal to. She may not speak with words, but she over-exaggerates her body language in order to get her point across. That is, when she is not writing what she is trying to get across, but she prefers the method of body language due to it being a universal language. Katsumi is intelligent, but has a very hard time concentrating when distractions are pressing on her. The more pressure she's under the more chaotic her mind becomes. She prefers to be independent because it is not only easier, but less dangerous for her in her own opinion. Katsumi tends to be curious and it leads her to make rash decisions or wander reckless situations where she might find herself in trouble or having to find a quick way out. When given the opportunity she is a deep thinker and it is usually at night. Mostly due to her troubles sleeping through the night, yet she can never recall what her nightmares are about. She sometimes feels she lost pieces of her mind after the attack in her past; which worries her. Advantages: Knowledgeable about crafting items due to her hobbies. She's in the mindset that friends are merely secret sacrifices to keep herself from being hurt anymore. Silent and not afraid to get dirty. Disadvantages: Explosive temper, tends to be a hypocrite, secretive, she cannot speak verbally so she could not scream for help loud enough to be heard, easily distracted. Edited by Mina Mystes, Nov 29 2012, 06:52 PM.
|
![]() |
|
| MurderWeasel | Nov 29 2012, 06:11 PM Post #2 |
![]()
You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Hiya, Mina! Before we give Katsumi a full critique, please be sure her bio conforms exactly to the template. Specifically, please remove the extra line between the biography and the advantages, and please break up the Appearance section into slightly more readable paragraphs. Also, please note that V5 is set in late spring 2012 (specifically in mid-June), and please adjust Katsumi's age so that it's accurate to that time. Post when you've got that done, and we'll give Katsumi a full critique. Thanks! |
|
V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
![]() |
|
| Mina Mystes | Nov 29 2012, 06:23 PM Post #3 |
![]()
Cannon Fodder
![]() ![]() ![]()
|
I made the requested adjustments. Thanks! |
![]() |
|
| MK Kilmarnock | Nov 30 2012, 11:54 PM Post #4 |
|
Hate, hate, HATE!!!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Hey there. We've spoken before. I'm MK Kilmarnock, a mod on SotF, and I'll be critiquing Katsumi. I'm actually skipping quite a few profiles in the queue, because I didn't want to make you wait just to see my verdict and start all over again. You see, I'm saying this because Katsumi Lin is Permanently Denied. I feel there's too much... 'wrong' isn't the right word to use here, but the core of the character is a little too far out of play for what I believe we should be handling at the time. I'll post the bio below and give my comments in orange. Name: Katsumi Lin Gender: Female Age: 17 Grade: 12th School: Aurora High School Hobbies and Interests: Fashion, Climbing (rock and trees mostly), collecting random trinkets, Crafting Appearance: Katsumi is about 5'9" tall getting most of her height from her American mother Marissa George. She weighs about 128 lbs at most and her body is lanky in appearance rather than muscularly defined. Katsumi's skin is a pale-tanned color. Her eyes are almond shaped eyes with very little upper eyelid much resembling her Taiwanese father Yu Lin. Katsumi's eyes are a brown almost appearing amber when the light shines within them in more direct manners. Her hair is very dark brown, nearing black, and resembles her Asian heritage much more than her Caucasian heritage. When let down her hair reaches mid-back and is very straight by nature. Katsumi's nose is slender and her nose tip buttoned. Her lips are soft and pink like cherry blossom petals and are very small much as desired in more traditional Asian women. Katsumi has a thick cross of scared tissue the front of her throat similar to an old surgical scar that was sliced over another horizontal wound. Her nails are usually chewed off and the paint usually chipped of various colors. She does not usually wear makeup unless dressed up though she does hide the scar on her neck beneath scarves and necklaces. Her ears are pierced and her teeth are straight for the most part due to her father's dental plan and demand for proper oral care. Katsumi's makeup is very minimal, eyeliner and a thin lip-gloss at most, as she rarely goes through the effort of putting a foundation upon her face. Her eyebrows set just a small distance above her eyes and are naturally thin and dark like many of her features. Her ears are normally hidden by her hair but their small and pierced forms have a tendency to stick out at times due to their small outward angle. Katsumi's attire at the time of abduction would be a black skirt that falls just below her knee. Textured with folds in a way that would make it look as if it had laid around folded up for years. Her shirt would seem over-sized but merely part of the fashion. Long sleeved and hanging on her slender frame like a table cloth and colored off-white with patterns of birds done in a black similar to the skirt she wore. The texture of the shirt fabric being near sweater-like material. Her feet are covered in a pair of ankle-high black leather boots which barely touch the skin of her ankles where her sheer stockings rest. Her undergarments are black and rest tight to her skin, a pair of black underwear with lace trim to match the bra that rested over her small breasts, a handful was all she had but they are still hers to be proud of. She is unable to speak, when she tries her voice comes out as though she is still being strangled, giving a very broken gurgle of sounds. Therefore she rarely tries to speak at all. Katsumi holds herself in a casual manner. The way she sits is less than lady like, often with her legs relaxed, and open. She slouches a lot and leans against things when she's tired, but otherwise she carries herself with pride. Holding her head up though it's hard for her to look anyone directly in the eye. So far, there's only a few problems. I fail to see the necessity of including her undergarments unless they are readily visible, but I wouldn't deny a profile for something like that at the same time. The last sentence in this section seems to be a fragment. Actually, there's a few fragments here ('Therefore she rarely tries to speak at all' could use either a comma or an attachment to the previous sentence via a semicolon). Still, nothing huge other than her throat injury. Attempting to speak should not cause a gurgle as though she were still being choked - this would indicate a crushed trachea, which is a little hard to survive with. If her larynx was damaged beyond repair, it would be removed and she would simply have no voice. Biography: Born on Jan 28th, 1995 in Hualien City, Taiwan; where she would live most of younger years. Incomplete sentence. Katsumi's life began rather simple, happy,and to a family with good standing in the community. Comma spacing, poor sentence structure Her mother Marissa George, who would have been 45 this year, was a nurse at a local hospital. I'm... just going to stop picking on grammar, or I'd be here all day. It doesn't matter since I'm asking for a complete do-over, but on your next character submission, I suggest asking somebody else to do a grammatical proofread. GRAMMAR ONLY, please. No non-staff member should dispense advice on what to include or omit; I assure you we will be more than happy to do that for you to avoid confusion. Loved for her kind and curious spirit which was partially adapted by Katsumi at a young age. Katsumi's father Yu Lin was a local police officer and worked hard at his job. This was also a feature that was expected of Katsumi from a young age. Katsumi was taught to value family, education, and success very highly. However, even then her curious and adventurous nature lead her into trouble quite often. Often scolded for getting dirty or pushing down the boys that were her school mates for being mean to her or others. Even getting in trouble for wandering to far off and getting lost because of it. The habit of wandering off had not broken by her freshman year, but getting lost was a thing of the past. She spent daytime hours working on her studies while she would sneak out at night to collect pieces of materials for her collection of junk trinkets and sometimes even to purchase the latest fashions or magazines that her father would find repulsive. Katsumi was rebellious to an extent, however, her she both feared and respected her parents above all else. Due to this she put little effort into relationships and buried her mind in things that were demanded of her and to her own hobbies. She often spent hours using her collected trash to make fashion items that were, more often than not, silly. It was around 10:11pm on the 5th of November, 2009 when her nightly sneak-outs stopped. As Katsumi arrived home she was met with a house full of strangers and ribbons of tape preventing her access to the interior of that very home. She was told by her father, nearly a half-hour later, that her mother had suffered a Cerebral aneurysm and passed away while she was out. For months to follow Katsumi would become more defensive and slightly more reclusive as her way of defending herself from the pain of loss. She had loved her mother very deeply and looked up to her despite the expectations that she had placed on her shoulders. People at Katsumi's school would try to comfort her, but it was only a rare few that she would let past her own defenses at that point. It was in 2010 Katsumi's emotions would overload and snap her former personality in two. On the 20th of May 7pm, Katsumi had missed her stop on the bus ride home, having been heavily distracted reading the English language book she was reading at the time, a two hour walk that would not be a bit of fun for her. Two hours passed, the walk was long, her feet ached. She was tired and her defenses were down, she didn't even notice she'd been followed home the last half-mile, to her home. Followed by a man looking for both revenge and information on what her father knew about a recently arrested man. Immediately looking for her father, who was of course still not home, she would begin undressing to make her way to the bath in order to relax and get cleaned. However, her path would not meet it's end as she was rushed upon by a man who's face she never saw due to the hat he wore. The man, for reasons that did not involve her directly, wanted revenge upon her family. She was beaten and questioned before the man would try to rid of the only witness to that very crime. When Katsumi was found at 11pm hanging from the ceiling fan of her living room, 10 minutes had passed from the time the man hung her until she was found, she was rushed immediately to the hospital. The wire that was used to hang her cut into her throat, but it was not the only cut that was received that night. Her throat had been crushed by the strangulation from the wire and surgery was preformed both in hopes of reviving her as well as to keep her airway from suffocating her further. Katsumi spent six months fighting for her life, for her mentality, and when she woke from her coma the doctors told her father not to have hope that she'd ever be normal again; given the oxygen her brain had been denied. December 5th, 2010 Katsumi was released from the hospital to return home. The criminal was at large, there were no suspects, and Katsumi couldn't tell them anything helpful. It took until the following November, of 2011, for Katsumi's life to get back to as normal as it would ever be again. Surpassing what little expectations they had for her. She still did not speak verbally, nor could she remember many details about that night, but the scars on her throat and her lack of words were a constant reminder to her father that he was a failure in his job to protect his family. In attempts to regain a sense of safety for himself and for his daughter Katsumi's father packed up what was their home, their livelihood, and moved them as far as way as he could manage. It was the only way he could think of for his daughter to have the best chances at living a normal life. In a new place, even forced to transfer schools, it seemed like the right choice to him and for Katsumi it was indeed. Her school life improved a little at a time at that time after she was re-enrolled with her transfer to Aurora High School and catching up on her work through pure determination and much time put into her work, she began to make friends once more. Whether it was because they pitied her for not being able to speak or because she was violently protective and tomboyish she did not care at that point. Her mind began to see the world in a way that made it feel like she could only live if things were put to her advantage. Her hobbies were secret, at least the feminine ones, and her theory of keeping sacrifices around so that she wouldn't be hurt again seemed to be working. So silently she continues her existence. To this day her relationship with her father is improving though strained, they speak little despite, both verbally and otherwise. Though he still takes care of her and checks in on her. Nothing angers her nearly as bad as the thought of the criminal that has still yet to be captured or explained to her. However, she continues to study hard. Hoping to one day become a fashion designer. After all, you didn't need words to display beauty. Personality wise, in her current state, Katsumi is laid back and tomboyish. She rarely goes out of her way to hurt someone, but she's quick to defend those she is loyal to. She may not speak with words, but she over-exaggerates her body language in order to get her point across. That is, when she is not writing what she is trying to get across, but she prefers the method of body language due to it being a universal language. Katsumi is intelligent, but has a very hard time concentrating when distractions are pressing on her. The more pressure she's under the more chaotic her mind becomes. She prefers to be independent because it is not only easier, but less dangerous for her in her own opinion. Katsumi tends to be curious and it leads her to make rash decisions or wander reckless situations where she might find herself in trouble or having to find a quick way out. When given the opportunity she is a deep thinker and it is usually at night. Mostly due to her troubles sleeping through the night, yet she can never recall what her nightmares are about. She sometimes feels she lost pieces of her mind after the attack in her past; which worries her. This bio is the main reason why Katsumi is completely irredeemable. If you'll forgive me saying, she reads like an anime character. Her life is one of drama and revenge, constant beatings and death. Not only do I feel none of it is handled properly in this profile, I honestly feel that you would do better to write a more down-to-earth student. Look. The whole point of SotF is to enjoy the metamorphosis of cute cheerleader Sherry Lynn into a wreck of her former self once she's placed on the island and forced to confront the terrible truth that she must kill her classmates. We don't want Awesome McBadass, survivor of explosions and genocides, to hop on the island and feel right at home. That is not what we are about. I feel that Katsumi's trauma and skillset are geared towards her being a player on the island, and being able to tell that right away makes her what we call a pre-made player. This is especially poignant considering her advantages below: She is a craftswoman, a skilled climber (from her interests and hobbies) and apparently regards friends as 'secret sacrifices', whatever the hell that means. In short, I want you to start again and try something else. Advantages: Knowledgeable about crafting items due to her hobbies. She's in the mindset that friends are merely secret sacrifices to keep herself from being hurt anymore. Silent and not afraid to get dirty. Disadvantages: Explosive temper, tends to be a hypocrite, secretive, she cannot speak verbally so she could not scream for help loud enough to be heard, easily distracted. Even though I am permanently denying Katsumi, I don't want you to feel like it's the end of the road. Please, I implore you to read around a bit more, get a feel for what we at SotF look for in a character that meets our standards, and crank out another profile. I honestly can't wait to see what you can do. |
|
V6 Tributes Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5 Things We Say
| |
![]() |
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| « Previous Topic · Forfeited and Abandoned Characters · Next Topic » |





![]](http://z6.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)




3:58 AM Jul 11