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| Elias Vandrier | |
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| Topic Started: Nov 24 2012, 07:14 AM (406 Views) | |
| Shiola | Nov 24 2012, 07:14 AM Post #1 |
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IDDQD
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Name: Elias Vandrier Gender: Male Age: 19 Grade: 12th School: Aurora High School Hobbies and Interests: Sketching, Electronics, Computers, Reading Philosophy and Old Classics, Writing in his Journal, Travelling. Appearance: Elias has a very distinctive appearance. He is an average height of 5'10”, and has a very light frame. His skin is quite pale as he does not have a very sturdy diet and his somewhat reclusive lifestyle. Likewise, he does not have altogether much muscle mass, though he isn't exactly emaciated. His eyes are large and bright green. He has dark enough eyelashes that seem to give the impression he often wears eyeliner; his eyebrows are also somewhat thin, which altogether manages to outline his eyes quite well. Elias' face is delicate in terms of facial features: he has a short nose, high cheekbones, and he lacks any major degree of facial hair. His jaw is slightly squared but not very wide, and he has thin, unremarkable lips. His hair is is naturally dark brown, but is dyed black and a medium length. It is cut into an style that he either keeps in what could be described as a messy euro-hawk, or simply in a state of utter disarray. Elias is also fond of piercings, with a lip piercing, eyebrow piercing, and several ear piercings. His right ear has an earlobe piercing with a black star, as well as three cartilage piercings with different coloured rings (typically green, purple, and black). His left ear has a basic steel stud as well as an industrial piercing and an anti-tragus piercing with a black ring. For the most part he has a clear complexion though his body is dotted with many different scars and evidence of former injuries. His most noticeable former injuries include a number of self-inflicted wounds on both of his arms, with a few burns and cuts on his palms, and a large vertical scar on his left arm from being slashed with a penknife. Elias has two tattoos, the smaller was done illegally in Germany when he was 15, and the larger one was done in America on his nineteenth birthday. His first tattoo is a Valknut symbol behind his right ear. The second consists of an ominous looking depiction of the mythological Kraken running up his shoulder and the upper left side of his back. Its tentacles have very small, razor-like spines and they snake up the lower side of his neck; this is usually quite noticeable when Elias is wearing clothing that reveals his neck or collarbone. In terms of dress, most of Elias' clothes are shades of black and grey, which fit snugly. His pants and shirts are noticeably quite worn, having multiple tears and threads drifting about them. He wears fingerless gloves almost year round, choosing to hide his scars likely out of a desire to not be asked about them. One can often see various designs drawn in permanent marker on his hands, as well as black paint on his nails. His outfit at the time of SOTF V5 was consistent with the above description - Elias was wearing old steel-toe Doc Martens, black jeans, a nondescript flannel shirt with a tank top underneath that was partially torn and covered in holes and abrasions and a large black hooded sweater. Found packed into his travelling bag was a knee-length black trench-coat as well as a spare dark green t-shirt and a newer pair of black jeans. The both hands were adorned with his gloves, and the nails of his left hand were painted black. Biography: Elias Vandrier was born on February 25th, 1993 in Leipzig, Germany only a few years after the country's reunification. His father was Martin Vandrier, an office worker who found himself mostly unemployed when the institution he worked for became superfluous following the collapse of the German Democratic Republic and was dissolved. The man's family had fled through Hungary when the border opened up, and proceeded to America afterwards, and he had not made any attempt to make contact them afterwards. Martin was not a very courageous man, and he was convinced that they would not be successful, and so he and his wife Elena opted to stay behind. So alienated was he from his family as a result that he tore up most of the photo albums that he had kept of them. Elena left under unknown circumstances when Elias was only three years old, leaving Martin with Elias. It is likely that she had been having second thoughts about staying, and decided to move out of the economically crippled east in search of better opportunities. She did not appear to keep in contact with much of her extended family, and once she left Martin and Elias, there is little evidence to support any attempt to keep in touch with them as well. Only a month after she had left, Martin had begun drinking heavily and died after driving his car into a rock face. Many of the details of the lives of Elias' parents were lost in the bureaucratic mess that was the absorption of the GDR, although what is there details lives that were unremarkable at best. Elias was found at home by neighbours who heard his infantile wailing. Officials were unable to track down any remaining family members or his mother. Martin had made an effort to forget about them, and it would appear that his wife had simply fled the country. Elias was quickly placed into the state's care in a group home until they were able to track down his remaining family. The environment that Elias grew up in was less than ideal, with no close parental figures or friends throughout his childhood. Information regarding his life comes from a number of evaluations that were written by therapists following incidents with other children. Most evaluations of his behaviour up until he was seven years old showed that Elias was very quiet and reserved, choosing to read or stay inside rather than socialising with other children - the only issues he ever had at that point were somewhat hostile reactions to others when they attempted to speak to him, but he was not aggressive beyond the point of any other introverted child. Early on, he showed an inability to empathise or connect with others, but the guardians in the foster home he was assigned to did not make much of an effort to address this behaviour. It is these issues that led to Elias spending some of his earlier time darting from one temporary home to another, as he was often too much to handle for potential adoptive parents. As he got older, Elias' issues began to escalate. He spoke very little to his caregivers and was prone to violence when prompted to do much of anything that he wasn't willing to do. As his guardians attempted to impose consequences, Elias became even more distant and emotionally unstable. It wasn’t long before special notice was taken of his case by child services, and the twelve-year-old Elias was moved to a home for special needs children. At the group home, Elias did not appear to make much progress. Most evaluations done of him seemed to reflect a distinct sense of social anxiety and fear regarding his interactions with others, and his reaction to this had initially manifested as aggression. Attempts were made to mediate this, with only some manner of success. The greatest step forward for Elias was around the age of fourteen, when he had managed to form a close friendship with a girl who was a relatively recent addition to the group home. For the first time in years, he seemed to be getting along with someone. The girl had a similar attitude towards the system that they had both been drifting through, and like Elias, seemed to be a misfit among the other kids as she also happened to be quite quiet. However, this girl made quite a bit more progress over the course of her time there, as she was more open to therapy than Elias. When she eventually was seen to be able to find a permanent foster home, Elias was crushed. His reaction to this was nothing short of a complete meltdown. In a break from his quiet and reserved behaviour, Elias became extremely aggressive and proceeded to start harming himself – first by burning his palm with a lighter, and then afterwards by cutting into his arms with a paring knife he stole from a kitchen. While the special needs home initially was able to mediate this behaviour, they quickly found themselves ill-equipped when Elias outright broke out of the facility. During time he spent on the run, Elias made no attempt to keep himself out of harm’s way. He had no home or friends, and was too socially anxious to find anyone to take care of him. Elias wandered from town to town if only to get as far away as possible from the authorities. After a few failed attempts where he was chased and almost caught by angry shopkeepers, Elias managed to be able to successfully steal his way through surviving a week alone. He managed to fall in for a few days with a group of older teenagers, who had all come from similar backgrounds and who took pity on them. While he normally might have outright rejected the company of others that this time in his life, these older kids seemed to understand him, and didn’t pressure him to speak or explain himself if he did not want to. Unfortunately for him, this reckless behaviour left a trail the police were quickly able to follow and Elias was taken back into custody. Up until this point Elias looked mostly unremarkable, but it was noticed that he underwent a significant transformation, ditching the second-hand t-shirts and jeans for a fairly dark aesthetic and punk clothing that he'd mostly stolen from thrift stores. He also cut his hair himself, and dyed it black. As well, he had managed to have a small Valknut symbol unprofessionally tattooed behind his right ear by one of the older teenagers he was hanging around. He was also found to be suffering from some manner of psychosis, believing very distinctly that the police were going to lock him in solitary confinement for the rest of his life. Because of his age, he was placed in a institutional program for mentally ill and at-risk youth which included far more extensive counselling and continuance of academic studies. Despite his best efforts to resist and beat the system, Elias eventually came to the realization that the rules that were imposed on him were in his best interests, although he still resisted attempts by a therapist to break down his emotional barriers. He still suffers from an unstable mood and severe social anxiety, and after months of observation, was diagnosed with Schizotypal personality disorder by the resident psychiatrist. He was prescribed Amoxipine, but he does not particularly enjoy the prospect of taking it as the side effects can be rather unpleasant; he often feels quite fatigued and dizzy. By the time he was almost finished his first year of secondary school, he had done quite well, proving that he could legitimately apply himself. The counselling and medication helped Elias feel more comfortable in once place, although the environment was not exactly ideal. It wasn't the friendliest place to begin with. Most of the others in the facility had done far worse things than he had, and they didn't seem to want to ever leave him alone. Frequently he had to defend himself from abuse, and his stubborn nature meant he didn't formally report this nearly as often as he should have. Once, he was unable to avoid doing so as another member of the group home slashed his arm with a penknife while he was brushing his teeth in the washroom. The other student was removed from the facility and sent to a juvenile detention facility, but Elias was still shaken by the ordeal. As a way of attempting to avoid being bullied and because of a renewed fear of the other students, Elias would spend a few hours in a well-supervised common room every day attempting to learn different skills. Some were rather unsuccessful, such as his attempt to learn how to knit. At other times, he found he was able to adapt and pick up skills rather quickly. For a few hours every day, he would sketch different people and objects in the common room and steadily became quite good at it. He prefers to sketch people’s faces, as he found many of the others that lived in the home quite interesting and he frequently used showing them his sketches as an excuse to try and talk to the others when he wasn’t sure how to introduce himself otherwise. While he is quite skilled, Elias still believes he is not very good. Elias also kept a journal in the same book, which he writes in semi-frequently. Often he will write potential conversations he could have with others, as was recommended by his therapist as a method of overcoming his social anxiety. These conversations have frequently bloomed into short stories, of which Elias rarely shows others as he feels it would be to embarrassing. As well, he often writes his own reflections on the various books of philosophy that were kept around the group home, often of the works of Albert Camus. Elias adores Camus, as he believes some of his writings to be one of the major factors in helping him through his intense depression. In addition, he also once spent a day trying to repair an old radio. In the small library that they had there was actually a book on electronic repair, and Elias read it cover to cover. At one point one of his social workers noticed his sudden interest and prompted him to fix his cell phone, jokingly. Elias called his bluff and the social worker reluctantly gave it to him, curious as to if he even knew how. It was a very old Nokia, and the jack for charging the phone had gotten knocked loose inside. It took Elias a little over five minutes to effectively fix it, much to the social worker's relief. This brought up Elias' spirits slightly. The institution noticed that the greatest positive increase in his behaviour and the point at which he started to open up quite a bit more was after he found this hobby. Since then Elias has become extremely competent when it comes to hard-wired electronics, as he is able to fix most consumer electronics rather quickly and has even charged a fee a few times at Aurora High School for doing so. It is also worth noting that during his time both in the institution that he was part of an online community that helped propagates the versions of SOTF via torrent files. Elias didn’t quite believe that SOTF was real at first, and simply believed it to be a gritty reality television experiment that had everyone convinced. When he spent more time looking it up though he left the community and wrote a lengthy message on the forum describing how disgusted he felt with himself, and how ashamed he should feel for participating in the propagation of the SOTF ACT. Following a lengthy search and the extensive effort of a devoted social worker who took an interest in him as a kind of pet project, the German authorities were able to track down Elias' closest living relative – his aunt, Clara Vandrier. She was a successful accountant who lived alone in Seattle, Washington. Because of the relative chaos within the bureaucracy at the time of his birth, as well as the absentee status of his parents, there are very few available records of Elias' own living circumstances that were properly registered. In this it made the process of locating relatives extremely difficult. As it had turned out though, Clara had recently made an effort to track down her brother, and was completely unaware of his suicide. Owing to their somewhat unique surname, he was rather easy to find from her end once she came into contact with social services. She seemed to feel responsible for Elias' well-being after she discovered what had happened to her brother. Clara met Elias shortly after she found out about him. Their initial meeting was somewhat cold – while Clara welcomed him with open arms, Elias appeared to not understand exactly how to react. While he had just became adjusted to the institution, he now found himself in a position where someone was asking him to move halfway around the world to a country whose language he had only just managed to grasp in a school setting. After spending a few days getting to know Clara and examining the situation he was in, he decided to make the move. It took the two of them a few months to obtain the necessary paperwork to do so. His condition had improved to the point where the institution was willing to discharge him, but on the condition that Elias continues to seek treatment in Seattle. Having come to trust his therapist to a degree, Elias sporadically corresponds with him via email; he usually sends fairly mechanical updates on his living situation, occasionally asking questions he doesn’t entirely trust his current therapist to answer. On top of those concerns, it was also a slight hassle to get Elias into the country and to manage to enrol him in public education. However, Clara was well established and well connected, and the transition was made with a minimal degree of hassle; although Elias ended up missing a year of school as a result. He first began attending Aurora High School in the tenth grade, at the age of seventeen. Elias never fully integrated very well into Aurora High School. He is older than his classmates by almost a year. The language barrier was initially difficult, but Elias already had a fairly basic knowledge of English, and after a relatively short time in America it was easy enough to become relatively as far as understanding the language is concerned. That being said, he speaks with a strong German accent and his speech occasionally contains the kind of typical mistakes made by many Germans speaking English. On account of his somewhat solitary nature, he finds speaking English far more difficult than reading or writing it as he has less experience doing so. His voice is light and sharp enough that he is understandable, but it is very easy to tell from hearing him that he isn't from the United States. With that came some small degree of mockery from other students, which came to a halt once Elias made it quite clear he was perfectly capable of understanding them when his only words back were a series of particularly mean-spirited remarks. For the most part, Elias keeps to himself. Academically, he gets by quite well with a 3.7 grade average. While he does miss classes somewhat often, he has almost never missed an assignment or a test and makes an effort to keep up with his studies. His aunt feels that if Elias feels he doesn't need to be in a class, he probably has a good reason, and there is an understanding between the two of them that she will call to verify absences if he asks. Very few people ever get a chance to speak with him to an extended degree, as he is what they would refer to as a loner, though he is certainly noticed on account of his demeanour. Most of the time he is likely to seem somewhat curt to other people, although it is unintentional – he simply does not have a very good grasp of social mores. His only real issue with his peers is that he considers many of them far too sheltered and with a very poor knowledge of the world around them; this being said, he does not outwardly hate any of them. Outside of school, Elias prefers to spend most of his time aimlessly drifting from place to place in the city, or shut indoors at home. During the summers he likes to take trips out of the city. These trips are usually out into the mountains, where Elias typically spends time alone or drifting from hostel to hostel, writing in his journal or sketching landscapes. His aunt will often provide him with the funds to do go on these trips. Not having children of her own, Elias has become quite dear to her and she is quite willing to dote on him, although Elias rarely asks her to do so. While he still does not entirely find himself feeling very close to Clara, Elias recognizes that she cares very much for him and he is much kinder to her than he is with others, for the most part. That being said, their relationship is often strained when Elias starts to feel as if Clara is trying too hard to parent him, and he occasionally lashes out at her. At school, he will not outright reject social interaction - he simply is not very adept at making usual conversation. Elias is sometimes invited to parties, but only rarely makes appearances. Clara has employed Elias in her office working part-time as an IT assistant initially as a way to keep him busy; after short time though, he has actually performed beyond her expectations. Since he was living in Germany, Elias has smoked regularly although he has only recently been able to legally purchase cigarettes. Clara does not approve, although she hasn’t been especially successful in convincing him to quit. The few times Elias has become involved intimately with others, he has not been altogether consistent in terms of gender, appearing to have no particular preference for men or women. These have occurred at the occasional parties that Elias has attended in an attempt to try and expand socially. He found that it was quite a bit easier for him to fade into a crowd than it was to interact on a one-to-one basis, and he would distance himself from those he would hook up with if they made any attempts to get to know him further. Where his future is concerned, Elias claims he is hoping to make it through the American school system and then continue on with a career in computer science, though mostly to simply have a job that can provide him some kind of basic necessities. One possibility he considered was tracking down his biological mother, as difficult that task may be. Advantages: Elias has always felt that he has had to look out for himself, and SOTF will certainly bring that trait into play. Throughout his life, he has relied upon his ability to adapt and change to a situation to carry him through, and that may prove quite useful to him. Elias is stubborn in nature and will not change his course of action once settled on a path. As a result of the extensive and ongoing psychological counselling, Elias is not likely to break down initially on the island as he is quite well aware of his own mental health issues and can keep himself in check. This may give him an edge over other students as he will force himself to emotionally disconnect himself from a situation and look at it very calmly and rationally. Disadvantages: That said, Elias is still extremely emotionally unstable at the best of times. He has no friends at Aurora High School, and finds it extremely difficult to trust others or to mesh well with a group in an extreme situation. He does not have especially strong social skills and may have difficulty communicating with others if he even manages to muster up the courage to try. While he might respond to threatening situations in a fairly level-headed manner, his response to danger is more likely to fight back instead of to simply run. This combined with his instability, social isolation, and compunction towards risk taking may lead to an early demise. Edited by Shiola, Dec 2 2012, 04:34 PM.
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V7: Erika P. Stieglitz Tyrell K. Lahti Caroline S. Ford Henry A. Sparks | |
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| MurderWeasel | Nov 24 2012, 04:32 PM Post #2 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Hiya, Oliver! Before we give Elias a full critique, please be sure his bio conforms exactly to the template. Specifically, please be sure that the biography flows straight from the header as all other sections do, rather than a line being skipped as is the case at present. Post when you've got that done, and we'll give Elias a full critique. Thanks! |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
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| Shiola | Nov 24 2012, 04:50 PM Post #3 |
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IDDQD
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Alright, that should do it. Sorry about that. |
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V7: Erika P. Stieglitz Tyrell K. Lahti Caroline S. Ford Henry A. Sparks | |
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| BetaKnight | Dec 2 2012, 04:44 AM Post #4 |
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In some cultures, what I do is considered normal.
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Hi, Oliver, and welcome back. Currently, Elias Vandrier is temporarily DENIED pending revision. I'm going to be quite frank. There are some serious and troubling issues with Elias. There a quite a few things that happen that make Elias look like an emotionally disturbed sociopath who is a Pre-Made Player. Name: Elias Vandrier Gender: Male Age: 19 (DOB given in biography makes Elias 18) Grade: 12th School: Aurora High School Hobbies and Interests: Sketching, Electronics, Computers, Reading (philosophy and old classics), Writing (journal, some short stories), Travelling. (There should not be any parenthetical notations in the profile. Please work all instances of parenthetical notations in as standard text.) Appearance: Elias has a very distinctive appearance. He is slightly on the short side at 5'10, (You're missing the " inches notation. Also, 5'10" is average height for both German men and American men. Elias is not short.) and has a very light frame. His skin is quite pale as he does not have a very sturdy diet and his somewhat reclusive lifestyle. Likewise, he does not have altogether much muscle mass, though he is far beyond emaciated. (The phrase “beyond emaciated” means that Elias is super emaciated, which brings to my mind photos of Holocaust survivors. I do not think this is what you are intending to portray.) His eyes are large and bright green. Elias' face is thin and effeminate in terms of facial features: he has a short nose, high cheekbones, and he lacks any major degree of facial hair. (I still would like more facial features like the shape of his face, eyebrows, eye lashes, lips.) His hair is rarely one well-defined style or another. It is dyed black (natural colour dark brown) and cut into what one would describe as an atypical "punk" style, (Atypical means not conforming to the type, irregular or unusual. In what way is Elias’ hair “not conforming" to the punk style? I'm confused. Also, there should not be any quotation marks, please.) but it is usually seen in a state of utter disarray. Elias is also fond of piercings, with a lip piercing, eyebrow piercing, and several ear piercings. (What specific types of piercings does Elias have? Does he have a labret, monroe, snake bites, or a different type of piercing? Ditto with the eyebrow piercing. How many ear piercings does he have? Are they all in one ear or both ears? Specifically, what types of ear piercings does he have?) For the most part he has a clear complexion though his body is dotted with many different scars and evidence of former injuries. His most noticeable former injuries include a number of self-inflicted wounds on both of his arms and a large vertical scar on his left arm from being stabbed with a penknife. (I didn't seen any mention of Elias self-injuring in the profile or any mention of being stabbed. These are very serious incidents and need to be discussed in detail or dropped completely. I recommend dropping them as they don't add anything to the profile other than trying to illustrate the concept that "Elias is a bad ass".) Elias has two tattoos, the smaller was done illegally in Germany when he was 15, and the larger one was done in America on his nineteenth birthday. His first tattoo is a Valknut symbol behind his right ear. The second consists of an ominous looking depiction of the mythological Kraken running up his shoulder and the upper left side of his back. Its tentacles have very small, razor-like spines and they snake up the lower side of his neck; this is usually quite noticeable when Elias is wearing clothing that reveals his neck or collarbone. (One of these tattoos is going to have to go since Elias only became legally able to obtain tattoos three months ago. Sorry about that.) In terms of dress, most of Elias' clothes are shades of black and grey, which fit snugly. His pants and shirts are noticeably quite worn, having multiple tears and threads drifting about them. He wears fingerless gloves almost year round, choosing to hide his scars likely out of a desire to not be asked about them. One can often see various designs drawn in permanent marker on his hands, as well as black paint on his nails. His outfit at the time of SOTF V5 was consistent with the above description - Elias was wearing old steel-toe Doc Martens, black jeans, a tank top that was partially torn and covered in holes and abrasions, (This shirt is not dress code compliant so it would Elias would not have been permitted to wear it on the trip. It cannot be ripped, tattered, or dirty, as per school dress code.) a nondescript grey flannel shirt and a large black hooded sweater. Found packed into his travelling bag was a knee-length black trench-coat as well as a spare dark green t-shirt and a newer pair of black jeans. The both hands were adorned with his gloves, and the nails of his left hand were painted black. Biography: Elias Vandrier was born on February 25th, 1994 (This DOB makes Elias 18 years, three months, and a bit at the time of v5.) in Leipzig, Germany only a few years after the country's reunification. His father was Martin Vandrier, an office worker who found himself mostly unemployed when the institution he worked for became superfluous following the collapse of the German Democratic Republic and was dissolved. The man's family had made the move to America many years ago, and he had not made any attempt to make contact. (Okay, prior to Reunification, East German citizens were not permitted to move to the US. Those who came had to escape. So please elaborate on how all of Elias’ other relatives escaped East Germany but this father stayed behind. If he was a minor, he should have gone with them. If he was older, then other people in the neighborhood should have some information about the family as free movement in East Germany wasn’t a common occurrence.) So alienated was he from his family that most of the pictures that he kept in his home were of his dog. His wife left under unknown circumstances, leaving Martin with Elias. He committed suicide only a month later, with having driven his car into a rock face. (When did this happen? How old was Elias during these events? Also, what is Elias’ mother’s name? Since his father has a name, his mother should have one as well. I understand why if Martin’s family fled East Germany none of them claimed the child, but why didn’t any of her relatives claim the child?) Many of the details of the lives of Elias' parents were lost in the bureaucratic mess that followed the collapse of the Eastern Bloc, although what is there details lives that were unremarkable at best. Elias was found by neighbours who heard his infantile wailing. Officials were unable to track down any remaining family members or his mother. Martin had made an effort to forget about them, and it would appear that his wife had simply fled the country. Elias was quickly placed into the state's care in a group home until they were able to track down his remaining family. The environment that Elias grew up in was less than ideal, with no real parental figures or friends throughout his childhood. (I’m not how this is possible given that in Reunified Germany, the care of minors was given over to Western-style foster care rather than using the old Eastern Bloc orphanages and institutions.) Information regarding his life comes from a number of evaluations that were written by his caregivers following incidents with other children. Most evaluations of his behaviour up until he was seven years old showed that Elias was very quiet and reserved, choosing to read or stay inside rather than socialising with other children - the only issues he ever had at that point were somewhat violent reactions to others when they attempted to speak to him, but it was nothing far out of the ordinary. (Violent reactions when others attempted to speak to him is pretty out of the ordinary. This is a red flag.) Early on, he showed an inability to empathise or connect with others, but most of the homes that he was assigned to didn't make much of an effort to address this behaviour. It is these issues that led to Elias spending most of his time darting from one temporary home to another, as these issues often fended off potential adoptive parents. As he got older, Elias' issues began to escalate. He spoke very little to his caregivers and was prone to violence when prompted to do much of anything that he wasn't willing to do. As his guardians attempted to impose consequences, Elias became even more distant and emotionally unstable. Treatment was considered, but a few sessions of therapy were not enough to implement any serious action before Elias ran away from the group home. (Okay, this whole section is a problem. One, it is extremely Pre-Made Player-ish, which isn’t acceptable for v5. Two, Elias would have been institutionalized because there’s absolutely no reason for this behavior. As far as Elias is concerned, it is normal to be in foster care. He’s never known either parent, so the people who are taking care of him are essentially his parents. Third, for Elias’ well-being as well as the safety and well-being of others, Elias wouldn’t be jumped from home to home and would be put into a home/facility that specializes in “special needs children”. It’s not the home’s job to address this because this kind of behavior is the responsibility of a trained therapist. Especially in light of the fact that this is life-long, escalating behavior. This cannot stand as it is. This behavior needs to be GREATLY toned down or eliminated. I strongly recommend eliminating it completely.) Around the age of fourteen Elias formed a close friendship with a girl who was a recent addition to the group home he was in at the time. For the first time in years, he seemed to be getting along with someone. The girl had a similar attitude towards the system that they had both been drifting through, and like Elias was a misfit among the other kids. (Elias is a “misfit” because he is an escalating, emotionally disturbed sociopath.) However, within only a few months she was caught stealing hundreds of Euros from one of the women who ran the home. She was moved once again, and Elias was crushed. At this point his aggressive behaviour peaked. On his 15th birthday Elias attempted unsuccessfully to burn down the group home, soaking the carpet and walls of the living room with gasoline. He fled the home with what few belongings he possessed and was not heard from for some time. The woman who was responsible for his friend's departure from the home was almost seriously injured by the fire, but managed to walk away unscathed. This may have saved Elias from a far more serious punishment later on, when he was finally taken in. (No, it really wouldn’t because this is attempted murder, child endangerment for all the other minors in the facility, and several thousand Deutsch marks or Euros in damages and relocation to find accommodations for everyone who lives there. This is super glossed over and I’m positive that the German legal authorities would not just let this go. Please remove the arson from the profile.) During time he spent on the run, Elias was subject to an entirely different world than he was used to. He had no home or friends, and was too socially awkward to form any lasting bonds with anyone. Even at this young age Elias was struggling to survive on his own, wandering from town to town if only to get as far away as possible from the authorities. After a few failed attempts where he was chased down and beaten by angry shopkeepers, Elias slowly became more adept at shoplifting. (If he was chased down and beaten, why wasn’t Elias taken into police custody? Why would the people let him go? This makes no sense.) There was a week when he was able to sustain himself rather well using this method. Unfortunately for him, this reckless behaviour left a trail the police were quickly able to follow and Elias was taken back into custody. Up until this point Elias looked mostly unremarkable, but it was noticed that he underwent a significant transformation, ditching the second-hand t-shirts and jeans for a fairly dark aesthetic and punk clothing that he'd mostly stolen from thrift stores. He also cut his hair himself, and dyed it black. (Is this a continuous thing? Does he still cut and dye his hair at home? This needs to be explained in the biography.) As well, he had managed to have a small Valknut symbol tattooed behind his right ear. He was placed in a program for at-risk youth which included extensive counselling and continuance of academic studies. (He should be IN JAIL. In addition to his arson, attempted murder, child endangerment and vandalism charges, there are now a bunch of theft charges await Elias. They do have juvenal detention centers were education is provided.) Elias had already missed a month of school, and even before he hadn't performed very well. Despite his best efforts to resist and beat the system, Elias eventually decided it was in his best interests to persist with his studies, although he still resisted attempts by a therapist to break down his emotional barriers. (Why does he have emotional barriers? Based on what events and trauma? Again, Elias sounds like a Pre-Made Player since “the system” isn’t actually helping him. He’s decided it’s “in his best interest” to comply. So he’s not getting better, just becoming a better psychopath.) By the time he was almost finished his first year of secondary school, he had done quite well, proving that he could legitimately apply himself; that being said, he was still considered quite emotionally unstable. He was prescribed medication, but he does not particularly enjoy the prospect of taking it. (This is the first, last, and only mention of Elias' medication. What medication is he on? How long has he been on it? What is the dosage? What condition is the medication being used to treat?) Even still, his time in a stable environment where he was able to develop managed to ease his aggression towards others by a small degree. It wasn't the friendliest place to begin with. Most of the others in the facility had done far worse things than he had, and they didn't seem to want to ever leave him alone. Frequently he had to defend himself from abuse, and his stubborn nature meant he didn't formally report this nearly as often as he should have. (He was in stable environments earlier in his childhood, yet he attacked people for talking to him. Now, he’s getting physically assaulted by violent individuals but decides this is a stable environment and becoming less aggressive? This doesn’t really make sense.) Elias would spend a few hours in a common room every day attempting to learn different skills. Some were rather unsuccessful, such as his attempt to learn how to knit. At other times, he found he was able to adapt and pick up skills rather quickly. For a few hours every day, he would sketch different people and objects in the common room and steadily became quite good at it. (This hobby needs to be fleshed out more. What is Elias' favorite subject to sketch? Does he share his artwork with anyone else? Why or why not? What is his least favorite thing to sketch?) Elias also kept a journal in the same book. (Ditto with the journal. How frequently does he write in the journal? Does he write daily? What does he talk about? Does he share this with anyone? Why or why not? Also, to the best of my knowledge, there is absolutely no mention of Elias writing short stories anywhere in the biography. There needs to be detailed information included about that hobby or it needs to be dropped.) The facility was naturally well-stocked with books, and Elias typically tried to read older classics as well as bits and pieces of philosophy (notably the works of Albert Camus). (No parenthetical text in the profile, please. Also, why did Elias read philosophy? What was it about philosophy and specifically about Camus that Elias enjoyed?) In addition, he also once spent a day trying to repair an old radio. In the small library that they had there was actually a book on electronic repair, and Elias read it cover to cover. At one point one of his social workers noticed his sudden interest and prompted him to fix his cell phone, jokingly. Elias called his bluff and the social worker reluctantly gave it to him, curious as to if he even knew how. It was a very old Nokia, and the jack for charging the phone had gotten knocked loose inside. It took Elias a little over five minutes to effectively fix it, much to the social worker's relief. This brought up Elias' spirits slightly. The institution noticed that the greatest positive increase in his behaviour and the greatest reduction in his aggression were after he found this hobby. Since then Elias has become extremely competent when it comes to hard-wired electronics, as he is able to fix most consumer electronics rather quickly and has even charged a fee a few times at Aurora High School for doing so. It is also worth noting that during his time both in the institution and in Aurora that he was part of an online community that helped propagate the versions of SOTF via torrent files. (Why? Why did Elias do this? Is he interested in SoTF? Also, I'm fairly certain that Aurora's internet block torrenting, so I'm not sure how Elias is helping seed SoTF files at the school.) The monitoring software at the institution was substandard and Elias was able to evade it, though he gradually grew disinterested with the community after he moved to America. Following a lengthy search and the extensive effort of that devoted social worker (who then afterwards took an interest in him as a kind of pet project), the German authorities were able to track down Elias' closest living relative – his aunt, Clara Vandrier. She was a successful accountant who lived alone in Seattle, Washington. Because of the relative chaos within the bureaucracy at the time of his birth, as well as the absentee status of his parents, there are very few available records of Elias' own living circumstances that were properly registered. His birth certificate and other valuable information had been lost owing to incompetence on the part of bureaucrats in the Former GDR as it made the difficult transition to the west. (The transition had already taken place by the time Elias was born. There wasn’t anything to lose during the process.) In this it made the process of locating relatives extremely difficult. As it had turned out though, Clara had recently made an effort to track down her brother, and was completely unaware of his suicide. Owing to their somewhat unique surname (likely changed generations ago from Von Trier for unknown reasons) once she was able to make contact with social services, he was quite easy to track from her end. She seemed to feel responsible for Elias' well-being after she discovered what had happened to her brother. Clara met Elias shortly after she found out about him, and they got along quite well. It took the two of them a few months to obtain the necessary paperwork to do so, but Elias eventually made the move to Seattle with Clara.(Given Elias’ documented emotional issues, potential mental health issues, and criminal record, this is going to take a lot of time and money to get handled. Please elaborate some more on this. Did Clara stay in Germany the whole time the process was happening? Elias responded poorly to people "controlling him" at 14. How old is he now? Why is it no longer a problem for people to enforce order and structure on him? Is his aunt aware that he takes medication? What continuing therapy and medication has she pursued for her nephew? As much as he found it difficult to settle into one place and to remain the ward of someone he had not known until a few months prior, the stability seemed rather welcome. (Elias has been the ward of a stranger his whole life. How is this any different?) With Seattle came a chance to be left alone to this own devices, not under the microscope of an institution. Elias never fully integrated very well into Aurora High School. (When did Elias begin attending Aurora? He was 15 when he ran away. A month later, he was caught. For an unspecified duration of time, he was in an institution that is not a jail. At some point never specified, his aunt is contacted and arrived. Again, at some unspecified point, Elias the criminal arrives in the US and is enrolled in public education. I need some dates/times to establish Elias' personal timeline, please.) He is older than his classmates by almost a year on account of the fact that he skipped a year of primary school.(No, he’s not. Not according to the DOB you’ve provided.) The language barrier was initially difficult, but Elias already had a fairly basic knowledge of English, and after a relatively short time in America it was easy enough to become fluent in the language. That being said, he speaks with a strong German accent and his speech occasionally contains the kind of typical mistakes made by many Germans speaking English. His voice is light and sharp enough that he is understandable, but it is very easy to tell from hearing him that he isn't from the United States. With that came some small degree of mockery from other students, which came to a halt once a few of them saw that Elias was quite willing to stand up to them. (How did he stand up to students? When did this occur? What happened? Details are required.) For the most part, Elias keeps to himself. Academically, he gets by with decent enough marks to go be ignored by the staff for the most part though he does frequently miss classes. (This is a problem, especially when coupled with Elias’ issues and immigration status. The school would be contacting his guardian about these absences. How has this behavior affected his relationship with his aunt? Also, I would like an actual GPA for Elias since "decent enough grades" is subjective and vague. Also, how does Elias feel about school? What is his favorite and least favorite subjects?) Very few people ever get a chance to speak with him, as he is what they would refer to as a "loner" though he is certainly noticed on account of his demeanour. Most of the time he is likely to be quite curt with others, having very little regard for social standards or politeness. He considers many of his peers far too sheltered and with a very poor knowledge of the world around them; this being said, he does not outwardly hate any of them. Outside of school, Elias prefers to spend most of his time aimlessly drifting from place to place in the city, or shut indoors at home. (Does this have something to do with Elias' traveling hobby? There is no other even vaguely mention of the traveling hobby. It is going to need a lot of details. Where has Elias been to engage in this hobby? How long has he had this hobby? Where doe Elias want to go? Why? What is it about traveling that Elias enjoys?) Occasionally he develops an odd acquaintance or two, and will not outright reject social interaction - he simply is not very adept at making usual conversation. Elias is sometimes invited to parties, but only rarely makes appearances. He works part-time fixing computers and consumer electronics, pulling in most of his income this way. (Where doe Elias work? How long has he worked there? How did he get the job?) Since he has lived in Germany, Elias has smoked regularly (although he has only recently been able to legally purchase cigarettes). The few times Elias has become involved intimately with others (the nature of any specific romantic involvement beyond brief one-night stands is unknown) he has not been altogether consistent in terms of gender, appearing to have no particular preference for men or women. (How did Elias meet these people he has been intimate with since he does not really socialize with anyone at school and is not adept at making conversation, relating to people, or simply socializing in general? How does Elias classify his sexuality? Has this caused any issues with his aunt?) Where his future is concerned, Elias claims he is hoping to make it through the American school system and then continue on with a career in computer science, though mostly to simply have a job that can provide him some kind of basic necessities. In truth, it seems like he does not appear to have any particular plan for the next few years. His entire life thus far has been a struggle for self-preservation and to simply avoid having to deal with being under a microscope, and his main drive is more likely to simply be free and on his own. One possibility he considered was tracking down his biological mother, as difficult as it may be. Advantages: One thing that may give him an edge over other students is his capacity to emotionally disconnect himself from a situation and look at it very calmly and rationally. In the end, Elias is looking out for himself and would not hesitate to make difficult decisions should the situation call for it. Hardened by the institution, Elias is no stranger to violence or threats and can face such situations with a much more level-headed attitude than his peers. (HELLO, Pre-Made Player status! No friends, emotionally disconnected, won't hesitate with "difficult decisions", and quick to anger and respond with violence! You hit just about every PMP trait right there. This is entirely unacceptable. You need to come up with some other advantages because the stuff highlighted in red simply doesn't work. Sorry about that.) Throughout his life, he has relied upon his ability to adapt and change to a situation to carry him through, and that may prove quite useful to him. While some students may break down mentally when faced with an impossible situation, Elias is more likely to keep struggling to the bitter end. (This advantage works, but it is a bit tonally off. Please remember that Advantages and Disadvantages are quick summary of traits. So this might work better as "Elias is stubborn in nature and will not change his course of action once settled on a path.") Disadvantages: Elias is still extremely emotionally unstable. While he might respond to threatening situations in a fairly level-headed manner, his calm rationale in that situation may very well direct him to respond with a disproportionate amount of violence, rather than attempting to talk himself out the situation. (That's more of those Pre-Made Player traits surfacing.) Despite his experience in that regard, Elias has no formal ability in the way of any kind of basic self-defence, and is also not very physically capable of doing so. (This is not a disadvantage since most people are not skilled fighters.) Elias' relationship with his aunt is severely underdeveloped. I can't imagine that their time together is always smooth. Elias is stubborn, moody, responds poorly to authority, and is a poor communicator with violent tendencies. His aunt is an unmarried woman without children of her own who is taking in a damaged teenager. I think you see where I'm going with this. I am going to need a lot of information about their interactions and life together. I'm not quite sure why Elias is from Germany. It is just as likely and probably easier to have a child in the US with a damaged background who ends up in foster care before transitioning to the care of a relative. Especially if you consider that perhaps the child lived in one state and it took some time to locate relatives who reside in another state. I strongly suggest dropping the "Elias is from Germany" aspect of the biography as it is an unnecessary complication. Elias just as easily could be of Germanic descent but be an American. Once you have made the requested edits to the profile, reply here and I will give him another going over. If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me. |
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Version 5
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| Shiola | Dec 2 2012, 04:35 PM Post #5 |
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IDDQD
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Edited. |
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V7: Erika P. Stieglitz Tyrell K. Lahti Caroline S. Ford Henry A. Sparks | |
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| MurderWeasel | Dec 12 2012, 05:29 PM Post #6 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Hiya, Oliver! I've been asked to take over Elias' critique due to my status as the staffer most familiar with a. Germany and b. DIY body modification. Tre passed stuff along to me, so I should be roughly up to date on things. Looking over Elias, I see a few things I'd like to see edited, mostly springboarding off of Tre's original critique. I'd like to see Elias get a numerical weight, for starters. This: "His skin is quite pale as he does not have a very sturdy diet and his somewhat reclusive lifestyle." is a bit confusingly phrased right now, and would flow better as: "His skin is quite pale due to his somewhat reclusive lifestyle and because he does not have a very sturdy diet." Here: "He wears fingerless gloves almost year round, choosing to hide his scars likely out of a desire to not be asked about them." I've got a slight issue with the use of "likely"; profiles should be objective, and having the implied uncertainty inserted into them stretches formality. If you drop the word, you'll be fine on that. I'm having the same issues with the "likely"s in regards to Elias' mother. Profiles are in an awkward place where they're superficially supposed to represent an in-universe thing, but there are some situations where information needs to be in a profile which staff needs to know but which the terrorists realistically couldn't. In this case, I'd really like to see things at least brought up to the level where stuff regarding her family is certain, "She did not keep in contact with much of her extended family" as opposed to "She did not appear to keep in contact with much of her extended family", for example. When it comes to her contact with Martin and Elias, I need to know whether there was any in a more objective fashion. Similarly, I need to have specifics on what eventually went down leading to Elias being abandoned. I'm having some issues with it right now; it sounds like there were family members around who he could potentially have been shuttled off to, so I'm really not sure why his father would abandon him. Also, just skipping out and leaving a kid alone in a home is very likely to be fatal for the child. How old was Elias when this happened? What efforts were made to track down his father? What happened to him? Again, I need more objective stuff on Elias' life. I think a big thing here is that the approach to profiles has changed a bit from past versions; when in doubt, staff really wants concrete and verified details. Profiles are first and foremost a tool for staff and other handlers in understanding a character, so they shouldn't leave many holes, especially when it comes to bizarre or unconventional stuff. Why did Elias not empathize with others? This is a big warning sign, and I'd like to see this addressed at length if it's going to stay. How did this affect his life? What steps did his foster parents try to take to curb his activities, and what sort of attention did his repeated behavior issues draw? Here: "The girl had a similar attitude towards the system that they had both been drifting through" I'd like to know what Elias' attitude was. Up 'til now, we don't really have a clear picture of him besides his issues, when the whys behind them are really the most important thing to understanding Elias. Why was Elias resistant to therapy? I'm having issues with Elias self-harm. Why did he turn to this form of coping? Why was he willing to spend time with older teens who seemed to understand him but unwilling to open up to other kids in the exact same situation as him at the foster homes? Why did Elias change his look? Why did he let strangers tattoo him? Having seen the results of unprofessional tattooing, I can say that they can be really unpleasant and that the process can be super painful. Where did a bunch of homeless teens get their hands on a tattoo gun (or what did they use otherwise)? Were there any health repercussions from this? How, once he was medicated, did Elias feel about his prior behavior and beliefs? How did he reconcile the extremity of his actions with his dislike of his medicine? Why did Elias try to learn skills as a result of being attacked? I don't quite see the connection here. Why was security so horrible at the facility? Surely a home for troubled youth would be prepared to deal with, well, troubled youth. Why does Elias doubt his own artistic skill? Elias' depression comes up without really being mentioned beforehand. I'd like to know more about that. At what point did Elias' interest in SOTF kick off? Was he isolated from other info on it? How much internet access did he have in the home in general? It's a bit tough to tell just what the conditions were, so a brief explanation of just what the facility comprised might help bring things into slightly clearer focus. Elias' father's suicide isn't really explicit in his bio, so a reference midway through is confusing. Why did Elias decide to go with Clara? Why was a one year age gap so tough for Elias to deal with? In tenth grade, he'd be the same age as the juniors and still younger than most of the seniors, so it's not like he wouldn't have peers around. How did Elias' difficulties with English affect his schooling? What sorts of programs did he participate in? Why does Elias have trouble with social mores? Most of the people I know who've been through lots of therapy/treatment for social issues are actually extremely aware of them, since it's one of the areas most commonly focused on; after all, if that's where a deficiency exists then working to correct it is a really good step towards reintegration. This: "this being said, he does not outwardly hate any of them." is a bit worrisome, because it implies that Elias inwardly hates his classmates. If that's not the goal, just dropping the "outwardly" would solve things. I'd like to know a bit more about what draws Elias to his unusual fashion choices. Why does he stand out o much, given that he seems uncomfortable with being the center of attention? I'm having issues with Elias having no friends at all after being in school with the same group of kids for three years. Surely he must have had interactions with somebody in there. Even if he's got a very small and casual social circle without being super close to anyone, that'd make more sense than him having literally no connections. Elias' risk-taking doesn't really come up in his bio. I'm not entirely sold on his emotional instability as both an advantage and a disadvantage, because it seems like for one to be true the other would have to be false and that it wouldn't be known which way he'd fall until the game starts. In general, though, the biggest issue I'm having with Elias is that his early life is a perfect storm of strange and terrible things happening. I'd really like to see him brought a bit down to earth on the whole. I think the core of his concept is pretty solid on the whole, it' just that there are so many awful things going on, which aren't really delved into in a major way, that it's raising a lot of tough questions and distracting from the more fleshed out (and overall interesting) areas of Elias' life. There are also a few typos in there, so a quick proofreading would help a ton. Post when you've got Elias edited, and we'll give him another look. Thanks! |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
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| MK Kilmarnock | Dec 26 2012, 10:49 PM Post #7 |
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Hate, hate, HATE!!!
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This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested from the staff. |
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V6 Tributes Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5 Things We Say
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3:58 AM Jul 11