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| Atsuhiko Ayukawa | |
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| Topic Started: Nov 22 2012, 11:21 PM (472 Views) | |
| Chrysalis | Nov 22 2012, 11:21 PM Post #1 |
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Cannon Fodder
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Name: Atsuhiko Ayukawa Gender: Male Age: 18 Grade: 12th School: Aurora High School Hobbies and Interests: Uta-garuta, Sight-Seeing, Public Transportation, Blogging Appearance: Atsuhiko stands at around 5'11" and weighs around 170 pounds. Atsuhiko's face is marked by angular cheeks adorned by equally angular brown eyes that seem like they drop at a slightly deeper angle than most eyes do, though this is largely due to shadows from his facial structure. In contrast however, his nose is rather small and round, and his jaw thicker. His hair is dark brown, neatly cut, and drops down to around that squarish jawline. His chin and cheeks quickly overgrow with hair, encouraging him to shave on a daily basis. Atsuhiko generally wears presentable but fairly generic clothes, such as a collared shirt and jeans, with a preference for darker but unassuming colors such as dark blue and brown. His skin is fairly pale, largely because Atsuhiko avoids direct sunlight. Atsuhiko isn't usually concerned about his appearance (besides like the overwhelming majority of Japanese, trying not to get sunned on), though he is good at keeping up routines, including personal hygiene routines. Biography: Ayukawa was born in Tokyo and grew up in the Den-en-chōfu district in Ota, Tokyo. His father, Ayukawa Fusanosuke, a Tokyo University graduate, was a high-level bureaucrat in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs while his mother Shidehara Suzushiro was a stay-at-home mother/socialite. Both Fusanosuke and Suzushiro came from wealthy families. Fusanosuke's father was a member in the Diet from Shimane, like his father before him, and his father before him in the Late Meiji era. Suzushiro's family had first struck it rich during the Second World War due their close relationship with the government heavily subsidizing their operations in Manchukuo. Postwar, they evaded being tried for any crimes and revamped their family conglomerate to sell transistor radios and newspapers. Atsuhiko's parents had their marriage arranged fourteen years before he was born. Although he was also unusually large as a child and had a slightly complicated birth for that reason, he was also an extremely quiet and healthy baby who sucked up very little attention. Atsuhiko was born as the third and youngest son. His older brothers Nobuyuki and Kichisaburō were nine and three years older respectively. Atsuhiko also had a very formal relationship with his brothers. The age gap between Nobuyuki and Atsuhiko made it more difficult for them have a close relationship, and Nobuyuki's very shy demeanor meant that they rarely approached each other to form any kind of close relationship. And even if they were highly compatible individuals, Nobuyuki left for college when Atsuhiko was in his third year of elementary school, so he only vaguely remembers him. Kichisaburō was much easier to approach because he was only three years older and had a generally polite demeanor but Atsuhiko quickly realized Kichisaburō was not like other people. Kichisaburō simply didn't care for people and only barely acknowledged them. Although he was unwaveringly polite, he displayed enough of a callous streak and constantly avoided meaningful conversation to the point where it became impossible to ever get close to him. It was almost impossible to ever talk about anything besides small talk and on those rare occasions when Kichisaburō was candid, Atsuhiko could tell he simply did not care about people. Although Atsuhiko could call his relationship respectful, he could not classify it as close. Due to Kichisaburō's extreme coldness towards people, Atsuhiko was surprised when it was Kichisaburō who jumped at the opportunity to continue his grandfather's political dynasty. In contrast, his mother was mostly a full-time mother and heavily doted on her son. It was from his mother that he learned several skills not normally known by boys, chief among them his strange skill at uta-garuta. Although he never actually liked it very much at first, he finds himself constantly returning to it in order to kill time and because it was a familiar activity. Uta-garuta is a card game roughly based around matching classical poems together, something that would later help Atsuhiko in his Classical Japanese classes. His family mostly arranged for Atsuhiko to engage in many playdates with children from similarly well-off families, helping the create the clique of individuals Atsuhiko would spend most of his young life hanging around with. Atsuhiko eventually attended the same fancy private escalator school as his brothers and father. In school, Atsuhiko associated with a very small group of students, most of them the aforementioned boys from similar families. He was particularly good at convincing people into going ahead with dumb schemes and pranks. Of course, he always tried refrained from participating himself, in an attempt to balance his desire to see amusing chaos perpetrated by someone and his desire to shade himself from suspicion. However, he typically failed at doing so and had a tendency of inserting himself into the worst thought-out schemes against his better judgement. Atsuhiko became extraordinarily well-read, though not out of an actual interest towards books and culture, but more because it was the "thing to do" for someone of his social station. At school, Atsuhiko joined the Literature club not because of any particular interest, but because his eldest brother was once president. He did well in all of his classes, but he didn't particularly enjoy any of them. If he had any favorites, they were classical Japanese, largely because his indifference towards the subject gave him a leg-up against his classmates (who generally hated the it). He enjoyed classical Japanese not because he actually enjoyed the subject itself, but he simply enjoyed being better at it than other people - something expected out of him due to his social status. Atsuhiko was never particularly interested or even talented in English, but due to his father's occupation, his family secured Atsuhiko years of English tutoring that actually proved effective, especially when compared with the woefully inadequate state of English education that is the norm in Japan. After Atsuhiko's first year of high school, his father was assigned to an overseas post to head the Seattle Consulate-General. Although he was somewhat reluctant to go with his family, his father was an ardent internationalist and was intent on giving his son a cosmopolitan education. In the end, Atsuhiko relented. Aurora High School was easily the closest school to their home and although they discussed whether it was the correct choice, Atsuhiko was relatively confident that he would be able to test into college no matter what, so convenience won out. In school, Atsuhiko did not find any extra-curriculars worth engaging in. He found students' interest in "extraneous activities" like art, music, and sports to be incomprehensible. Although he too had a hobby that he wasted time on, he primarily used it as a method to kill time, as opposed to many of his peers who seemed to be generally dedicated to their activities. Nor did Atsuhiko spend much time with schoolwork. He found the math and science curriculum to be embarrassingly primitive (advanced courses in America not being advanced by his standards) and although he didn't do particularly well in English, he didn't bother studying since he concluded that no amount of studying would drag him up to the level of a native speaker. With his huge amounts of free time, Atsuhiko became an obsessive blogger. He spent many hours simply wandering Seattle, snapping pictures, and uploading them to his photoblog (usually with snide comments). He isn't particularly impressed with Seattle as a city, but he is actually fascinated with suburban life (even though Japan has several sprawling suburbs) just because he grew up in an urban city. One of his favorite places to sight-see in is nearby Bellevue, though even that is a huge trip because Atsuhiko has an aversion to cars, having up grown up in a country where he simply never had to use them. Although he technically spends a lot of time outside, Atsuhiko uses a mixture of hats and jumping from shade-to-shade in order to avoid direct sunlight and the tanning that would result from it (like most Japanese due to widely-held cultural conceptions of desirable skin tone). As a result, Atsuhiko has become very well-informed on both the geography of Seattle as well as its public transportation (how to get from point A to point B). Although he still staunchly insists on the superiority of his home country and rarely has anything good to say about America, Atsuhiko is still relatively interested in the world abroad and has certain things he appreciates about America. He would never admit it, but he thinks American food and drinks are the best in the world (a rare opinion), partially because as low esteem he holds America in, he holds most of the non-Japanese world in much lower esteem. Although Atsuhiko isn't interested in American music, television, or other forms of culture, Atsuhiko has a more nuanced position regarding the country as a whole. Even though most Americans haven't yet personally impressed Atsuhiko, Atsuhiko figures they've done something right and that judging a country by their teenagers would probably lead to bad conclusions for everyone. Atsuhiko is both fascinated in what that "something" is and convinced of its existence. Atsuhiko's circle of associates in the United States is small. He doesn't speak much because he figures he'll inevitably make a mistake speaking English and his tolerance for mistakes is low, something he'll hold himself to. Despite that, he is usually polite enough so that people will try to make small conversation with him, something he doesn't scare away. However, he doesn't believe he has anything like a "close friend", personally believing that it's not really possible to hold very close friendships across cultural divides (partially a self-fulfilling prophecy). His relationship with his parents is relatively free of problems, despite the fact that they are somewhat concerned about his apparent lack of interest in school. However, his actual performance reassures them and they were never that concerned to begin with, having lapsed into a relatively complacent sense of parenting having already raised two successful sons. Advantages: Having spent a lifetime navigating cities, public transportation systems, finding landmarks, and randomly exploring, Atsuhiko has an extremely well-honed sense of direction. Also, the fact that he spends so many hours every day walking (and always has) has given him good physical stamina. Disadvantages: Atsuhiko very quickly dismisses anyone who is different from him. Being different from Atsuhiko suggests to him a deficiency on your part, so he often has trouble taking some people seriously. Atsuhiko also has dodgy eyesight. For some strange reason, his eyes never properly aligned with each other, so he has difficulty in judging both distance as well as activities that require a sophisticated level of depth perception. Although he has glasses to correct these, he rarely uses them due to vanity and could quite possibly misplace them. Edited by Chrysalis, Dec 7 2012, 10:56 PM.
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V5 Roster: 鮎川 彦敦 (tentative) | |
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| MK Kilmarnock | Nov 30 2012, 11:35 PM Post #2 |
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Hate, hate, HATE!!!
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Hey there, Chrysalis! Welcome to SotF... again, since you've been around a little bit and we haven't spoken. I also have to apologize for nobody getting to this profile in so long. It's been a very busy week. Atsuhiko is currently DENIED pending some edits, which I'll elaborate on here. Comments are in orange. Name: Atsuhiko Ayukawa Gender: Male Age: 18 Grade: 12th School: Aurora High School Hobbies and Interests: Uta-garuta, Sight-Seeing, Public Transportation, Blogging Appearance: Atsuhiko stands at around 5'11" and weighs around 170 pounds. Atsuhiko's face is sharp Sharp... how? Narrow cheeks? Pointed chin? I don't like this descriptor and adorned by equally angular brown eyes that seem like they drop at a slightly deeper angle than most eyes do, though this is possibly simply due to shadows from his facial structure. No 'possibly'. This is a simple physical description of the character. Speak in definite terms, and cut out any extra prose if you have to. His nose is rather small and round, contrasting with the rest of his face. His hair is dark brown, neatly cut, and drops down to around his squarish jawline. His chin and cheeks quickly overgrow with hair, encouraging him to shave on a daily basis. Atsuhiko generally wears relatively nice, but nondescript clothes, such as a collared shirt and jeans, with a preference for darker, but unassuming colors, such as dark blue and brown. That's a lot of commas. Find a better way to phrase this part. His skin is fairly pale, largely because Atsuhiko avoids direct sunlight. Atsuhiko isn't usually concerned about his appearance (besides trying not to get sunned on), Why? Does he sparkle in the sun or something? though he is good at keeping up routines, including personal hygiene routines. Biography: Ayukawa was born in Tokyo and grew up in the Den-en-chōfu district in Ota, Tokyo. His father, Ayukawa Fusanosuke, a Tokyo University graduate, was a high-level bureaucrat in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs while his mother Shidehara Suzushiro was a stay-at-home mother/socialite. Both Fusanosuke and Suzushiro came from wealthy families. Fusanosuke's father was a member in the Diet from Shimane, like his father before him, and his father before him in the Late Meiji era. Suzushiro's family had first struck it rich during the Second World War due their close relationship with the government heavily subsidizing their operations in Manchukuo. Postwar, they evaded being tried for any crimes and revamped their family conglomerate to sell transistor radios and newspapers. Not sure how they managed to evade being charged but... hey, we'll go with it. That sort of thing happens. So the family money is blood money. Atsuhiko's parents had their marriage arranged fourteen years before he was born. Although he was also unusually large as a child and had a slightly complicated birth for that reason, he was also an extremely quiet and healthy baby who sucked up very little attention. Atsuhiko was born as the third and youngest son. His older brothers Nobuyuki and Kichisaburō were nine and three years older respectively. Atsuhiko also had a very formal relationship with his brothers. The age gap between Nobuyuki and Atsuhiko made it more difficult for them have a close relationship, and Nobuyuki's very shy demeanor meant that they rarely approached each other to form any kind of close relationship. And even if they were highly compatible individuals, Nobuyuki left for college when Atsuhiko was in his third year of elementary school, so he only vaguely remembers him. Kichisaburō was much easier to approach because he was only three years older and had a generally friendly demeanor but Atsuhiko quickly realized Kichisaburō was not like other people. Kichisaburō simply didn't care for people and only barely acknowledged them. Although he was friendly, he displayed enough of a callous streak and constantly avoided meaningful conversation to the point where it became impossible to ever get close to him. It was almost impossible to ever talk about anything besides small talk and on those rare occassions when Kichisaburō was candid, Atsuhiko could tell he simply did not care about people. Although Atsuhiko could call his relationship highly warm, he could not classify it as close. Due to Kichisaburō's extreme coldness towards people, Atsuhiko was surprised when it was Kichisaburō who jumped at the opportunity to continue his grandfather's political dynasty. Little confused. Kichisaburo (I don't have that accented o on my keyboard, so work with me here) is a cold person, yet he's warm with his brother, yet it's easy to tell he's cold or... what? He's friendly but he barely acknowledges people? There's a lot going on here that really doesn't make a ton of sense. In contrast though, remove 'though' his mother was mostly a full-time mother and heavily doted on her son. It was from his mother that he learned several skills not normally known by boys, chief among them his strange skill at uta-garuta. Although he never actually liked it very much at first, he finds himself constantly returning to it in order to kill time and because it was a familiar activity. Uta-garuta is a card game roughly based around matching classical poems together, something that would later help Atsuhiko in his Classical Japanese classes. Neat. I learned something today. His family mostly arranged for Atsuhiko to engage in many playdates with children from similarly well-off families, helping the create the clique of individuals Atsuhiko most of his young life hanging around with. There's a bit of a grammar screw here. I think you meant 'Atsuhiko would spend most of his young life hanging around with'? Atsuhiko eventually attended the same fancy private elevator school Elevator school? as his brothers and fathers. Father, singular In school, Atsuhiko associated with a very small group of students, most of them the earlier aforementioned mentioned boys from similar families. He was particularly good at convincing people into going ahead with dumb schemes and pranks. Of course, he always refrained from participating himself, carefully balancing his desire to see amusing chaos perpetrated by someone and his desire to shade himself from suspiscion. Suspicion. Also I'm seeing this as a less-than-believable tie-in to have Atsuhiko as a 'mastermind'-esque player. Not sure if I like it. Atsuhiko believed that since the punishments were only scoldings or similar school punishments, they were trivial and didn't feel bad about others undergoing them. At the same time, he still didn't want to incur them. Atsuhiko became extraordinarily well-read, though not out of an actual interest towards books and culture, but more because it was the "thing to do" for someone of his social station. At school, Atsuhiko joined the Literature club not because of any particular interest, but because his eldest brother was once president. He did well in all of his classes, but he didn't particularly enjoy any of them. If he had any favorites, they were classical Japanese, largely because his indifference towards the subject gave him a leg-up against his classmates (who generally hated the it). I was about to ask how the hell indifference gave him a leg up, but I admit you answered it correctly this time. And don't start sentences with And. he enjoyed classical Japanese not because he actually enjoyed the subject itself, but he simply enjoyed being better at it than other people - something expected out of him due to his social status. Atsuhiko was never particularly interested or even talented in English, but due to his father's occupation, his family secured Atsuhiko years of English tutoring that actually proved effective, especially when compared with the woefully inadequate state of English education that is the norm in Japan. After Atsuhiko's first year of high school, his father was assigned to an overseas post to head the Seattle Consulate-General. Although he was somewhat reluctant to go with his family, his father was an ardent internationalist and was intent on giving his son a cosmopolitan education. In the end, Atsuhiko relented. Aurora High School was easily the closest school to their home and although they discussed whether it was the correct choice, Atsuhiko was relatively confident that he would be able to test into college no matter what, so convenience won out. In school, Atsuhiko did not find any extra-curriculars worth engaging in. He found students' interest in "extraneous activities" like art, music, and sports to be incomprehensible. Although he too had a hobby that he wasted time on, he primarily used it as a method to kill time, as opposed to many of his peers who seemed to be generally dedicated to their activities. Nor did Atsuhiko spend much time with schoolwork. He found the math and science curriculum to be embarrassingly primitive (advanced courses in America not being advanced by his standards) and although he didn't do particularly well in English, he didn't bother studying since he concluded that no amount of studying would drag him up to the level of a native speaker. With his huge amounts of free time, Atsuhiko became an obsessive blogger. He spent many hours simply wandering Seattle, snapping pictures, and uploading them to his photoblog (usually with snide comments). He isn't particularly impressed with Seattle as a city, but he is actually fascinated with suburban life (even though Japan has several sprawling suburbs) just because he grew up in an urban city. One of his favorite places to sight-see in is nearby Bellevue, though even that is a huge trip because Atsuhiko has an aversion to cars, having up grown up in a country where he simply never had to use them. Ever. Too informal in terms of speech. Great for a post, not great for a profile. Avoid the one word sentences, please. Although he technically spends a lot of time outside, Atsuhiko uses a mixture of hats and jumping from shade-to-shade in order to avoid direct sunlight and the tanning that would result from it (like many many Japanese). ... Many Japanese do this? .... Why? As a result, Atsuhiko has become very well-informed on both the geography of Seattle as well as its public transportation (how to get from point A to point B). I'm not sure if this should really be counted as an interest, nor a hobby. Although he still staunchly insists on the superiority of his home country and rarely has anything good to say about America, Atsuhiko is still relatively interested in the world abroad and has certain things he appreciates about America. He would never admit it, but he thinks American food and drinks are the best in the world (a rare opinion), partially because as low esteem he holds America in, he holds most of the non-Japanese world in much lower esteem. Although Atsuhiko isn't interested in American music, television, or other forms of culture, Atsuhiko has a more nuanced position regarding the country as a whole. Even though most Americans haven't yet personally impressed Atsuhiko, Atsuhiko figures they've done something right and that judging a country by their teenagers would probably lead to bad conclusions for everyone. Atsuhiko is both fascinated in what that "something" is and convinced of its existence. Atsuhiko's circle of associates in the United States is small. He doesn't speak much because he figures he'll inevitably make a mistake speaking English and his tolerance for mistakes is low, something he'll hold himself to. Despite that, he is usually polite enough so that people will try to make small conversation with him, something he doesn't scare away. However, he doesn't believe he has anything like a "close friend", personally believing that it's not really possible to hold very close friendships across cultural divides (partially a self-fulfilling prophecy). I have to say, I do like what you've said about his personal interactions so far. His relationship with his parents is relatively free of problems, despite the fact that they are somewhat concerned about his apparent lack of interest in school. However, his actual performance reassures them and they were never that concerned to begin with, having lapsed into a relatively complacent sense of parenting having already raised two successful sons. Advantages: Having spent a lifetime navigating cities, public transportation systems, finding landmarks, and randomly exploring, Atsuhiko has an extremely well-honed sense of direction. Also, the fact that he spends so many hours everyday In this sense, you want to use 'every day', as in two words walking (and always has) has given him good physical stamina. Disadvantages: Atsuhiko very quickly dismisses anyone who is different from them. him. Being different from Atsuhiko suggests to him a deficiency on your part, so he often has trouble taking some people seriously. Atsuhiko also has dodgy eyesight. For some strange reason, his eyes never properly aligned with each other, so he has difficulty in judging both distance as well as activities that require a sophisticated level of depth perception. Although he has glasses to correct these, he rarely uses them due to vanity and could quite possibly misplace them. |
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V6 Tributes Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5 Things We Say
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| Chrysalis | Dec 2 2012, 04:29 AM Post #3 |
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Cannon Fodder
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Hey! Fixed up the profile - tell me if there are any more issues! Also, I'm probably going to be away for a week - so no need to rush. |
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V5 Roster: 鮎川 彦敦 (tentative) | |
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| MK Kilmarnock | Dec 2 2012, 10:30 PM Post #4 |
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Hate, hate, HATE!!!
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You have not made every spelling or grammatical fix that I asked. For instance, it still reads as 'his brothers and fathers', instead of 'his brothers and father'. Go back and make sure to correct EVERY mistake, including ones I may not have pointed out. It's called an escalator school according to my research, not an elevator school. I'm still a little thrown off by how his brother has a 'warm' relationship with him when he is then explicitly said to be a cold person. You've improved on this section, but I want more. Once you make those edits, I'll give Atsuhiko another look. |
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V6 Tributes Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5 Things We Say
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| Chrysalis | Dec 7 2012, 10:57 PM Post #5 |
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Cannon Fodder
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Whoops, my mistake. Missed those mistakes. Fixed it up again. Thanks for the work. |
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V5 Roster: 鮎川 彦敦 (tentative) | |
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| MK Kilmarnock | Dec 7 2012, 11:36 PM Post #6 |
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Hate, hate, HATE!!!
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Looks better. Few more things. --- Ayukawa You've referred to him as Atsuhiko up until this point, and afterwards. Keep it consistent, please was born in Tokyo and grew up in the Den-en-chōfu district in Ota, Tokyo. His father, Ayukawa Fusanosuke, a Tokyo University graduate, was a high-level bureaucrat in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs while his mother Shidehara Suzushiro was a stay-at-home mother/socialite. Both Fusanosuke and Suzushiro came from wealthy families. Fusanosuke's father was a member in the Diet from Shimane, like his father before him, and his father before him in the Late Meiji era. Please explain what this means. This should be read to be immediately understandable to anybody who reads it, and not anybody is going to understand 'member in the Diet from Shimane'. Suzushiro's family had first struck it rich during the Second World War due to their close relationship with the government heavily subsidizing their operations in Manchukuo. What operations? This is unclear. Postwar, they evaded being tried for any crimes and revamped their family conglomerate to sell transistor radios and newspapers. Just a further quick note on the same subject: the parenthetical citations in the profile may be great for teaching me what's going on, but this profile should read as though accessible to anybody. This does not mean saying it in a less clear manner (and then using parentheses like these to explain it). Instead of mentioning something and then clarifying through parentheses, say it in a clearer manner the first time. I'll do one for you so you know what the hell I'm talking about: No: Atsuhiko isn't usually concerned about his appearance (besides like the overwhelming majority of Japanese, trying not to get sunned on) Yes: Atsuhiko isn't usually concerned about his appearance aside from trying not to be sunned on, something commonly done by many Japanese people. Tiny thing: Later in the profile, you say that his mom is, 'in contrast, a full-time-mom'. Just stick to 'stay-at-home mom', since it's what you used earlier. Before I think of passing Atsuhiko, there's stuff beyond technical writing and clarification that needs to be done. First and foremost, I really want to know more of Atsuhiko's personality. From what I see, he is more a collection of interests than he is an actual person. He doesn't seem to think for himself or really care about his surroundings, so why is he going along with all of this? What drives him? What goals does he have in life? Do all that, and I'll take another look. |
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V6 Tributes Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5 Things We Say
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| MurderWeasel | Dec 22 2012, 12:22 AM Post #7 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested from the staff. |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
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3:58 AM Jul 11