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Takeshi Yoshikawa
Topic Started: Apr 7 2012, 01:13 AM (803 Views)
Zabriel
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Name: Takeshi Yoshikawa
Gender: Male
Age: 17
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: History, Music, Anime, Manga, Cosplay

Appearance: Takeshi is a lean Japanese-American boy weighing in at 130 pounds, and appearing rather scrawny all around. In addition to his slight frame, Yoshikawa is also shorter than most in his class, standing at 5’4”.

Takeshi has medium length black hair that tapers off just above his shoulders. He wears his hair messily spiked most of the time, revealing a high-set brow. His eyes are almond shaped with dark brown irises, framed by noticeably arched eyebrows. His face is smooth and young looking, with an oval shape. His nose points slightly upward. His lips are somewhat thin and his mouth is quite small. His ears are small with attached lobes, coming to a slight point at the tops.

Takeshi has hands that are proportional to his size, with neatly trimmed nails. On his right hand he usually wears his class ring; silver with a ruby set inside.

Takeshi walks and stands very straight, but he tends to sit with a leg curled under him or else contorted in a half-sitting half-lying position, especially when he is occupied with something.

Takeshi tends to dress in darker casual wear, but he has a love of cosplay and has been known to wear outfits inspired by favorite anime characters.

Biography: Takeshi was born and raised in Seattle by third generation Japanese-American parents. He is friendly and social, and loves a good joke, even at his own expense. His parents raised him to be bilingual, as they were both raised by their own parents, a decision they made when Takeshi was beginning to learn to talk. Though they both spoke English primarily, each of their parents preferred to speak in Japanese. By teaching Takeshi to speak Japanese as well as English, they hoped to honor the wishes of their parents, who placed much more importance on their cultural heritage than they did. Takeshi considers himself fortunate to have been able to learn both English and Japanese while growing up, and uses both languages daily, whether that means reading a favorite manga or teaching his friends how to say rude words in Japanese. Takeshi is named after his father and is called Taka by his family, while his friends tend to call him Yoshi, that being short for his surname Yoshikawa.

Takeshi's father is a neurosurgeon at a large hospital, and his mother, Kimiko, teaches Kindergarten at a nearby elementary school. He has one sibling; a younger sister named Sayumi. His home life is peaceful and organized. His parents are incredibly supportive of whatever he and his sister choose to do, as long as they do it with excellence. Both he and his sister have been raised Buddhist and are more or less fairly devout, both being strict vegetarians and doing their best to do no harm to anybody.

He is musically talented, being proficient in both the flute and violin. He began learning the flute in elementary school, when music classes began giving way to band. He took up the violin in junior high, studying with a private tutor. His favorite composer is Vivaldi, whose violin concerto L'inverno inspired him to learn violin in the first place. Though Takeshi listens to popular music, his favorite songs are those that contain large segments that he can play. As such he tends to listen to a lot of gothic and symphonic metal.

Takeshi is very interested in anime and manga and is slowly building a collection of Japanese books. He has said on a few occasions that his favorite part of being bilingual is that no one ever asks to borrow his manga. His favorite series is Death Note, and he has often dressed to look like L. Other favorites of his include Axis Powers Hetalia and Oh! My Goddess!. He originally got into manga when his parents started buying him Japanese comic books as incentive for him to learn to read in Japanese. Takeshi and his sister grew up with Studio Ghibli films and received gifts related to Japanese culture and entertainment from their grandparents for birthdays and holidays, given in hopes that that they would hold on to some parts of their heritage.

Takeshi has a strong interest in World War II, sparked by the story of his grandparents' time in Japanese internment camps after the Japanese Imperial Navy's attack on Pearl Harbor. His grandparents on both sides became very involved in the Redress Movement, and out of that became passionate about other civil rights issues across the nation, seeing the struggles of other minorities as paralleling their own fight for equal treatment. They each raised their children to have a passion for social justice, a passion that Takeshi's parents have passed on to him and his sister. He is rather close to his paternal grandparents who live in Portland, and less close to his maternal grandparents, who he does not see as much as they live in Los Angeles.

Takeshi and his sister are close, sharing similar taste in music and movies. While Takeshi doesn't enjoy sports, he goes to all of his sister's basketball games to be supportive. He has started to get her interested in anime and manga, which has lead to her stealing his manga on occasion, as well as their attending a few anime conventions together, once dressing up as Light and Misa from Death Note. Takeshi often ends up as his sister's date to various functions; a role that he bears with grace as he complains and teases his sister for not getting a real date. Secretly, he doesn't mind all that much, as it gives him the opportunity to look after her and scare off boys that he disapproves of.

Takeshi came out as gay in his sophomore year, a year after determining that for himself, but has been fortunate in that he has not experienced much persecution from his peers. His decision to come out was motivated strongly by a desire to live authentically, expressing himself without pretension. His coming out came largely without fanfare; his friends had already guessed it, and while his parents seemed mildly surprised by his revelation, they were accepting and supportive. Takeshi's grandparents had figured that they had little business rejecting anybody, given what they and their parents had suffered because of their race. They expressed some disappointment at the idea that Takeshi would likely not be having children of his own, but they came to terms with it fairly quickly.

Takeshi is becoming more active in social justice efforts and makes his voice heard through participation in GLSEN events such as the Day of Silence, and by joining protests and rallies in and around the Seattle area.

In school he performs very well academically, and is in the running for Valedictorian. Though he excels in all subjects, his favorites are History and Band. He is exceptionally passionate about music, practicing daily. Most of his friends are members of the school band as well, though he has acquired several outside the band, mostly anime nerds who were drawn to him by his Japanese heritage. On some level he finds this a little demeaning, because he disapproves of assuming too much about a person's interests because of their race, but he lets it go because he actually is a pretty big nerd.

His college plans are to attend the University of Washington to study music. He has chosen Washington for two reasons, the first being that the school does have a strong music program, and the second being that it is very close to home and he would be able to commute from home without difficulty. His goal in life is to play music professionally.

Advantages: Years of dedication to the violin and flute have given him a great deal of control and strength in fine motor skills, which could could come in handy should he be required to do anything requiring delicate fingerwork. His reputation for non-violence could also win him the trust of his classmates, as he is one of the least likely to participate.
Disadvantages: Being small and not very strong, Takeshi will be easier to manhandle than most of the other boys in his class.
Edited by Zabriel, Apr 22 2012, 04:15 AM.
Takeshi Yoshikawa
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MurderWeasel
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Hiya, Zab!

Before we give Takeshi a full critique, please make sure his bio matches the template. Specifically, please make sure that only the headers are bolded, rather than the whole profile.

Post when you've got that done, and we'll give Takeshi a full critique. Thanks!
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
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Misty Browder
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Zabriel
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There we go ^_^
Takeshi Yoshikawa
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Casey the Undead
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Hey Zabriel! Takeshi is DENIED pending expansion.

Firstly, in the appearance you refer to him as Yoshikawa, but in the rest of the profile he's Takeshi. If you could make this consistent throughout the profile, it would make it a bit easier to read.

The appearance section needs a bit of expansion. What length is "medium-length" specifically? Takeshi is lean, but is he bony? Scrawny? Does he have any muscle definition or any areas with fat? What is his body type? Be as specific as possible with your appearance- as a returning handler you should be aware of how detailed we need this section.

Your biography needs a whole lot of work. Right now it reads like a description of his hobbies as opposed to a real biography of the character. What are Takeshi's parent's names? What are their jobs? What is his home life like? Are they rich or poor? Does he have any siblings? Does he get along with his family? Did he endure any hardships as a child? Was he spoiled? Shy? What is his personality like? Is he brave, or timid, fun-loving, or more quiet, etc, etc? The biography needs to have a historical description of the character as well as a description of his personality. We need to know what the character is going to be like in-game.

How did Takeshi get into anime and manga? When? (Further, when did he start violin?) What are his favorites? He's bilingual- by choice, or was he raised that way? Why did his parents choose to raise him that way (especially if he's fourth generation, as that's super Americanized by this point)? When did he start cosplaying? Why? Is he a part of any anime clubs or groups?

Now, the next part about WWII confuses me a bit. I can understand his interest being sparked by his family ties to the event. However, what does the Civil Rights Movement have to do with any of that? Assuming his family lived in Seattle, and the Civil Rights Movement took place mostly in the south, how would his grandparents get involved? What did it have to do with them, considering the movement had nothing to do with Japanese-Americans? How does any of this relate to Takeshi? Are Takeshi's grandparents still alive? Is he close to them?

And then there's the bit about him being gay. This comes entirely out of left field, and has no explanation. When did Takeshi know he was gay? Why did he decide to come out? Were his parents always supportive? His grandparents? Has he had any relationships? Has he been harassed? Has it been easy or hard for him? What does he do to advocate social justice? Does he protest? He's not old enough to vote, so how does he make his voice heard?

There needs to be a whole lot more about Takeshi's school life as well. What are his friends like? Does he have a lot of friends, or just a few? What social groups is he a part of? What classes does he like? What classes does he do well in? What does he do after school? How are his grades? Is he a smart person? A clever one? Why does he want to go to the University of Washington? Why does he want to study music as opposed to social justice or history?

Finally, the advantages and disadvantages. You never mention Takeshi's dexterity in the profile, yet it's in his advantages. It needs to be in the profile. What are Takeshi's advantages personality-wise? Does he have a social advantage or disadvantage? A lot of friends to rely on? These need to be flushed out.

Post when you have the edits, and I'll take another look.
It's hard to get ahead when half your friends are dead!

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Zabriel
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I've edited his appearance and greatly expanded his biography. Appearance has never been my strong suit in these things, however I've tried to be a little more detailed and would gladly accept more advice in improving that area.
Takeshi Yoshikawa
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Casey the Undead
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Takeshi's looking better, but still DENIED pending some expansion.

For the appearance, try to list every notable thing about his appearance as you picture it. Mention any unusual marks (birth marks, scars), talk about his posture. Does he have bags under his eyes from lack of sleep? Are his lips chapped? Full? Thin? Are his ears large, or small? Does he have a big forehead? Try looking in a mirror and thinking of every aspect of a face that's worth putting into a profile. Be as totally specific as you can, and try to draw a real mental picture and describe it to us.

Now for the bio. These are mostly nitpicks, honestly. You mention his parents started teaching him Japanese when he was in preschool- which would be after he already learned a good chunk of English. Why did they wait?

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He has said on a few occasions that his favorite part of being bilingual is that ever asks to borrow his manga.
I'm guessing that's supposed to say "no one ever", but it would be awesome if you could change that.

When did Takeshi realize he was gay, and why did he decide to come out?

Post when you have the edits, and I'll take another look! Thanks!
It's hard to get ahead when half your friends are dead!

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Zabriel
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More edits made to Takeshi. I pushed up his parents' decision to raise him bilingual to when he was beginning to learn to talk, which makes a little more sense, yet still reflects the idea that it's mostly important to them because it's important to their parents.
Takeshi Yoshikawa
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Casey the Undead
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Takeshi is looking way better, but he's DENIED pending just a couple more tweaks.

What is Takeshi's relationship with his sister like?

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His parents were always pretty accepting, his father having had a gay brother had become a vocal supporter of LGBT equality prior to Takeshi's coming out, and his mother had just never had any problem with it.
This sentence is really awkwardly worded, and it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. If you could edit it, that'd be great.

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Also, being a Buddhist, Takeshi is going to be extremely reluctant to take part in the game, and may even have qualms about defending himself too violently.
This technically isn't a disadvantage. It's assumed that most people aren't going to play the game, so not wanting to kill people isn't a character-specific disadvantage. If you could change that it'd be great!

It's hard to get ahead when half your friends are dead!

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Zabriel
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Made some tweaks here. Sorry it took me so long to get back to this. Had a giant paper due yesterday. So glad it's done.
Takeshi Yoshikawa
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Casey the Undead
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APPROVED
It's hard to get ahead when half your friends are dead!

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