Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to Survival of the Fittest, a RPing board loosely based off of Koshun Takami's Battle Royale, with its own unique plot and spin on the 'deadly game'. We've been around quite a while, and are now in our thirteenth year, so don't worry about us going anywhere any time soon!

If you're a newcomer and interested in joining, then please make sure you check out the rules. You may also want to read the FAQ, introduce yourself and stop by the chat to meet some of our members. If you're still not quite sure where to start, then we have a great New Member's Guide with a lot of useful information about getting going. Don't hesitate to PM a member of staff (they have purple usernames) if you have any questions about SOTF and how to get started!

Let the games begin!

Username:   Password:
Locked Topic
Alessandra Petrosino
Topic Started: Mar 21 2012, 07:26 AM (527 Views)
Zecuma
Member Avatar
Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
Name: Alessandra Petrosino
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: 12th Grade
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Geology, Volcanology, Choir, Hiking, Astronomy & Home Economics.

Appearance: A traditionally pretty girl, Alessandra has long brown hair, coloured in a blend of chocolate and warm mocha shades. It rests quite comfortably around her breast line and is often seen partly straightened with the exception of a few kinks that are there to add depth and volume to her hair. She has somewhat of a small face in the sense that with the exception of her eyes she has very small features - both her nose and her mouth are peculiarly petite in comparison to her larger than usual hazel eyes, which manage to take off a few years from her age appearance. It's not uncommon for her face to be completely swamped by her hair. When she was younger she used to have freckles on her cheeks however over time they have faded. Her dimples remain apparent whenever she smiles.

Despite having a young looking face, Alessandra is quite a tall girl, at 5"10, making her one of the tallest girls in her year at Aurora High School. On top of her height she is also appropriately healthy with a weight of 141 pounds and a respective BMI of 20.2, on the low end of the normal weight spectrum. Alessandra has a pretty and nice-looking figure, being healthy-skinny looking. She has strong legs; well toned from the hikes her father has routinely taken her on. Her chest is in no way dominant however at the same time she isn't flat chested. From being in the outdoors a lot, her skin is naturally sun-kissed.

She isn't a typical girly-girl in the sense that make-up and dressing up don't always come naturally to her. She has a very natural appearance and very rarely wears make-up, usually only on special occasions. Even then, the only type of make-up that Alessandra wears is mascara, blusher and even more rarely, eye shadow. Despite not taking a great deal of care in her appearance, she can't deny that she is impartial to a good summery dress. Floral, casual, formal, ranging in colours from bright yellow and red to cooler blue, purple and green shades...Alessandra enjoys them all. Although in her wardrobe there are a lot of summer dresses, Alessandra is usually more tomboyish with her appearance, usually choosing to wear jeans, leggings (and jeggings) or combat trousers paired with a t-shirt, tank top or hooded jacket. This, in a way, is something of a nightmare for her mother (Jeanna) who is not very tomboyish at all. However, occasionally her mom does get her way and dolls her daughter up stunningly. Her favourite colour is a pale sky blue and her wardrobe is proof of this as she has a lot of clothes in the pale, more pastel shades of blue.

Biography: Alessandra was born on the 20th February in Tacoma, Washington, to Jeanna Purcell (now Petrosino) and her husband of Italian-descent Amadeo Petrosino. Her parents have quite diverse careers, with her mother working as a pharmacist in a local store. Her father is one of the many volcanologists who have continued studies on Mount St. Helens (in WA), which is the reason that he moved from North Carolina to Washington state a few years prior to Alessandra's birth. She gets on well with both of her parents however she will always be more of a daddy's girl. Sometimes she feels a bit pressured as both of her parents are quite pushy in regards to her education and occasionally there are arguments between Alessandra and her mom, mostly over fashion advice and their different outlooks on appearance and life. Although she is able to cope with the pressure, sometimes she does have thoughts about failing her senior year and it panics her quite substantially. In order to follow her dream career path, she needs to graduate successfully with high marks and go to a good university. The pressure she feels to succeed creates many doubts in her mind and she often finds thinking about the future scary. She has two younger siblings, a 13 year old sister called Isabella and an 11 year old brother called Lloyd. She hasn't had the best relationship with Isabella who she finds really annoying, however that doesn't stop her from sometimes helping her with her homework if it's needed. Her relationship with her little brother is much stronger but there are sometimes arguments between the pair as she does have a habit of teasing him. The thing that is super important to her though is that if they are ever upset or if they need somebody to talk to that she will always put time aside to look after them or comfort them. She's a very family-orientated person and can't wait to grow up and have children of her own in about 10 years time.

When Alessandra was 8, the Petrosino family moved further north, closer to Seattle due to her father's work as he was stationed in a more office-based job in the city. It was about the same time that her father began to take her out on daytrips in to the national park resorts around the area, going on hikes, having picnics and taking pictures. These day outings were one of the many reasons why she developed such a strong bond with her father and because of this she has found herself with a keen interest in geology, volcanology and the earth sciences in general. It's a spark that never really went away and fortunately for her it really helped in growing up with career talks and so forth because she has always been set on what she wants to do in the future, instead of being indecisive and unaware of what career to chase. The interest in the earth sciences is strengthened by her father's work. Occasionally, when he works at home, he lets her observe and she finds it really fascinating. Watching how the volcano works in a dormant state, predicting future eruptions and studying past eruptions may not seem great to everyone but to her it really interests her and she imagines in the future she could happily spend all day doing such jobs.

Throughout her childhood she has kept this interest and in middle school she also started to sing. One of her closest friends, Melissa Lucas (who has since moved away), was desperate to audition for the school's choir but didn't want to audition by herself so she dragged Alessandra along with her. After the audition process, it was discovered that Alessandra had made the choir however Melissa, sadly, had not. This caused a bit of friction between the two as Melissa was overcome with jealousy. Alessandra, who wasn't all that passionate about singing back then, offered to leave the schools choir however Melissa decided that it would be better for Alessandra if she was to stay in the choir. Ever since then she's been someone who has loved to sing, singing around the house, in front of her computer, whilst she's out and of course for the schools choir - which she joined swiftly after moving up to high school. On top of this, Alessandra is also in an out-of-school astronomy club that runs weekly at the local community centre and has a passion for cooking and home economics in general. Although she would consider cooking to be more of an activity than a hobby. Even from a young age her Italian grandmother, from her father's side, taught her how to cook with Italian cultural influences. She's a beast in the kitchen when it comes to pasta and has gotten in to the habit of cooking dinner for the family every Tuesday and Thursday night. With regards to astronomy, it's something she's just really fascinated in, the stars, the planets, the vast expanses out there... She grew up with a telescope in the back garden and her father taught her how to use it and since then she's just been really in to the study of space. It's not something she see's herself doing in the future, similarly to singing, however it's something that she definitely hopes to retain in the future.

Her education has been quite a mixed bag. She's always been seen to be one of the smartest people however in recent years she's started to slack a bit and that's been evident in her grades, especially in chemistry and literature. In those subjects she's barely scraping a C+ however in her other subjects she's on the border between an A- and a B+ in most of them, with the exception of geography which she is a straight A+ student in. Her C's are dragging down her grade point average a bit but she's still on course to be able to study geology and environmental science in further education.

In school Alessandra is neither popular or unpopular, she's very much just in the middle of the road. She has her friends, she doesn't have that many enemies and tends to stay out of any high school drama there might be around. However, in the past she has been a bit mean and rude towards some of the least popular students - indicating that she does have a bitchy side to her. She now has regrets about having done this and one of the girls who she teased, Alexa, is now one of her closest friends; also a member of the astronomy club. In the town she usually puts aside some time to sit by herself by the waterfront as it relaxes her but when she's socializing her favourite spots are the Go Karts, the arcade or the movie theatre.

She's led very much an average life and hasn't really done much however one thing she was notably proud of doing was American Idol last year. The show had been amongst her favourites for a very long time, almost since the show had started, and was one of the main fuels for her starting to sing around the house before she joined the choir. She didn't make it past the second day call backs, however she still thinks it was a really good experience. She met a lot of wonderful people on the days of her auditions and although she never reached the televised stages with the actual celebrity judges, she hopes to re-audition in a few years after her study is over.

She plans on majoring in geology at the University of Arizona. Arizona was always her first choice due to the vast capacities of geological and geographical content - being so close to the Grand Canyon and in general being a dry, arid area.

Advantages: She's an athletically fit person due to her outdoors activities and her hiking. Some degree of intelligence - probably enough to be advantageous to her in a game like SOTF. She doesn't have that many enemies that could potentially try and attack her for the sake of attacking her.
Disadvantages: Although she's intelligent, she has lived a sheltered life. Her mom has tried her hardest to protect her as she was growing up and she's never really been in a situation where she has had to properly fend for herself. She hasn't got a lot of upper body strength and her arms are pretty weak.
Edited by Zecuma, Apr 1 2012, 03:10 PM.
V5 Characters
Alessandra Petrosino
Natasha Redfern

Spoiler: click to toggle
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
ifnotwinter
Member Avatar
half Iago, half Fu Manchu, all bastard
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Hi Zecuma! This is a really great profile, I just have a few grammar nitpicks and one or two tiny content edits before I can approve it! So let's get right on down to business.

Just a general thing, and not one I actually need fixed -- you use 'quite' sixteen times in your profile. It's a good word for sure, but it's just nice to shake things up with synonyms :) Like I said, you don't need to change it, I just thought I'd toss that out there!

Quote:
 
When she was younger she used to have freckles on her cheeks however over time they have faded, however her dimples remain apparent whenever she smiles.
Awkward wording, try "...her cheeks however over time they have faded. Her dimples remain apparent whenever she smiles."
Quote:
 

Her body is not necessarily skinny, but she isn't in the slightest plump either and actually has quite a nice figure. Quite healthy-skinny looking but still has a decent level of curves on her, specifically around her waist.
That's a little contradictory -- she's either not skinny, or she's healthy-skinny. Also, if she's not the slightest bit plump, how is she getting curves at her waist? Maybe the curves are coming from larger hips?

Quote:
 
Floral, casual, formal, ranging in colours from bright yellow and red to cooler blue, purple and green shades.
Sentence fragment. Try "Floral, casual, formal, ranging in colours from bright yellow and red to cooler blue, purple and green shades...Alessandra enjoys them all." or "She likes all styles, loral, casual, formal, ranging in colours from bright yellow and red to cooler blue, purple and green shades."

Quote:
 
Her parents have quite diverse careers, with her mother working as a pharmacist in a local store, her father is one of the many Volcanologists who have continued studies on Mount St. Helens (in WA), which is the reason that he moved from North Carolina to Washington state a few years prior to Alessandra's birth.
Two things: "volcanologists" doesn't need a capital, and this would work a lot better as two sentences. "Her parents have quite diverse careers, with her mother working as a pharmacist in a local store. Her father is one of the many Volcanologists who have continued studies on Mount St. Helens (in WA), which is the reason that he moved from North Carolina to Washington state a few years prior to Alessandra's birth."

Quote:
 
due to her fathers work
"father's"

Quote:
 
a keen interest in Geology, Volcanology and the Earth Sciences in general.
No capitals are needed.

Quote:
 
and in Middle School she
No capitals are needed.

Quote:
 
High School. She is also in two other clubs. Home Economics (or Cooking club) and Astronomy.
"high school" "home economics" (which isn't a club, it's a class -- there's no cooking club at Aurora), and there's actually no astronomy club at the school due to the probability of low student turnout. She could definitely be in an astronomy club outside of school, though.

Quote:
 
Although she would consider it more of an activity than a hobby, but even from a young age her Italian grandmother, from her fathers side, taught her how to cook with tastes of Italian food.
Sentence fragment. Try "She would consider cooking more of an activity than a hobby, but from a young age her Italian grandmother, from her fathers side, taught her how to cook Italian (or Italian-inspired/based) food."

Quote:
 
With regards to Astronomy
"astronomy"

Quote:
 
especially in Chemistry and Literature.
"chemistry" and "literature"

Quote:
 
Geography which she is a straight A+ student in.
"geography"

Quote:
 
to be able to study Environmental Science in further education.
"environmental science"

Quote:
 
perhaps indicating that she does have a bitchy side to her.
Despite the fact that we stress profiles are being written from the point of view of the henchmen, we do need to say that our henchmen are very psychic and we don't like uncertainties in profiles. Does she have a bitchy side to her or not? Please make that clearer so it's less "maybe she does, maybe she doesn't".

Quote:
 
She plans on studying a Major in Geology at the University of Arizona.
Awkward sentence, try "She plans on majoring in geology at the University of Arizona." Also, why Arizona? I'm interested in what drew her to that program.

Quote:
 
A longshot, but an extensive knowledge of rock types and the environment could come in handy depending on the terrain.
Haha, I appreciate the effort, but this can be removed. Knowledge of geology really wouldn't come in handy. Astronomy potentially would if she knows how to navigate by the stars, and her hiking knowledge might give her an advantage as well.

Quote:
 
She hasn't got a lot of upper body strength and her arms are pretty noodle-like.
Just a tone thing -- change "noodle-like" to "weak" and you're good.

The only content change I really want to see content-wise is a little more about Alessandra as a person. You've given me some great starts but I'm interested to know what draws her towards geology and environmental sciences, how she handles the pressure she gets from her parents, a little more elaboration on how she gets along with her siblings and her home life. Just a little deeper into Alessandra's head would be great.

Okay! So that might look like a lot, but most of it is easy little grammar fixes. Go ahead and make all the changes requested, then post in this thread once you've completed them and I'll give Alessandra another look. Thanks so much :)






marc st. yves


light it up or burn it down we'll all die in fire


lydia hausen


if you don't look down you don't have to fall

sebastian conway


everything will be okay in the end


(so you've got to keep in mind, when you try to change the world for the better not everybody's gonna be on your side)
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
Zecuma
Member Avatar
Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
Hi :)

I'll get to work on this on Wednesday night as I'm going cross-country tomorrow for a university open day thing so I won't be back till Wednesday night. Thanks for all the ways to improve the profile. :)
V5 Characters
Alessandra Petrosino
Natasha Redfern

Spoiler: click to toggle
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
ifnotwinter
Member Avatar
half Iago, half Fu Manchu, all bastard
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
No problem. Just as a note -- please don't post in here until you've made the edits. Otherwise I skim down the list and see your name as the last poster and get all excited :)


marc st. yves


light it up or burn it down we'll all die in fire


lydia hausen


if you don't look down you don't have to fall

sebastian conway


everything will be okay in the end


(so you've got to keep in mind, when you try to change the world for the better not everybody's gonna be on your side)
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
Zecuma
Member Avatar
Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
Hi again. :)

Sorry about the delay - but the profile has now been edited to change & include anything you asked for. Hope it's alright!
V5 Characters
Alessandra Petrosino
Natasha Redfern

Spoiler: click to toggle
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
ifnotwinter
Member Avatar
half Iago, half Fu Manchu, all bastard
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Almost there! Again, it's really just grammar issues which I'll outline below.

Quote:
 
Her father is one of the many Volcanologists who have continued studies on Mount St. Helens (in WA)

This one is partially my fault, as I asked you to correct it but then capitalized 'volcanologists' when using it in a sentence. For the record: no capital.

Quote:
 
Although she is able to cope with the pressure, sometimes she does have a think about failing her senior year and it panics her quite substantially.

Just some word confusion. "sometimes she does think about" or "sometimes she has thoughts about" or "sometimes she does have thoughts about"

Quote:
 
For her career, she needs to graduate successfully and be able to achieve success and head to university and the added pressure just creates more and more doubts in her mind and makes everything a little bit more scary.

Run-on sentence, and it's a little confusing. So she needs to graduate, but then achieve success? I think a better way to put it might be "In order to follow her chosen career path, she needs to graduate successfully with high marks and go to a good university. The pressure she feels to succeed creates many doubts in her mind and she often finds thinking about the future scary."

Quote:
 
by her fathers work

This is one that I missed originally, my apologies! I guess I should stop doing critiques when I'm tired :p It should be "father's".

Quote:
 
the schools choir

"school's"

Quote:
 

from her fathers side

"father's"

Quote:
 
On top of this, Alessandra is also in an out-of-school astronomy club, ran weekly at the local community centre and has a passion for cooking and home economics in general.

You're got a tense change here -- "ran" should be "runs".

Quote:
 
Although in the present day, her attitude has changed quite considerably and she regrets being nasty to the nerdier people in her classes.

Not a good idea to start a sentence with "although". Just take it out and give me a line or two on why it was her attitude changed and you're good to go.

Okay, fix those things up and you should be fine! Let me know when you've made the edits and hopefully I can slap a nice approved sticker on here :)


marc st. yves


light it up or burn it down we'll all die in fire


lydia hausen


if you don't look down you don't have to fall

sebastian conway


everything will be okay in the end


(so you've got to keep in mind, when you try to change the world for the better not everybody's gonna be on your side)
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
Zecuma
Member Avatar
Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
All of those things have been changed. :)
V5 Characters
Alessandra Petrosino
Natasha Redfern

Spoiler: click to toggle
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
ifnotwinter
Member Avatar
half Iago, half Fu Manchu, all bastard
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
APPROVED


marc st. yves


light it up or burn it down we'll all die in fire


lydia hausen


if you don't look down you don't have to fall

sebastian conway


everything will be okay in the end


(so you've got to keep in mind, when you try to change the world for the better not everybody's gonna be on your side)
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
« Previous Topic · Approved Registrations · Next Topic »
Locked Topic