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Luna Vanderhof
Topic Started: Feb 3 2012, 07:05 PM (774 Views)
Cheshire42
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Ladies and Jellyspoon! Hobos and Tramps! Cross-eyed moskeetoes and bow-legged ants. Let our tale of insanity and wonder begin!
[ *  * ]
Name: Luna Vanderhof
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade 12
School Aurora High School.
Hobbies and Interests: Food, Cooking, animation, singing, bird watching, and photography.

Appearance: Luna is somewhat of a giant. She is 6’1 at a whopping 323lbs. As guessed, she’s heard her fair share of fat jokes. She’s more cuddly than hefty, and she walks around with a good posture rather then slouched.

She has long, chestnut colored hair, which she generally leaves dangling at her shoulders. Her skin is Caucasian, and she has extremely bright green eyes (though these are generally hidden behind her hair). Her face is rounded, though not overly so. She has pudgy cheeks and a small button nose.

Her clothes are classy, and fit snugly on her body, rather than being too loose or overly tight. Clothes that she wears generally cover her entire body, covering up the stretch marks she gained from her growth spurt. Her body is best described as an apple shape, having a more of her bulk located in the breasts and stomach. Even though she is quite pudgy, she is still pretty cute. Due to her weight, she generally looks a bit flushed.

Biography: Luna Vanderhof was born the child of both Ralf and Victoria Vanderhof on April 16, 1993. She was a beautiful little child, and her mother’s darling. Her parents were somewhat wealthy, her mother was a writer for a somewhat popular fashion magazine and her father was the head manager for a furniture store, and were able to send her off to a private elementary school when she was young.

More so, Luna had looks. She competed in several beauty pageants and won from time to time. She was cute, small and frail. However, the effect of beauty pageants never had a negative effect on her. In school, she was kind and shy. Her mother taught her how to sing for talent competitions, and she came to truly appreciate it. If she was good for the week, her father would take her to the movies where they would get a large bucket of popcorn and share it between each other.

However, private school never agreed with her. Children teased and picked at her for no good reason. Typically it was because of her shy nature, other times it was because she was short. So by the time middle school came around, Luna asked her parents if she could go to a normal school. Her parents, indulging in their daughter’s curiosity, let her go.

Most of middle school was wonderful for Luna. She sprouted up like a bean pole and was a very energetic young girl. Due to her growth, she ate obscenely large amounts of food, but like most little kids she burned it off. She started taking an interest in nature, and took pictures of birds on her spare time.

She still competed in beauty pageants, but her mother found it harder and harder to make her bean pole daughter as beautiful as she once was. She tried giving her skills to up her advantage. As such Luna was put to a number of daily tests. Cooking, dancing, singing, and a whole assortment of tasks. Luna especially loved cooking.

Luna ate a large amount of food during her middle school days. It seemed that every day, she ate more and more, and yet none of it stayed on her body! However she started to gain weight during her in the eighth grade. It could have been caused by a mix of stress from schoolwork and show pageants. It could have simply been genetics or biology finally calling in. Most likely it was a bit of both. Yes, the growth started small, just a bit of pudge, but she seemed to gain a little more each week.

Luna was healthy, and the amount of food she ate seemed to fuel her growth. Both in height and weight. Victoria was happy at first, for she had thought that her daughter was simply filling out. However, it soon became a problem as the weight became more excessive. She tried diet after diet to get Luna to slim down. Unfortunately for Victoria, Luna broke almost every one of the diets that her and grew more and more each day.

Her father, just caring for his daughter’s happiness, did not take sides in the diet debate. Her classmates thought otherwise. Seeing the once small and thin girl blow up like a thanksgiving day balloon somewhat surprised her classmates. Of course, around this time, the nicknames started rolling out. Past friends now turned against her called her an assortment of vile names stuck to her. The “Jolly Giant”, “Bubble butt”, “Fatty”, “Balloon Gut”. However one of them gained a rather infamous tone. “Looney Ballooney”.

This “growth spurt” lasted all the way till high school, when she finally stopped growing at 6’1. However, instead of growing up, she now grew out. She tried her best to fit in, but the bullies and popular kids of the school always seemed to see her as a great big target.

Luna is always looking for a new way to increase her skills. She has kept good grades in school, excelling in art and music classes. She became a wonderful Alto, could cook gourmet meals, and could take picture perfect pictures of birds. She joined a couple of clubs (School Newspaper, choir, cooking club, film club, and is apart of the school’s production of Le Miserable ) and has done her best to make friends and keep them. She’s generally seen as a kind and gentle soul, regardless of her size.

Luna is on good terms with her parents. Her mother has given up on trying to get her daughter to diet, and at most will, at most, exchange her annoyance in passive aggressive sorts of ways. She and her father still are rather close, they go to the movie theater whenever they have the time and in the summer they go out bird watching.

Though Luna has to deal with several problems due to her weight, but is lucky enough to not be burdened with some of the worse problems. She doesn’t have diabetes, heart problems, or skin problems. She maintains good hygiene and is in better shape then expected. She has to deal with certain problems, such as shortness of breath, mobility problems, joint pain.

Luna herself is rather passive. For the most part, she doesn’t lose her temper and she will try to stay quiet, so as not to escalate the problem any more then it is already at. However, if trouble does seem to arise, she will help those in need, rather then stand back and watch them get hurt.

Luna is a remarkably large eater. During meals she generally can eat twice the amount a normal person can eat (or more if hungry enough). She is more then willing to try new foods and will finish a meal even if it is not very good, if just to be polite. She normally tries her best to avoid junk food or fast food (potato chips, fried foods, etc.), however she has a weak spot for candy bars, and carries a surprisingly large number of candy bars in her backpack.


Advantages: Luna seems to genuinely care about her friends and peers. Her sociability might help her make some allies during the competition. Luna is a big character, so she may be able to fend off melee attackers with sheer will and momentum.
Disadvantages: Being big doesn’t always help you out. Because of her size, she is a bigger target, and has a harder time keeping up with her “fit” classmates. She’s also a bit of a softy, having absolutely no fighting or combat experience whatsoever. Due to her size Luna will generally eat more. She’s a nervous eater, so that will cause even more problems.
Possible V5 Characters

Jack Widdlestone- A boy with his head in the clouds and his feet in the shadows. He tries to keep with himself, but will generally make friends with the stranger people out there. Has a thing for food and fairytales.

William Tyler Folley- A shortsited, energetic boy who's interests range from magic, to pranks to 80s/90s nostalgia. Never seen without his red hat.

Luna Vanderhof An obese student who is kind and sweet despite her large exterieror. She is also rather shy and has a large appiteite. She'll join a cooking club if there is one. Or an animation club.... or a bird watching/ singing club.

http://i641.photobucket.com/albums/uu139/Insan-kun/JackGeorgeandLuna.jpg

READY AIM FIRE FIRST TIME CHAMPION!
http://i688.photobucket.com/albums/vv245/banthesun/RAFTrophy-1.png
SECOND TIME WINNER TOO!

For Friends and Enemies
http://s10.zetaboards.com/SOTF_V2/topic/7359794/1/#new
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MK Kilmarnock
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Hate, hate, HATE!!!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Hey, Cheshire! I'm your mod for this fine, fine evening (okay, it's about 3 in the morning on the Eastern seaboard, but who gives a damn?), and I'm going to be taking a look at Luna Ganderweight who is currently denied for reasons that I will cover.


[B ]Appearance: [/B] This is not formatted properly. It needs to be bolded. Luna is somewhat of a giant. She is 6’1 at a whopping 323lbs. As guessed, she’s heard her fair share of fat jokes. Even though she is increadly large, she still maintains a somewhat small stature. ... She is a morbidly obese girl in excess of six feet. That is not small stature. There is no small stature to speak of, here. Explain this or remove this. She’s more cuddly than hefty, and she walks around with a good posture rather then slouched. Again, nothing screams 'small stature' about this.
She has long, chestnut colored hair, which she generally leaves dangling at her shoulders. Her skin is Caucasian, and she has extremely bright green eyes (though these are generally hidden behind her hair). How does she see? Her face is rounded, though not overly so. She has pudgy cheeks and a small button nose.
Her clothes fit are extraneous word classy, and fit snuggly snugly on her body, rather than being too lose or overly tight. Clothes that she wears generally cover her entire body, covering up the stench stretch marks she gained from her growth spurt. Her body is best described as an apple shape, having a majority of bulk located in the breasts and stomach, and having thinner arms and legs. Fat does not work like this. I've met my fair share of fat chicks. I dated a fat chick. Fat does NOT work like that, where it's all just on the torso, leaving the arms and legs to be thinner. If she were shaped like this, she'd look like an M&M. Even though she is quite pudgy, she is still pretty cute. Okay, fat people can be cute. I'll leave that alone. Due to her weight, she generally looks a bit flushed. This is actually a really good detail.

Biography: As with every child, Luna was born small. Do you mean she was of average size or weight for a baby? Not all babies are 'small', at least by baby standards. If you were going for the more 'average girth' thing here, you can state that better. She was the child of both Ralf and Victoria Ganderweight. She was a beautiful little child, and her mother’s darling. Her parents were somewhat wealthy, and were able to send her off to a private elementary school when she was young. I don't want to know Ralf and Victoria's life stories here, but why are they 'somewhat' wealthy? To give us a better idea, what are their occupations?

Also, either indent your paragraphs or add spaces. One of the two. For ease of reading, I will space these apart myself.

More so, Luna had looks. She competed in several beauty pageants and won from time to time. She was cute, small and frail. However, the effect of beauty pageants never had a negative effect on her. In school, she was kind and shy. She loved singing with her mother and going to movies with her father. Did they just sing in the home? Choir? I don't want these just messily plugged in by the way; I want to know not only what Luna does, but why she loves to do it, how it came to be, and how much it factors or factored into her life. It's a seamless story.

However, private school never agreed with her. Children teased and picked at her for no reason what so ever. You don't get picked on for no reason whatsoever. When I was in elementary school, I got picked on because I overreacted to things and was a spaz. Other people got picked on for being too short, too tall, too thin, too fat, too ugly, too poor, but NEVER for no reason at all. So by the time middle school came around, Luna asked her parents if she could go to a normal school. Her parents, indulging in their daughter’s curiosity, let her go.

Most of middle school was wonderful for Luna. She sprouted up like a bean pole and was a very energetic young girl. Due to her growth, she ate obscenely large amounts of food, but like most little kids she burned it off. I questioned the word choice here for a bit... specifically, 'obscenely', since it just comes off weird. That's just semantics, though. It all checks out. She started taking an interest in nature, and took pictures of birds on her spare time. Again, why? Did this just 'happen'? It's nice to have a list of interests as varied as Luna's, but they just show up for no reason.

She still competed in beauty pageants, but her mother found it harder and harder to make her bean pole daughter as beautiful as she once was. She tried giving her skills to up her advantage. As such Luna was put to a number of daily tests. Cooking, dancing, singing, and a whole assortment of tasks. Luna especially loved cooking. The cooking has a decent explanation behind it. It's not very fleshed out, but it's something like this, some connection to her life, that I'm at least looking for.


Luna ate a large amount of food during her middle school days. Okay, this is in check with the earlier statement, and takes out the weird word choice. Good. It seemed that every day, she ate more and more, and yet none of it stayed on her body! Man, reminds me of me when I was a kid.
This went on until one day Luna found that her metabolism just, gave up. And that’s when Luna really started to balloon up. ... What.
Luna was healthy, however due to the amount of food she ate, she grew remarkably fast. Both in height and weight. No, seriously. What? Victoria was less than happy to find that her once tiny and petite daughter was bloating up like an overstuffed teddy bear. Well, yeah, it kind of defies medical science! She tried diet after diet to get Luna to slim down. Unfortunately for Victoria, Luna broke almost every one of the diets that her 'that her'? I feel like there's a word or two missing, here. and grew more and more each day. Okay. There are plenty of reasons why a girl might get fat, but an unexplained 'for no reason' is not a very good one at all. Do a bit of research here.

Her father, just caring for his daughter’s happiness, did not take sides in the diet debate. Her classmates thought otherwise. Seeing the once small and thin girl blow up like a thanksgiving day balloon somewhat surprised her classmates. Yes, the growth started small, just a bit of pudge, but grew faster and faster with each week. Of course, around this time, the nicknames started rolling out. Past friends now turned against her called her an assortment of vile names stuck to her. The “Jolly Giant”, “Bubble butt”, “Fatty”, “Balloon Gut”. However one of them gained a rather infamous tone. “Looney Ballooney” Father of the year here may be caring of his daughter's happiness, but caring for her health should still be something of a priority too (more on THAT later). However, I can understand if Ralf has a different mindset (akin to... say, a grandparent who thinks a fat child is a happy child). Also, you want a comma or colon after 'tone' and a period after "Looney Ballooney." Whether the period goes inside or outside the quotation marks is a nitpick differing in British to American English and I'm not going to nitpick it.

This “growth spurt” lasted all the way till high school, when she finally stopped growing at 6’1. However, instead of growing up, she now grew out. She tried her best to fit in, but the bullies and poplars of the school always seemed to see her as a great big target. Unless they are trees, I think you mean 'populars'. Also might be better to just write it out as 'popular kids'.

Never having too many friends, she was able to increase her skills. I don't get it. How do these two things correlate? I had friends in high school and was the ninth ranked student in my class. The valedictorian was even more popular.She has kept good grades in school, excelling in art and music classes. She became a wonderful Alto again, through what experience? Does she sing in school choir? It doesn't appear so. Might be a good thing to think about, could cook gourmet meals, and could take picture perfect pictures of birds. She joined a couple of clubs (School Newspaper, Cooking Club, Film club, and is apart of the school’s production of Le Miserable ) and has done her best to make friends and keep them. She’s generally seen as a kind and gentle soul, regardless of her size.

Luna is on good terms with her parents. Her mother has given up on trying to get her daughter to diet, and at most will, at most, exchange her annoyance in passive aggressive sorts of ways. Sounds more like iffy terms rather than good ones, depending on how much it's pressed. They might actually be on good terms, but it sounds weird to say she's on good terms with both parents then only talk about how her mother is passive aggressive. She and her father still are rather close, they go to the movie theater whenever they have the time and in the summer they go out bird watching.

Oddly enough, Luna doesn’t suffer from any major health problems caused by obesity. Why yes, that is definitely odd. She doesn’t have diabetes, heart problems, or skin problems. Okay, I can see not having diabetes. Not every fat person gets diabetes. However, Luna is obese. MORBIDLY obese. She's going to have health problems, immediately life threatening or not. She maintains good hygiene and is in better shape then expected. Okay, since her expected shape IS rather poor, then how good shape is she in? She has to deal with certain problems (Shortness of breath, mobility problems, joint pain) but all are manageable. And that 'shortness of breath'? Those 'joint pains'? Those can add up to some serious problems in the near future. Hell, the shortness of breath could lead to serious complications before the school year's out.

Luna herself is rather passive. For the most part, she doesn’t lose her temper and she will try to stay quiet, so as not to escalate the problem any more then it is already at. However, if trouble does seem to arise, she will help those in need, rather then stand back and watch them get hurt. This is perfectly fine.

Luna is a remarkably large eater. During meals she generally can eat twice the amount a normal person can eat (or more if hungry enough). This seems a bit much, but alright. She is more then willing to try new foods and will finish a meal even if it is not very good, if just to be polite. She normally tries her best to avoid junk food or fast food, though she carries a surprisingly large number of candy bars in her backpack. Kind of a contradiction. She's not trying her best at all.

Advantages: Luna seems to be a support character. Wait... WHAT!? She’s kind of like a big, stuffed animal, and generally cares about her friends and peers. I... I... wait, hold on! She’s also a decent cook, and could help prepare foods in the harsh environment. She’ll be able to try out her taste for new foods, and will be able to eat just about anything so long as it’s prepared correctly. Luna is a big character, so she may be able to fend off melee attackers with sheer will and momentum. Her photography skills may become a problem if we face another breakout. The advantages and disadvantages are written In-Universe, as though they were written by one of the terrorists (who knows far too much about the person's personal life and interests, but work with me, here). They are not 'characters' in the SotF universe, they are students, living breathing people. If they were referring to her as a support character like in an MMO or similar team-based game, they'd be slapped on the back of the head and told to try again. Also, 'sheer will and momentum' might not help against a spear through the gut. It sounds like an oddly worded advantage... maybe you meant force of presence scaring off potential attackers?
Disadvantages: Being big doesn’t always help you out. Because of her size, she is a bigger target, and has a harder time keeping up with her “fit” classmates. She’s also a bit of a softy, having relatively no fighting or combat experience whatsoever. Absolutely no fighting or combat experience whatsoever. Due to her “size” Why is this in quotes? Luna will generally eat more. If she’s a nervous eater, that will cause even more problems. ... I don't know, is she a nervous eater? You tell me. Also, just because she has a decent cooking skill, doesn’t always mean she knows what she’s cooking. She may know if something is rotten, but not if it’s poisonous. Not a real disadvantage.

Also, as a final note, I did a google search on 'Ganderweight' and I have to ask... is it a real name? I got next to no results and the ones I DID get as a person's name were all... well, they were all Luna herself. If you just made up the name on the spot, that is not how we operate. There's a lot of stuff to fix up, but believe in the me that believes in you when I say you can do it. I'll take another look.
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Cheshire42
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Ladies and Jellyspoon! Hobos and Tramps! Cross-eyed moskeetoes and bow-legged ants. Let our tale of insanity and wonder begin!
[ *  * ]
You nearly gave a bloody heart attack when I first saw this thing... but it did a good job showing me what I needed to work on so thank you very much. I've mostly everything you told me to.... As for the name, I did make it up, but I would rather like to keep it. If you truly want me to change it thought, I can turn her last name into Vanderhouf.
Possible V5 Characters

Jack Widdlestone- A boy with his head in the clouds and his feet in the shadows. He tries to keep with himself, but will generally make friends with the stranger people out there. Has a thing for food and fairytales.

William Tyler Folley- A shortsited, energetic boy who's interests range from magic, to pranks to 80s/90s nostalgia. Never seen without his red hat.

Luna Vanderhof An obese student who is kind and sweet despite her large exterieror. She is also rather shy and has a large appiteite. She'll join a cooking club if there is one. Or an animation club.... or a bird watching/ singing club.

http://i641.photobucket.com/albums/uu139/Insan-kun/JackGeorgeandLuna.jpg

READY AIM FIRE FIRST TIME CHAMPION!
http://i688.photobucket.com/albums/vv245/banthesun/RAFTrophy-1.png
SECOND TIME WINNER TOO!

For Friends and Enemies
http://s10.zetaboards.com/SOTF_V2/topic/7359794/1/#new
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
MK Kilmarnock
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Hate, hate, HATE!!!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I would appreciate the name change very much, yes. Also, still got a bit of a formatting blip with Appearances... see how it isn't bolded, but instead shows the [b ] [/b] tags? Fix those up for me real quick while I take a look at the rest of her.

In the appearance section, stretch marks is still misspelled as 'stench marks'. Also, her clothes should fit 'not too loose', not 'not too lose'. Just a couple spelling errors to go back and patch up while you're changing the rest of that. As far as I can see, you did cover up a lot of the other problems, which I appreciate. Thanks for your patience.
Edited by MK Kilmarnock, Feb 9 2012, 10:00 AM.
V6 Tributes

Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5

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Cheshire42
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Ladies and Jellyspoon! Hobos and Tramps! Cross-eyed moskeetoes and bow-legged ants. Let our tale of insanity and wonder begin!
[ *  * ]
Name changed and awaiting final commands captain.
Possible V5 Characters

Jack Widdlestone- A boy with his head in the clouds and his feet in the shadows. He tries to keep with himself, but will generally make friends with the stranger people out there. Has a thing for food and fairytales.

William Tyler Folley- A shortsited, energetic boy who's interests range from magic, to pranks to 80s/90s nostalgia. Never seen without his red hat.

Luna Vanderhof An obese student who is kind and sweet despite her large exterieror. She is also rather shy and has a large appiteite. She'll join a cooking club if there is one. Or an animation club.... or a bird watching/ singing club.

http://i641.photobucket.com/albums/uu139/Insan-kun/JackGeorgeandLuna.jpg

READY AIM FIRE FIRST TIME CHAMPION!
http://i688.photobucket.com/albums/vv245/banthesun/RAFTrophy-1.png
SECOND TIME WINNER TOO!

For Friends and Enemies
http://s10.zetaboards.com/SOTF_V2/topic/7359794/1/#new
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
MK Kilmarnock
Member Avatar
Hate, hate, HATE!!!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Change 'stench marks' to stretch marks please. That is literally the only thing left and if I didn't call for its change several times already, I'd let it go.
V6 Tributes

Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5

Things We Say
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
Cheshire42
Member Avatar
Ladies and Jellyspoon! Hobos and Tramps! Cross-eyed moskeetoes and bow-legged ants. Let our tale of insanity and wonder begin!
[ *  * ]
What??? I thought I did that...... dang.... ummm *changes it*
Possible V5 Characters

Jack Widdlestone- A boy with his head in the clouds and his feet in the shadows. He tries to keep with himself, but will generally make friends with the stranger people out there. Has a thing for food and fairytales.

William Tyler Folley- A shortsited, energetic boy who's interests range from magic, to pranks to 80s/90s nostalgia. Never seen without his red hat.

Luna Vanderhof An obese student who is kind and sweet despite her large exterieror. She is also rather shy and has a large appiteite. She'll join a cooking club if there is one. Or an animation club.... or a bird watching/ singing club.

http://i641.photobucket.com/albums/uu139/Insan-kun/JackGeorgeandLuna.jpg

READY AIM FIRE FIRST TIME CHAMPION!
http://i688.photobucket.com/albums/vv245/banthesun/RAFTrophy-1.png
SECOND TIME WINNER TOO!

For Friends and Enemies
http://s10.zetaboards.com/SOTF_V2/topic/7359794/1/#new
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
MK Kilmarnock
Member Avatar
Hate, hate, HATE!!!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
APPROVED
V6 Tributes

Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5

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