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Stacey May-Mordetsky
Topic Started: Jan 28 2012, 02:27 AM (567 Views)
Aura
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Name: Stacey May-Mordetsky
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: 12
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Fashion, money, sex, modeling, being the center of attention.

Appearance: Stacey stands around 5'6" and weighs about 145 pounds. She is Caucasian, but with a tan from living in California for most of her life. Her face is blessed with very elegant features, with her seductive blue eyes, dainty nose, and full lips. She has long, bleach-blonde hair that reaches her mid-back. She keeps her bangs cut and her hair obscures her ears. Her body has a slim, but toned figure, with perfectly sculpted D-cup breasts that she is not shy about showing off. She also has long legs and shapely hips. Her attire usually consists of either tight or low-cut tops to accentuate her sizable chest, and short shorts or miniskirts. She is almost never seen without a pair of high heels.

On the day of the class trip, Stacey was wearing a tight pink T-shirt that bares her midriff, blue short shorts, and a pair of heels.

Biography: Carol May was a wealthy heiress with no work ethic. Almost immediately after graduating high school, she wooed Bryan Mordetsky, a twenty-seven-year-old chef and self-made millionaire. A few months after they met, Carol got pregnant. The couple decided to get married to hide the shame of having a child out of wedlock. Unfortunately for them, once everything was set in place for the ceremony, Carol gave birth the day before the two were to be married. Bryan admitted his shame, and as a result, they gave the child both of their last names. So began the life of Stacey May-Mordetsky.

One year later, Carol was pregnant again, and this time gave birth to a son. The boy was named Jake Mordetsky. Bryan was glad that the kids would be able to grow up together, as he had grown up an only child, and had always wished for a brother or sister.

Both of Stacey's parents were very rich, and they lived in a large mansion in Beverly Hills. Whatever Stacey wanted, her mother would give to her. Stacey loved getting new things, and the income from Bryan's chain of successful restaraunts made sure that she could afford virtually anything that sparked her interest.

Stacey's first taste of the spotlight was winning a pageant at the age of four. She loved it. She loved the attention of the crowd and the praise of the judges. She also loved the awards, which she displayed proudly whenever she could. Her mother was overjoyed at her daughter's succcess, and showered her with gifts and praise. Over the years, this behavior would continue, with Stacey winning more pageants and Carol rewarding her more and more. Consequently, Jake was ignored by his mother more and more in accordance with Stacey's success.

As Stacey grew older, she also grew more spoiled. She wanted every piece of designer clothing and every toy on the market, and would throw a tantrum if she did not get what she wanted. Bryan tried often to teach her the value of a dollar and wise spending habits, but Carol would enable Stacey's horrible behavior by buying her whatever she wanted, much to Bryan's chagrin. Stacey always got what she wanted, and that was the way she liked it.

Once Stacey hit her teenage years, she had blossomed into the object of affection for many male students. Her pretty face combined with her shapely body made her immensely popular. Her virginity didn't last through her freshman year of high school. At that point, she realized that she could use her looks to get what she wanted from people. To her, sex was a tool that made people give her things. Also, she just really enjoyed it. Tales of her promiscuity were common around school, and that just made things easier for her. She would string along guys for a while to get them to buy things for her, then dump them unceremoniously. Of course, sometimes she just looks for a night of fun, which someone is always ready to give her.

Consequently, as Stacey's popularity rose, her attitude deteriorated rapidly. She barely cared about her schoolwork, getting low C's and D's more often than not. Her friends always enjoyed being around her, as she always had the newest fashions and the latest gossip, and was more than willing to share her knowledge in these areas. However, she looked down on virtually everyone else outside of her "inner circle", and shunned the less popular kids when she wasn't outright insulting them. This caused the school to be very divided on their opinion of her, with the popular kids loving her, while the unpopular kids wished that she would just go away.

Incidentally, Jake became a completely different person than Stacey. He inherited his father's brown hair and brown eyes, and is rather scruffy-looking compared to his sister. His mother barely paid any attention to him growing up in favor of Stacey, causing him to have extremely low self-esteem. He is very introverted and spends most of his time either watching old episodes of "Robot Wars" or building his own robots in the garage. Bryan is supportive of his hobby, and tries to work with Jake to improve his self-esteem.

In her sophomore year, the Mordetsky family moved to Seattle so that Bryan could open a new restaraunt there. He encouraged his kids to make friends with the local teens. Stacey easily fit in with the popular crowd, while Jake had a harder time fitting in anywhere due to his self-esteem issues.

Stacey easily got to the top of the Aurora High social ladder with her looks and money. Her extravagant parties at her family mansion helped to solidify that. She also went out for the cheerleading team, and her natural flexibility allowed her to easily make the squad. However, despite loving the attention, she hated the work involved, and quit very quickly. She wasted no time getting back to her old tricks, getting in the back seat of a football player's car within a week. Her reputation keeps her popular with the men, but less so with the girls. Rumors of porn and prostitution quickly spread throughout the school, but Stacey's popularity seemed undeterred.

Stacey's home life is quite interesting, to say the least. Her mother acts as though she can do no wrong, and constantly praises her. Her father desperately wants her to be more practical, and tries his hardest to make her more responsible, but to no avail. Her brother Jake has almost no self-esteem and spends most of his time alone. Stacey thinks that Jake's social awkwardness reflects negatively on her, and she constantly hounds him about it, while Jake is too nervous and shy to defend himself from his sister's verbal attacks. Bryan has tried painstakingly to get the siblings to get along, but his efforts always end in disaster. Carol, on the other hand, always takes Stacey's side in arguments, as she is the "golden child" of the family, while Jake is always the odd man out. Bryan wishes more than anything that his kids could just live together without incident.

Recently, Stacey took a modeling contract with a famous photographer. She is becoming well-known around town, and her popularity with local boys is even higher than before. She loves the attention and the free clothes that come with the job. Best of all, she gets paid just for "being her beautiful self".

Stacey honestly believes that she is better than everyone else because she is richer, more beautiful, and just all around better. Her ego is the size of her native California, and she doesn't do a good job of hiding it. Her classmates' opinions on her are very divided. For every person that thinks she's sexy, there's another person that thinks she's a slutty attention-whore.

Advantages: Stacey's sex appeal is her biggest weapon. She could likely manipulate some of the more weak-willed male students to protect her. She is also quite flexible, which may help in a treacherous situation.
Disadvantages: Stacey hates work, plain and simple. She's going to want everyone else to carry her own weight. She also hates getting dirty, which will likely be an issue on an island in the middle of nowhere. She has almost a complete lack of book smarts, having skated through life solely on her looks. She isn't very physically strong.
Edited by Aura, Jan 31 2012, 03:15 AM.
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ZombiexCreame
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Hey there, Aura.

For starters, let's focus on Stacey's appearance. For starters, your character's build is just a little unrealistic. I'm not going to sit here and say that NO ONE in the entire world has been 125 pounds with D-cups, but it's just really unfeasible. I'm not really a master on breasts, and I'm not going to tell you exactly which cup-size would go with that specific weight, but I'd like you to make some adjustments to make her body a more realistic image. For example, if you want to keep the D-cup breasts, you'd really need to up her weight quite a bit more than 125. And just as a note here, cup sizes for females really aren't that relevant in the character profiles. Numbers and specific measurements can be great sometimes, but cup sizes are a bit trivial. Explain and add details about thus chest that Stacey isn't shy about showing off. It would make for a better profile. Throwing the word "D-cup" in there just makes me say, "Okay, so what?" I'm not sure what the nice way to put it would be.

Aside from that, I would just love to see more details in the appearance. It's a bit brief for my liking. You add in details like bleach-blonde hair that's so-and-so length and a slim body, but it would be awesome if you could expand upon it. What kind of style is her hair in? Does she have bangs? Layers? Any noticeable markings on her person? Piercings, beauty marks, birth marks? There's also a slight contradiction. You say that Stacey is like a supermodel/thin in appearance, but then you say she has shapely hips. I suppose you could have both, sure, but you've provided very little detail about her body aside from the thin aspect, so I just imagine a stick thin girl with big hips which doesn't seem all that feasible. I would just like to see Stacey fleshed out in terms of appearance. Make her shine, give her some details that I can actually visualize. Do that, and you'll be set.

Onto the biography. The second paragraph contains a lot of irrelevant information. Bryan wanted the kids to be frends. Alright. What parent doesn't want for their kids to get along? You could change this detail and forget the friendship thing, say that Bryan was happy to have another child so his daughter could have a brother to grow up with, something Bryan didn't get to do since he was an only child. It just seems like a random detail, as is the detail about Carol concerned about losing baby weight. Are you saying that Carol was more concerned about losing baby weight than focusing on her own children? I think that might be more what you were getting at, but I'm not totally sure.

Speaking of Bryan, it seems a bit implausible to be a self-made millionaire by twenty. I'm not saying it's impossible, but we're in the Survival of the Fittest universe, and we're stressing for a realistic biography for every character. I'm 20 years old, and I can barely make enough money to attend school, let alone owning a chain of restaurants. Speaking of that, owning a chain of restaurants is a very difficult process that would most likely take more than a few years to initiate. I work for a restaurant, and there's just a lot involved. The owner-to-be has to pay a ridiculous amount of money for a franchise fee (varies depending on the restaurant.) and before the next restaurant can open, the first restaurant has to make a certain amount of money in sales, usually a couple million. I'm just saying.

"Bryan tryed often to teach her the value of a dollar and wise spending habits, but Carol would enable Stacey's horrible behavior by buying her what she wants anyway." Typo with the word 'tryed' (change to 'tried') and it's kind of a badly worded sentence. Awkward wording. Maybe try: "Bryan tried often to teach her the value of a dollar and wise spending habits, but Carol would enable Stacey's horrible behavior by buying her whatever she wanted."

Once again, you mention Stacey's shapely body in the biography, but it clashes with her appearance description of a thin and model-like.

Just a few more things to note. Jake is brought up frequently in the profile, but it just all seems random. Like, I understand that Jake is an important person in Stacey's life, he is her brother after all, but the details just seem to sprout up whenever at inopportune times. It would probably be better to gather Jake's details into one paragraph and expand upon him there, instead of just blurting things about him throughout the profile. It interrupts the flow a bit.

I don't want to come off as a jerk, but I'm just not getting good vibes from Stacey. I'm not saying Stacey has to be the most likeable character in SOTF, but... I get NO sense of personality from her in this profile. She's nothing but a walking sex symbol in this profile, and there's just no depth to her at all. And maybe sex appeal works on high school students, but I don't think anyone really cares about money, unless Stacey is constantly buying people stuff. And if she is, you need to address that in her profile because it's left mighty vague.

I don't like this sentence: "As for her classmates' opinions on her, she is either the sexiest girl in school, or the biggest slut in school." It just seems like a totally egotistical thing to say, like... forget all the other characters at Aurora High that may be considered sexy, Stacey is THE sexiest in school. I know you probably weren't trying to say that exactly, but you want to make sure you don't make assumptions in your profile. Because not only do you have to take into account the profiles of the handlers on this website, but you also have to take into account NPCs and non-seniors who aren't played by handlers (students that just exist).

But yeah, you just need to take some serious effort to flesh Stacey out. Give her a personality and some actual facets to her personality. You also mention fashion as an interest, but it's not mentioned too much in her biography, aside from that fact that she likes to wear expensive clothing. Flesh that out a bit, as well.

Now for advantages and disadvantages. You probably know what I'm going to say here. Manipulation using appearance is kind of cliched, but I won't knock it. It's what Stacey has going for her, as you've said in her profile. But you mention flexibility which is something I don't see in the biography. You need to expand upon that in the biography, please. As for disadvantages, kind of the same thing. Just make sure EVERYTHING is expanded upon in the biography. It's pretty important, and I know that you did mention some things in the biography (like lack of book smarts and whatnot) but you want to make sure that everything is mentioned.

Stacey has a good start, but you're going to need to put a bit of work into her before I can approve her for pregame v5. Just take what I said into consideration and start from the top, work your way down. Make sure to give Stacey DETAILS and LIFE. I want to see her fleshed out and realistic. I know you can do it. :)
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Aura
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Thanks for the criticism. I think that I fixed Stacey. Now she's believable!

YAY FOR EDITING!

Also, I have a quick question. Am I allowed to use Jake as an NPC? He won't be on the island, but he ties into Stacey's story, and I have plans involving him and another one of my characters, too.
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ZombiexCreame
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Alright, I definitely think you made some improvements. But there's just a few more things I'd like to be fixed before I can approve her. I understand how difficult it can be to edit a profile. You write this biography and get in a nice flow, and when someone tells you edit X, Y, and Z into the biography, it messes with the flow as you try to find someplace to insert those details. Mostly as I read the biography, I got the feeling that you deleted or added a sentence or two per point I brought up, but I didn't really get enough.

With her appearance, you added a few more details. It's what I asked for, so I won't knock you on that.

This sentence has a tense disagreement: "At that point, she realized that she could use her looks to get what she wants from people." change 'wants' to 'wanted'

The details in the end seem rather tacked on. For example, the cheerleading bit, the book smarts bit. I would rather see those integrated into the rest of the biography. Put the cheerleading part into the paragraph that discusses her first year of high school. Instead of those choppy two-sentence paragraphs on the end, I'd like to see that formed into a more complete full paragraph of details instead of like 6 tiny details.

Jake comes up in the biography quite a bit which makes me think that he's an important character. However, this is Stacey's biography, so add some details on how the two siblings react. I get the sense that they don't get along, but why? How? How does Bryan feel about the siblings actions towards each other?

I also get a bit more of an idea about Stacey's personality, but it's still not very detailed. I understand that Stacey is disliked by most because she's popular and rude and has a bad reputation, etc. etc. But there has to be a reason that Stacey is so popular with her friends. Appearance can only get you so far, especially in high school. Why do Stacey's inner-circle of friends enjoy her presence? You provide a lot of details on why people don't like her, but not a lot on why people do like her (aside from parties and sex). Is she funny? Interesting? Does she take her own self seriously? How does she act with her friends? Just a few more details in that regard would be great.

The advantages and disadvantages are looking good. You expanded upon those in the biography.

Just make a few more changes, you'll be lookin' good. :)

I believe as long as Jake is a student of Aurora High, he can be an NPC, but I'm not entirely sure. I'm going to check, and I'll let you know. (I know, I'm the best mod ever... lol. sorry xD)
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Aura
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OK, I think I've just about got it...

EDIT COMPLETE!
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ZombiexCreame
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Thanks for making the changes, Aura. Her profile definitely improved. Enjoy pregame.

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