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Caleb Luke Matthews
Topic Started: Jan 27 2012, 01:49 PM (847 Views)
Acidic
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Name: Caleb Luke Matthews
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Grade: 12
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Choir, football, animals, going to church, and volunteering.

Appearance: Caleb is of Honduran and Caucasian decent. His skin is a light bronze and he has very little body hair. His eyes are big, dark brown, and his eyebrows are long and dark. Caleb has a square shaped face with small, dark lips which appear even smaller in comparison to his large, flat nose. His hair is light brown with natural highlights, only four and a half inches long, which occasionally he styles into various styles. Most of the time he keeps it untreated. While Caleb has little problems with acne on his face he has an issue with it on his back. He takes good care of his skin to make sure it doesn’t break out.

He also has plenty of scars from accidents. Among them are: a foot long scar on his right calf from falling off a fence, and a three inch one on his chest (right below his neck) from when he fell off his bike into a bush.

Caleb has plenty of muscle thanks to football (small amount of fat on his torso), and has a stout build at 5’10 and 182. His shoulders, like the rest of him, are wide and thick. Caleb’s wardrobe is made of brand name clothes and other “nice” clothing, and most are brightly colored. Caleb is not one to dress too casually. At the time of the abduction he was wearing a white Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt with the brand’s name embroidered on it in black letters, A light brown blazer, light blue jeans, and white and black tennis shoes.

Biography: Caleb was born September 26, 1993, to Rachel Matthews and Jesus Mendoza. Caleb was born before the young couple could get married. Jesus was an illegal immigrant from Honduras who went to Lincoln, Nebraska to meet with his family who worked on a farm, and get work there. After a few months of working he met Rachel when she was working as a waitress at a restaurant to raise money for college. When they met Rachel was 18 and Jesus 24. They dated for a year until Rachel missed a period.

While Rachel was pregnant (confirmed after a doctor's visit) the couple made plans to get married, but when she was three months into the pregnancy Jesus died in a farming accident. Devastated, Rachel was put on bed-rest for the baby’s safety. Caleb was born six months later. Living in Lincoln was too difficult for the young mother, so with the encouragement and financial support of her parents she went to college in Seattle where her best friends and her had been planning to go for sometime while her parents took care of her child. They planned for Caleb to be raised by his grandparents (Joseph and Carol Matthews) until she graduated college. While this was supposed to be for the first four years of his life, it turned into the first 14 years.

His grandparents signed the energetic boy up for pee-wee football when he was eight. His life in Nebraska was a peaceful and happy one for the most part. He always found it easy to make friends, especially in sports. Caleb loves watching and playing the sport to this day, and he’s currently an Offensive Guard for his HS team, which he does decently at. He's tried every position on the field, and is pretty versatile. Caleb wasn't naturally gifted on the field, but he was determined to play the sport. He practiced as often as he could with the help of his grandfather, and it was the main way they bonded.

They also raised him with strong religious values. His grandparents were ashamed that their daughter had slept with a man before wedlock, and decided they didn’t install a moral code deep enough in Rachel. As a consequence Caleb was raised under stricter rules than his mother was, and still tries to stick to them today. His grandparents were somewhat bigoted when it came to issues of race, sexuality, and gender roles. They weren't loud about it, and would deny it to most people if brought up. However, when Caleb was born their attitude towards race improved. Still, Joseph, who was always a slightly bigoted man (more so bigoted then Carol), and he only got worse after about the later two when Caleb was born. He was also a father figure to the boy, and unfortunately had a strong influence on him. Caleb was taught to be chauvinistic to women at best, and dismissive the rest of the time.

Carol never spoke against Joseph views, as she was raised with them as well. She still had a hand in raising Caleb, teaching him to dress his best and teaching him to sing. He joined the church's youth choir when he was 8, and the choir in his middle school in sixth grade. In the house hold Joseph’s word was law, without ever regarding Carol in the decision. The sexism and homophobia is something Caleb still struggles with today. Caleb didn’t grow up with the best impression of his mother. Joseph told him that she abandoned him, moving away to party and life a life of sin as a form of revenge against Rachel.

Their church was a big part of Caleb’s life, and he joined the choir from an early age. Their family went to a Baptist church where a good chunk of the family's social life took place attending sermons, functions, choir concerts, and the like. Caleb was always kept a somewhat liberal interpretation of his the religion, but doesn't discuss it with his grandparents to keep the peace.

Even though Rachel made a point to visit as often as she could, Caleb was reluctant to get close with her. He was distant when they talked, and couldn't wait until she left. His visits up to Seattle were years apart at first, but for the last few years he spent his summers there. Every time she’d ask Caleb to move in with her he’d refuse, and while this greatly upset Rachel she never forced the issue with him. Instead she’d argue with her parents about why her own son didn’t want to live with her, but she never took the issue to the courts because she didn’t want to be on worse terms with her parents. While in Seattle Rachel had married a man named Joel Stewart and had two children with him, Cheryl and Troy who are ten and seven years old respectively. Caleb was ten when the marriage happen, and attended the ceremony. They have also come with on visits with Rachel to Lincoln. Joel had met Caleb before marrying his mother. Caleb had always wanted to be an older sibling, so he was excited when they were born.

When he was fourteen Joseph and Carol were no longer able to take care of Caleb, so he had no choice to move off the farm and to his mother’s place in Seattle. His grandparents were moved to a nursing home. Rachel and company were ecstatic that her son was finally going to live with her, but adjusting was hard for Caleb at first. Living on a farm for most of his life had given Caleb a strong love for animals, but in Seattle he couldn’t have any animals because Joel was violently allergic to dogs and cats. Caleb volunteers at animal shelters and farms to feel more at home, showering as soon as he gets home. While he’s at the farms he gets to ride the more healthy horses.

It didn't take long for Caleb to adjust to his new home with his mother, but Caleb is still uncomfortable with the city at times. Over the years living with his mother Caleb learned about his father, and has gotten a better understanding of his mother and the events that happened. While Caleb knows his grandparents misinformed him he refuses to believe they lied to him, but rather that they misunderstood the situation. He still talks to them over the phone and visits over the summer for a few weeks while staying at a friend's house. Caleb still hasn’t confronted Joseph on his views, or if he was actually lying to Caleb about his mother.

Caleb had always got along with his family pretty well, and he's taken to the older brother role gracefully. Always willing to help them with homework or drive them somewhere, and teaching them to play football. Caleb and Joel have butted heads with religion and politics, but the debates have never gotten out of hand. Caleb’s relationship with Rachel is steadily improving. At first he felt abandoned by her, and she felt cheated out of being a mother. However they started getting along eventually.

Caleb got on the football team easy enough his first year of high school, and easily made his way into popularity with his extroverted personality. Caleb tends to be more conservative than his classmates, and has learned to hold his tongue on certain subjects such as his disapproval of homosexuality or some misogynous quips (both of which have gotten him in trouble with his fellow students and faculty). He was forgiven by some. He joined the school choir in his sophomore year, and he keeps a B average. His friends are those in the popular circle, on his football team, or those he befriends around school or church for whatever reason. He’s still trying to be less sexist and homophobic, but it’s a work in progress. As of now he tries to act more lax and liberal than he actually is to fit the culture around him.

Caleb wants to go to college to be a teacher or coach, but is applying to several universities hoping to be accepted. He always tries his best at everything whether that’d be dressing nice, school, or being an asset to his family and community. He's made attempts to find out more about his father by fining people on his father's side of his family, but has had no luck. He's learned some Spanish, but is still having difficulties in the search. Even with the help of his mother, and the farm Jesus worked for in Nebraska. He plans to take a trip to Honduras with his family after graduating. Due to his beliefs he is a strict pacifist, even second guessing some of his plays on the football field.

Advantages: Caleb is strong and physically fit from years of hard work on the football field, and has plenty of potential allies.
Disadvantages: Caleb has upset many people with his believes which could make him a target to some. Also, those same beliefs will keep him from playing the game.
Edited by Acidic, Feb 4 2012, 10:37 PM.
Lars Nylund "Shit, I was here for something."
Shopping -> Shooting
Edith West "Who the hell is editing my posts?"
Flirting
Caleb Matthews "Don't worry, Bro. We're still cool."
Refereeing




Sig'd



A journey of a thousand miles ends with one,
"Fuck this, lets play video games."


-------------------------------------

I will always welcome constructive criticism through PMs.
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BetaKnight
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In some cultures, what I do is considered normal.
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Caleb Matthews is temporarily DENIED pending some adjustments to the profile.

Please do not capitalized all of the words in the Hobbies and Interests section. They are not proper nouns and should not be capitalized.

There are some sentence fragments and run-on sentences throughout the profile. For example, in the Appearance section, you write, "His face is a square shape, his lips are small and dark, his noes is large and flat, and his hair is light brown with natural highlights." This is not a complete sentence. It is a collection of facial features strung together with punctuation.

You might want to break it into two or more sentences that flow together. Something like, "Caleb has a small, dark lips which appear even smaller in comparison to his large, flat nose." Also, there is no mention of Caleb's hair length. Does he wear his hair in a buzz cut? It is long enough to brush his shoulders? Does it fall somewhere in between? Can he style it in a faux-hawk?

"Caleb has plenty of muscle thanks to football, and has a stout build at 5’10 and 182, and there is a small amount of fat on his torso." Here is a run-on sentence, where several ideas strung together with commas. You also have the opposite problem.

"As a consequence Caleb was raised under stricter rules than his mother was, and still tries to stick to them today. Especially abstinence." In this section, there is a sentence fragment. "Especially abstinence" is not a complete thought.

You should combine the two sentences together with a comma. Something like this might flow better, "As a consequence, Caleb had a stricter upbringing than his mother and does his best to follow his grandparents' rules, especially when it comes to abstinence."

The flow of your profile is a little awkward. For example, when you talk about Rachel and Jesus dating, you say that they dated in secret. Rachel is a legal adult, so why would it need to be a secret? Much later in the profile, you talk about her parent's bigoted nature. Perhaps you should move the information about her parents being bigoted to the part about her dating habits. That way, the information becomes established much earlier and we can build off it.

Here is another example of uneven flow:

His grandparents signed the energetic boy up for pee-wee football. His life in Nebraska was a peaceful and happy one for the most part. He always found it easy to make friends, especially in sports. Caleb loves watching and playing the sport to this day, and he’s currently a defensive linemen for his HS team, which he does alright at. They also raised him with strong religious values. His grandparents were ashamed that their daughter had slept with a man before wedlock, and decided they didn’t install a moral code deep enough in Rachel. As a consequence Caleb was raised under stricter rules than his mother was, and still tries to stick to them today. Especially abstinence. Their church was a big part of Caleb’s life, and he joined the choir from an early age.

In this paragraph, you cover three major aspects of Caleb's character. This would go much more smoothly if you focused on each aspect in its own paragraph. So spend a paragraph talking about Caleb's football and giving readers some detailed information like: at what age he began, if he enjoys playing offense or defense, if he is a naturally gifted athlete or if this is something he has to work at? Is this an activity that helped him bond with his grandfather?

Speaking of having bigoted grandparents, did Caleb's grandparents express negative attitudes about minorities in front of him? How does that make Caleb feel, being a biracial child himself?

Church sounds like it was an important part of Caleb's childhood, so it probably deserves its own paragraph too. Can you please specify what religion Caleb is? Is he Methodist, Baptist, Catholic, Lutheran, Jehovah's Witness, evangelical Christian, Unitarian, Seventh Day Adventist, or something else? Is he a strict adherent to his beliefs? And the paragraph that talks about his religious upbringing also mentions football and choir. To help the flow, football should probably have its own paragraph. Please expand on Caleb's participation in the choir. That interest/hobby only has two sentences devoted to it. When did he join? What kind of voice does he have? Is he a tenor or a bass? What are his favorite songs to perform?

You mention that Caleb was born to Rachel and Jesus Matthews. Matthews cannot possibly be Jesus' last name. Please correct that.

About Rachel's move to Seattle...I have some questions that I would like answered. She was working as a waitress to raise money for college. Then she was on bed for six months. How was she suddenly able to afford college? And why did she pick a college halfway across the country in Seattle? Is she moving in with a friend? Was the program she was interested in only offered there or one of the best ones was located there? Was there something specific about Seattle other than needing to get Caleb there for v5?

You also mention that Rachel visited her son as often as possible. Did he ever come to visit her in Seattle? And where does he stay when he goes back to Nebraska to visit his grandparents since they apparently live in an elderly care community? This is especially important since you said Caleb visits them for the summer.

"While in Seattle Rachel had married a man (Joel) and had two children with him, Cheryl and Troy who are ten and seven years old respectively."

Please provide Caleb's new stepfather Joel's last name, and do not use parenthesis to reference him. When did Rachel marry Joel? How old was Caleb when this occurred? Did he attend the wedding? Did Joel make any efforts to reach out to his step-son? How did Caleb react to the knowledge that he had two half-siblings?

How did Caleb feel when he "had to" move to Seattle? You mention it was hard because there were no animals. That was the only problem he had with moving across the country to a very liberal area and moving in with people who appear to be virtual strangers? Also, Seattle is a major metropolitan area. I am not sure which "farms" Caleb volunteers at. How did he find these farms? Please expand a bit on his volunteerism.

It took Caleb a few good years to adjust to his new home with his mother, but Caleb is still uncomfortable with the city at times."

Not to be too nitpicky, but Caleb has only lived in Seattle for about three years. Please clarify how long "a few good years" is. Are you saying he still hasn't adjusted? He's only beginning to adjust?

You also mention that Caleb's half-siblings were raised in a different culture. What culture was that? He also went from being essentially an only child to the oldest of three literally overnight. This hasn't caused any problems at all? "Even teaching them to play football." is another sentence fragment.

"Caleb tends to be more conservative than his classmates, and knows to hold his tongue on certain subjects such as his disapproval of homosexuality or some misogynous quips (both of which have gotten him in trouble with his fellow students and faculty)."

If he is known to hold his tongue, how has he gotten in trouble with classmates and teachers? Also, again, no parenthesis.

"Caleb wants to go to college to be a teacher or coach, but is applying to several universities hoping."

Caleb is hoping what?

Here at the very end, one sentence is tacked on about his father. "He's made attempts to find out more about his father by fining people on his father's side of his family, but has had no luck."

How has he attempted to find out about his father? What kind of attempts has he made? How does he feel about not being able to find anything out? Would he like to form a relationship with his missing family members or does he simply want information about half his genetic make-up? Does his mother know about his search? Does he have any plans involving travelling to Honduras? Has he bothered learning any Spanish in order to communicate with anyone on his father's side of the family? Is he at all embarassed by his father's status as an illegal alien?

In the Advantages and Disadvantages, you mention as an advantage that Caleb is strong and physically fit from years of hard work. What hard work? Working out for football? Working on the farm? If it was farm work, he has not lived on the farm for three years and I doubt living with his mother is physically strenuous. As a disadvantage, you state that "Caleb has upset many people with his believes which could make him a target." However, earlier in the profile, you also stated that most people have forgiven him for his comments. Please adjust your disadvantage so that it is not contradictory to information listed earlier in the profile.

Once you have made the necessary adjustments to the profile, post here and I will give Caleb another going over.
Version 5
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Acidic
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Okay, edited.

: )
Lars Nylund "Shit, I was here for something."
Shopping -> Shooting
Edith West "Who the hell is editing my posts?"
Flirting
Caleb Matthews "Don't worry, Bro. We're still cool."
Refereeing




Sig'd



A journey of a thousand miles ends with one,
"Fuck this, lets play video games."


-------------------------------------

I will always welcome constructive criticism through PMs.
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BetaKnight
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In some cultures, what I do is considered normal.
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Caleb Matthews is still denied pending further adjustment.

There are still some editing mistakes in the profile (incorrect punctuation, incorrect capitalization, and incorrect spelling, sentence fragments, and run-on sentences) that need to be addressed. You might want to ask a friend to read over the profile to help you spot those errors since the more familiar you get to your work, the more difficult it becomes to spot small errors.

There is still no age reference for when Caleb's mother married, nor is there a surname for his step-father and half-siblings.

Please work on eliminating unnecessary parentheses in the profile. "Living on a farm for most of his life had given Caleb a strong love for animals, but in Seattle he couldn’t have any animals (Joel was violently allergic to dogs and cats)." This sentence could very easily be rewritten sans parentheses and still contain all of the necessary information. For example, you could say something like "Farm living had given Caleb a deep love of animals and led him to volunteer at animal shelters because his step-father's severe allergies prevented him from having pets."

"Caleb volunteers at animals shelters and farms to feel more at home, showering before going home."

So Caleb showers at the animal shelter? This seems highly unusual to me for him to be showering at the animal shelter since, to the best of my knowledge, shelters aren't really equipped for things like that.

There are some pieces of contradictory information in the profile. For example, you write, "While Caleb knows his grandparents misinformed him he refuses to believe they lied to him, but rather that they misunderstood the situation." That is followed by, "Caleb still hasn’t confronted Joseph on his views or his lying to Caleb about his mother."

Why would Caleb confront his grandfather? If I am understanding you correctly in the previous statement, Caleb doesn't see that his grandfather did anything wrong. Caleb's grandparents 'misunderstood' the situation. And even if he did suspect his grandfather of wrong-doing, Caleb has been raised in a very male-dominated household. Why would he believe the word of his mother than his grandfather? Wouldn't he put more stock in the words of the man who raised him rather than the woman who abandoned him?

And speaking about his mother, there is some conflicting information on that front too. "Caleb had always got along with his family pretty well, and he's taken to the older brother role gracefully." "However they started getting along eventually."

Please clarify if this was an always good relationship or one that started out rockily and eventually improved.

And finally, you did not address where Caleb stays when he visits his grandparents. "He still talks to them over the phone and visits over the summer."

They live in a nursing home. The vast majority of nursing homes do NOT provide quarters for guests to stay over. And Caleb is too young to rent a hotel room for himself since a credit card and ID are usually required upon check in. Same goes for a rental car. Is this a trip the whole family goes on? Does he stay with friends and then visits his grandparents?

Easiest fix would be to put them in an semi-independent living community. Age requirements would still force Caleb to move with his mother, but allow for him to visit his grandparents in their new community without having to worry about where he's going to stay.

Once you've fixed up the things outlined about, post and I'll look at Caleb again.
Version 5
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Acidic
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Stuff Happened!
[ *  *  * ]
Edits have been made.
Lars Nylund "Shit, I was here for something."
Shopping -> Shooting
Edith West "Who the hell is editing my posts?"
Flirting
Caleb Matthews "Don't worry, Bro. We're still cool."
Refereeing




Sig'd



A journey of a thousand miles ends with one,
"Fuck this, lets play video games."


-------------------------------------

I will always welcome constructive criticism through PMs.
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BetaKnight
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In some cultures, what I do is considered normal.
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Awesome edits. I appreciate all your hard work.

There are just a few more things that need to be taken care of before Caleb can be approved.

Caleb's mother, step-father, and half-siblings still need a last name, and I need to know how old Caleb was when his mother married his step-father.

"While Rachel was pregnant (confirmed after a doctors [should be doctor's] visit) the couple made plans to get married, but when she was three months into the pregnancy Jesus died in a farming accident. "

"He joined the churches [church's] youth choir when he was 8, and the choir in his middle school in sixth grade."

"Rachel and company was [were] ecstatic that her son was finally going to live with her, but adjusting was hard for Caleb at first."

"Caleb volunteers at animals [animal] shelters and farms to feel more at home, showering as soon as he gets home."

"He's learned some spanish [Spanish] , but is still having difficulties in the search."

"Caleb is strong and physically fit from years of hard work on the football feild [field] , and has plenty of potential allies."

"Caleb has upset many people with his believes [beliefs] which could make him a target to some."

Post once you've made the edits and I'll give him another going-over.
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Acidic
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[ *  *  * ]
Okay, edited. Thank you for your patience.
Lars Nylund "Shit, I was here for something."
Shopping -> Shooting
Edith West "Who the hell is editing my posts?"
Flirting
Caleb Matthews "Don't worry, Bro. We're still cool."
Refereeing




Sig'd



A journey of a thousand miles ends with one,
"Fuck this, lets play video games."


-------------------------------------

I will always welcome constructive criticism through PMs.
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
BetaKnight
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In some cultures, what I do is considered normal.
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