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Daniel Whitten
Topic Started: Jan 14 2012, 11:04 PM (954 Views)
dmboogie
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Name: Daniel Whitten
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Grade: 12
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Literature in all forms, soccer, band.

Appearance: Daniel is rather tall and skinny, about 6''1 and 126 lbs. He's Caucasian, with light-colored skin, which is mostly blemish-free, with the exception of a small mole on his left cheek. He has bright green eyes. Daniel's face is somewhat round, and he has a small, flat nose. His hair is about ear length, and dark brown. He has a scar on the palm of his right hand from accidentally touching a hot stove as a child. He isn't very muscular, but his legs are long and fairly strong.

Daniel tends to favor dark clothing, generally wearing about three layers, with a t-shirt, (because they're buried by the other clothing, Daniel doesn't really care about what they look like, and thus throws on anything that fits) long-sleeve shirt (Daniel prefers shirts that are either solid or with only a simple pattern, he thinks overly-elaborate patterns are just trying too hard) and a sweatshirt on the outside (again, mostly dark colored. He has a habit of playing with the strings while thinking). He gets cold rather easily, so he also tends to wear a dark blue, somewhat poofy jacket.

Biography: Daniel has lived a mostly normal life with his two parents and five-year-older sister, Erica. His mom works as a lawyer, while his dad works from home as a mystery writer (which explains where he got his love for books from.) Erica was born deaf, which lead to Daniel becoming fluent in sign language from an early age. Daniel's family is, while not exactly rich, financially well-off, and he lives in a nicely furnished two-story house.

Daniel and his parents get along well, and he often spends hours discussing various literature-related things with his dad. He doesn't see his mom often, due to her job, but she makes an effort to get together with the family as often as she can. Erica is rather fond of Daniel, often helping him with school related things and such, though she enjoys teasing him. Daniel often has to act as a translator for his sister they're out together, a role taken by his parents when they are present.

His proficiency with sign language came in handy when a new family moved into the house next door, when he was about six, one of them being a deaf boy named Michael, who was around Daniel's age. Michael was happy to find another boy who could understand him, along with being a fellow lover of literature, and the two quickly became close friends, with Daniel translating for Michael when necessary.

He joined the soccer team in elementary school mostly due to his parent's urging, but ended up enjoying it and thus sticking with it throughout his life at school. He tends to play offense, and has scored a respectable number of goals.

At the start of middle school Daniel joined the band, mostly out of curiosity, as his both of his parents had been in their school's bands when they were young. He liked it, and thus stuck with it, but dislikes practicing and thus tends to avoid it whenever possible, leading to his playing skills being, while not really bad, average at best.

The start of his freshman year, he started an informal "Book Club" with Michael, which at the start was just the two of them talking about books they had read and were reading, much like they did normally anyway. However, they soon ended up recruiting a few classmates, leading to a somewhat organized, if still informal, club. There really isn't any strict format to the club, the members just tend to decide on a book to read together, and talk about it while they read.

Daniel tends to get decent grades in school, often acing the English and History classes (his favorites), but he tends to do less well in Science and Computers (he isn't really that interested in electronics, mostly using them only if they're useful to him) and outright struggles with math classes, though he often recruits Michael and Erica to help him with his work.

Daniel does not have a large network of friends, though he is on friendly terms with the majority of his classmates. He does, however, have a couple of distant friends on the soccer team and band, and is friends with pretty much everyone in the book club.

Daniel has not really given much though to the future, figuring that when the time comes he'll figure something out. He does plan on doing something related to literature, but beyond that has not figured any specifics. At the moment, he has been working as a cashier at the Book Worm book store in the Lone Pine Mall, heavily exercising his employee discount.

He is a fairly easy-going guy, tending to let others take the lead. When he is forced to take command, he will try to step down as soon as possible. Daniel isn't very good at directing others, often giving confusing or contradicting orders out of panic. His speech is pretty polite, mostly just out of personal preference, and he hardly ever swears, but he loosens up a bit around friends; relaxing a bit. He gets along well with others, and is not easily angered.

Advantages: Is quite athletic due to the soccer team, and is thus excellent at running, being able to both sprint quickly and run long distances without getting winded. He is a friendly person, and thus would probably have a fairly easy time of making allies.
Disadvantages: Daniel is not very strong, physically, and has a strong aversion to hurting others. He's not very good at taking initiative, and would probably be unsure of what to do if left alone.
Edited by dmboogie, Jan 15 2012, 01:09 PM.
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Casey the Undead
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Hey dmboogie! Before we take a look at Daniel, make sure that you edit his profile so it follows the profile template exactly. Specifically, only the titles of each section should be bolded, and the picture should be removed. Post when you've edited it to fit the template and we'll take another look. Thanks!
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dmboogie
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Whoops... eheheheheheh...

Copy/pasted the template, obviously missed the obvious format error.

Fix'd.
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Hey dmboogie! I'm CaseyNuge, and I'll be handling your profile. Daniel's got a good start, but he's DENIED pending a few changes.

Firstly, the appearance needs to be in full sentences. Secondly, he needs a numerical weight. It could also use a bit of expansion. What does Daniel's face look like? Does he have acne, or a clear complexion? Where does he carry most of his weight? Does he have any muscle definition? Any notable scars or marks? Is his nose flat or pointed? We want a really strong, clear mental picture of the character. Try to write him out in as much detail as possible. A good example would be Adam Morgan. Being super specific is really helpful to the other handlers.

Again, there are some parts of the Bio that aren't in full sentences. Try running the profile through a grammar check and getting rid of all the fragments. It makes the whole thing easier to read and cleaner.

The bio could use a good deal of expansion. What's Daniel's home life like? How is his relationship with his parents? With his sister? What do his parents do for a living? How much older is Erica? What is the family's economic status?

Why did Daniel start playing trumpet? Was there something about the interments or music that attracted him to it? Further, why did he start a book club? What does the book club usually read? Is it casual, or is it a serious school-functioned club?

What are Daniel's grades like? Are there any subjects he excels in? Are there any subjects he hates? What does he plan on doing in college/ as a career?

What's Daniel's social life like? Does he have a lot of friends, or just a couple close ones? What are his friends usually like? What groups or cliques do his friends belong too?

Finally, onto the advantages and disadvantages. How is knowing sign language an advantage in SotF? I don't really see how it would further him in the game. Also, not having any fighting experience generally isn't considered a disadvantage. It's assumed that most people don't have fighting experience, so it's not unusual or unique for Daniel.

In general, it's a good idea to add more to Daniel and try to flesh him out as much as possible. I recommend taking a look at some approved profiles, like [url=s10.zetaboards.com/SOTF_V2/topic/7379847/1/]Paulo Abbate[/URL] or Jack MacDonald. We want you to be as specific and detailed as possible, so that everyone in the game can get a good grasp of the character.

Post when you have the edits, and I'll take another look!
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Editing is done.
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Casey the Undead
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Awesome, Daniel's profile is looking much better, but he's still DENIED pending just a few quick questions.

I'd love if you could throw a bit more of Daniel's personality into the profile itself. You mention how he acts, but why does he act this way? Was he raised to be polite, or did he just find it easier? Was he a grateful child growing up? Does he act differently around his friends to fit in more, or is he just more relaxed? If you could integrate this stuff into the profile it would really get the character right where we want him.

I'd also like a couple of examples as to why Daniel doesn't enjoy taking the lead on things. If it's going to be a disadvantage (which is fine), there should be just a touch more explanation of it in the bio.

Post when you have the edits and I'll take another look!
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Done, hopefully it's a bit better.
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