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Mallory McCormick
Topic Started: Jan 13 2012, 09:15 PM (1,045 Views)
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Name: Mallory McCormick
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Grade: 12th Grade
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Sports, particularly football and soccer, rock music and tailoring.

Appearance: Mallory is very stocky and sturdy-looking. She stands at five-foot-seven and weighs 160 lbs. A lot of the weight is in her lower half, as she has wide hips and thick, strong-looking legs. She keeps her dark brown hair cut short, though she lets the bangs grow a bit longer than the rest of it and sometimes keeps them out of the way with a headscarf while she's working on sewing or schoolwork. She has tan skin, a round face and her nose is slightly dented from when she broke it at the age of nine. She has large, dark-blue eyes and usually wears blue eyeshadow to match, mostly so that it's harder to mistake her for a guy.

Mallory's usual clothes consist of altered t-shirts that often have the sleeves cut off them, often with band or sports logos stitched onto the front, as well as shorts and dirt-stained white sneakers. Most of her clothes are hand-me-downs from her big brother and altered to fit and look better, although most of them still show signs of wear.

Biography: Mallory is the second child out of five of Kyle and Fiona McCormick. Their family is one which can't afford to have the amount of children they have. They had both Riley and Mallory with no problems but the third child, Jim, was an accident that started the money issues. Once they thought they were fine to have another child they ended up with twins, Caitlin and Briana, which started the money issues all over again. Kyle works an office job while Fiona stays at home and cares for the children, and in the past they've regularly suffered from electricity blackouts due to not paying the bills. Currently the family has had enough to scrape by, especially since the eldest son no longer lives at home, but money issues are always present in the McCormick household.

Despite money issues, it was a good home to grow up in. Both parents were kind and loving. The only real issue was that her father could get very over-protective at times and was very good at picking up on when his children were upset. And he would always manage to wheedle the truth out of them. If someone was responsible in even the tiniest way, Kyle would find them and give both them and their parents and any other distant relatives or authority figures a long lecture about it.

In the case of bullies, her father's well-meant interference tended to make things worse. Kids, at first, only teased Mallory lightly because her clothes were worn-out and baggy, due to them previously belonging to her big brother. Once her dad interfered, they started bullying her for being a daddy's girl and a tattletale. Mallory's reaction to this was to hide behind her big brother, Riley. It helped more than going to her dad about it, mostly because Riley threatened to beat the bullies up if they kept being cruel, and threats of physical harm worked better than angry lectures.

Mallory's big brother, Riley, was the person she was closest to in her family. Mallory always idolized him, especially in her younger years and after he made the bullies leave her alone, and school wasn't the only place she'd often cling to him. She'd follow him around all over the place, wanting to be involved in whatever he was doing. Luckily for her, she had a rather patient older brother who managed to keep his irritation with his clingy sibling down to a minimum. Riley ended up teaching her how to play football, which would quickly become their main brother-sister activity. Mallory fell in love with football through this and joined up with the local little league football team.

Mallory's father wasn't happy about his daughter engaging in such rough sports. When Mallory was nine she broke her nose during a game and her father's reaction was to ban her from playing football and attempt to get her some other interests. He lifted the ban after three months of Mallory alternating between pleading and attempting to run away and live at the football field, as well as being talked into it by Mallory's more easygoing mother. He is still very uneasy about it. When time allowed he would often show up at football practice and run in to interfere when it looked like she had been hurt. This embarrassing behavior caused some distance to grow between Mallory and her father.

As a boyish, socially awkward girl who wears her brother's old clothes, she was still subject to some teasing, especially once her brother left for junior high. When she could no longer hide behind people, her reaction was normally to fire childish insults back at them. But she's physically attacked people who were being teasing twice, once in elementary school and once in junior high. The first time had no real consequences and she even ended up friends with the person she hit, a boy called Sandy Williams. But in junior high, she bloodied the nose of a boy who kept referring to her as a potato sack and making fun of her family, and got thrown off the junior high football team for it.

She never punched anyone again, partly because she didn't want to be thrown off any more sporting teams, and partly because she felt bad for hitting the kid in the first place. Beating someone in a game of football was one thing, because there were rules and it was made to be fair, but purposely smashing someone in the face never ended with any winners.

Mallory experienced more difficulties with playing football as she got older and puberty caught up with her teammates. As most of her teammates were guys, it became easier for them to overwhelm her in terms of muscle and she struggled to keep up. By the time she was kicked off the junior high football team she was falling behind many of her teammates. When she attempted to join the Aurora High football team, she was no longer tough enough to compete and was rejected. Since she was stopped from playing her favorite sport competitively, Mallory's temper has worsened and her self-esteem, already low from years of bullying, plummeted to even further depths.

Mallory's interests mostly lie with three things: sports, rock music and tailoring. She has yet to learn any musical instruments, but is currently saving up for a guitar with any money that doesn't go towards general family stuff like bills. Her other hobby, tailoring, started out of practicality. Constantly playing rough sports had a bad effect on Mallory's clothes, most of which were hand-me-downs already. Her mother insisted she learn how to sew so that she could fix her clothes herself. Later on, Mallory started altering her clothes to make them look less like hand-me-downs and slowly got into tailoring. Although she can make nicer clothes than what she normally wears, she generally sticks with altered hand-me-downs because she can't afford the materials to make nicer clothes.

Her grades are less than stellar, although she isn't downright failing anything. But aside from Home Economics and P.E, all of her grades hover around Cs. She aims to take some classes at community college on anything related to tailoring, but she has no concrete plans beyond that. Mallory has always had trouble with long-term planning and prefers to focus on the present.

Mallory has a part-time job at the Macy's in Lone Pine Mall, although she's been ordered not to tell customers when they look ridiculous in what they're trying to buy. She also sometimes offers to embroider or otherwise modify people's clothing for a small fee.

Mallory doesn't play competitive football anymore, but nowadays plays soccer as a replacement. Though she enjoys it she doesn't find it as fun and intense as football was. She uses any spare time in the evenings or weekends to either sew or hang out with friends. She rarely has a non-busy moment and that's how she likes it. She doesn't even like sleeping for too long, getting up at 6am each day to go for a run before school or work starts.

Her relationship with her parents remains decent, but she's still fairly distant from her father. She is much closer to her mother and more willing to talk to her because she doesn't overreact. Her favourite family member is still Riley, although it's not the same level of idol worship it was when she was younger. The only time she and Riley fight is over which rock bands are better, which mostly happens when Mallory sews logos of bands that he hates on his old t-shirts. She has a more traditional antagonistic relationship with her younger brother Jim, who is currently in 10th grade at the same school, and hovers between annoyance and love where her two little sisters, Caitlin and Briana, are concerned, as they share a room and sometimes it can become stressful.

At school, Mallory is quite friendly. It's very hard to get her to dislike you, provided you don't bully anyone. She still hates bullies. While she never physically attacks them anymore, she tends to rant at their faces for a while if they get on her nerves, having subconsciously picked up her father's habit of lecturing them. It generally doesn't help.

The main thing that prevents Mallory from being a social butterfly is the fact that she's terrible at it. This is largely due to her lack of etiquette in social matters. She is brutally honest and has no sense of tact. If there is a delicate issue that everyone is trying to avoid, it is a certainty that Mallory will bring it up. And she rarely realises when she's annoying or embarrassing people by doing this, or when she's being intrusive and presumptuous. It isn't uncommon for her to sit down next to someone she barely knows and bring up a sensitive topic, or just start talking to them like they're old friends. This sort of behavior tends to put people off. But if anyone wants a painfully truthful opinion, she is a good person to talk to.

Mallory has never dated anyone, although she did have an intensely awkward first time with the same friend she once punched in the face. That was purely out of curiosity and because said friend (known as Sandy Williams at the time and Max Powers later on) said that it was awesome and that she should try it. They often mock each other for the awkward disaster it was. Other than that, Mallory has never shown any interest in dating or other romantic matters.

Mallory can be rather impulsive and has no patience for planning when she could be doing other things. She starts to fidget whenever she sits still for too long. As a result, she tends to come to snap decisions about all but the most difficult of things and go charging in with little to no more thought. She often regrets these decisions later, but has never regretted it enough to attempt being more patient. She's also not afraid of much purely because she doesn't think enough about most things to be afraid of them. An exception to this is heights. Mallory is absolutely terrified of heights and doesn't even like standing near the windows of tall buildings. Whether she considers the danger or not, she knows that falling off heights is a bad thing and she'd rather not get splattered. Also, while she's no longer terrified of bullies, she does get visibly nervous around them, especially if they're particularly vicious.

Due to years of bullying and insecurity about not being able to compete in football, Mallory's self-esteem is very low. She attempts to cover up any insecurities she has. This is why she will confront bullies rather than running away from them, so she can pretend she doesn't care about what they say. She will also come to the rescue of classmates getting bullied because she knows how bad bullying can make people feel.

Mallory gets lonely very easily and seeks out company whenever possible. While she's not as openly clingy as she used to be, it's rare to find her alone. It's not even necessary for them to be friends, or even people she knows. Just as long as someone benevolent is there, she'll be happy.

Advantages: Mallory is very physically fit and has a lot of stamina due to her sporting activities and early morning runs. She's also known for being honest, albeit brutally so, and so people might more likely to believe her when she says 'I'm not going to shoot you.' She also doesn't hesitate about much, so she wouldn't waste too much time pondering decisions in a situation where there's no time to think.
Disadvantages: Her impulsive nature could easily lead her or the people around her to their deaths due to not thinking things through. She doesn't work very well on her own and, if isolated for too long, will probably break down. And her fear of heights will be a problem if she ends up in a high area, like the mountains or cliffs.
Edited by Violent-Medic, Jan 17 2012, 05:26 PM.
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MurderWeasel
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Hi, VM! Before we give Mallory a full critique, please adjust her profile so it matches the template. Specifically, you should remove the line between Advantages and Disadvantages. Post when you've got that done, and we'll give Mallory a full critique. Thanks!
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Fixed.
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MurderWeasel
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Hiya, VM!

Mallory's profile looks really good, but she is temporarily DENIED pending a few adjustments.

First off, I'd like to know why, knowing that they could not afford more children, her parents kept having them anyways. It seems like birth control would be an easily available and less expensive alternative.

"It helped more than going to her dad about it. Mostly because Riley threatened to beat the bullies up if they kept being cruel, and threats of physical harm worked better than angry lectures." should be one sentence, as follows: "It helped more than going to her dad about it, mostly because Riley threatened to beat the bullies up if they kept being cruel, and threats of physical harm worked better than angry lectures."

"Although there were some bumps along the way, like her father almost having an aneurysm over Mallory breaking her nose during a game when she was nine" is a bit informal and hyperbolic. My preference would be for you to rephrase "like her father almost having an aneurysm" to something a bit more descriptive. Also, maybe give a little more detail on this. How did she convince him to let her keep playing sports, given his overprotective nature? How did this affect their relationship?

Here, "As a butch, socially awkward girl who wears her brother's old clothes", I'd like you to replace the term "butch", as to my understanding it can be used pejoratively and the context here seems like another term would be equally fitting.

Also, "As a butch, socially awkward girl who wears her brother's old clothes, she was still subject to some teasing. Especially once her brother left for junior high." should be one sentence, like this: "As a butch, socially awkward girl who wears her brother's old clothes, she was still subject to some teasing, especially once her brother left for junior high."

Here: "And she even ended up friends with the person she hit, a boy called Sandy Williams." you should get rid of the "And" and should capitalize "she".

"But in junior high, she bloodied the nose of a boy who kept referring to her as a potato sack and making fun of her family. And subsequently got thrown off the junior high football team for it." should be one sentence, like this: "But in junior high, she bloodied the nose of a boy who kept referring to her as a potato sack and making fun of her family, and subsequently got thrown off the junior high football team for it." I'd also delete "subsequently".

"She never punched anyone again. Partly because she didn't want to be thrown off any more sporting teams. And partly because she felt bad for hitting the kid in the first place." should be one sentence, like this: "She never punched anyone again, partly because she didn't want to be thrown off any more sporting teams, and partly because she felt bad for hitting the kid in the first place."

"Beating someone in a game of football was one thing, because there were rules and it was made to be fair. But purposely smashing someone in the face never ended with any winners." should also be one sentence, like this: "Beating someone in a game of football was one thing, because there were rules and it was made to be fair, but purposely smashing someone in the face never ended with any winners."

"Mallory's interests lie with mostly three things. Sports, rock music and tailoring." should read "Mallory's interests mostly lie with three things: sports, rock music and tailoring."

I'd like to know why she chooses comfort over conformity while being someone who is very bothered by teasing. I'm not saying that it doesn't make sense, just that I'd like a bit more detail on it.

Here, "Mallory can be rather impulsive and has no patience for planning when they could be doing other things." "they" should be "she".

Here, "And while she's no longer terrified of bullies, she does get nervous around them. Especially if they're particularly vicious. " should be phrased "Also, while she's no longer terrified of bullies, she does get nervous around them, especially if they're particularly vicious. "

"It's not even necessary for them to friends, or even people she knows." should read "It's not even necessary for them to be friends, or even people she knows."

Finally, back to the appearance (though it comes up in her bio, too): In light of everything else we know about Mallory, this: "Her expressions and emotions are usually muted, and her voice is consistently flat." really does not make sense to me. I'd like a really good explanation for this, because it seems very contrary for me for someone with little patience for learning things and no self control to have really good mastery of covering their emotions.

Post when you've got Mallory edited, and we'll give her another look. Thanks!
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Edited. Removed the whole 'blankface' thing (it was a remnant from an earlier version of this profile that I forgot to remove) and the baggy clothes thing. Elaborated on the other points, fixed the sentence issues. I hope it's good now.
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Mallory's looking much better! I just have one little thing I missed last time (due to assuming). When you say football, do you mean American Football or Soccer? If it's soccer, just let me know and everything's cool. American football is a bit more unusual a pastime for a girl, and some more explanation would probably be in order. I'm assuming based on location you mean soccer, but, if so, could you just clarify by adding (soccer) to her hobbies list? Thanks!
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I actually meant American football (we call soccer 'soccer' here and football 'football', calling soccer 'football' is an English thing.) But I didn't realise it was that unusual. I did a bit of research on how difficult football would be for her and altered Mallory's profile some. She still enjoys it (and I did explain that her brother got her into it) but she's no longer on the high school football team due to not being able and stuff.

I hope that fixes things.
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APPROVED
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