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The Stoner Always Dies; In which Jay Holland catches a break.
Topic Started: May 23 2011, 09:04 PM (2,187 Views)
Little Boy
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STICK IT IN ZEE BOOOOOOOT~~~~
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
((Jay Holland continues from Everyday is like Sunday))

Jay had left his lungs far behind him. He wasn't quite sure how he was still running- it seemed like sheer force of will was propelling him now. Janet was with him- a few feet behind, but he couldn't be bothered to look back and check. He prayed to God she was still with him- the frightening back in the forest had been furious. If she was hurt any worse then before-

NO NO NO DON'T THINK THAT

He wasn't sure when he'd stop. The coast seemed like a safe bet- a chance to regroup. To evaluate what had happened... The thought gave him a fresh burst of terror.

And that's why I'm still running.

He laughed, and the laughter quickly turned into choking gasps. He fell forward, skidding to a stop on his knees, hacking up spit, feeling like he was dying. After what seemed like an eternity he stopped, wiping his mouth. The beach was ahead- the ground was that odd mixture of sandy dirt he'd never been too fond o-

There was a ship.

Jay's eyes went wide. For a second, he was sure he was dead, or the entire game was a terrifying practical joke. But he was knocked back to reality at the sound of the others crashing through the forest behind him. Tears streamed down his cheeks and he sniffed his nose, panting to catch his breath. He didn't turn back to look at them.

"Janet." He began, his voice cracking.

"Janet- is this- are we on drugs or something...?"
Edited by Little Boy, May 23 2011, 09:05 PM.
V5
Posted Image Posted Image
Oswaldo Marx --> "Chicks dig scars? Yeah, I'm calling bullshit." --> Cicada Nights
Mikko "Mike" Korhonen --> "Interesting, very interesting!" --> A Casual Question
V4 / Mini's
Spoiler: click to toggle

Quote:
 
"My dick did the Mexican Hat Dance and I had to suppress the moan that wanted to escape." - Casey


NOTE TO SELF: Burns on the left side. LEFT SIDE.
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Little Boy
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STICK IT IN ZEE BOOOOOOOT~~~~
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Jay felt a terrible feeling rise up in him, spreading out through his limbs. He hadn't taken his eyes off the boat, he panted, blinking trying assure himself what he was seeing was fact, not fiction.

"Jay, I've never used a mind altering substance in my life. That is a boat. And we get to go home."

"Yeah." He said absentmindedly, barely paying attention. "Yeah- yeah I knew- yeah."

Hayley and Ema crashed to a halt in the brush behind him, noticing the ship. There were a few people already there- Who exactly he didn't know. A knot developed in his throat. Would Jojo be there? Jasper? Were they saving, everyone? He turned to look back at them, just as the announcements cracked overhead. Jay jerked his head upwards, listening-

It was real. It was all fucking real. No joke, no mirage- they were getting out of this shitstorm alive.

"Holy shit. They got Danya by the fucking balls." He said to himself, breathing a sigh in relief. For the first time and days he felt a weight lift off his chest- the fear of death was gone. He was a few paces away to freedom. Maybe not the most perfect freedom, but it sure beat the Island. He was absolutely fucking petrified- if things were due to fuck up spectacularly, this would be a good time. He hoped to God Maxwell wasn't lurking around- or one of those crazed fuckers who'd catch a bullet instead of a lif-

Wait.

Jay felt a lump in his throat. He coughed. Something was up. He felt like he'd stumbled upon something horrible, and was inches away from realizing the true implications. It was unsettling to a degree he'd never experienced before, nearly as potent as pain.

What was he missing?

The feeling wouldn't go away. He stopped thinking, sorting through his thoughts slowly.

"Guys- I think-"

The announcements continued. Jay's world stopped spinning. Whoever the fuck it was- they began listening names. Cannibals, rapists, murderers need not apply. That sinking feeling finally identified itself. Jay let out a tortured groan, realizing what was about to happen.

No, no no no, why in the fuck would all this happen, I thought- we're all the victims, right? We- fuckin' - I'm on there, I'm fuckin'-

Maxwell Lombardi.
Reiko Ishida.

How many- fucking how many did Charlene say? She- she killed... Shit. Oh fucking shit.

Raidon Naoko.

Five. Sweet fuck th-

Hayley Kelly.

Jay sank down, his heart ripped out of his chest. The girls were a blur around him. His heart was beating fast and he felt like he was going to have a panic attack-

Ema Ryan.

Oh fuckin' GOD-

For some reason, he expected his own name. Why exactly, he wasn't sure. In terms of Good and Evil, he'd definitely not been hanging with the right crowd. Maybe for not stopping Janet-

oh no

The names continued on, his panic rising with each listed student. Jimmy Brennan. Nick LeMonde and Teo, the boys who'd attacked them back at the fair. And then-

Janet. Binachi.

"Shit...-" He whispered. Janet screamed.

He jumped back, falling to the ground. Janet was nearly frothing at the mouth, her pistol raised in the air. For a split second he thought she'd shoot him, but the gun was up far too high. She emptied the gun into the sky, the bullets as loud as thunder. Jay covered his ears, failing miserably to mask his terror. He was white faced as he watched Janet scream, tears falling from her face. It was such a stark departure from what he was used to he nearly took off down the beach. Jay was shaking by the time she was done.

Janet breathed deep and looked back toward him- The look was more terrifying then anything else. Nothing. Acceptance. Not even that. Just nothing. He nearly pissed his pants.

"The only one who gets to leave-"

No no noooo...

"-Is you Jay."

Well if that wasn't completely fucked up, he didn't know what was. God didn't exist, and if he did, he was a cruel fucker. It went quiet. Hayley laughed, looking down at him with a look that broke his heart in two. He had no idea what she was feeling- she'd missed it. They'd all missed it. He was the lucky one- he was the one worth saving.

Fucking. Irony.

How was Jay Holland worth saving? In any way shape or form- he didn't want to die, true. But he was worthless. Janet was far smarter- Hayley and Ema had a future ahead of them. Alex had been the smartest kid he'd know. Jay had looked up to him- Alex was everything he wasn't. Talented with a guitar, a vast intellect, fuckin' beautiful accent. A hero. Morals and goals- what could he do? Jay could make drunk chicks laugh, and that was fuck all.

The realization nearly broke him all together. Alex Campbell was dead, and Jay Holland had the fucking privilege to go home, drink martinis and waste his life away, never amounting to anything.

He wasn't planning on going to collage. He wasn't planning on going anywhere. He had no motivation for anything, no interests and no talents worth saving him for. He'd wanted to drop out, laze about and do fucking nothing for the rest of his life. How was that in any way attractive, in any way appealing? He wasn't worth saving. And yet, he was the one going home. A group of individuals he'd never met were risking their lives, probably loosing them- to save his sorry ass.

Why? Fucking- why? He didn't understand. It scared him. He wanted to cry and oddly enough, he wanted to run away. Deny them- tell them they were wrong. Maybe pull a hero move, have Janet go in his place, or Hayley- anything. Jay didn't realize it, but he'd decided his place in Survival of the Fittest long ago- lazing about on a couch, beaten down by his own unconscious mind.

He wasn't going to play because he didn't deserve to win. He was the coward who couldn't cope- destined to die alone and afraid, because that was what he was worth. He would run away and giggle like a little kid, failing to grasp the fucking implications of what was happening all around him...

He was the only one worth saving.

Bull fucking shit.

Janet apologized. He looked up at her, still shaking from her breakdown, and his own thoughts. He fixed his hat, mumbling something completely incoherent that he'd forgotten it as soon as he'd spoke. His eyes were wet and he blinked back tears, looking at the other members of the group. For some reason his heart was still pounding- he felt unsafe. He badly wanted to be asleep right then. Fall asleep for fucking ever.

Hayley spoke, trying her hardest to grin.

"Well Jay, it looks like you'll see that video after all."

Shut up.

"Yeah, you should go." Chimed in Ema, "Before they just go ahead and shoot us three, you know?"

Ema's words hit him hard. His hands were balled up, tearing up chunks of dirt, crushing them in his fists. He looked up at the others from the ground, anger on his face.

"It's not funny." He said plainly.

"It's not fucking funny Hayley so don't- just- just be fucking- Be fucking outraged, okay?" He breathed in deep, a painful choking nose coming from his throat.

"Okay? It's fucked up. It's fucking fucked up and I really don't need that right now, okay? So just- shit- just be quiet. Please."

He was silent for a long while. Everything seemed very still, his ears were ringing from the gunshots, but he was far away-. He could hear his own heart beating. For a second he considered up and bolting it to the beach, jumping on board and huddling in the back corner, falling asleep.

Falling asleep would be very nice.

"Why me?" He finally said, staring down at his feet. His voice cracked and it was painfully obvious to see he was on the verge of hyperventilating, or breaking down completely. Jay let go of the dirt in his hands, bringing them up to massage his temples. It was all too much- an emotional overload. He couldn't cope.

"Why in the hell did they leave me off?"
V5
Posted Image Posted Image
Oswaldo Marx --> "Chicks dig scars? Yeah, I'm calling bullshit." --> Cicada Nights
Mikko "Mike" Korhonen --> "Interesting, very interesting!" --> A Casual Question
V4 / Mini's
Spoiler: click to toggle

Quote:
 
"My dick did the Mexican Hat Dance and I had to suppress the moan that wanted to escape." - Casey


NOTE TO SELF: Burns on the left side. LEFT SIDE.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Little Boy
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STICK IT IN ZEE BOOOOOOOT~~~~
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
((Sorry for skipping order Chib, but I've gotta get Jay moving))

Jay swallowed hard. Janet's retort had stung a lot worse then he'd expected. He was surprised the girl hadn't just up and hit him for what he'd just said. He flinched back, looking back down the beach toward the ship. More people, things were picking up. There was a sense of urgency about them now, like it was nearly time to go. His heart pounded in his chest as he stared toward them.

Escape. Home.

Would they even be able to take him home? Danya wouldn't be too happy about that. He prayed they'd just up and blow the fat bastard's fat fucking balls off- but something was telling him this was a mere hindrance, nothing more. Survival of the Fittest would go on and he'd live a life on the run-, a prospect not very pleasing. But it was that or death.

"This isn't fair." He said, looking toward Janet and Hayley. "I haven't DONE anything! I didn't save anyone. I didn't try to escape. I fucked around and-"

He shut his mouth, looking down towards the ground in shame. Hayley's words were ringing through his mind. He gritted his teeth, blinking to avoid tearing up. This would be the last time they would talk. He felt afraid- how many people had chances like this? He didn't deserve it. Out of everyone on the entire island, a waste of space like him had a chance to say goodbye properly, without the bullets flying, without blood and darkness and all that horrifying shit he'd expected. It was unreal. Despite his salvation minutes away, he wanted to retch and break down.

"I don't-" He began, before stopping abruptly.

A memory flickered in his mind, his Mother sitting in their kitchen, sucking on a half-finished cigarette and looking at the newspaper, brushing off flicks of ash. He had just come home from somewhere- a party, Alex's maybe. His eyes were bloodshot, and no amount of Axe would be able to hide the stench of weed. It wasn't like it mattered. His Mother didn't approve of it, but she'd been exactly the same way at his age. If there was one thing she was committed to, it was the role of the "Cool Mom". Jay had the freedom to make his own choices for better or worse, and if nothing else it kept their relationship healthy.

His excuse was pitiful. Lost track of time- the smell was from a campfire- something stupid like that. She hadn't listened for long, her questions cutting through his cover story as if it were butter. Not that he'd cared. She'd stopped, put the cigarette down. For the first time in a long time, he'd felt unsure, more then a little confused. She was angry- why he didn't know. It was the same call and response they'd always done. It held little meaning, she said the same empty threats, he promised the same senseless things. They both knew it held no truth, but it seemed necessary, almost comforting. A routine befitting a normal family, one with actual structure and rules.

"Cut the bullshit." She'd said point blank. Her tone was demanding, harsh. He flinched back at it, blinking and trying hard to focus his haze filled mind.

"What?" He'd managed to croak out.

"I said cut the bullshit. Just stop talking Jay."

She flicked the cigarette off the table, it landed on the floor. He watched it descend until her words brought his head snapping back up, focused once more.

"Are you high right now?"

"What?"

"Will you remember this in a few hours, or are you just going to up and forget?"

"No."

"No what?"

"No, just- no, what is it?"

She let out a sigh, and almost all at once he noticed how old she looked. Almost a shell of what she'd once been, beauty rapidly being replaced by wrinkles and crows feet, her roots dyed to hide the grey strands. He'd never payed her appearance much mind. She had always appeared stagnant in time, a constant from one day to the next. Now she looked tired, old. It was scary in a way Jay wasn't familiar with. She looked up at him, a completely different person.

"You were out getting high. Don't give me an excuse."

"Uh-"

"You're not in trouble. I don't care, okay? Just listen to me."

"Okay Mom..."

"In life, people lie, and it hurts. People tell the truth, and that hurts too. People constantly drag one another through bullshit, because that's the way they've always done things. You following?"

"Uh-"

"It's not hard Jay. If you want to be happy, cut out the bullshit. Truth or lies, shit- people don't care as long as they're happy. So make them happy. This," She swung her arm around the table in a careless motion. "This shit right now. Quit it. Okay?"

"Oh- Okay."

She let out a sigh, the slightest hint of a smile returning to her face. She sniffed the air as she reached into her back, grabbing at another cigarette.

"And take a fucking shower, you stink."


It all flooded back to him, such a vivid memory it made him stumble over his thoughts. It had been a year ago, at least. One of the oddest conversations he'd had with his Mom. A part of him thought he'd simply imagined it, like some weed-induced dream. Lord knows he'd had plenty of those. His Mother's attitude hadn't stuck. Within a week, it seemed like all thought of the conversation had drifted from her mind.

It was as if the moment had been a brief flash of light through the fog of their existence, a plea for something Jay couldn't understand. Misunderstood and ignored, it had faded on its own. The entire incident had been unsettling on a level Jay wasn't used to. Different from paranoia about school or the future, friends or money. It was something else he'd never touched on, something he wasn't sure he wanted to think about. The more he remembered about the incident, the more he wished he could just push it toward the back of his mind, forget it had ever occurred. In time, he did just that. But now, he'd stumbled upon it again, like a disregarded toy, found in the corner of a messy closet.

Jay stopped talking, going back to staring at the ground, at Janet and Hayley's feet. He wanted to start again, he wanted desperately to convince them of his guilt, of his Grade A bastard tendencies- but he just didn't have the heart for it. It was like the memory had sucked all initiative from him. He felt the guilt churn in his gut, but it was buried for now.

Fuck.

He pulled out his pistol, handing it toward Janet.

"Heh. Akimbo style-, you'll need it more then me."

Jay sighed, looking over toward Hayley.

"I-" He faltered again, clearing his throat. "I really don't know what to say Hayley. You think of something- pretend I said it."

He turned away, digging his hands deep in his pockets.

"Shit. There's uh, some more clips in my bag. For the- y'know, game ahead."

He took a deep breath, looking up once more, staring into their faces. This was the end. His lip quivered slightly. As odd as it was he didn't want to go. But he knew if he didn't walk over they'd never forgive him. He scratched his head before bending down and collecting his pack, staying deathly silent. He threw his supplies on the ground, compass, map, remaining food stuffs, ammo... Anything to give them the edge. He hefted the noticeably lighter bag over his shoulder, clearing his throat one last time.

"Well... Keep safe. I'll be watching you all."

He turned to leave- before jolting forward one last time, planting a kiss directly on Janet's lips. He didn't linger long- spinning abruptly Jay jogged off through the trees down toward the ship, praying to God she didn't decide to take aim and blow his presumptuous head off. His heart beat fast and he picked up the pace, waving his hands toward the boat, signalling his intentions.

Let's do this. Let's get this over with.

((Jay Holland continues in A Slight Change of Plans))
Edited by Little Boy, May 29 2011, 12:53 AM.
V5
Posted Image Posted Image
Oswaldo Marx --> "Chicks dig scars? Yeah, I'm calling bullshit." --> Cicada Nights
Mikko "Mike" Korhonen --> "Interesting, very interesting!" --> A Casual Question
V4 / Mini's
Spoiler: click to toggle

Quote:
 
"My dick did the Mexican Hat Dance and I had to suppress the moan that wanted to escape." - Casey


NOTE TO SELF: Burns on the left side. LEFT SIDE.
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