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V5 Concepts Thread; Let 'em loose here
Topic Started: May 8 2011, 04:08 PM (28,729 Views)
Brackie
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As my signature can probably tell you, I have quite a few concepts. I don't expect half of them to make it into the game though, so I'll just put down the three I've put the most thought into, and maybe the rest'll come up later:

The "At This Point In Time Will Definitely Be My Characters In V5" Group

(yes I apologise for the length in advance)

Angeline Polidando aka Flagship No #1

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Just your average punk rock chick. Angeline grew up in a normal family, in a normal suburb, with a sickeningly normal life. That was, until she discovered the music her parents never wanted her to listen to; metal, punk, pre-punk, post punk, punk metal, death metal, basically everything that has a scream or a cuss in it. Then, her lifestyle changed. She loved it so much, she changed everything she ever knew to try and emulate these people with such extraordinary lives, sounds, and music.

Fast forward to 17 years old, and Angeline lives and breathes the teen punk rock lifestyle, almost to the stereotype. She's not that much of an imposing punk rocker, since she's quite short, thin and generally small, to the point where bigger friends have joked you could snap her in half with two fingers. Her taste in music evolved over the years; when she was a teen, she was into Glam-Punk and the generally more show-y and mainstream stuff, but soon discovered the stuff that wasn't booted to the tops of the charts, and began her transition in likes and lifestyle over the ages. When she was a junior, she liked to accessorise her hair a lot, usually dyeing it in lots of different colours just for the hell of it, but she quickly outgrew that, and just leaves it with a headband that lies behind her bangs, a dark brown. She picked up a smoking and drug habit, but in essence she does basically whatever her other assorted punk rocky friends do.

Angeline honestly believes she's the best guitarist in the school, and challenges anyone who says otherwise. She's been practicing all her life, ever since she was old enough to walk, her parents gave her guitar lessons. She's practically a goddess of the strings, she's even been called that. Ironically, she sucks at Guitar Hero and games like it, not even being able to get by Medium.

One of her more notable traits is that she has a fascination with people with scars or injuries. She doesn't like getting injured herself, in fact she's terrified of that, or causing injuries or anything like that, but she's just fascinated with the story behind scars or burns she sees on people walking by in the hallway or on the street. She's also an avid softballer, but perhaps one of the weaker team members of the school team due to her somewhat below average upper body and fitness.

In her schoolings, Angeline doesn't do well at all, because she's got a naive hope that she can get into a band and live the rock lifestyle after school, despite everyone else telling her otherwise. She honestly doesn't care that much about classes, although she's just forced to grin and bear it for the sake of getting through the year with the bare minimum mark. She's due for a reality check any time soon.

So tl;dr: Punk chick with a thing for scars, smokes, softball, and the guitar, with no aspirations beyond rocking out.

Jasper Rourke - ie Flagship No #2

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Jasper happened to be born into the wrong family for him. His older brother, born six years elder, was an overachiever of the highest caliber. Got the best mark, was the star player on the football team, and even married the most popular girl in the school, and everyone looked to him next year as his brother version 2.0. Most of the pressure to achieve came from his dad, who put an insane amount of hope into him to do as well as his brother. Every time he got a B, or something not as good as his brother, most people would be disappointed in him, and that affected him severely. He swung into a sever depression at the age of fourteen, but thanks to a supportive girlfriend, he got over it with her help.

Of course, over time, reality ensued. People realised that Jasper wasn't gonna be his brother v2, so the pressure eased off. His parents stopped trying to shape him, so he was allowed to grow for himself. However, said growing allowed a jerk and an asshole of the highest caliber to emerge, since Jasper had long since learnt the value of guilt tripping his parents thanks to the years of pressured upbringing. He rose up on the social ladder in his own way, mainly through being friends with popular people who were also assholes like him. He did get on the football team, taking the fullback position, and the boxing team, and the wrestling team, and most of the sport teams in the school, and this secured his spot in popularity.

That was, until he was outed as gay at the end of his junior year. While drunk at a party, he was came on by another guy, and not even thinking, they got together that night. Since there's no such things as secrets at parties, it spread fast, and his place on the social ladder and popularity spectrum plummeted. Sure, not everyone was a homophobe, but it wasn't like he was the same guy to them any more. He still felt the same, he was confused about what happened to him as anyone, but he knew he was the same guy. The shame was, he wasn't the same guy to everyone else, he was just different.

Senior year was a year of reflection for him, a way to figure out whether or not he was on the right track with life; was he making the right choices? Did he have the best friends? He was finally turning his schoolwork around, only getting high enough grades to stay on the sporting teams would only get him so far, so he put some extra oomph into that area. He dropped one or two sporting teams, but remained a footballer and jock, despite the image he lost with his coming out. He'd be on the receiving end of many gay jokes for the years to come, some in jest, some a bit more spiteful.

Jasper started looking into a new social spectrum he never would have touched before, and even though he was really reluctant, tried going out with some guys. This caught him some flack from his teammates and such, but it wasn't about them, this was all about him. He despised flamers, thinking they were everything wrong about gay people, and refusing to go near anyone who had even a mild camp mannerism.

Tessa Blackridge

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Tessa is an all-American teenage girl, completely saturated by popular culture. She wears whatever's popular, eats everything the celebrities eat, and follows Reality TV like nobody else. Some would call her a TV Junkie. She calls herself enlightened and better than you.

Tessa has a huge family; she lives with her two twin brothers, older sister studying college from a distance since living outside the house scares her, a baby sister, her parents who are only staying together until her brothers finish school, and her deadbeat aunt who owe a lot of people money and can't afford it. She's used to not getting attention from her hands-full parents, so it was lucky she found the internet at age 8. It wasn't the best place for her to be, but she wasn't obsessed with it. It allowed her to listen to, read, and absorb things she never would have gotten from her family. Celebrities, entertainment, and the music. Tessa prides herself on having a music collection that spans two computer hard drives and consists of nothing but Pop, anything that was once hot in her 18 years on the planet, and anything by an artist she thinks is hot.

She fit in quickly with a gaggle of girls like her at school, who would often have minor schisms over things such as who was hot or not at that point in time, but the wounds would heal come the end of the week. She became obsessed with reality shows such as Big Brother, The Real World, everything along those lines, and holds a secret love for Reality Game Shows such as Survivor and The Amazing Race, but she never talks about them because nobody else does and she fears being boring.

Her family remains sternly Republican; her mother instills in her children a sense of American pride. America is the best country in the world, America is never at fault. Of course, that's only when the Republican party is in power - when the Democrats won the election in 2008, it was open field day for her children to blindly complain about everything wrong with the government and its faults. Those who knew Tessa would be surprised to learn she's an avid debater at her school (it helped her make arguments, such as being able to tell her friends why they were wrong about Clay Aiken, he was obviously NOT gay). She also rubs people the wrong way with her being a radical Republican, taking firm stances on pro-life when asked about the issue.

Schoolwise, Tessa does okay. She's not terrible, but she's not that good either. She's slightly better at Chemistry, than her other subjects, but only marginally. Not that noticeable in the long run.

And now:

The "Were At One Point Most Certainly Going To Be Characters But Now May Or May Not Be Transfered To A Mini Game Or Dropped Altogether" Group (or as I like to call it, the WEAPMCGTBCBNMOMNBTTAMGODA)

Caitlin Pinnock

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Basically the RL BFF SI I mentioned above, an insert of my best friend. She's a conservative Christian, Twilight Fan, and all-around generally nice person. She's not some sort of angel though, she's got her bad side in there as well. She's pretty involved in the school community, whether it be student council, Christian Club, Activism, etc, mainly cause she used to be at a really small school where she had to get involved or no one got involved. She's pretty obsessive about her weight, to the point where she's gone through several eating disorders in her teen life. Caitlin's the youngest girl in her family, her older brothers and sisters all having graduated, gone to college/dropped out of college, and gotten their own families by Caitlin's senior year, and she had one 11-year-old younger brother.

If Tessa doesn't work out for me, she's going on the roster.

Anuarite Sevran

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Dropped this one for a reason, y'see. The initial concept is that she was a citizen of the Congo until her family, including her mother, stepfather, and her two stepbrothers, fled internal skirmishes and eventually found themselves on a boat to America. They got papers and such, and integrated themselves into American society. She's legally the oldest of her siblings, having turned 19 by the time of the Senior trip (on paper that is). She's really a lot younger biologically, but the papers say she's 19. Anuarite is also one of the more Mathematically gifted students in her grade, as even though English is her third language, Maths is universal. Unless I get a real hankering to do this one, she's at the bottom of the list, since I have 0% chance of doing her well at all, even if she is based off a friend of mine from school.

And yes I know I have a lot of concepts, but hey, that's what Mini's for.

Some constructive criticism of any of my concepts would be greatly appreciated. I'm looking to change what I'm used to completely come v5, and it starts here, so...
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
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I can't sing but I wrote you a song

Wrong notes but the melody's so clear

When I'm lost, I'm still close to gold

cause I found my treasure in you
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Brackie
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T-Fox
May 8 2011, 06:15 PM
Jade ??? - 17 year old drummer from a Metalcore band. Going out with the singer (Played by faceinabook), other band members are played by MK Kilmarnock, and... Well, we still need a guitarist.
Oh hello.

Do you reckon my Angeline would be a good addition to your fancy schmancy band? I just realised a few days ago I was talking about her being in a band without realising I have no plans with anyone else to make a band. If Angeline was a part of this motley crew, I would love you forever :D

EDIT FOR GREAT GUSTICE: Also if anyone wants to take a gander at reviewing my Three Muskateers, I'd love some feedback.
Edited by Brackie, May 18 2011, 11:29 PM.
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

I can't sing but I wrote you a song

Wrong notes but the melody's so clear

When I'm lost, I'm still close to gold

cause I found my treasure in you
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Brackie
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Humm, alrighty, I actually might get around to mentioning the ones that pique my interest, giving my two cents:

@Darren: I'd really like to know a lot more about Sandra: like, what does she do besides holding up her mask of staunch anti-SOTFness? It's a pretty interesting concept that could use a bit more depth, and I know you'll get around to it, but that's my only main query with her.

@Kamikins: Ah, good old bitchy popular girls, those are a must-have for a school like this. I happen to know several so-called popular girls at my school like this: they're the queen bee of their clique, yet one of them is a massive Pokemon fan, with hundreds of collectors items and all the games and cards and stuff like that. I can see how it would be different at an American school, since not everyone would be as accepting of a bitchy girl like Miranda being obsessed with anime, since it's a somewhat less acceptable mainstream hobby over there? Anyway, have you got any plans for who's gonna be in her bitch-clique?

@Ricky: I've been scouring this thread for any jock types, and yours was the first to come up on my radar. Finally, someone to punish the obscene amount of nerds and geeks so far at this school!

@decoy: Same with Steven!

@Casey: ...another closet nerd? Alright, I don't see anything wrong with it this girl at all, especially since she isn't THAT much of a nerd, I happen to know quite a lot of girls (popular girls at that) who can whoop any guy at COD, but I like her personality outside of her hidden nerdship, she just screams a great cheerleader in my eyes.

@Your boy Casey: I love it so far, I've basically had the same view as him (graffiti shouldn't just be considered vandalism, the good ones need to be considered as intricate art), and giving him this view just solidifies him in my mind as awesome.

@Vicky: I like Michelle a lot. I love Mara a lot. I love Paris even more. It's the perfect line-up for 1/66 of a high-school, and not a full nerd among them.

@Jeff: Another football player! If you don't make his surname Touchdown I do not know you. DJ and the stoner bass brother are also very interesting, and your goth magician seems to hit an untouched niche.

@xylofairy: Phoebe interests me more than half the girls in this thread. I'm not sure why a girl like her piques my interest, but she reminds me somewhat of a girl I know, although she's caucasian and only plays violin. Maybe that's it.

@Jamie: I have a thing for manly bi guys/gay guys (hence my Jasper), so he's someone I take a great interest in. You could probably do without Donovan though, I don't really see any reason to have any more loners than we already do XD

@Baaron Frozo: Err, isn't Zeke Strahm the name of the guy from that Slender Man story? As long as you make him bisexual like his concept was in Mini, I've got nothing against him though :D

@Acidic: A Christian Footballer? Nice.

@LITTAL: A juggalo! I can't wait to see him.

@Jackson: Kyle seems pretty interesting as well.

And...that's it, I think. I should probably have done them a bit more in depth, but I'm at school atm, so this is all I can manage in class (>_>). I've put in who catches my eye, so I would also greatly appreciate someone to look at my guys and tell me what they think, or even whether or not one of my back-ups would be better characters? They're always subject to change, constantly fluid in my mind, so feel free to let 'em rip!

EDIT: And, uh, I realise this is probably the opposite of what was asked here, but...I kinda such at critiquing.
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

I can't sing but I wrote you a song

Wrong notes but the melody's so clear

When I'm lost, I'm still close to gold

cause I found my treasure in you
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Brackie
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xylophonefairy
May 23 2011, 10:48 AM
If we want a more traditional band then Phoebe'll be in it.

Also, I remembered that when I first thought of her months ago, she played the electric violin alongside her traditional one. Looking like this or this. There was a guy at my school with an electric violin and I remember just thinking it was the coolest thing ever...
The exact same friend who I said Phoebe reminds me of also plays electric violin alongside her normal violin, it is indeed one of the most awesome things ever.

Stop channelling my life! D:
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

I can't sing but I wrote you a song

Wrong notes but the melody's so clear

When I'm lost, I'm still close to gold

cause I found my treasure in you
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Brackie
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EDIT: Damn you you ninja.

There used to be a tutorial, but I can't find it. So you may need to just figure it out for yourself ^_^
Edited by Brackie, Oct 6 2011, 07:50 PM.
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

I can't sing but I wrote you a song

Wrong notes but the melody's so clear

When I'm lost, I'm still close to gold

cause I found my treasure in you
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Brackie
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[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I've kinda been feeling a bit off about Alina, so she may not be going in the game. She'll still be pre gaming, but maybe not the island.

As a replacement, I've redone Angeline!:

Angeline Polidando: I don't have much except that instead of a grungy punk guitarist with drug problems, she's a singer now. Unlike Alina, she has a magnificent voice, and has been uploading videos of covers online with karaoke versions of songs because she can only sing, can't play any other instruments. She's also a cheerleader, child of a divorced mother who left her dad when she was ten, and has an almost bipolar personality. She's usually sweet and happy, but other times she gets annoyed very easily and tends to snap back at people. Pic's in my signature.
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

I can't sing but I wrote you a song

Wrong notes but the melody's so clear

When I'm lost, I'm still close to gold

cause I found my treasure in you
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Brackie
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personification of adhd
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Hey blindside! I see this is your first post, so welcome to SOTF!

Alright, here's some feedback I shall give for Mr Noah:

Alright, the hobbies - you've got a pretty eclectic (varied and good) set of hobbies there, it's good too see someone not too hung up on restricting themselves to certain hobbies for certain archetypes. The only things that pop out IMO are the chess and poker, which I'll talk about in a bit.

I know this isn't the official profile, since you don't need to write those until pre game actually opens, but it's always good to put in some thought as to your character's story before school, such as homelife, parents, elementary/middle school, and whatnot - what shaped the way they grew up? They're always essential in writing character profiles. The only other thing that I can see that raises my eyebrow a little is that you mention junior year - that's eleventh grade, right? What did he do in freshman and sophomore year? Did he move there?

Now, the girl - at first glance, I don't see anything particularly wrong with such a thing, since hey, I've done some crazy stuff for people I like in high school too. I can see Noah as a victim in this particularly, and the ensuing conflict? I can't tell if Noah's getting beat up by the girl or the new guy, but either way it's pretty character-shaping and something I don't see anything particularly wrong with.

The big red flag with this profile, however, is the final paragraph. The way it is written, and the way it ties into some of his interests and hobbies mentioned above kind of scream "pre-made player", as in someone who would go into SOTF with no visible qualms with killing their classmates. That's a no-no here at SOTF, and even though I'm nowhere near as adept at critiquing and giving feedback, I suggest that's something you change.

And it's mentioned again in his personality - beat them at their own game, pretending to form relationships? Yeah, that's more than likely not going to fly, especially with the attitude and history you've mentioned, it echoes the pre-made player intention earlier.

Again, in the advantages - manipulating classmates, keen understanding of how they tick? Dittoing the above statement in that it all makes him seem too much of a pre-made.

All in all, you've got a good base for a character here, especially one that would go to lengths to get a girl (you don't see too many of those in SOTF, at least I haven't), but it's been smothered up at the end with all these tendencies that are not going to fly in the profile. If you want to improve him, I suggest taking a long hard look at the aforementioned quirks - the psychological understanding, the manipulation, the aloofness in relationships, etc and really ask yourself if you really want to make a disturbed teenager visibly capable of killing his classmates. More than likely, it won't get through.

Don't be discouraged by this long post of criticism, however - like I said at several points in this critique, you've got some genuinely good bits in there that are simply covered up by the negative! I would be very interested in seeing what someone who goes to great lengths to get a girl only to get rejected/cheated on is like, since I haven't seen much of that in my stay here. Just get rid of the aforementioned pre-made quirks, build his personality and backstory a bit more, and you'll have a great start to a character!
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

I can't sing but I wrote you a song

Wrong notes but the melody's so clear

When I'm lost, I'm still close to gold

cause I found my treasure in you
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
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