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V5 Concepts Thread; Let 'em loose here
Topic Started: May 8 2011, 04:08 PM (28,155 Views)
Slam
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Dude check it I made ideas.

Ryan Banks
Glasses wearing member of the track team dude who's an all around quiet fellow but he's a good person underneath, just a little shy at times. Likes dudes the way I like dudes.

Alex Kersha
Girl that's even more quiet and introverted than Ryan but without the necessarily a good person aspect. Obviously will try to avoid making her a pre-made killer, but she's a little in the development corner at the moment. Also, ski cap and way into astronomy.

Simon Ford
Artist day dreamer with a penchant for rambling way past his due in a conversation about things that fall fairly off topic. Like Alex he's a little thin in the terms of depth department right now.

So yes those are my main three right now. Critique of these totally vague ideas is so open to anyone.
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Hey guys remember those vague ideas I had a while back? Well put your hands back in your pants cause UPDATE TIME SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE

Names are really just placeholders for the most part right now.

Ryan Banks

Caucasian sandy blonde with a sexy pair of glasses (Bad enough vision that without them reading is pretty much impossible barring some serious squinting, but not so bad that he's gonna walk into any trees) and track team enthusiast (If someone could help me out whether track and field athletes tend to focus on either sprint or long distance or working at both is fairly common please let me know). Introverted type, NOT the same as antisocial as I'm sure plenty of you know but is generally quite quiet in the conversations unless being spoken to directly. Doesn't mean he doesn't have his share of friends to go by mind, not in part hurt by his considerably good looking features but sorry ladies he's only into guys. (Though instead of entering pre-game with a boyfriend already I'm more interested in scoping one out through RP so no need to pm me over that thanks!) However he's not that confident about his sexuality and is largely concerned about what effect it might have if it reached the wrong people or became a factor in his sports participation (If I'm right in my reading this wouldn't be so big a concern for Seattle at large but still it's not that much an unusual thing to be worried about if you're not confident in it) so he's only come out to a very select few people, family may or may not be included. Would like to consider becoming a full time athlete but possibly not qualified enough to make that leap. Also may or may not have a twin sibling depending on if anyone would be interested in handling such a person; background's fairly basic right now so plenty of flexibility in how it goes about.

Alex King
(Ta Iz for confirming that that's a valid surname)

Caucasian brunette with a perky little ski cap wherever she can get away with wearing one. Like Ryan, she's also quite to herself most of the time. Unlike Ryan, however, it's not that she's just that way; instead she's got some pretty bad social skills going for her (Details of what this comes out as still in the deliberation pool so we don't have an overly quiet Lucy Ashmore again or an impossibly rude type either). She's trying very hard to overcome these and learn how to get along with people better, making weekly trips to the school councillor (presuming there is one, which I'm guessing yes but just to be safe) to help deal with her self isolating behaviour (Whether she was always this way or an event recently brought it to face is also still in the making, but given the school year the game will probably be set in I'm leaning to the latter but all concept phase anyway). Outside of her social life she's an avid astronomer (Unless writing that turns out to be more complex than I know how to) but doesn't make a song and dance about it (unless she ends up being an attention whore type) cause she thinks that people will just cite it as another reason to call her weird. Fairly plain under that cap, as far as looks go, and skinny.

David Denim (Most placeholdery name of them all)

The non-introvert because for the life of me I need to write someone with an active social life for once who isn't borderline insane. Sandy blonde Caucasian like Ryan, though without all his athlete muscles or good looks. Artist of some variety, probably the visual medium, and all around friendly outgoing guy. Definitely the least defined of the three and most prone to incineration if necessary to be replaced.


Working with just three this time round cause four characters gives me a headache. Opinions would be just wonderful and frankly kinda necessary considering all the footnotes I've shoved in here.
Edited by Slam, Sep 1 2011, 06:13 AM.
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Mimi:
Arielle looks like a fun if rather complicated girl: I'm a little confused on how brain dead her father is if he's still around for her to talk to; I'm no expert on life support mind but I'm just having a little trouble grasping it. Also what happened to the print & paper company after the accident? Did her mother or some other sibling start pulling double weight?

Also if Arielle enjoys comforting people to help her gain inner peace, how does that mix with her uneasiness at letting people get close? Does she give them a face level service without really opening up to their problems?

The intergenerational romance figure also looks like something we haven't seen much of here, so that should be something interesting to read too. How does the rest of her family view the relationship though?

She's definitely looking like she could end up as another good read from you though Meems! Looking forward to seeing what she does!

--

And now to update my third character with something a little bit more substantial; this little filly was inspired by a banker I met today~

Rachel Penn

Light blonde short girl with a slightly pudgy appearance although it's really more of a rounded frame than any geniune fat. Fairly ditzy in attitude but has a good heart and her friends are very important to her, almost to a point where she can't even notice their faults at times. Is a creative writer (She rolls with the last name because hey why not?) who tries to write stories based on her real life experience rather than fantastical settings and is quite competent at it to boot. This leads to her spare time either involving going out with her friends to whatever sounds the most fun, spending a long moment with her notebook and pen when something springs to mind, or a healthy mixture of both. Her bad judge of character has gotten her into trouble on more than one occasion when she's been led astray by bad eggs, but her adoptive parents (Dear old biological mum and dad weren't prepared to have a kid; Rachel has yet to meet them and is still in a conflict on whether or not she wants to seek them out) were always keeping an eye out to make sure she didn't end up screwing up irrevocably.

Some bread and bones of her! Thoughts and opinions are just plain divine~
Edited by Slam, Sep 1 2011, 08:25 AM.
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Hi there measuring stick, nice to see the new ideas here! Let's have a closer looky,

-Ryan-
Ryan's bullying is a perfect valid point to work with on a character and has been done so plenty of times in the past, so that's hunky dory, but it does feel a little bit of a stretch for me that if he has that many bullies they'd all go really out of their way, what with controlled beatings and intimidations, to get away with it. Not that it'd be impossible though, it's just what I think there. Also keep in mind that this pre-game's setting, Seattle, is considered very LGBT friendly for the most part, so large scale bullying due to his bisexuality may not be as likely either. Again it's still perfectly possible (Kids are dicks after all) and I don't claim residence in Seattle so I'm hardly an expert, but just my opinion there again.
The legal studies and hard working student seem to be played well, so nothing to point out there~
The drug taking to deal with the stress will probably need some more elaboration on how frequently he's taking them and what class of drugs are in use, since it's almost inevitable they'd have some effect on his health or work and someone other than a bully or his absent parents might take note.
Also if he attempts to be as polite to everyone as much as possible, what's stopped him from making at least one other friend amongst the bullies? Surely he's had exposure to a few more people in his high school career unless he's deliberately gone out of his way to seperate himself from others, which I haven't really seen any of in what you've described.
Overall looks like a strong setting for a character there, so good work I say.

-Malcolm-
Aryan Brotherhood in Seattle = Huh? Again, Seattle ain't picture perfect place I can value, but nazis running around left wing central, again, strikes me as a bit jarring. What brings his racist family to such a location in the first place? Have they lived there for generations and are just stubborn?
The "I'm not gay but I made him get gay with me" is a valid position too, so works for the most part.
Also his dream is to be a chef, but I'm not seeing any cooking related hobbies or activities in his life. Is there some reason for this?
Hobbies outside school all seem plausible and doable.
Swastika tattoo on the arm is NOT something that will fly in school. Even if by some stretch of the imagination he wasn't ordered it removed or expelled, I don't see him getting allowed on the class trip with it. Heck, I don't see any of his racist hijinks granting him a seat on that bus. I'm assuming this friend of his is an actual licensed tattoo artist as well with the correct equipment, unless Malcolm wants a lovely splotch of infection and disease on his arm.
I'm assuming that the leadership skills come from rearing his Aryan Brotherhood, but I'm also questioning now just how big this order has gotten if he's in a position to lead multiple people. Ramifications with school officials!
We've had racist characters in SOTF before; it's nothing new so there's no reason to say you shouldn't do it. Most of those past characters when we've been stringing for realism and have made it into the game have been a lot more subdued than Malcolm is here though, and the whole Aryan Brotherhood recruitist definitely complicates the matter ten fold. It's not technically unsalvageable, at least not in my opinion, but it's not making him any simpler to write that's for sure.
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CONCEPT CRITIQUE ALL OVER THAT SHIZ

Mimimimiiiiiiiiiiiii

Kara Caplan
Kara seems the perfect sort of girl to go around being a gossip slag, but how does her slightly more well meaning nature get along with Cara's outright mean judgmentalness at times?

storyspoilers sweetie~

Mallory Vandevere
Mallory certainly looks like an enjoyable girl to get around with given her diverse interests and wide charisma. With intellect, sports and charisma going for her I wonder if there's much she isn't good at?

Edgar Tolstoff
Rock climbing is kewlz so he gets 50 points straight off.
Since chorus is a group activity, how did that interact with Edgar's inherently introverted and shy nature? Not much I think to say here, so I think he'll do splendidly in game (Pre-game. Shooting people who can say? (But that's a good thing of course!)).

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYEcelister d=(o.o)=b
Wondered where you had disappeared to. Happy families!

Max 'Hans' Casson
More Nazis in Seattle, liberal city my ass! Really though, it's a tricky challenge but if you're up for it a neo-nazi would probably make for tons of interesting character interaction and development over the course of his shortened lifespan! White power might still get some eyebrows raised from the staff unless he goes out of his way to hide it methinks though. Also, how are his parents feeling these days if they thought it was just a phase at first?

Domnomnomnomnomnom

Cara-with-a-C Howard (That name might be illegal though)
Cara looks fairly solid as is. I'm wondering though if her good intentions but bad attitude in the judgemental department hasn't conflicted at some points or another and had an effect? ("Should I really have thought that? Oh crap maybe I'm a bitch with a b!") Also how does her fairly not-brightness mix with her desire to be a vet? Them shit needs good grades I hear.

Mike Farrell
Mike also seems well rounded, so not much to add to there. If he's smart what's dragging him down to average grades? Disinterest? Laziness? And how do his interests cross over in regards to the other group's he's a part of opinion of him?

Blind Gardener, deadly with rake.
Welcome to the site!

James Cotter
James is certainly looking thought out so far!

All the students are at the same school if it's like V4, yus, although I can't recall if we've been told where in Seattle it is yet, so it could still change for all I know.
James certainly does know a lot of complex trades; where has he picked them all up? His parents certainly seem very busy, so does he read a lot of books? Has he attended some sort of club to learn them? Or is James' dad very handy himself and is passing along all these techniques? And where did he get the funds to practice these techniques before his part time job arrived? Is his parents combined income quite lucrative or has he had part time jobs in the past?
I'm wondering where all this stamina and muscle is coming from, since you haven't really mentioned anything in his interests that would make him mostly muscle from what I can see.
What sort of reputation has James' reactions to people's badmouthing given him? Is he seen as a moral person or a trigger temper thug, for example. Big guys don't tend to be given the benefit of the doubt when they're having fights, after all.
How has he gotten his hands on all these vintage things to make clothing out of, given the time setting of 2011? Does he crawl across the internet in search of things, and if so the funding question resurfaces.
How does the rest of his family besides his father react to his agnostic attitude towards religion?
The eye thing is perfectly doable in a character, so not much to pick at there. Poor guy though. Same goes for motorbikes to my knowledge.
How did he get into punk and alternative rock if he doesn't keep up with popular culture?
What makes James try to put on a tough guy act around people at school? And how his this as well affected their opinion of him?
Do the authority figures appreciate his attitudes towards them? Has he ever gotten into trouble for being too casual?
Do the rest of his family or friends know that he's gay? And if so what do they think?
Academic mediocrity is fine, and doing well in art and working stage in theatre only makes sense with all his hobbies so that's fine.
Terrible at small talk, what about the rest of his interactions with people around him? Is he dominating in a conversation that has meaning? Does he just tend to not say much at all? Terrible at small talk also isn't really much of a disadvantage, so you can probably omit it.
Not really seeing where this down to earth advantage comes from either.

Overall though I definitely think that James has a lot of potential to him, and I'm looking forward to seeing him in pre-game!
Edited by Slam, Sep 30 2011, 11:57 AM.
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WE HAVE REACHED CRITICAL MASS OF UH-OH HERE

After looking over my more updated Alex King mini profile, I have realised that she couldn't sound more like the dreaded pre-built player unless I gave her a fondness for manipulating others just for lulz!

Alex King


Quick! Is there anything we can do to reduce this mass of cliché before it becomes too much and [extended radiation analogy]? Cause I'd love you if you had a few tips on how we could make her a bit more developed or better reflect that we're going for very angry girl here, not homicidal girl. Though nice presumption to make of her, actually it fits. BUT WE DON'T NEED IT TO FIT YET PRE-MADE PLAYERS ARE BAD!
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I am backtracking some concepts (like two) because I can and you guys can't stop me.

Archemides:
Jamal Farouk
Now see, from that summary I have a very good picture of what Jamal does and what strengths and weaknesses he possesses. Unfortunately, that's about all I can really get from that; we need a little bit more description in the personality department: what are Jamal's attitudes towards people? What are his attitudes towards himself? Is he a perfectionist? An elitist? Does he just have lots and lots of hobbies and pursues them all with equal determination? And whilst we're on the topic, Jamal's weaknesses seem a little thin. Obviously the point of SOTF isn't to make someone who will perfectly balance in ability compared to every other character, but it seems Jamal's only problem is he's going to have trouble finding a tech savvy ally on the island. Nein, don't think about what Jamal will be able to do on the island yet. Take what you flesh out with the personality some and then see if you can't find more personality faults that go along with them: for instance if he's a perfectionist, then the strength comes from his diversive abilities and the weakness just writes itself. If you have a character that's too strong, then you could well bump into some problems generating any real conflict for him in his story.

Alexei Zavlasky
Alexei runs into a similar zone with Ramal, that being his general lack of any weaknesses or information on his personality. Give us more ideas of what goes through his head and consider elaborating on a few things that'll give him obstacles to overcome as he lives out the rest of his days, and I'm sure he'll make for a super character.

Dr. Roy
Leah
If I had to give a realistic timeline guesstimate, I would wager somewhere in the 6 months - 1 year + zone would be a reasonable time frame for her to reintegrate with civilised society. As for what causes the rehibilitation, I'd only really object to B since it seems to clash with her pre-existing personality. Then again, maybe she just grew up and changed what she thought about things with more experience under her belt.
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Kay time to unveil concept #3 cause I've been toying with her for a while now like I do all my women.

Gabriella 'Gabby' Parker


Gabriella 'Gabby' Parker is a girl who lives for the stage. Graced with a fine voice and the chops to use it in front of a crowd, she has been partnered with her best friend [insert name that is yet to be made but handler is already confirmed] as her musical accompiant for some time now, the two enjoying a small amount of success in local open mic nights and the such. But Gabby isn't content to settle for just being a one night nomination the rest of her musical career, despite the dangers of stardom thrown into her face by her parents. Gabby wants to be the star! Even if she can sometimes unwittingly let the crowd go to her head and forget that she's a two person act, being up on stage with all eyes on her makes Gabby feel alive and she wants to live like that for the rest of her life!

oh there's a bunch of other details that would go in a proper profile but hey have a general overview. Anyone got anything to say by all means share it with me homies.
Edited by Slam, Dec 6 2011, 05:34 PM.
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Laure hun, I'm looking at Rachael and it's just occuring to me that for a girl who's traumatised so severely that she never speaks to anyone at all even a single word, she seems pretty much perfectly adjusted otherwise. Considering her active range of hobbies, friends and interests. In fact the point about her looking frightened a lot doesn't even seem to flow that much with the rest of the girl who I'm looking at, who quite honestly I could think was mute due to a physical reason rather than any social trauma if I hadn't known about it in the first place. If an event's going to have an effect on someone's life to such a severe point even years later it really should show in a few other aspects of their personality, at least I think so.
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I'd personally say that sounds leaps and bounds easier to form a character around.
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I'm not necessarily getting a pre-made killer vibe from Katherine, but dealing with characters with mental issues is always risky business and not necessarily gaurenteed to work out. Nothing saying you shouldn't try though if you're interested, just keep in mind that a lot of depth and consideration is necessary, particularly in the area of whether anyone else is aware of these mental issues, as they're almost certain to take precautions about her presence at school if they are aware of such things for her own safety. It's an idea to consider but retain a lot of flexibility over I'd say.
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