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V5 Concepts Thread; Let 'em loose here
Topic Started: May 8 2011, 04:08 PM (28,764 Views)
MK Kilmarnock
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Jessica Sanders: 18 year old bassist for the same band that Jade just so happens to be in. Has the somewhat obvious and goofy nickname 'The Colonel' thanks to her last name, which she earned at a music camp.

Sean ??? (either Mulcahy or Mulherin): A somewhat lanky 17 year old. Not much is set in stone about him yet, though I've been playing with his various interests/hobbies/dislikes/etc. He'll have a sister played by another handler.

Christopher Aiken: A 19 year old, rather muscular guy who's 'in' with the jock crowd. While he doesn't go out of his way to antagonize everybody at the school, he's less than sympathetic towards 'nerds and geeks' who might be in the vicinity. During the summer, he works with his dad on a crab fishing boat near Alaska.

I'm honestly not too sure if I'm really going to use Jerry Fury anymore. I know I've done a decent bit of talking about him, but even as a 'parody done right' of all the things we saw wrong with failed v4 submissions, he seems too silly and out of place now. Especially since I already have three very solid character ideas, Jerry's getting more and more superfluous.
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MK Kilmarnock
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No, no trouble at all. Now you know, half the battle, GI Joe and all that fun stuff.

Also, uh, I guess I shouldn't waste a post here. I usually don't give critiques to people unless they explicitly ask and just about everybody's been reviewed anyway, though I'm gonna go out on a limb and poke some heads for some attention. Yeah, this means I'm going to review a couple character ideas myself, hopefully before everybody else gets to them.
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MK Kilmarnock
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Tagabasa, first.

@ Harvey: You know, I saw a lot of Harveys in the Visual Basic class I was a TA in at my high school. Having skimmed over all three before reading, I think Harvey is the one I like the most out of all of them. He's got his focus, scholastically, and he's just fine with it. He's not too nerdy in the sense that he's an okay soccer player, but just enough to keep him active. In all honesty, I think my favorite part about Harvey is that you've got a handle on the 'macro' details (programmer, astronomer) as well as some micro ones. For instance, how he'll remember certain things long ago, but forget two minutes ago. This is a surprisingly common and humanizing flaw that helps me to feel like I probably met Harvey last week.

@ Casey: A shy introvert with an interesting ethnic background who finds company in the internet? Yeah, alright, sign me up. Her interests of the steampunk community and craftsmanship tie together very well, and I almost feel like Casey's one of those girls that would show up to Anime Boston (or 'insert local geek convention here') wearing the latest getup that she created. It'd make sense that such a shy but creative girl would also be pretty smart, though I'm confused about a bit of a detail. I'm not sure if it's implied or not that she's in the top 5% of her class (if she was in on this conversation that disgusted her, I'd guess she was). If she's an underachiever who doesn't feel challenged enough to do her work, though, she probably wouldn't be in the top 5%. That's just a bit of a semantics blurb, but I'm really liking the rest of her.

And no, you will not be forgiven for this steampunk fad. I will kill you all.

@ Mia: Yes, she loves to sing. I'm sure she's very talented. What I can't wait to see is just what kind of girl she'll be at school because... well, you know, we all want to see how that one super-popular girl that everybody loved to be around would fare if stuck in a potentially deadly situation, right? Ah, the schadenfruede...

Now then, Flare.

@ Jack: Writing a self-insert can sometimes be a bit trickier than writing other characters. For an advantage, you're writing what you know, which is yourself. As a slight disadvantage, trying to fit yourself into an SotF character within the constraints of the game can sometimes be a bit tricky (real life can be, as they say, stranger than fiction). Everything about him is generally reasonable, the two-tone personality (which many people display), the love in music without actually being a perfomer (just like many other music lovers), and the touch of geekiness (but as this is a self-insert and you're here, go figure. Look forward to it.

@ Monica: A goddamn figher-loving tsundere (Holly, kill me if I ever say that word of my own free will again)? Sounds wonderfully irritating in about the best way possible. We all know this type of gamer, the kind who can be something of a bitch when they're winning. Sounds like the character I'd love to hate, and again, in a positive manner (not all characters are meant to be loved, after all). Hey, does she play Guilty Gear? I'd love to take her down a peg. Or ten.

@ Maximillian: Oh. Fuck. Yes. I can't WAIT to see a rich, white-collar snob with all the starchy bro-ness of Freddie from Scooby Doo. There's really not much else that can be said. I don't even hope for some deep, brooding and thoughtful side of Maximillian to surface. No, I'm okay with him being exactly what he is written here: rich, handsome, on the lecherous side and in need of a swift crowbar to the skull.



So, uh, yeah. Sorry about my gradually slipping grasp of self-control near the end there, but there are your reviews, you two.
Edited by MK Kilmarnock, May 18 2011, 11:02 PM.
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MK Kilmarnock
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T'was what I was going for (and also in a selfish bid to get somebody to look at and see if there was anything with my concepts I should consider/add/change), but things seemed to devolve rather quickly.

At any rate, yeah. I think I remember talking about this. Maybe. Possibly. T-Fox, bud, do we have all four band members in gear, then?
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MK Kilmarnock
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I smell a bass guitar beatdown.

Yeah, T-Fox, I'm thinking that makes sense.
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MK Kilmarnock
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It's not so much basing the entire school around music as it is making sure that there's probably some sort of program in place that would at least make sense. If there were really this many musicians at a school, they probably would've got something in place by now with the proper ambition. Nothing huge or curriculum-dominating, but at least something they can call their own.
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MK Kilmarnock
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Ms. Violetta Christina Angelique Lazula Raven Danya McCahn
A 5'11" blonde girl with one blue eye and one green/purple eye (yes, both colors. In one eye). Her hair, while naturally blond, has streaks of blue and black in it. She wears heavy makeup and dresses up in a gothic lolita fashion which clearly violates the dresscode, but because it meshes so well with her practically perfect body, the faculty seems to let her get away with it. She's fairly admonishing and downright caustic towards many people, but has a natural flair about her that makes her beloved by nearly all. She hates sports, but is secretely good at just about any sport she tries her hand at if she can bear to lower herself down to such a level. I'm thinking she'll probably be into anime, parkour, video games of many sorts (which she'll be amazing at, of course), and she might have a natural talent in playing the Harpsichord. Because fuck pianoes.

Thoughts/comments/praise/worship?
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MK Kilmarnock
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If you want a character to pop, and it's your first go around, you want it to be because of your writing, not something more gimmicky. But if you're set on an idea, I say what the others have said. Do your homework, eat your vitamins, say your prayers and crank that shit out.
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MK Kilmarnock
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Now now, let's try not to scare the poor guy. That being said, though, writing a character like that IS going to take lots of TLC, so make sure you're ready for the challenge first.
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MK Kilmarnock
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Let it be known I will bring down the light of judgement on any character with a goddamn punny name (I'm looking at YOU, Kami). *trollface*

Let's see. What concepts I was going to comment on have pretty much already been beaten to death, and so there's nothing to add. The fact we're going to have another 'Ricky' is funny, though. Now I can enter the chat to find everybody using my name and confusing the hell out of me (now I know how James must feel!).

Alright, nobody's commented on Wides, yet.

Krilacia: Her main character trait is that she got into a threesome once? I really want to see more of Krilacia's interests and... hell, everything about her personality before I decide how I feel about her. The appearance is fine and dandy; I think you did a good job of representing the look of an actual high school student, but she's going to need a lot of fleshing out.


William: My my, little Willy's a short one, inn'it he? I like this concept a little bit more at the moment. He's a smart-alek slacker who smokes, cool. I know a guy sort've like that (and hopefully I just made T-Fox laugh). Much like your other concept, though, I need to see a little bit more about him before I decide much else. Also, how long ago did he transfer to the area, exactly?
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MK Kilmarnock
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Well said, Mother Brain.
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MK Kilmarnock
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God damn it, Dan. Just... *chuckles* damn it all.

Uh, anyway, yeah. It's all about how it's presented in the profile, after all. We've had manipulative characters, though we like to see things along the lines of how they apply to high school (people trying to sway influence for popularity, etc.). When they get on the island, then such qualities can be massively perverted.
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MK Kilmarnock
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If you have to really reach to incorporate an element such as being entirely mute, it might be best to drop such an element because it doesn't help the character at all.

Just remember that handy tip: If some auxillary element like a false leg or blindness can't be removed and leave an otherwise compelling character, then the character is too based on that element.
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MK Kilmarnock
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Hey there! I usually avoid this thread because I want to keep my mind clear for submissions (the same philosophy at least one other staff member subscribes to), but I decided to stop in when I saw the new guy!

So, I took a peek at your character idea and I think you've got something of a good start. Physical appearance, the Septicemia, interests and social awkwardness are just fine. I do question why she'd be bullied about her height when 5'5" is just an inch or two shorter than the general female average, though, which leads me to my piece of advice.

As I've said before, I like where this could be headed with a smart, sociall awkward and pressured-to-achieve student. You have to be careful, though, with how you expect them to be received. You say most people hate her, which... while it is marginally better than saying everybody hates her, is still a bit too much external control. Focus more on Rose herself, and let others decide whether or not they like her.

If you were to ask me, I'd say plenty of the students at Aurora High would love Rose. However, since bullying and the overcoming of such seems to be like a huge part of her character, some of us would be more than happy to supply a bully or two. ;)

Check out the relationship threads for that, and welcome to SotF! We'll meet in the chat, I'm sure.
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MK Kilmarnock
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Oh, Aaron. Right you are, but it turns out BOTH of us have been... pre-empted. The revised version hasn't been posted yet but apparently both the disease and some of the bullying is being dropped.
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