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V5 Concepts Thread; Let 'em loose here
Topic Started: May 8 2011, 04:08 PM (28,055 Views)
Greg The Anti-Viking
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On the left is a mod, on the right is a pre-made psycho...get the picture?
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While Vinnie has said, most of what realistically needs to be said I feel like as a member of the mod team I should lend in some more explanation.

The thing about SOTF is that it really spends a lot of time focusing on realistic characters, in this case the students. The major reason we do this is to focus on what ultimately is a tragic situation in which kids are being kidnapped and forced to kill each other. Or to put it in a more simple matter, we strive to focus on humanity and the writing of it, the murder just happens as a result of the plot. Now that we have that stated this I just want to talk about why your as of yet unnamed character would be shot down for pre game, let alone the actual game itself.

The first thing I'll focus on is that whole mutilation thing you have with him. This is something that I wouldn't call a no-no per say. But the problem here is this: If there is clearly evidence of self mutilation, why has nobody noticed. Self mutilation is a very dangerous sign for people in the real world, particularly when it is seen amongst young adults. It strains credibility in regards to the fact that nobody noticed, especially when you state that he is "missing his left eye from when he cut it out". While something like a wrist can be hidden, to varying degrees of success, an eye is a visible sign of trouble as the kid may in fact die because of the resulting blood loss if nobody noticed. If he didn't die then he would most certainly be examined for medical problems and likely barred from a school trip. It may look cool if the character had an eyepatch, but it doesn't really fit with this particular setting. If you wish to continue with this character it would be better to go on a much smaller scale or to leave that particular aspect out of the profile.

Now we have to focus on another aspect the psychology. To put it simply, the way that this character would be using it, as you've practically stated it mean pre-generated killer. We have seen this angle multiple times on SOTF before it was cracked down and it has never worked well. It has come of as unrealistic and comical. Some people have also used history as a means of being a tactical genius which again does not equate very well at all. First off, psychology (or history, or martial arts, etc) is not a bad hobby for a character or an interest. However what you are describing is something that this character has knowledge that would far exceed the knowledge of high school students and in some cases many college level students. I realize that I am likely repeating myself but you seem to be making an excuse for a character to kill at large without any problems. This is something that we strive to avoid in our profiles, primarily because the really good villains aren't ones that you can pick out from the crowd instantly. The good ones are ones you never see coming. Ones that are grounded and rounded characters. That is what is truly frightening.

This is also noticeable when you mention his paranoia. Paranoia is another one of those buzz words that scream out to us mods that we may have a pre-generated player on our hands. This is something that would take a lot of effort for us to allow, often because of what we're seeing right here. Something that is extremely over the top. He paralyzed his best friend because he thought he was someone else. Regardless of intent or paranoia addling. This would merit some sort of discipline at best, severe evaluation is much more likely. The ability to not distinguish friend or foe is again, another qualifier that this character will likely kill off the bat and not really care, because of course it paranoia that did it. As you may notice by what I am saying here. The way this is written suggests that this mental illness will be used as a crutch that allows the character to do all the nasty things he'll do when he's in the game. Crutches like that are bad, and I return to my statement before. Characters that scream out "I'm a villain" aren't scary, in fact they end up quite humorous because they have no real fear to them. We know what they're going to do and that ruins the fun, as a reader and as you may find, as a writer as well.

Finally I'm going to bring up a few points that aren't bad by any means, but they would do well to have some more elaboration or minor edits. First the Christmas angle is actually a really interesting concept but it feels like it is missing something. I'd recommend thinking about why it is he hates Christmas. Is it due to his birthday? Did something happen? There needs to be some more there for us to identify with him. Second you bring up that his parents died in a car crash. Now this is usually a rather cliche aspect of any type of writing. Dead parents. This would most certainly need heavy elaboration if this were to fly. We need to know how he feels, when did this happen, how he feels about living with a foster family, etc. Detail in this particular aspect is a wonderful thing and rounds out the character. You don't have to remove it by any means, but it will need much more than a simple bracket explaining things. Finally, SOTF v5 is going to be taking place in 2011 as noted by KillerVole in post number 6 found in this thread and thus the age should fit a senior in 2011.

Alright, in closing. There is naturally a lot of potential still to be found in this unnamed character, but there are numerous problems that you will have to consider revising or changing to make this in any ways acceptable for v5. I want to stress again that realism is much more interesting than "cool". There are many good villains in v4 and v3 who were relatively normal from their profile and in the way they acted. We don't wish to discourage any handler from writing a villain or a hero, but over the top aspects do not an interesting character make. My avatar basically explains it in a simpler way than I have just typed. But it won't help anyone learn if I just respond with that. Consider the topics I've mentioned to heart and with a little effort you could find yourself in v5 pregame and proper.
v5 characters
B054:Oscar Trig-Smoker, Artist, Film Buff

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