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V5 Concepts Thread; Let 'em loose here
Topic Started: May 8 2011, 04:08 PM (28,109 Views)
Fayth
Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
@Rugahissy

RE: Jamie; I like her too. She's probably the most normal character I've ever written, and she and I are just fine with that. :).

RE: Max; He's all talk. He's found that being a manslut is just fine in high school (encouraged, even), but actually caring about something isn't, so while he spends more time in the air than he ever has in bed, he doesn't talk about it with his peers. I currently cannot forsee a future in which he would do that to himself. He's too serious about his future to deviate much.

Also, with the name change, I figure his parents have been trying to control him for years, with little to no success. They finally settled on being happy that he's never been arrested and is on time to graduate. They think his ambitions of being in the circus are a whim/phase, and that he'll eventually switch to something else. Sadly, I think they've given up on him, but since Max is too self-centered to notice, I don't think it'll come up often if at all. I very much appreciate the discussion/concrit. :)

@Littleboy

RE: Oswaldo; Oh, the curse of having parents who name you on a whim. I think the problem I'm having with believing Oswaldo isn't his name or his parental issues, it's what people focus on when it comes to him. Most teenagers nowadays don't read for pleasure, and Salvador's books are too recent (and, no offense, 99% of fantasy is irrelevant to a high school curriculm) to be in a syllabus. I doubt more than a handful of the students in the entire school have read anything by the elder Marx, and of those, how many actually come up and talk to O about them? Not to stereotype, but I was in high school not too long ago, and the "bookish" types weren't the outgoing ones.

I think what they would instead focus on is his scars. Appearance is critically important to highschoolers, and even if he's been going to school with much the same group since kindergarten (especially then, I think), there are still going to be stares, whispers, and in the case of the more blatant bullies, outright cruel remarks on his face.
V5 Concepts


If you weren't there, it's probably not funny
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Cash Money
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Come on and slam
[ *  * ]
Alright, I've revised/redone my concepts.

Randall Cimora's original writeup can be found here. I've added an overriding motivation to various aspects of him though: his experience in middle school. His middle school fed directly into a high school with one of the best football programs in the state, and his introverted nature and lack of physical aptitude left him feeling disconnected from the athletics-centered culture at school. He reacted against those with whom he couldn't blend in by growing out his hair and wearing baggy clothes, and the reason he picked tennis as his exercise of choice was because it was the least macho sport he could think of. I still need to think of a reason why he moved to Seattle.

Milo Richter has changed quite a lot; his original writeup can be found here (same post as before). He's still a short, overbearing wannabe businessman, but he's no longer quite so fidgety (though that is still there in some form). He's from a family with a lot of money, with his father in particular being an executive at a large company with its headquarters nearby.

His father has had a big influence on his life. He's a perfectionist because his father emphasized getting things "right" while forgetting to mention the value of making mistakes. He has no idea how much his family actually makes because they repeatedly tell him of their hard work and struggle while living below their means. Most importantly, he idolizes his father over his supposedly hard-won success. He isn't aware, however, that that success came more as a result of ruthless backstabbing than anything else - in an alternate lifetime, his father could have been the very image of an unrepentant 1-percenter financial fat cat, and in another alternate lifetime, his lack of empathy might have marked him as a pre-made player to the moderators of this very site.

Milo's attempts to pick up on his father's seemingly preternatural ability to wheel and deal often backfire because he just doesn't have the combination of magnetic personality and moral flexibility that's needed for his particular brand of interaction to work. He's not a charming asshole so much as he's just an asshole, and his friends are usually split evenly between fellow assholes and those who haven't found his used car salesman act grating just yet.

Leah Chapel used to be found here, but she's almost entirely different now, so that link's there mostly for historical reference. She's no longer a former rebel; rather, she is still a rebel, and a poor delinquent rebel at that. Her older sister's the favorite because she was nearly the exact opposite of Leah. Where her sister could do no wrong, Leah could hardly do any right, and she's gotten to suspecting she was an accident all along.

Since she rarely felt welcome at home, she ended up falling in with The Girls of Rainier Valley. She's involved with a lot of their activities, though she goes to great lengths to hide the evidence so she doesn't catch hell from her parents. Her clothes are accordingly as clean as she can manage, though still below par by most of society's standards. Her mom in particular disapproves highly of her friends, being a policeman's daughter.

Her low status and income have contributed to her being one of the worse students at school; her academic pursuits are token efforts to please her parents rather than truly trying to succeed, and her general outlook on life is rather pessimistic. She does harbor a bit of a fascination with glitz and glamour, but she considers it an escape that she'll never be able to touch.

Thoughts?

Also, Little, I want to see Nolan!
V5 concepts:
Randall Cimora: aspiring music producer, easygoing, space cadet, new kid
     Currently blowing his Christmas money in Life is like a broken record
Leah Chapel: classic teenage rebel, sneaky, pessimistic, the un-favorite
     Re-upping in LSMFT
Milo Richter: consummate professional, intellectual, debater, self-conscious
     Convincing someone of what they already believe in Variables...

Lovely pics

In other news...
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GameMaker
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Error: This Title Is Too Smexy To Display
[ *  * ]
Alright, I'm back, and a little rusty, but eager for some commentary on my first two ideas. They're pretty long, so I spoiler tagged them.

David 'Davy' Navaski-
Spoiler: click to toggle


Oskar Heinrich-
Spoiler: click to toggle
Edited by GameMaker, Jan 2 2012, 11:05 AM.
All in the game, yo... All in the game.- Omar Little, The Wire

V4:
J.J. Sturn- "I'm not a bad person. I'm not a bad person."
Mike Jeffries- "Don't worry, guys. Everything's going to be just fine."
Omar Burton- "I must say, I'm beginning to realize that I'm the only smart person in the room."
Kaitlin Anderheim- "I've never even talked to a guy before..."

DEAD THEY'RE ALL DEAD
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CCH098
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Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
Ok this is my first idea for a character so I hope you all like it

Rose Coburn

She is English-French and is 18 years old. She has long brown hair which flows down her back and is usually tied back in a ponytail, pale white skin and amber eyes. Her height is 5'4 and weighs 120 pounds. She usually wears a pink or white polo shirt, denim skirts and a variety of different coloured tights.

She was born into a very wealthy family and her parents were very protective of her.Despite this she does know how dangerous the world can be.She was also born partially deaf in her left ear thus meaning that she had to wear a hearing aid in that ear. Her parents were also very pushy so she often got As in all subjects which is one of the reasons she gets bullied. She also got bullied because of her height, the fact that her parents are very protective over her, that she is deaf among other things.. But as this has been happening most her life she has got used to it and now they don't bother her and she doesn't respond to their insults.

She is very socially awkward because of the bullying and most of her classmates hate her and are jealous of her but she did find refuge in a student teacher and the two still keep in touch which gave Rose a massive boost of confidence making her a more gentle and forgiving person. When her parents noticed their daughter being down all the time before the student arrived they gave her a violin to play so she could truly express herself and ever since she has had a natural flare for the instrument.

One day Rose hopes to become a heart surgeon therefore she studies human anatomy a lot of her free time as well as trying to make new friends but most people just see her as a daddy's girl and a geek but she does try to not let this get to her although it does still sometimes bring her down. Also because she is socially awkward she can easily get on the wrong side of people although she tries her hardest not to let this happen.




Edited by CCH098, Jan 6 2012, 02:27 PM.
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MK Kilmarnock
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Hate, hate, HATE!!!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Hey there! I usually avoid this thread because I want to keep my mind clear for submissions (the same philosophy at least one other staff member subscribes to), but I decided to stop in when I saw the new guy!

So, I took a peek at your character idea and I think you've got something of a good start. Physical appearance, the Septicemia, interests and social awkwardness are just fine. I do question why she'd be bullied about her height when 5'5" is just an inch or two shorter than the general female average, though, which leads me to my piece of advice.

As I've said before, I like where this could be headed with a smart, sociall awkward and pressured-to-achieve student. You have to be careful, though, with how you expect them to be received. You say most people hate her, which... while it is marginally better than saying everybody hates her, is still a bit too much external control. Focus more on Rose herself, and let others decide whether or not they like her.

If you were to ask me, I'd say plenty of the students at Aurora High would love Rose. However, since bullying and the overcoming of such seems to be like a huge part of her character, some of us would be more than happy to supply a bully or two. ;)

Check out the relationship threads for that, and welcome to SotF! We'll meet in the chat, I'm sure.
V6 Tributes

Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5

Things We Say
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Crash
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Power Bottom
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Er, speaking as a nursing student, I'm gonna have to disagree on the septicemia thing. Septicemia is a term that has been used very loosely in the past, but in essence, you're talking about blood-borne pathogens. It's sometimes also used to refer to a "weaker" (relatively speaking) version of sepsis - a blood infection. However, the problem in that lies in the fact that septicemia is not a chronic condition - either it would have developed into sepsis and killed her when she was young, or she would have gotten over it and it would have went away. It wouldn't plague her for the majority of her life.

It's being used incorrectly here - but I'm not sure whether you meant that or another medical condition and you got the names confused.

Either way, don't give up - keep trying and making edits and we'll help you along as you go!
v4 Characters:

G23: Claire Lambert: Property of the Fabulous Mr. Toben

v3 Characters:

B65: Dorian Ibanescu: Coastline

Deceased:

B57 - Jeff Marontate: Cleaved
B120: Jim Middleton: Pummeled
G61: Anna Grout: Submitted
G62: Andrea Vanlandingham: Martyred
G39 Alexis Machina: Crushed
G23: Trish McCarroll: Defeated


natlei was sleeping in her bed when someone came thru her window "get away rapist" she said still half asleep and hit one of them in the head with her liucky frying pan then went back tyo bed them men the injected her with a sedative and carried her off
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MK Kilmarnock
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Hate, hate, HATE!!!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Oh, Aaron. Right you are, but it turns out BOTH of us have been... pre-empted. The revised version hasn't been posted yet but apparently both the disease and some of the bullying is being dropped.
V6 Tributes

Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5

Things We Say
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CCH098
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Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
thanks you two for all your suggestions I know I made a big mistake there so I cleared it more editing on the way soon and any more suggestions will be very helpful thanks again.
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GameMaker
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Error: This Title Is Too Smexy To Display
[ *  * ]
Alright, the last of GameMaker's trio... again, any comments or criticisms are much appreciated. Also, again, description is under spoiler.

MEGAN COLLINS:
Posted Image

Spoiler: click to toggle

Edited by GameMaker, Jan 4 2012, 10:06 PM.
All in the game, yo... All in the game.- Omar Little, The Wire

V4:
J.J. Sturn- "I'm not a bad person. I'm not a bad person."
Mike Jeffries- "Don't worry, guys. Everything's going to be just fine."
Omar Burton- "I must say, I'm beginning to realize that I'm the only smart person in the room."
Kaitlin Anderheim- "I've never even talked to a guy before..."

DEAD THEY'RE ALL DEAD
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CCH098
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Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
Ok here is V2 of Rose as usual any feedback or comments would be very much appreciated.


She is English-French and is 18 years old. She has long brown hair which flows down her back and is usually tied back in a ponytail, pale white skin and amber eyes. Her height is 5'4 and weighs 120 pounds. She usually wears a pink or white polo shirt, denim skirts and a variety of different coloured tights.

She was born into a very wealthy family and her parents were very protective of her.Despite this she does know how dangerous the world can be.She was also born partially deaf in her left ear thus meaning that she had to wear a hearing aid in that ear. Her parents were also very pushy so she often got As in all subjects which is one of the reasons she gets bullied. She also got bullied because of her height, the fact that her parents are very protective over her, that she is deaf among other things.. But as this has been happening most her life she has got used to it and now they don't bother her and she doesn't respond to their insults.

She is very socially awkward because of the bullying and most of her classmates hate her and are jealous of her but she did find refuge in a student teacher and the two still keep in touch which gave Rose a massive boost of confidence making her a more gentle and forgiving person. When her parents noticed their daughter being down all the time before the student arrived they gave her a violin to play so she could truly express herself and ever since she has had a natural flare for the instrument.

One day Rose hopes to become a heart surgeon therefore she studies human anatomy a lot of her free time as well as trying to make new friends but most people just see her as a daddy's girl and a geek but she does try to not let this get to her although it does still sometimes bring her down. Also because she is socially awkward she can easily get on the wrong side of people although she tries her hardest not to let this happen.
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Laurels
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Cause what you see isn't always the truth
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Few thoughts on Rose:

1. Why would she be bullied for being only 5'4"? That's a fairly average height (I'm only 5'5"). If she is to be bullied, I'd say make her shorter, like between 4'7" and 5'2". If not, I'd say not make her height an issue.
2. Rose has a few similarities to one of my concepts, Rachael Langdon. They both sound similar in appearance, but I like the sort of contrast between them. Rose wears more revealing clothing while Rachael hides her body with clothes, Rose has gold eyes while Rachael has green, they both have long brown hair, although Rachael's goes past her waist and is tied in a braid, and are both a bit socially awkward, although Rose sounds a bit more outgoing than Rachael. They sound like girls who could be casual acquaintances or possibly friends.

Nice start, look forward to seeing what else you got.


V6 Cast

V5 Cast

Chat, Art, and Fun Stuff
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Crash
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Power Bottom
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I agree with Laurelena about the height thing (but leave the character pimping for the friends thread, please!), as 5'4" is a really normal height for a girl. Having said that, I'm curious about the line "most of her classmates hate her and are jealous of her". It seems as though that's a big assumption to make just for a girl who gets good grades and is partially deaf. Unless she's a total bitch to people, why would they "hate" her?

It's a definite improvement on the last version! Still got a little ways to go.
v4 Characters:

G23: Claire Lambert: Property of the Fabulous Mr. Toben

v3 Characters:

B65: Dorian Ibanescu: Coastline

Deceased:

B57 - Jeff Marontate: Cleaved
B120: Jim Middleton: Pummeled
G61: Anna Grout: Submitted
G62: Andrea Vanlandingham: Martyred
G39 Alexis Machina: Crushed
G23: Trish McCarroll: Defeated


natlei was sleeping in her bed when someone came thru her window "get away rapist" she said still half asleep and hit one of them in the head with her liucky frying pan then went back tyo bed them men the injected her with a sedative and carried her off
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CCH098
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Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
ok thanks for the feedback I will edit that bit and a few more little tweaks then I should nearly be there so thanks again
Edited by CCH098, Jan 6 2012, 04:19 PM.
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Frozen Smoke
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Corporal Denyer
[ *  * ]
Rightyho peoples, I have decided to change, merge and generally screw around with alot of the ideas that I did have rolling around, to make a new character, who feels a lot more realistic, and I hope will generally a lot of fun to write!

Meet James "Jimmy" Johnson.

Spoiler: click to toggle


Well, thats all I've thought about for now, but I'd really like some feedback if anyone feels up to wading through it!

Oh, and I plan on expanding on his past and personality a lot more before pregame!
Fuckin' Magnemites, how do they work?

V5 Ideas, Current;

Jimmy Johnson - Almost as great as he wants to be

Ezekiel Strahm - The wannabe christian rockstar - Approved

Hey guy, you know, pregame started on Friday the 13th. Think about it. There's probably a really cool hidden meaning there, like how they're all going to d- Oh wait. They are.

Spoiler: click to toggle
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KamiKaze
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Can you hear me?
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
On second thought, I have decided not to put Alex Ripley, Lana Torres, and Miranda Millers into v5. I will be continuing to pre-game with them, however, I have decided to replace them with three completely different concepts for v5 itself. I will shortly write up their profiles.

These three concepts are much more interesting, much more well-developed, and much more interesting to write on the island. As I said, I will continue to pre-game with the current three, mostly to not interfere with prior planning, but they will not appear in v5.

Who are these three new concepts? Well...

Alicia Gordon

A cynical young woman. The reason why she's so cynical was because of a tragedy in her youth. You see, a friend of the family had repeatedly sexually abused her. When she found out he had killed 1000000 girls before, she was worried he was going to kill her next. So she brought out a chainsaw and sliced him in half. It was ruled as self-defense, because she's twelve and she can't kill people with a chainsaw at that age. To this day, she spends most of her time sitting on the street corner, smoking. She likes piano and My Little Pony. The latter makes her cry because she doesn't have any friends.

She is perfectly prepared for the island because she is the biggest murderer who has ever murdered. However, she has a perfectly good target on her back because she's such a bitch.

As a result, she needs enemies. Loads of them.


Denny Bauer

He also has a messed up childhood. After his mother's death, his father became a paranoid alcoholic who was convinced that in 2012, the world was going to be invaded by aliens. So he taught his son all sorts of survival tactics, such as knife-fighting against a dog, places where you can break an arm, shooting down alien spaceships with just a NERF gun, and so on. The kid, thoroughly messed up by this ordeal, decided that it sucked to lose and started making fights in the halls at seven. His music teacher was the only one who cared, and kindly asked him to stop beating the kids to a pulp. His dad was all "Stupid music teacher", and tried to kill him, tripping on his knife because of an ill-placed rubber ducky which made him stab himself in the chest. Denny now has serious DID and has two different selves; of his self raised by his former music teacher, and his self raised by his deceased father. He hates anime and other geeky things because that's the way to making a good character in v5.

He needs friends. Maybe a few enemies.


Felicia Roux

She was a nice girl, up until she saw an orgy for the first time. At first she was horrified, then she was aroused and happily joined it because her friend asked her to. Since then, she has been a raging nymphomaniac. Every weekend, she goes off to party, get drunk, and get laid, with no repercussions, because she is a boss. Felicia has big boobs, the largest in school in fact, and she's thus one of the prettiest girls at school. She is notorious for being a major slut, and she has fucked almost all of the senior guys. Yes, even if you don't think your dude has slept with her, he has, he just won't admit it. Oh, and girls? You are not safe either. For she is bisexual, because that is how promiscuity works. Don't question it.

What she needs is people to sleep with.


So yeah. I will be uploading their profiles soon enough. They are much better than that geek Alex, that furry Lana, or that drama queen Miranda. You agree, trust me.
RICHARDS/BAINES OTP!

Coming to a V7 near you.
Bree Jones- "I'm not exaggerating when I say that my fish are smarter."
Roxanne "Roxie" Borowski- "Next video? Oh man, tons of ideas, dude. Lemme get the makeup for that."

In Loving Memory

Humiliating things I caught you guys saying

Kami's Promise for v6 (doing this again)

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Let's show that private threads aren't necessary! I pledge not to start any private threads on island in V6. If I started a thread, you are welcome to join it.
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