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Inevitability
Topic Started: Apr 8 2011, 09:14 PM (1,642 Views)
Hollyquin
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A friendly clown welcomes you to LOCAH. It seems he would like to be your guide.
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[[Jasper-Declan MacDermott continued from Our Last Days As Children[]]


It was time to play a little game. It's a game that Jasper-Declan's had to play with himself for many, many years, the end result of a mind incapable of focus, of distinguishing important things from insignificant details. Jasper-Declan spent his entire life living inside his head and so tended to notice every detail of every situation, remembering things that others would forget but also losing track of things that he really ought to have remembered. He'd forget a new friend's name but remember the song of a bird that flew past his window that morning; he was that sort of person. Back in Bayview, that was a character quirk. Here on Survival of the Fittest, it was a liability.

He learned a way to cope, when he really needed to remember certain things. Like on the rare occasion he attempted to study and found his thoughts wandering. He'd stop and play a quick game called, in typical Jasper-Declan fashion, Relevant or Irrelevant?- an exceptionally simple game, really. Think of something, determine whether it was relevant, whether it was something he needed to remember or think about it all. If it wasn't, discard it. Throw it in the Recycle Bin. Just like that.



Now, more than ever, he needed this. Needed this crutch that had sustained him his whole life. It was good for sorting out his thoughts, and it was even better for going into temporary denial.


There were...the birds. They were following him, he felt. He hadn't paid them all that much attention back at the cliffs, he was distracted by Alan's sudden arrival (that was something else to think about, he'd get to it in a minute), but their song was infectious, playing its tune in the back of his head before he even noticed they were there. Now they were here, too, in the forest, the empty forest, deadwood again-

Lots of thoughts in one. All irrelevant. Throw it all out.

What else? The deadwood. Memories here. He'd passed through, was it really days ago? Four days, really? Time passed so oddly on the island- but yes, four days ago he'd been here with Carly Jean Dooley, a girl who wasn't dead, yet, at the time. Just being here brought him back, really, everything was somehow at least just a little bit simpler back then. It was just this one girl who he was going to protect, somehow. Not that that had ended particularly well. Jasper-Declan was learning fairly quickly exactly how useless his 'protection' could be.

That was...almost relevant. Closing in, you could say.

What else?

Alan Rickhall.

Unmistakably relevant. New ally, the word 'friend' was in a vault until further notice, not to be taken out and certainly not to be used, not after what happened to Carly Jean Dooley, but he seemed nice. Nice enough. Perhaps a little shaken, but this was Survival of the Fittest and that was understandable. Some people, he was beginning to understand, were crushed by this game, in different ways. Some killed, some witnessed death. No one stayed who they were. Jasper-Declan himself had been changed in some small, hard to qualify way by the death of a girl he'd hardly known- it was easy to imagine how much more it would sting when it was someone you-


Stop there.

Relevant, yes.


He really wished he could erase the rest. Recycle bin, empty, delete. He'd be erasing several years of his life, sure, but...but he couldn't do that, even if he wanted to, which he didn't, not really. It was worth it, the time he'd had, it really had been worth it. He'd been so happy, temporarily. He'd known what having a friend, a real one, was like, he really had, he understood, for once in his life. He knew why the others spent so much time together. Because once you had someone that great, that much like you, why would you want to be alone?

Not there was much of a choice left for him.


"Hey."


When had this started? When could he have guessed the end was coming? When he saw his best friend for the first time on the island, missing an arm- that was big. Confident as the other boy was, he had performed untrained field surgery, and there were about a thousand things that could go wrong- it struck Jasper-Declan as near miraculous that his friend was as okay as he was when they met up. In a way, his fate was sealed the moment that other boy...what had his name been? Jonathon? The moment Jonathon had shot him, fate was set, really. This was going to happen, this had to happen.


"Hey... you..."


No, it went back farther than that. The moment they got on this island, their fates were sealed, every last one of them. Jasper-Declan knew. He knew without a doubt, he knew no matter what he heard about escape plans and whatnot, he knew that they were going to die. As difficult a concept as that was for him to understand- what was death to someone who had yet to properly comprehend pain? All he knew it as was loss. Losing people. Feeling them disappear. There were precious few people for whom that meant anything at all, though he'd learned a bit with Carly. Learned that someone could be there one second and then, gone. He knew what it was like then, death, watching it come and steal someone and leave again, and now it had stolen his best friend away.


"Don't let the game get to you. There's... still a way to beat it. I know there is. Just... everyone has to trust each other, and it... we can beat it."


It went back further still. The second whoever was in charge of this game drew Bayview out of whatever hat, the moment they were chosen- they were dead, even then. Even their last month of Bayview. Preparing for graduation, they were all dead. Prom? He hadn't gone, but he'd been dead, and every person who went to prom had been dead too. Dead from the moment Danya- if it was Danya who made the choice- had chosen his school. How long had he been doomed? How much time had he spend under a dark, invisible cloud? He'd never know, really, no one would, but he'd feel so much better if he could only know.

"We can beat it". He'd never believe that, Jasper-Declan, he was too...cynical wasn't the word. Realistic seemed better. But any possibility of that, now, it was really, truly dead. There was nothing left for him to believe in, no one left for him to follow, nothing left for him on this island. Nothing at all. Maybe Jay, he could find Jay still, but to do what? The glue that held them together had been melted away. Permanently. Forever.


He hadn't made a sound, when he heard his best friend collapse. He'd moved back to him, found him unconscious, his last words already spoken, and he knew, but he couldn't accept it. He knew, but he sat there, anyway. He didn't panic. He didn't...didn't do anything. Just sat there and watched the boy's chest rise and fall. Until it stopped. It stopped.

He wavered.


How would things be different, he wondered? How would things be different if he hadn't met this boy, that fateful winter night. He could've easily left Bayview with no friends, the quiet, spacey kid who drifted through and past everything, an unknown- he could've floated through this game. He wouldn't know how to make connections. Carly would've passed right through him like everything else and he could die here, quietly, without regrets, without anything to hold onto (an understated goodbye to his family would suffice), without allegiance or fear. This game would be so much easier if he'd never learned, never walked through that park that night, never ran into that blue-haired boy and his guitar.



He didn't make a sound, still. He couldn't. He didn't know how. He looked at the thing that once upon a time was Alexander Campbell, and he knew his best friend wasn't here anymore. There was this shell here that looked like him, that was all. Just...a shell.


He couldn't bury it. The shell. He didn't have a shovel, or anything that'd work as one. He wasn't strong enough. There was nothing he could do, nothing at all, just...stare, with empty eyes. Alan was still there; he didn't see how he reacted. He'd gained tunnel vision, he saw nothing but this blue-haired, one-armed shell, this thing that mocked him with its emptiness. Its voice was gone.


Time passed. Maybe an hour, maybe less. He didn't know. His thought process had stopped itself. But at some point, he felt his legs straighten, almost of their own accord. He looked down at the shell and saw nothing. He felt nothing. There was nothing.

Jasper-Declan took a step back. Away from it. Another step. Turned. Ran. Footsteps behind him told him Alan followed behind. Some part of his brain dully recognized that, but it was quickly processed and discarded. Irrelevant.

His gun felt weightier in his hand than usual.

Why do I have a gun? What is this gun for?



He wondered, vaguely, what a bullet would feel like, cracking through his skull.

[[Jasper-Declan MacDermott continued The Birth and Death of the Day]]
Edited by Hollyquin, May 2 2011, 08:59 PM.
being meguca is suffering

[V5] ALIVE:
[x] Aidan Flynn [B???] // Passing slowly though the vector, damp with fog, the bog that grows the former business sector...
[x] Chitose Saionji [G???] // 公園に千歳は本を読む!

[V5] CONCEPTS:
Winston Evans aced the last English test and would like to point out how gorgeous your shoes are.

Those Who've Known - V4
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