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I Am Jack's Inflamed Sense of Rejection; Open- revolutionaries wanted. [Day 7]
Topic Started: Mar 26 2011, 11:01 PM (1,859 Views)
Jonny
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You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
[ *  *  * ]
((Jeremy Franco continued from The Gully))

Um.

What were you supposed to do in this situation, again?

Help Jeremy out here, because he's drawing a blank right now. He's stopped and thought about the circumstances- which is a first- and he's determined that maybe the Crazy Jeremy's Used Car Dealership approach isn't the best approach for talking to this girl. This girl who... fuck, name, what's her name, uh... okay. You can remember this, you totally recognize her. Hot chick, cheerleader, name of... right! Sparky! Hahaha, total stripper name, her parents must've- wait no, no, even better, she spelled with an I, like Sparki, haha, the most stripperest name of all.

Okay don't say any of that aloud Jeremy please don't do that.

Instead, figure out what to say here. Don't wanna antagonize her, don't wanna make her think you're an idiot. But don't wanna put her in danger either, do you. Cause there's this little matter involving you and involving Garrett and involving some very scary men with some very scary guns. Do you wanna stay silent about that, wanna keep your lips nice and sealed till some very scary men show up and they decide she's been collaborating with the enemy and suddenly you look like a real big douchebag?

No not really. You want to break that news right now, give her the chance to show an ounce of sense and get away from this pari of assholes. But do so in a way that is nice and calm and reasoned, do so like a philanthropist, like maybe Warren Buffet- but you've seen plenty of interviews with Warren Buffet and none of them really come up as applicable to this situation. So okay, there's one idol who can't fix this situation for you, how about we try another like... Jason Bourne maybe? Yeah Jason Bourne is calm and cool and the biggest of all badasses. So he'd know what do to here.

In this situation, Jason Bourne would have already disabled his own collar, as well as the entire camera network. He would have single-handedly killed each of the terrorists sent to get the network running again, hijacked their helicopter, flown it back to their headquarters, and killed everyone there.

It was not particularly useful to imagine what Jason Bourne would have done in this situation.

So instead he took a deep breath and decided he was just going to be Jeremy Franco. Which may not have been the best idea in the world but, fuck it, it was the best he had.

“Hey there. I'm Jeremy, this is Garrett. We're absolutely not gonna shoot, so you don't need to worry about that. But we've just gotten into a bit of trouble with some very dangerous people.” God, what kind of asshole actually talked like this? Not nearly enough unnecessary jokes. This was just weird.

“It looks like we've lost them, but I don't know if they're gonna come after us again. Garrett and I... I mean, if you need any help, I'm sure we can oblige, but we might not be the safest guys to hang around right now.”

Yeah that's the most reassuring shit in the world. Scary dudes, we're not safe to hang around with, no names and no specifics. Yet somehow, Jeremy got the feeling that filling her in on the details wouldn't exactly make her feel any better.

So that's how it was gonna be. Tell everyone about the incredible danger first, then if they decide they still wanna stick around- and remember you haven't given them any reason to stick around- then you tell them that you're on a fool's errand that's gonna probably get you and everyone else involved killed.

Not exactly the best way to start a revolution, is it.
Jeremy Franco is alive. You can write a better ending, goddammit.

Charlie DuClare is dead. And nothing was easy anymore except to smile.
Julian Avery is dead. Courage was the man with a gun in his hand.
JJ Sturn is dead. Fuck it, all good things gotta come to an end.
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Jonny
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You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
[ *  *  * ]
No wait what no fuck no what? What? This was – no! This was against the natural order of things. This was Jeremy Franco giving a reasonable, fairly concise, accurate-but-not-so-accurate-it-freaks-people-the-fuck-out account of the situation. And immediately after, some other non-Jeremy blowjob (this blowjob in particular was named Garrett) giving his own account that added little except for profanity and wordiness. This was the exact opposite of how shit went – and how shit, metaphysically, ought to go.

Jeremy was prepared to call this “Twilight Zone-level shit”, except he had never actually seen any Twilight Zone so in his new spirit of moderation he was gonna hold off on that for now.

Okay. This was- okay. Roll with it. Only one reason you want to reiterate that same information again, and it's because you wanna prove you're top dog. That was how a shark rolled, that was how you had to play it when you wanted everyone to know just how fucking important you were. Yeah, all that shit was technically true when the other guy said it, but now it's even more true because I just said it and I'm the only big badass arbiter of truth and justice in this vicinity. So if this other guy has any good ideas, expect to hear them twice.

It was just good business practice, really.

And Jeremy fucking loved good business practice.

So he was willing to let this alpha male bullshit slide. Hell, maybe even welcome it. Because if Jeremy was gonna start being low-key and friendly and reasonable for once in his life, then holy shit power vacuum. The magnificent capitalist enterprise we call existence was bound to fall apart the second he stepped down unless some competent-assed motherfucker took the reins real soon, so this was just beautiful and fantastic.

Haha, okay, joke over, time for the serious things.

“Yeah, no, Garrett's right on all counts there. But, uh... don't mind the infinite rage at the world, and all. I mean, what he's saying is absolutely true that we need you to be 100% in on this, but it's just that Garrett's the leader and he picked bad cop first.” And here, Jeremy, you put on the most remorseful fucking look. “I was totally gonna pick bad cop if I could've.”

That was... good, right? That he'd said all that? It wouldn't come off as ridiculously snide and assholish, yeah? Garrett wasn't about to break his nose and give him some speech that included the phrase fucking insubordination at least three times? Hopefully?

You gotta hold onto that hope, Jeremy.
Jeremy Franco is alive. You can write a better ending, goddammit.

Charlie DuClare is dead. And nothing was easy anymore except to smile.
Julian Avery is dead. Courage was the man with a gun in his hand.
JJ Sturn is dead. Fuck it, all good things gotta come to an end.
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Jonny
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You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
[ *  *  * ]
Oh shit! Oh shit! Sparky was just dropping those truth bombs right out of the gate. If you talked out loud about your plans to fuck with the guys who could kill you with the press of a button, they might press that button and kill you. Haha, brilliant shit, this was why they needed her on the team, because Jeremy and Garrett sure as fuck weren't going to come up with ideas like that. Yeah, when you combined Sparky's brains, Garrett's brawn (sorry dude, you seem like a pretty brawny guy and also you are constantly pissed off at shit for no reason, so you are getting assigned to brawn), and Jeremy's...

Jeremy's...

Huh, yeah, not too many marketable skills in this kinda situation. He, umm... he was... no, stay away from any words like charm or charisma, because the moment you start attributing those to yourself is the moment they hand you your diploma from Asshole University.

Weeeell, he had that shit he'd been carrying in his pocket for a while now. And now seemed like as good a time as any to bust it out? On account of everything about the people's revolution going hush-hush, and on account of this thing already being in text form. There wouldn't even have to be that awkward thing where it's all like Hey you should read this thing while I explain what this thing is and oh you seem to already be reading it and not paying attention to me so I think I will just trail... off... then...

Instead he could just shove a scrap of paper in someone's face and get to work basking in reverent awe. Like where the hell did you get that radiant slice of impossible, Jeremy? What glorious figure stretched an arm down from heaven and let it gently drop in the palm of your hand? Guess what, bitches, Jeremy isn't telling, because we're not allowed to talk out loud anymore.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Yeah. Roger that. Good ideas all around.” Was that a dickish way to put that? Did people who weren't assholes... did they say roger that in contexts where there clearly wasn't a radio involved? Fuuuuuck. He was gonna die without ever getting an answer to that question, wasn't he.

So he picked up his shit and he followed along, followed the leader, followed along with the miracle still in his pocket. His miracle, which was-

- haha, wait, stupid Jeremy, there are way too many cameras around right now to go and just tell everyone what it is!

(Jeremy Franco continued elsewhere)
Jeremy Franco is alive. You can write a better ending, goddammit.

Charlie DuClare is dead. And nothing was easy anymore except to smile.
Julian Avery is dead. Courage was the man with a gun in his hand.
JJ Sturn is dead. Fuck it, all good things gotta come to an end.
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