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I'll Huff and I'll Puff; Evening, Day 6
Topic Started: Feb 25 2011, 02:52 PM (1,704 Views)
Casey the Undead
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Let's go where eagles dare
[ *  *  * ]
((Rena Peters continued from Walk On Water or Drown))

There was a pit in Rena's stomach that she could not get rid of. It had formed early that morning when the announcements had blared on. She was content with only half listening, not registering, pretending that they were names without faces and identities and bodies and families, and that had been what had gotten her through this game. Denial was easy, and it was simple, and it didn't hurt as much.

But she still heard the announcements. She still listened. And when names came up, names that she knew, names that she knew so very well, everything crashed down on Rena. Again. Everything crashed down on Rena a lot, it seemed.

"We next had a pair of double kills, with Liam Brooks accounting for Raine Schwarz and Ridley Landon. Aren't couple who do everything together just the sweetest?

When she'd heard that, her heart stopped for a moment. It was a glorious moment, and Rena had so hoped that her heart would never beat again, that it would just end, because that would have been so much easier. But her heart picked up again, rapidly, so hard that it hurt and she wanted to scream. She didn't. Rena was a big girl now. She didn't scream, or cry, or even make a noise. She hadn't talked since Sunil had called her crazy. The silence was wonderful, comforting, it made Rena feel like she was alone- like no one else would fall victim to her streak of bad luck.

She'd run away from the two people who'd wanted to help her and they wound up dead. Because she wasn't there to help? No. If she had been there, the only difference would be three names on the announcements instead of two. The real way Rena could have saved them was if she'd never met them. Because it was her fault, wasn't it? Everything bad revolved around Rena- dead bodies, bullets, fights- it all revolved around Rena Peters and her horrid, horrid luck.

Although it really was a way of saving herself, a selfish wish. If she'd never met Ridley and Raine then they'd just be two more names on the announcements that she could ignore. They'd still die. It was just that maybe they'd die later. Maybe it'd hurt less.

But Rena had been a big girl. She kept on moving, said nothing. She knew that she must have looked like hell- she could feel the biting of tears in the back of her throat the entire day, and she figured that the others saw them too and just didn't give enough of a damn to ask. She wondered if Dustin had actually realized who Raine and Ridley were in the tunnels, if he was wondering if he could have helped them too- but then again Dustin always seemed rather preoccupied with himself, and he probably didn't even remember that there had been other people in the tunnels. He only remembered the "crazy" girl who, in a state of panic, had accused him of doing something bad. And God forbid Dustin Royal was ever doing something bad- it wasn't like he slept around and insulted people on a daily basis, was it? Oh no. He was a saint. He'd never kill anyone.

Rena heard Garry swear, and was pulled out of her thoughts for a moment. She followed the trail of his flashlight to-

No. Not again.

"Fuck. Everywhere I go...this is the third one! The third in a row! The tunnels, the forest, here, what is with me and dead bodies?" Rena whispered, laughing slightly. It wasn't a pleasant laugh. It was desperate, bleeding, cold, and broken. "I...I can't." She was speaking louder now, addressing her so called "teammates". "I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."

I'm sorry.

Run Rena Run.

That was the last thing she'd said to them, wasn't it? That she was sorry? Sorry I'm abandoning you and leaving you to your inevitable deaths! Sorry I've brought nothing but pain and misery to your lives! Sorry that I am the angel of death, the harbinger of doom, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! That's what people say when they can't change anything. I'm sorry. I sympathize with you but there's nothing I can do to help your situation. I am giving you the literal least I can give you- empty words that I might not even really feel! You'll never know. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry that I'm useless. I'm so fucking sorry, aren't I? I'm sorry for myself. I'm sorry that this had to happen to me. I'm sorry that there's nothing I can do for myself. But you guys? I'm not sorry for you. I'm not sorry for the Killer Garry, I'm not sorry for the Dickhead Dustin, I'm not sorry for the Dumbass Sunil. I'll save my sympathy for Ridley and Raine, who I left to die, and who didn't deserve it. You guys? Me? We deserve it. We deserve it more than anyone.

There had been many times in the past 6 days that Rena had felt like giving up. There had been many times that she had thought she'd reached her limit, but this? This day took the cake. This was it. Turn off the lights, there isn't anymore.

She sat down on the ground, shaking her head. "I can't do this anymore. I just...can't. I give up. Is that what you wanted?" She turned her head towards the sky, as if she was talking to the God who couldn't have existed- not in a world that had Survival of the Fittest on it. "This whole time, is all you ever wanted to beat me, to break me, to watch for your sick amusement?" She laughed, louder, bitter, almost manically. "Well you win! You. Win. I give up. I give up!"

She hugged her knees to her chest, burning her face in her arms.

She didn't cry. Rena didn't have any energy left for tears. She just sat there, waiting for death. Because that was easier.
It's hard to get ahead when half your friends are dead!

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Casey the Undead
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Let's go where eagles dare
[ *  *  * ]
Rena looked up when Garry touched her shoulders, turning to face the boy. She realized how pathetic she must have looked, just breaking down for no reason. She hadn't even told them about Ridley and Raine, had she? Only Dustin knew about the body in the tunnels, and it wasn't like he gave much of a damn about Rena's mental state following that encounter. They didn't know about much of anything that happened to Rena, but she wasn't really inclined to tell them either. She wondered how selfish she was being right now. Every one of them had lost friends. They'd all seen bodies. Garry had even killed someone, and regardless of whether or not it was on accident, it couldn't have been good for his psyche. Yes, Rena was afraid of blood, but after everything she'd seen on this island, it really was just another body, wasn't it? And at least she wasn't stepping in it.

Rena felt awful for doing this to people who'd helped her. She'd abandoned Ridley and Raine, and now she was freaking out at Garry and Sunil. She was getting into a bad habit of isolating the people who cared about her. She needed to grow up. She wiped the tears from her face, shaking her head. "Thanks, Garry, I-"

Her eyes followed Garry's flashlight. More bodies. Rena's breath caught in her throat. What were the odds?

Actually, pretty high. Rena realized, for the first time, that there were upwards of 400 kids in her class. Added to the fact that a bunch- at least twenty, maybe more- died a day, and the fact that they were deep into the 6th day meant that this entire island had to be littered with bodies. It was more unlikely for her not to see a body at each new stop, wasn't it?

Rena blinked, turning away from the bodies. She didn't know what to do anymore. No matter where she went, she would find more dead classmates. No matter what she did, there'd be even more tomorrow. She frowned, pursing her lips together. There had to be a way to make everything a little bit better. There had to be a way.

She needed to find Ridley and Raine's bodies. She needed to give them a proper burial. All she had to do was say her goodbyes, give them a memorial, and continue on her way. It was literally the least she could do.

She didn't even notice that Sunil had taken Garry's place until he started speaking. She listened to his words carefully, smiling slightly at the end. She pushed herself up off the ground, nodding gently.

"Thank you two. I needed to hear that."

She paused, unsure of how to say the next part.

"But there's something else I need to do too. I...I have to find some friends of mine, okay? I think that I figured it out. What I need to do, I mean. But, like, I have to do it alone. Because...because I've been here for almost a week and I've done nothing useful. And I need to figure out why I'm here, right? So...please don't follow me. I just need to go do this one thing, and I'll be back. Promise."

Rena smiled, nodding. She didn't know when she'd be back, but she knew that she'd find Garry and Sunil again. She owed them that much.

"And...thanks again."

She walked forward, pecking Sunil on the cheek and giving him a hug. She turned and did the same to Garry too, still smiling. Rena finally knew what to do with herself.

She turned and left.

((Rena Peters, continued elsewhere.))
It's hard to get ahead when half your friends are dead!

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