Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to Survival of the Fittest, a RPing board loosely based off of Koshun Takami's Battle Royale, with its own unique plot and spin on the 'deadly game'. We've been around quite a while, and are now in our thirteenth year, so don't worry about us going anywhere any time soon!

If you're a newcomer and interested in joining, then please make sure you check out the rules. You may also want to read the FAQ, introduce yourself and stop by the chat to meet some of our members. If you're still not quite sure where to start, then we have a great New Member's Guide with a lot of useful information about getting going. Don't hesitate to PM a member of staff (they have purple usernames) if you have any questions about SOTF and how to get started!

Let the games begin!

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Without Love, It Cannot Be Seen; Early Day 6 [Private]
Topic Started: Feb 9 2011, 03:47 PM (3,682 Views)
Hollyquin
Member Avatar
A friendly clown welcomes you to LOCAH. It seems he would like to be your guide.
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
[[Hayley Kelly continued from Instinct]]

They didn't go very far. After all, they were all tired, and it was already getting dark, and they'd had a long day of killing and murder and death and philosophical-ish conversations about killing and murder and...yeah. Yeah, it had been kind of a crap day, but here on Survival of the Fittest, any day where they weren't dead yet was kind of a victory. Fuck yeah, Hayley Kelly, keep on keepin' on. Accentuate the motherfuckin' positive.

They walked out of the field of tree stumps, and into a field of...well, trees. So less a field, then, and more of a forest, confirmed by a cursory glance at her map that showed them to be in the coastal woods. As good a place as any to bed down for the night, Hayley figured. Besides, she was tired. And hungry. Really hungry. With a vague "This'll do" to Kyle and Ema, she sat- or, a bit more correctly, collapsed- beside a particularly tall tree and dug a loaf of bread out her day pack, ripping off a piece and chewing, as slowly as she could manage.

She was quiet. Everything was quiet. Everything had already been said. This is too much.

She finished her bread. She lit a cigarette. She finished the cigarette. It was a process. It was automatic. Stress turns the best of us robotic.


Hayley fell asleep without another a word.

---

So like an alarm clock, the morning announcements had trained Hayley's brain to wake itself up a good ten minutes before they started. So Hayley was wide awake when she heard that irritating BZZZZZZZT- noise.

"...That's right, we passed the hundred death mark yesterday, so congratulations indeed on remaining alive. You've only got, well, a hundred and sixtyish people left to outlive now."

"Holy fuck," Hayley muttered, hardly noticing that she was actually speaking. That is a lot of people. That is in fact a fuckton of people. Jesus fucking Christ, this game is really happening. I mean, given that I've contributed 4 to that total, I shouldn't be so, like, shocked by that but still, damn...

Hayley stood. Stretched. All three of them had slept separately, not that she would have minded sleeping with either of the others heh, but her need to keep things as not-awkward as possible had kept her from doing so. Kyle was wide awake- knowing him he'd barely slept- and Ema was still lying down, so Hayley couldn't tell at first glance whether or not the announcement had woken her. Hayley looked up, in a vague attempt to look at the source of the voice, the speaker that was around here somewhere.

"Hayley Kelly waltzed out of nowhere and blew Jennifer Romita away before she could blink, for our hundredth death of the season..."

"Cool," she said mainly to herself, with a small smile. I shouldn't be happy about this but fuck if that isn't kind of awesome. Kill number 100. That's a fucking milestone.

"Hayley Kelly continued her trend of wandering the open areas before randomly blowing someone away when she caught up to Jason Clarke..."

"I'm so famous," she said, again to herself, yawning dramatically. The rest of the announcements were more or less uninteresting- no one important dead. Maxwell Lombardi continues to be a murderous English twat. Some other familiar names coming up- Reiko, Ilario, Raidon, all known killers at this point. She realized that other people would be putting her on their lists, and she felt a twinge of...something. Something like...pride?

Yeah, that's not okay. I really need to get my mind off this game.

She paused, and lit a cigarette, taking deep, nicotine breaths. It was so very difficult to get your mind off the game. It was so very difficult to ignore your own, rapidly approaching death. Memento mori was never so redundant as here. Every moment spend remembering that you will die. There were so few things that could take your mind off of something like that. So few-


...No. No, this totally isn't the time.

But when the fuck will it be the time? Ever again?


Hayley looked back and forth between her two companions. Kyle was awake, Ema might or might not be, but she won't begrudge me a little time alone with him, will she? Nah, I mean, she'll know, but she can't. Can't be mad at me. Can she? No, she can't be that...petty, not now. How much time do we have left for this? None at all. At least for the moment...we're safe, safe and alone, and I...can't let the moment go.

Stupid? Yes.

Foolish? Careless? Yes.

A complete failure of priorities? ...Yes.




...



"Kyle," she said, finally addressing someone besides herself. "You want to go for a walk...?"
Edited by Hollyquin, Feb 11 2011, 08:02 PM.
being meguca is suffering

[V5] ALIVE:
[x] Aidan Flynn [B???] // Passing slowly though the vector, damp with fog, the bog that grows the former business sector...
[x] Chitose Saionji [G???] // 公園に千歳は本を読む!

[V5] CONCEPTS:
Winston Evans aced the last English test and would like to point out how gorgeous your shoes are.

Those Who've Known - V4
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Hollyquin
Member Avatar
A friendly clown welcomes you to LOCAH. It seems he would like to be your guide.
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
"Let's go."

He was holding out his hand. Well, that was easy. Not that she'd really expected him to need convincing...well, he might, considering he was the pragmatic type who might be like no, bad idea, we can't leave Ema alone, we can't leave our weapons behind, this is dangerous, but she somewhat doubted it. Kyle was, at the end of the day, a boy. A virgin, she was pretty sure. And this was one of the few constant truths of the world that Hayley could cling to: no boy wanted to die a virgin.

This is it, Hayley. Now or never. Fuck this boy or die a virgin. ...Wait, no, that's not how that works. Fuck this boy or die a person who hasn't had sex in like, several months. Yeah, those are the words I was looking for.

Of course, she'd already made up her mind.

She took that hand, and led the boy into the trees.

I might live to regret this.

...But probably not.


---

She dragged him along for...a while. Well, drag probably wasn't the right word, given that it indicated a certain level of unwillingness from the other party, and Kyle seemed more than willing to follow Hayley's lead. She didn't have a destination in mind- like there's anywhere to go in this forest, anyway. But she needed to maintain a delicate balance- close enough to Ema that they could get to her in time in case of an attack, and far enough away that she wouldn't...cough...overhear.

She overshot that distance on purpose, just a little, just in case. I mean, she has all the weapons. We wouldn't be much help as we are right- shit, she DOES have all the weapons! Fuck, fuck, totally forgot about Vera, fucking shit- not that she had much to do with a gun right now, of course, all things considered. They were totally banking on them being alone and safe in this forest right now- even if she did have her gun on her, if they were attacked she'd probably be dead before she could pick it back up. That thought was weirdly comforting. If I die, I'll die happy, dammit. At least I don't have to worry about Ema.

I don't want to worry about Ema right now. I don't want to worry about anything. Fuck it. This is my moment.

Kind of pathetic, how this of all things is your moment.

No one is asking for your opinion, psycho-brain-voice.


Hayley came to a sudden stop in a nondescript clearing, and pushed the boy (not too hard, she was going to be REALLY pissed at herself if she gave her boyfriend an accidental concussion at this particular juncture) against a tree, her palms pressed against his chest. For a long moment, she just looked at him. Blue eyes caught by golden ones. The moment dragged. She didn't blink, or swallow, or speak, and then, then Hayley buried her face into his chest, threw her arms around him. She felt his arms, strong arms, comforting, close around her as she pulled herself as close to him as it was possible to be.

What am I doing?

Something pricked at her eye. It felt suspiciously like a tear, and that was not okay. That was not okay at all.

Fuck...


She pressed her head against Kyle. Shaking. She was shaking.





Why was she shaking?



This is so pointless. This is such BULLSHIT. Didn't Johnny tell you, emotions only get in the way of life?



Here she was, on Survival of the Fittest. Seventeen years old. Her birthday would be in about a month- she would be, would've been, eighteen. Old enough to buy porn and cigarettes, old enough to be really an adult. She'd been accepted to her first choice college, given a decent amount of financial aid, gotten into the game design program she'd wanted. She'd had so many ideas, so many ideas, so much shit she'd never get to show the world, never get to show anyone since she'd never bothered to write it down, it was all beautifully designed and written and made in her brain which was destined to end up blown out in the next few days.



She had a best friend, his name was Johnny De Luca and he was the most important person in the universe because he was her, her twin, her soulmate, her everything. He was at home, probably watching her, probably watching this. He was probably not taking his own advice and was probably crying his eyes out because his twin, his soulmate, his everything was going to die. On TV. They'd both promised each other years before that neither would let themselves live long without the other. So that was another beautiful thing Danya was erasing from the world.



She had a family. She had parents, and a little brother who needed her and loved her very, very much. She had aunts and uncles and cousins- tons of them. She'd promised her cousin Lily she'd tell her all about her new boyfriend. And she was probably watching too.



She was in love. She didn't even know who with, anymore. One of these people she was with right now.


One of them. Both of them. One of them.




She cried, silently, into his chest. Heaving silent, heavy sobs, she cried not for her friends, or for her family, or for the boy or girl she may or may not love. She cried for herself, because she didn't know if anyone else was going to. Not now or ever. She cried for the life Danya was throwing away. Her life. There was so much left to it, dammit! There was so much she had left to do. She'd never even left the goddamn country. Never seen the world. She'd promised Johnny, they'd backpack across Europe like the badass motherfuckers they were, but no, too late for that now. Too late for anything.

Too late. Too late for love, especially. Too goddamn late.






and you know the funniest part? you know who else had a family? friends? a future?


you want to remember their names, hayley? go on. remember.







No.



She wiped the last tear from her eye before she looked back up at Kyle. She hoped he'd have mistaken her silence, her shaking for anything other than what it was. God, she was pathetic.


No. Fuck it. Fuck this. I can't think about it, and I'm NOT thinking about them. I refuse. Where the fuck will that leave me?


Fuck it. Fuck ALL of it. Fuck everything. Let me forget this for a little while. Let me pretend.


Fake happiness for long enough and it becomes real.

Just like something else I could mention.

Shut up.







Hayley shrugged her jacket off. In one smooth motion, she pulled her shirt up and over her head, dropped that to the floor as well. Her lips attached themselves to his.





Let me stop thinking. Just, for now.
being meguca is suffering

[V5] ALIVE:
[x] Aidan Flynn [B???] // Passing slowly though the vector, damp with fog, the bog that grows the former business sector...
[x] Chitose Saionji [G???] // 公園に千歳は本を読む!

[V5] CONCEPTS:
Winston Evans aced the last English test and would like to point out how gorgeous your shoes are.

Those Who've Known - V4
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Hollyquin
Member Avatar
A friendly clown welcomes you to LOCAH. It seems he would like to be your guide.
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
So it didn't look like Kyle was gonna make a big deal out of it, or maybe he hadn't even noticed. Boys are the most oblivious creatures on the goddamn planet. Thankfully. That was good, because the last thing Hayley wanted to do right now was discuss the really exceptionally shitty thoughts that were attempting brain-blitzkrieg at the moment. She might explode if she didn't talk at some point, but really, she didn't feel like burdening her friends with all the stupid shit she was thinking about, and besides, they were probably thinking the same things, yeah? She was just the cold bitch who managed to really not think about it until fucking day 6. There'll be plenty of time ...time, anyway. Time to talk later. This is not the goddamn time. This was a time for other things, things involving nudity and scaring the wildlife and probably attracting the attention of any nearby cameras- that being something else Hayley didn't want to think about. She would not have given two fucks under other circumstances, but right now voyeuristic was the last thing on her trait list.

Goddammit. Her boyfriend's hand was sliding down her back and she was caught up thinking about corpses and blood and death and shit and that was kind of killing her mood given that she really was not into that okay maybe blood but this is kind of the wrong context, yeah? One of her hands wandered up into his hair, because that was the thing to do, and she found herself wondering how she could've ever thought this was a good idea.


Fuck. Fucking hell.

His mouth wandered away from hers, down to her neck, and she hated that mainly because that meant the camera could see whatever expression was on her face right now. She wasn't sure how she looked right now, but it probably wasn't pretty. Her eyes pricked threateningly yet again and she mentally threatened her eyes back before realizing that the only thing she could threaten her eyes with was destruction and that would be kind of counter-productive, all things considered-

Yeah, Hayley Kelly wasn't in a good place right now. Understatements are awesome.

One of her hands remained where it was, in his hair, while the other searched for something to do and found the button of his jeans. This was convenient, as if there was one skill she'd never really mastered it was undoing buttons one-handed, and she was grateful for the distraction. For a little while- maybe two minutes, maybe thirty seconds, time was kind of dragging- she managed to keep her mind off of much that wasn't getting this fucking button out related. Of course, the moment she realized she'd just about gotten it, all those irritating little irrelevant thoughts came flying back in. Those irritating little irrelevant thoughts about how completely stupid and pointless this all was.


No. Brain. Shut up. How are you supposed to get over this shit if you don't let yourself distract yourself? You can't tell yourself this is to stop thinking and then KEEP THINKING.



Fuck it. Fuck it all, I've got this.

Dammit, girly, show 'em what you can do.



The hand still in his hair gripped a bit tighter. The other hand was finally about to get that godforsaken button undone-


"Hey ..."


NO. FUCK NO.

It was probably bad that Hayley's most immediate thought was WHERE THE FUCK IS MY GUN. But then, there was that Survival of the Fittest thing again.

This was actually the worst thing ever. Fuck all the deaths, fuck the fact that they were going to die, fuck everything she'd been freaking out over for the last five minutes, the immediacy of THIS was so much worse. Goddammit, I know my karmic account's depleted as shit right now but like, no. Fuck this. No one deserves this shit right now. Maxwell fucking Lombardi does not deserve this shit. Fuck this girl, fuck whoever this is, she is so lucky I'm unarmed right now fucking hell what have I done to deserve this do not answer that CAN I NOT GET SIX SECONDS OF MY LIFE WHERE STUPID SHIT DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME. PLEASE.

This is seriously the shittiest week ever.


Hayley turned around, because...because she was going to have to, at some point, and as she did so she realized two things. Number one, the girl in front of her was Charlene. That dumb bitch girl from before, yeah? From day, whatsit, day 2? Somewhere around there? Time wasn't her strong suit. At any rate, she'd recognize those tits eyes anywhere. Hayley didn't like her, and she was pretty sure she wasn't particularly fond of Hayley either, and that was totally okay with her, as long as they didn't have to talk. Of course right now they apparently totally had to talk even though the polite thing to do would be, you know, walk away, but this skank was standing there all dumbstruck-like. God how badly Hayley wanted to stab her in the face right now. Did Kyle have his knife on him? She almost wanted to ask but that was probably considered rude, not that she really gave a fuck.

Number two, she became increasingly aware of her shirtlessness. Not that there was much she could do about that right now. Fuck putting clothes back on the for Charlene Norris's non-virgin eyes.

She opened her mouth to speak. There were so many caustic things she could say right now but they felt like wastes of time. Why bother? She settled for-

"Hey."

And she made a shooing motion.

"You mind, especially?"
being meguca is suffering

[V5] ALIVE:
[x] Aidan Flynn [B???] // Passing slowly though the vector, damp with fog, the bog that grows the former business sector...
[x] Chitose Saionji [G???] // 公園に千歳は本を読む!

[V5] CONCEPTS:
Winston Evans aced the last English test and would like to point out how gorgeous your shoes are.

Those Who've Known - V4
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Hollyquin
Member Avatar
A friendly clown welcomes you to LOCAH. It seems he would like to be your guide.
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
"Yeah. Sure."

Jesus bloody Christ. If it was gonna be that easy, why did they have to talk at all? Why couldn't Charlene have just buggered off on her own and, like, not completely ruined the moment that was almost becoming a real moment and not just another segment of her nervous breakdown? God, hookups were so difficult, here on Survival of the Fittest. Hayley returned her attention to where it would be better appreciated- the boy whose hair one of her hands was still gripping- but saw immediately that that attention was not being returned. In fact, Kyle was fixed entirely on Charlene, and she was just about to say something along the lines of this is no time to be staring at tits that aren't mine when she saw the look on his face.

That look suggested that she turn around herself, and so she did.

Oh...




Over the next few hours, when she'd play this moment in time back over and over again in her mind, this would all be in slow motion. Reality wasn't so convenient.


"Keep your hands where we can see them!"

She saw his knife before she registered Charlene. More specifically, she was the glint of something, saw light glancing off of something, and a flick of her eyes in that direction confirmed that yes, it was Kyle's shiny shiny knife. Before she had the chance to ask why he was going so hard when Charlene was leaving anyway, she realized that she wasn't. And that her hand was stuck in her bag. And didn't Charlene have a gun when I saw- ...oh.

Oh, no-



If she'd had another minute, just another second, another instant to speak, she could've stopped him. She knew she could've. But the whole thing took happened so quickly, no one could've stopped it. No one could've changed this. That was what she was going to keep telling herself, over and over, and maybe then it would be true.

But she saw the glint of something in the light, and saw that something move, and she saw Charlene's arm move almost with it, almost at the same moment-



And Hayley shut her eyes.

Too goddamn late.
being meguca is suffering

[V5] ALIVE:
[x] Aidan Flynn [B???] // Passing slowly though the vector, damp with fog, the bog that grows the former business sector...
[x] Chitose Saionji [G???] // 公園に千歳は本を読む!

[V5] CONCEPTS:
Winston Evans aced the last English test and would like to point out how gorgeous your shoes are.

Those Who've Known - V4
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Hollyquin
Member Avatar
A friendly clown welcomes you to LOCAH. It seems he would like to be your guide.
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
She was on the ground. How was she on the ground? This was one of those in-the-moment mental inconveniences, where you can't comprehend exactly what's happening while it's happening, but it'd make perfect sense later, when she'd be able to clearly remember the moment when Kyle pushed her over. For her own protection. Because

because so much was going so wrong.

So here in present time, here she was, on the floor, with that glint of something, that glint of light moving fast, and Charlene's hand moved with it, and along with that movement came those sounds, three in a row, so familiar and yet still so fucking gut-wrenching-

BANG

BANG

BANG



But then she was gone. Charlene was gone, that fucking intrusive moment-killer (what's the opposite of a cockblock? well, she was that too, I guess) and now she and Kyle were alone again and Hayley Kelly, bless her heart, her first comprehensible thought was Took her long enough. Now where were we?

Of course, Hayley knew. Of course, Hayley wasn't a complete idiot. Of course, Hayley was in blissful denial, at least for the second she let herself be suspended in time before the truth hit her and Kyle, her boyfriend, the boy who she may or may not love- have loved? -he hit the ground.


She stared at him. Blood was escaping his chest, rapidly dying his shirt and the ground red and she'd seen all this before but not quite like this. Her eyes were dry, completely. her tears all wasted on vague fears and selfish wishes, things made trivial. Tears would be insulting. Besides, how could she cry when her mind had gone so blank, so numb, so useless?

He drew a heart. A heart, with blood in the ground. That was so dorky. So cute. So Kyle.

She might have laughed, if there weren't these choking sounds attempting to escape her throat.


His arm fell now. She thought she could hear his heart in the silence of the woods, pounding out of time, harder, making up for its lack of remaining time by beating hard as it could. He was breathing harder now, keeping time, and through it all all she could do was hope that her expression wasn't as blank and numb and dead as she felt. All she could do was watch in silence, deadly dead silence as he smiled and she felt her mouth force itself to mimic the action. She smiled at him through dead eyes as his dead eyes fluttered closed.

And all was still.













"Kyle?"

Her voice escaped that choking, that horrible clenched feeling in her throat, as she addressed the boy who was not moving at all. She reached out to touch him, to shake him, noticing for the first time that there was blood on her and only noticing in that detached, back-brain sort of way that would not be acknowledged, not really, until much later. For now, though, she touched his shoulder. Nudged him. Hayley Kelly was deep in denial.

But she knew. She did. But she couldn't know. Because if she knew, it was true.

Because she'd had enough nervous breakdowns for one day, thank you. Denial could put this one on the back-burner, at least for a moment or two.


"Wake up."



liar. failure. loser.



"Please, just..please. Please, just wake up."



murderer. scum. trash.



She touched him again, and his body moved with her touch, staying where it was pushed in a way that provoked her gag reflex. A fly landed on his cheek and she brushed it away reflexively, her hand staying on his cheek. Still warm. Cooling rapidly.

"Stop...stop, fuck, you're not funny, we have to go, okay? Wake up, yeah? Please..."


She looked up, suddenly, instinct provoking her.

There was Ema. Holding her gun.

The look on her face said so much.



The choking was back. Her voice was a pathetic shadow of itself.



"E-Ema?"

See what happened to Kyle.

"He's..."

Dead. He's dead.




"...he's..."




you're pathetic.

shut up. please.

i...i'm trying.
Edited by Hollyquin, Feb 14 2011, 07:30 PM.
being meguca is suffering

[V5] ALIVE:
[x] Aidan Flynn [B???] // Passing slowly though the vector, damp with fog, the bog that grows the former business sector...
[x] Chitose Saionji [G???] // 公園に千歳は本を読む!

[V5] CONCEPTS:
Winston Evans aced the last English test and would like to point out how gorgeous your shoes are.

Those Who've Known - V4
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Hollyquin
Member Avatar
A friendly clown welcomes you to LOCAH. It seems he would like to be your guide.
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
"I'm sorry, Hayley."

For what? some rational part of Hayley, some part that held onto its sanity through the purest denial even as the rest of her began to grasp on some level the truth, responded, though only in her head. Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything wrong. You haven't hurt anyone. You've held on to me through so much shit. You're still here, you're still with me, you've done the OPPOSITE of wrong, honeybee, at least by me. What would I have without you? Without you, I'd be...






Alone. Say it.

No...no, I have-

Say it.



"I'm so sorry."

Hayley started shaking as her body processed the truth. Her mind was at war with itself because if she didn't accept this, didn't believe it, it hadn't happened. The world was Hayley Kelly's and nothing she didn't accept would be true. This was logical and factual and correct and she was not going to be able to swallow it as such for very much longer. Not with the evidence soaking into her skirt and now with that look Ema was giving her, the look you give a widow at her husband's funeral.

Widow wasn't the right word, but it's the first word that comes to mind.

"I'm sorry, Hayley." Some rational part of Hayley, some part that held onto its sanity through the purest denial even as the rest of her began to grasp on some level the truth, wanted to smack this girl. She needed to stop apologizing when she hadn't done anything wrong because if she kept doing it, that meant something was wrong. And nothing was wrong.


You just can't admit that you failed.

Face the fucking facts, girly. He's dead. Kyle's dead and it's all your fault because you decide, you know what'll be great? Lets go fuck in the woods! Yeah, lets leave Vera behind, like anything ever goes wrong when two teenagers decide to fuck in the middle of goddamn nowhere. That's bloody brilliant, isn't it, not selfish or fucking retarded at all. No, of course you're not a pathetic little slut who had to run off and get laid, not a fucking chance-


Please...stop.


You promised. You made a promise. You won't get hurt with me, you said. I'll save you all, you said. I'll protect you, you won't need to kill anyone because I'm here, I'll take the fall, I'll be fucking damned for you, I don't give a fuck even-

I didn't say that.

Don't pretend you didn't think it. You're pathetic. What the fuck did you expect? To just walk away from this island with Kyle and Ema and Maddy and Alex and Isabel and Jay and Dutchy, just skip away into the goddamn sunset? He was going to die anyway. But because you are a selfish, immature, pathetic failure, he's dead now and you need to fucking deal with it.

Look alive, sunshine. You're not dead yet.




Then Ema's arms wrapped around her, and she finally collapsed, trembling, into them, those choking sobs escaping her throat, tears coming back, and some rational part of Hayley, some part that held onto its sanity through the purest denial even as the rest of her had fully grasped the truth, worried for her eyeliner, for her appearance on camera. The rest of her ignored that bit because there were more important things to worry about, pressing matters, here meaning continuing to break down.

"I am so, so sorry."

"Me too," she whispered back, through the sobs, and she was. Sorry for failing. Sorry that she clearly was incapable of protecting anyone. Sorry that she'd apparently been lying all this time, sorry that her presence was proof and protection of absolutely shit-all at the end of the day, sorry that she was sitting here shirtless and covered in her (ex?) boyfriend's blood and crying like a bitch.

Sorry that she wasn't a better guardian. A better friend. A better girlfriend.


Sorry for everything.





Six days on the island. Four kids dead because of me. And I hadn't lost anyone.

Karma's slow, but she's still a bitch.
Edited by Hollyquin, Feb 15 2011, 08:49 PM.
being meguca is suffering

[V5] ALIVE:
[x] Aidan Flynn [B???] // Passing slowly though the vector, damp with fog, the bog that grows the former business sector...
[x] Chitose Saionji [G???] // 公園に千歳は本を読む!

[V5] CONCEPTS:
Winston Evans aced the last English test and would like to point out how gorgeous your shoes are.

Those Who've Known - V4
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Hollyquin
Member Avatar
A friendly clown welcomes you to LOCAH. It seems he would like to be your guide.
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
As Ema let her go, Hayley felt her own arms automatically wrap themselves around her bare chest, her fingers digging into her sides. She needed to be touched right now, needed someone's arms around her and dammit, if Ema wasn't going to do it, she'd do it herself and that's pathetic. That is REALLY pathetic, even for you. When did you get so dependent? You didn't need him. You would've killed him yourself at endgame if you'd had to.

...

She stared at Ema, hardly seeing her or much of anything for that matter, but that was slowly fading. Her sobs subsided, her eyes began to dry. She was not okay, or anything even faintly resembling okay. In fact, considering her life expectancy, it seemed likely that she would never be okay again. This was the kind of thing that was solved out in the real world with lots of therapy and lots of time- here on Survival of the Fittest you kind of had to shut the fuck up and pretend you were good, all set, ready to go and okay.

She was still shaking, but not only from sadness and no longer provoked by sobs. A measure of something else crept into her system, something hateful and red, something Hayley welcomed because anything was better than crying for the next hour like she had found a likely scenario moments before. Ema was grinning the super-fake grin reserved for those who desperately want to cheer someone up and find themselves completely incapable. Hayley felt like she should return the smile, but her mouth didn't want to move. She settled for more staring, which wasn't really helping matters, particularly on the awkwardness front.

"Come on, stop it, you'll make me cry at this rate..."

Ema, darling, your tactfulness never ceases to amaze.

Hayley blinked, surprised by her own moment of mental clarity, by her apparent regain of the ability to think things that weren't self-deprecating, cruel, or horribly despondent. She took that as a good sign, as a sign that she might actually be able to walk out of this place sometime soon.

That hateful red something was still there. She tried to ignore it, but it made its presence known just enough for Hayley to take notice of exactly what Ema had taken into her possession.

Vera.

"We need to get our arses in gear, we're sitting ducks like this," Ema said, and she was right, but Hayley was only vaguely listening. Her eyes were fixated on that gun.

Vera. Kyle's dead because I left Vera behind. Can't let myself be unprepared. Can't be defenseless. Can't fuck up. Never, ever again. Can't let Ema die. I made a promise, you broke that promise I KNOW, I know. I know. I failed. But I can't fail again. I can still save Ema, yeah? I'm not...I'm not completely useless. I beg to differ. And I don't give two fucks. Give me a chance, let me fight, let me out of my goddamn cage. Me and her are going to live and everyone else can dig their fucking graves right now.

And Charlene? Dead. So dead, so godfucking dead, if someone kills her before I do I'll just have to kill them for fucking daring-


The red burned brighter at the very mention of that name,

Hayley remembered that Ema had been saying something, and knew she should say something, but the only words that would come out of her mouth were-

"That's mine."

One of her hands left its place, gripping her side, to ask for it, Vera, back. Her long nails had left shallow gouges in her skin.

Edited by Hollyquin, Feb 16 2011, 06:09 PM.
being meguca is suffering

[V5] ALIVE:
[x] Aidan Flynn [B???] // Passing slowly though the vector, damp with fog, the bog that grows the former business sector...
[x] Chitose Saionji [G???] // 公園に千歳は本を読む!

[V5] CONCEPTS:
Winston Evans aced the last English test and would like to point out how gorgeous your shoes are.

Those Who've Known - V4
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Hollyquin
Member Avatar
A friendly clown welcomes you to LOCAH. It seems he would like to be your guide.
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
"Oh, sorry, I just kind of..." Ema handed over the gun without further protest and Hayley's hand curled around the grip like it was only the most natural thing in the world. Not like this was her third day waving a gun around, no, more like someone who'd been doing this for a really long time, which was disconcerting even to her. Not disconcerting enough to make her want to put the thing down, of course. Not nearly that disconcerting. In fact having the thing, Vera, back in hand was enough for her to release her other hand's death grip on her side, revealing identical gouges. She could feel the sting of them, but only just. She took her eyes off Ema and looked at Vera instead, and stared at for a little longer than was really okay.

Not letting go. Ever again. Ever, ever again.

She blinked- too little too late for her apparent sanity- and shook her head, breaking the spell the gun and that red feeling were putting under her, at least momentarily. She looked up at Ema instead and tried to smile, tried to make a facial expression that a real person (as opposed to the simulacrum she felt like right now) would make. The corners of her mouth twitched upward, but the expression didn't reach her eyes. Nothing seemed to reach her eyes, really. Breaking the spell had not brought any life back into her face.

"Oh, sorry, I just kind of..."

Hayley blinked again. Still nothing there. She really wanted to curl up somewhere until she felt like feeling positive things again, something that would presumably happen at some point in the future. She really wanted to find something in her to say to Ema- the poor girl looked scared to death. Probably just freaked out to be this close to a body...of someone she knew. Not to mention under different circumstances, that could have been her. The fact that her mind didn't immediately start exploring the possibilities of the 'under different circumstances' bit was a tribute to the severity of the situation. Doesn't matter. She won't have to be scared anymore, because I'm going to protect her. Nothing like this is going to happen ever, ever again you broke your promise SHUT UP. Never again. I'll be the best fucking bodyguard to ever be. We're gonna do this. We are.

Believe THAT shit.


"You might, uh.. you might want that." Ema spoke so quietly that Hayley almost didn't hear her. She turned her dead eyes to the proffered shirt. It was rather bloody, though admittedly she didn't have much of a choice in attire at the moment. She took it and hugged it close to her like it was a security blanket and not a blood-soaked Beatles shirt, getting both her chest and her shirt bloodier in the process. Productive. Not that she really cared much at the moment. Being properly clothed was really low on her list of priorities under normal circumstances, it certainly wasn't now.

"So, err... what now? We might be able to, uh, catch up to her......but we should probably gather our stuff first."

"Right," Hayley said, managing a response that didn't sound completely robotic. Something was missing from her voice, just like it was missing from her eyes, but at least she was moving. Speaking. She stood, still clutching her bloody shirt, and after a moment of consideration collected her jacket as well. It too was bloody, but it was black and made of relatively thick fabric already, so it didn't seem much changed. After a moment of consideration she pulled the jacket on, buttoning it once in the middle, leaving the t-shirt off.

Slutty as all hell? Well, yes. The blood stains on the jacket and on her chest added a touch of "psychotic murderer" to the skankiness, though. Hayley hardly noticed.

In a moment of clarity, she reached for her pocket. Managed to light a cigarette with shaking hands.

Inhale.

Exhale.




,,,Better.

"Let's go, I guess," she said quietly, taking another pull. She really needed to chain smoke. Preferably with a vodka and cranberry in her other hand. Preferably in Alex's basement at some incredibly trashy party. A girl could dream all she wanted, not like it would get her anywhere. "After I've got my bag I really really just want to go somewhere really far away. I don't think...don't think we'll catch up with her and she'd better hope we don't for her sake because when I catch up with that fucking bitch I'll-"

She stopped herself dead, swallowing her rage by biting her lip hard enough to draw blood. Now was not the time or the place. Shaking her head, she took a few steps towards the clearing where they'd left, trusting that Ema would follow. Praying that Ema would follow. She certainly had reason enough not to.



Wait.


Hayley stopped, and took one last lingering look at Kyle.

Kyle Portman. Her last boyfriend.

...God, I'm going to die single.

Some things never change.

[[Hayley Kelly continued Sprint to the Finish Line]]
Edited by Hollyquin, Feb 20 2011, 04:25 PM.
being meguca is suffering

[V5] ALIVE:
[x] Aidan Flynn [B???] // Passing slowly though the vector, damp with fog, the bog that grows the former business sector...
[x] Chitose Saionji [G???] // 公園に千歳は本を読む!

[V5] CONCEPTS:
Winston Evans aced the last English test and would like to point out how gorgeous your shoes are.

Those Who've Known - V4
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
DealsFor.me - The best sales, coupons, and discounts for you
« Previous Topic · The Woods: Coastal · Next Topic »
Add Reply