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Sedation; 4th Night (Content Warning)
Topic Started: Feb 6 2011, 07:45 AM (1,308 Views)
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((Sarah Xu continued from Reduction))

((OOC: Thread occurs during Day 4 night.))

She felt kind of awkward, only an hour or two earlier she'd shared her first kiss and now Reiko had taken it upon herself to show her how to do it properly. She was... more than okay with this, even if she did feel a little self-conscious with her girlfriend straddling her waist and snogging her against the bed's headboard.

She felt Reiko's birth-marked nose bump her glasses again, the pads pressing uncomfortably against the bridge of her nose. Reiko frowned and pulled away from her, they hadn't really been designed for long kissing sessions.

"Can I take these off?"
A wry smile crossed Sarah's face. "Do you want me to be able to see you?"
Reiko contemplated for a moment before replying. "... Touche."

The headboard was starting to feel uncomfortable, and Sarah leaned forward to kiss Reiko before she found herself pinned against it again. The smaller girl seemed to appreciate the momentum, leaning back to pull Sarah with and on top of her. She slid her legs out from under Reiko as she moved a bit further down the bed. Soon she was on top of her, Reiko's arms and body caressing her gently as she began to experiment with each of her kisses. Her arms were just getting in the way under Reiko's back, and so she carefully slid them out. She needed to get some balance, but she was kind of worried about crushing the smaller girl with her weight, and so she went to push both forearms against the bed.

Her left one met nothing but air. Oops.

She hit the carpeted floor with a reverberating thump, her shoulder impacting against one of the several piles of books and paper that littered her room. It toppled away from her, strewing itself across her textbooks as the pain of a hardcover copy of somethingorother jabbing into her lower back became apparent. She squinted, whispering a quiet "oww" as she lay there assessing the damage. A split moment later Reiko's grinning face poked over the edge of the bed.

"Hahaha, they don't really help much huh?" Reiko said cheekily.
"The... books stabbing me seem to think no."

Squirming, Sarah pulled the offending biology textbook out from under herself, pushing it under the bed and out of harm's way. Her headache wasn't helped by the fall, and with her body stiffened and sore she just lay there for a moment looking up at her girlfriend. With the mild pain in her head Sarah couldn't help but be reminded of her concussion several weeks ago and remembering their first meeting made her smile. Reiko didn't take long before deciding to join her there, slinking down the side of the bed. Sarah winced a little as Reiko straddled her once again, tenderly kissing her lips. She couldn't stop smiling as Reiko broke off, only made harder by how infectious Reiko's crooked little smile was, mocking her sweetly as she greeted her on the floor.


Reiko laid against her, their arms entangling as they began to cuddle again, they simply relaxed together for a few minutes without speaking, Reiko's head resting against her chest. She'd never felt so close to someone before, feeling each subtle movement of her body. She closed her eyes, letting their breaths synchronise. After what felt like forever Reiko raised her head, and Sarah could feel her kiss against her cheek...

Sarah woke to find her arms and legs wrapped around someone, and for a couple of moments she thought it was Reiko again. At least until her bedmate began to stir and she realised her hair didn't smell like citrus.
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Sarah could feel panic rising in her chest, she felt horrible. As she stammered "sorry" and "an accident" another couple of times she tried to convince herself that it was just an accident, she hadn't done anything wrong, she'd been sharing a bed and she was stressed and she'd been dreaming of her girlfriend and it wasn't deliberate so she needed to calm down and stop feeling like she was guilty as sin. It wasn't working.

Sitting up quietly, with her pajamas twisted around her legs and abdomen, she had the urge to flee, like all the other times she'd fucked up. She'd go downstairs, sleep on the floor or the couch or something and it'd be okay. Bridget might even forget by morning, though that was just fantasy. She'd completely messed up again and Bridget probably thought she was some kind of pervert and she'd think badly of her and-

"Sleep well?"

"I... I uh" She tried not to whisper. "Sorry, it's just, I..." Did Bridget want an explanation or did she just want her to leave? "It's.. I had, I was dreaming about... about..."
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"I'll just go downst-" Why had Bridget suddenly gone so quiet? "I'll just go downstairs and..." Sarah turned to leave, but was stopped by Bridget's hand grabbing hers. "Uh I j-" Anything that Sarah had intended on saying beyond this point was lost as her lips became otherwise occupied by Bridget's.

The redhead broke off the kiss, and Sarah's face felt like it was burning up. As thoughts and memories churned in her mind she could feel tears gathering in her eyes.

"I, wh-what are.. I'm... I..but Reiko..."

Bridget knew she didn't need to say anything. Although Sarah probably didn't want to admit it, she must have known that Reiko was beyond hope now. Was she really naive enough to think that maybe Reiko was still redeemable?

Did she even think of her any more? The tears threatened to spill from Sarah's eyes, and she reflexively rubbed her hand against her eyelids to clear them away. She felt so dumb, she knew Reiko had killed and killed and killed again and yet she still hung onto that stupid hope that it was all a misunderstanding.
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Sarah just lay, staring above her at homogenous darkness. Euphoria kept her mind fuzzy, but the warmth that permeated her body was slowly receding, and she could feel cold awareness creeping back to her as she gradually came down from her first real high in days. The feeling of uncertainty was returning, and she could feel the faintest sense of regret beginning to gnaw at her stomach. She glanced in Bridget's direction uselessly, searching for some kind of reassurance in her eyes or in her speech, but receiving none from the pitch darkness. She followed the rhythm of Bridget's breathing, and after a few minutes she knew the other girl had fallen asleep.

She suddenly felt more than uncomfortable lying there in naked solitude. She shifted to the side of the bed, slowly swung herself out and pulled her underwear back up from her knees. She groped blindly for her night-shirt, and the torch it now covered. She threaded each arm through the flannel sleeves, leaving it unbuttoned as her fingers skimmed the top of the bedside table for her glasses. She found the edge of an open arm and slid them back onto her face, the familiar pads resting across her nose as the room's desaturated shapes slowly came into focus.

She looked around to check Bridget hadn't woken up, sitting there for a minute watching the sleeping girl before looking away again and turning on the flashlight. The sudden glare blinded her and an arm shot up to shield her eyes. She decided the contrast of the flashlight's focused beam only made the darkness... darker, and creepier, and clicked it off again, letting her eyes adjust back to the moon's halflight as she fumbled about in her bag looking for her toileteries and a second pair of panties.

Her sock-covered toes brushed against her discarded pants as she shuffled to the door (there didn't seem much point putting them back on now), pausing to take another long look at Bridget. She still couldn't quite hear her voice in her mind yet, so she just watched, her conflicting feelings feeling like they were sitting in her stomach and chest, waiting to bubble to the surface of her consciousness. She swallowed and turned away, walking down the palely-lit hallway towards the bathroom.

Her right hand searched along the wall as she continued, tracing the bumps of each doorframe as she passed.
It was strange, for all those years she'd spent afraid of the dark and the non-existant horrors that lurked in the shadows, she felt okay walking around the barely familiar house navigating by touch. She wasn't sure she could feel much more vulnerable than she just had in that bed, even with dangerous classmates roaming the island... Like Reiko might be. The tears welling in her eyes made it harder and harder to see as she continued, reaching the bathroom just in time before they started to stream down her cheeks and drop with a couple of dull beats against her wool-covered feet and bare legs.

She leant hard against the basin, sobbing into her sleeves as she buried her face in her arms. She loved Reiko so deeply it felt like half of her had been ripped out and torn and sullied and no matter how much she tried to tell herself she might be okay, that it might all be a misunderstanding she didn't think she could believe that.

And what the hell had she just done? Herself? She felt like she'd never need anyone but Reiko and she'd just... She'd just... She couldn't find words for what she'd done, but she knew she felt like vomiting as the reality of what had just happened hit her. She'd only really known Bridget for 4 days, maximum, and she'd just let her fuck her... no, she'd reciprocated, she'd pushed Bridget on, she was responsible for it. At any time she could have just said "No" and left and it felt like her stomach was going to push itself out of her throat and she couldn't stop crying but she'd enjoyed it at the time, right? Why did she suddenly regret it so much? It wasn't like she'd hurt Reiko, she knew that, and it wasn't that, definitely wasn't that.

Her knees were starting to give out, and still unable to control her tears she sat against the bath's edge, hesitating as the cold ceramic chilled her bare thighs. With her mind the way it was the mild discomfort felt like yet another insult, and she clenched her body, her fingers grabbing and trying to tear apart her legs just above her knees, her face pitching towards them, struggling to inflict enough pain to distract her from her anguish.

Focusing on that, her sobbing began to subside, and she decided to try to refocus on showering before she started breaking down again. She pulled her socks from her feet before standing up on the cold tile floor. She turned the squeeking hot water tap, letting it run as she looked at her reflection in the cracked mirror above the sink. She'd cleaned up the blood straight after they'd arrived back at the house. It was probably Dutchy or Roland's. She knew it would have creeped her out if she came across it again after nightfall, but she mostly just worried for them. She hoped they were okay.

Thinking about their safety meant remembering how much danger they were all in... How many of her friends she would never get to talk with again. She could feel tears welling up again, and it seemed like a good time to get into the shower. Blinking them back she fished her soap, shampoo and conditioner from her toiletries bag, placing them on the edge of the bath. She placed her glasses in the sink and pulled her shirt from her shoulders, half-scrunching it up and tossing it aside. She pushed her panties to the floor and stepped out of them, straight into the embrace of the warm, awaiting-


She stepped out of the shower again, shivering and supporting herself with the wall as she tried to regain her composure. There wasn't any hot water. Of course there wasn't any fucking hot water. It's not like she could even be allowed that comfort. She wanted to be at home again so badly. She needed a hot shower, hot food, a warm house and a comfortable bed. That's all she needed right now, and she couldn't have any of it. She'd probably never have any of it again. She just wanted to be with her family again. She just wanted someone to hug her and tell her everything would be alright. She just wanted her Reiko back.

If she let it, she could almost feel her, the way they used to cuddle all the time...

... She needed to get clean. Thinking about all she'd lost, about her girlfriend, wasn't going to help. Stepping under the frigid water again, she shivered painfully as she took her soap from its hard plastic container. She gasped, the water was even colder than before without the sun to warm the pipes, and she could barely breathe as it ran down her torso. She scrubbed as quickly as she could, escaping as soon as she'd covered everything, almost toppling as she slipped in her rush to get out from under the showerhead. She groped for the fluffy towel before trying to get her breath back. She shook erratically as she dragged the towel over herself and ruffled her hair, trying to get the freezing water away from her skin as quickly as possible.

As her breathing dropped back to a normal pace Sarah's thoughts seemed to have lost their edge, temporarily shocked out of her system by the brief nigh-waterboarding. She put her shirt and change of panties on as quickly as she could, buttoning the shirt up before turning the still-running shower taps off. Finding her glasses in the sink, she dried and gathered up the clothes and toileteries before leaving the bathroom with her belongings bundled in her arms.

She padded down the softly carpeted, occasionally creaking hallway. There was another room with a single bed a little ways past where she'd been sleeping. As she reached Bridget's bedroom she stopped to look in at the girl. She didn't stand for long, only watching the smaller girl as she slept for the length of a couple of breaths, before continuing on her way to another bed.

((Sarah Xu and Bridget Connolly Continued in And Knowledge In Itself, is Power))
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