Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to Survival of the Fittest, a RPing board loosely based off of Koshun Takami's Battle Royale, with its own unique plot and spin on the 'deadly game'. We've been around quite a while, and are now in our thirteenth year, so don't worry about us going anywhere any time soon!

If you're a newcomer and interested in joining, then please make sure you check out the rules. You may also want to read the FAQ, introduce yourself and stop by the chat to meet some of our members. If you're still not quite sure where to start, then we have a great New Member's Guide with a lot of useful information about getting going. Don't hesitate to PM a member of staff (they have purple usernames) if you have any questions about SOTF and how to get started!

Let the games begin!

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
How to Win Friends and Influence People; Private Thread, Afternoon of Day 3
Topic Started: Oct 27 2010, 01:22 AM (1,825 Views)
Jonny
Member Avatar
You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
[ *  *  * ]
(Jeremy Franco continued from This Scene is About a Hat)

There was a very, very important question to ask in the aftermath of Jeremy's encounter with Dumbass Chick. The sort of question that was gonna burn away at him, weigh down on him, drive into him until he answered it. Basically, the sort of question that was gonna commit a lot of unpleasant metaphors against Jeremy. Ugh. Jeremy fucking hated metaphors. They were just these ridiculous little piece of shit that were basically just lying, that were basically just moral cowardice. So he needed them to fuck off, so he needed to answer the following:

During the course of Jeremy Franco's encounter with Dumbass Chick, did he or did he not turn a profit?

This was a bit of a doozy. On the one hand, he'd lost his cool. As a businessman, you neeeeeeeeever do that, like never never never, like Jesus Christ you might as well just make a sales pitch composed exclusively of metaphors. But he'd totally flipped his shit at her, hadn't he. Group of Ameriprise executives sitting around a TV screen right now, all shaking their heads, all murmuring And we thought that boy had such potential.

That was the bad stuff! But the first thing a businessman learns how to do is explain away (or even better: entirely ignore!) the bad stuff and focus on the good. So let's just fucking shelve that off to the side right now and talk a little bit about a badass fucking fedora, holy shit. See, haberdashers across the world had been trying for millennia to create the most badass hat possible, and the fedora was the product of their labor. It was long thought that the fedora was simply the pinnacle of snazzy headgear, that nothing could be done to improve on the design, and then BOOM, bloodstain. There was a bloodstain on his fedora and that made it even. Fucking. Cooler.

Sell fedoras that come with bloodstains already on them, much in the style of pre-faded jeans. Make millions within a month. Today, I am a genius.

So the answer is yes, if you hadn't figured it out yet. Yes, Jeremy had turned a profit. There was that stuff sitting on the shelf over there, true, but that could be safely ignored. What matter was that Jeremy had his unbelievably badass hat. And he felt great, he was pumped, he was psyched, he felt like, right now, he could punch a Tyrannosaur in the heart so hard that it would die. And he'd even managed to get a good night's sleep, and now he was all well-rested and ready to take down some notes.

Notes, you ask? Yes, notes. Jeremy had had such great results when it came to deceiving Dumbass Chick about having seen Kris, and all the info had come from the first set of announcements (except the part about knowing that Kris skateboarded, that came from paying attention). And this was all just from memory! All from the top of Jeremy's head! Imagine what a master manipulator Jeremy would be when he had notes to consult and memorize for every kill on the island. That would just make it too easy, wouldn't it? Hahahaha psyche, there is no such thing as too easy, Jeremy fucking loved when shit was easy for him.

So that all happened. And then a big long trek across most of the island happened, east to west with a few minutes worth of wondering if he should hit up the Flowerheads at their cell tower fortress. The answer turned out to be no, since he didn't really have anything to offer them right now. Oh well. Jot that down for later, maybe.

Eventually, Jeremy found a clearing in some woods (always these fucking woods!) where he could sit down and rest for a little while. Grab a bit to eat, start memorizing his notes, start prepping for his next business transaction. Once he was done, he's set off in search of the next person that needed the esteemed services of J. Franco and Associates. Or maybe they'd come to him! Maybe the next customer would find him here, like this was his storefront where he was selling his services. Haha, fuck yeah, that'd be great. And oh man, it'd be even better if he could get, like, a little cardboard sign for his store that said J. FRANCO & ASSOCIATES so everyone knew just who the were dealing with. That'd be fuckin' clutch, that'd be fuckin' ace, that'd be fuckin' slice.

"Slice" is not actually a slang term for "good". But nobody was about to correct Jeremy on that front.
Edited by Jonny, Oct 27 2010, 10:09 AM.
Jeremy Franco is alive. You can write a better ending, goddammit.

Charlie DuClare is dead. And nothing was easy anymore except to smile.
Julian Avery is dead. Courage was the man with a gun in his hand.
JJ Sturn is dead. Fuck it, all good things gotta come to an end.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Jonny
Member Avatar
You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
[ *  *  * ]
God daaaaaammit. This was- well, actually this was a good thing to be getting a potential customer already, sure, but Jeremy wasn't ready, he hadn't even studied his notes all the way, and most importantly of all this chick didn't even have an appointment. There were some very basic rules to commerce, and one of those was that you couldn't just go up and make someone an offer anytime anyplace. What, would you break into Jeremy's house in the middle of the night just because you had a mutual fund you wanted to talk to him about? No? Then you don't approach him while he's very clearly going over his notes. It's just not done. But then again, another of the rules of commerce was that you always had to be ready to make a deal anytime anyplace, you always had to seize whatever opportunity knocked at your door, so... yeah. The rules kinda didn't make sense sometimes when you tried to look at all of them.

"I'll be with you in one second, ma'am! You'll have to forgive my delay, I'm just making sure my client ledger is all in order..." Hahahaha, client ledger. That was awesome, Jeremy was awesome. Now this chick would think that he'd already done a lot of volume on this island, since his client ledger was so fucking big and took so fucking long to review. Alright, just study the last few details so you can get to this stupid bitch with her stupid whiny bitch voice and her stupid needless reassurance like how the fuck could you even hurt someone who was wearing a bloodstained fedora? How the fuck did that make sense? Probably fugly too, but Jeremy was still gonna maintain eye contact the whole time, because that's just how dedicated to closing deals he was. Alright. Let's get this over with.

Holy shit.

2) Ally with hot chicks
2) Ally with hot chicks
2) Ally with hot chicks


Jeremy had been wrong all along! And it was the best feeling, wasn't it? Since holy shit, she was hooooot, like- oh shit! And she'd introduced herself as Rosa, hadn't she? Rosa! Rosa Fiametta! Right! Rosa was the slut! The slut who did sex acts all the time! Sex acts were awesome! Jeremy briefly chastised himself for not paying attention to when she'd already introduced herself, but then reverted to his stoic badass businessman game face. This was no time for getting distracted, he had a deal to close.

Because this girl, right, this beautiful sweethearted girl who was scared and vulnerable but also friendly and trusting and she meant nobody harm, she wouldn't hurt a fly- she was asking for Jeremy Franco's help! He wasn't sure what kind of help she needed yet, but she was talking to Jeremy in her sweet lovely voice and she said she didn't want to hurt him! This was very kind of her, that kind of reassurance was always good to have. So Jeremy put on a big helpful friendly smile and:

"Hey, you got it! I'm not hurting anybody either. I'm really more of a help-people-out kinda guy anyway. Just ask the folks in my ledger!" Wave it around, flash an open page briefly to confirm that there's a bunch of text in there. "How about you, Rosa? Any way I can help you out?"

He was excited for this. No, not because he was expecting her to put out or anything (God, who would be that crass?), but because he genuinely liked her. He really really did. There was a whole stuff worth liking about Rosa, and nothing worth disliking, and plus she was really hot. And this was gonna turn out great, wasn't it? Since the last time, well, the last time had fallen apart because Dumbass Chick had fundamentally misrepresented the sitaution. She'd pretended she was a badass, when she was not. But Rosa? Rosa was great! And she was, above all else, honest. So whatever was about to happen, it'd turn out well.

But maybe that was being too cocky? Maybe.
Jeremy Franco is alive. You can write a better ending, goddammit.

Charlie DuClare is dead. And nothing was easy anymore except to smile.
Julian Avery is dead. Courage was the man with a gun in his hand.
JJ Sturn is dead. Fuck it, all good things gotta come to an end.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Jonny
Member Avatar
You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
[ *  *  * ]
Something didn't... didn't... add up. It wasn't like Jeremy was expecting to fail or anything? No, no, it wasn't that at all. Jeremy was awesome and he was fully aware of being awesome so it was perfectly within reason to expect that he'd close a deal with Rosa (and if you're walking into a deal and not expecting to close it, why the fuck did you even show up). But it wasn't supposed to be this easy. Or this painless. She was supposed to call him a rat and a loser and a virgin (that last one wasn't even true, haha!) before she grudgingly admitted that yes she was most definitely buying what he was selling. Come on, I work up this superhuman tolerance to insults and you're not even gonna let me make use of it?

But she was being nice to him! Again, not something that Jeremy was entirely unused to. He wasn't about to break down and cry and see the error of his ways like this was the first time someone had ever said a kind word to him. It was just the circumstances. Clients in general didn't have the highest opinion of Jeremy, and Rosa had no real reason to be any different. In fact, she probably had more reason than average to hate him, since Jeremy may or may not have told a few awesome jokes about her promiscuity in his time (quick, what's the difference between Rosa Fiametta and a wind tunnel? You can puzzle that one out for yourself). And the island didn't seem like the kind of place to draw people closer together or reveal their hidden good natures, so... so what the fuck? Why was she being so friendly? What was so different now that it sparked this wave of kindness?

Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. The hat.

Alright, made sense. Case closed, time to move on.

"Well," Jeremy cleared his throat, "J. Franco and Associates provides a variety of services. Lemme give you an example, if you're low on food or water, then I've managed to procure a bit of an extra supply, so I could hook you up on that end." No look of excitement, so she probably wasn't interested. That's fine, go ahead and move on to the next rackets. "Or if you're looking for someone on the island, I might be able to help you out? I've been canvassing the island for clients these last few days, and by now I got myself a pretty good impression of where most people are."

"It's funny, you'd expect for people to move around a lot, same way I've been moving around, but for the most part everyone just stays put. It's like I'll show up somewhere at noon and see three people there, then I'll loop back around to that same spot maybe around sunset and the same three guys are there. It's sorta..." Maybe it was acceptable to use a metaphor here? Jeremy had a really, really good one, so it'd be a shame to let it go to waste. "Sorta like that game, Memory, with the cards that you flip over and you try to remember where all of them are and get yourself matching pairs." Jeremy punished at that game. No joke! "Once you figure out where a given person is on this island, it's usually pretty easy to go back and lead a client to them."

"So yeah, if that sounds interesting to you, maybe we can work something out? Like, if you got a friend you wanna meet up with, or if someone fucked with you and you're out for revenge, or I dunno if you and bro and sis have caught up yet, but I mean, like, that sound like something you're maybe interested in?"

This kicked ass, she was gonna say yes and she was gonna thank Jeremy so much for helping her out. And since he had his fucking awesome hat, she'd even be sincere when she did it!
Jeremy Franco is alive. You can write a better ending, goddammit.

Charlie DuClare is dead. And nothing was easy anymore except to smile.
Julian Avery is dead. Courage was the man with a gun in his hand.
JJ Sturn is dead. Fuck it, all good things gotta come to an end.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Jonny
Member Avatar
You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
[ *  *  * ]
Aww, shucks, Jeremy wasn't a saint! At least... he didn't think of himself as one? It was... maybe an idea worth investigating? But something told Jeremy he'd come up empty-handed if he thought about that too hard. Probably some clause somewhere saying you're disqualified from sainthood if you've ripped a bunch of people off trading baseball cards- even if they had it coming because they didn't even have the common sense to know the estimated values of their own cards.

But still. It was nice of her to say.

"Listen, Rosa, don't mention it. It's like, I mean, what else am I gonna do on this island besides help out, besides I mean doing what I'm always doing which has always been providing services to the community? Like there's no way I'm gonna go kill someone, and to be a hundred percent honest I don't really have any really tight buddies of my own to go off searching for..." Nervous little laugh. Sympathize with Jeremy, please. "So this is what I can do. And... yeah. Hopefully we can come to whatever deal and agreement and I'll help you out."

Jeremy held up one finger and started carefully perusing the J. Franco & Associates Client Ledger. Flipping through pages, giving Rosa the impression that he'd done this plenty of times already, that he had plenty of happy customers, that he was a respectable businessman whom she could count on. Earning a little more of her trust every time his eyes darted back and forth across the page.

"Frankie... is... not in here. I'm sorry. If I've seen her at all, it wasn't a good enough look to record her location. That's... the bad news." Delivering bad news sucked. It was just the worst. "Good news is that Ilario is well and accounted for. Now, last time I saw him was quite a while ago, so there's no guarantee that he's still in the same place, but I think we can at the very least narrow it down to a likely range. And if we work this out I'll be at your side helping you track Ilario down, so we shouldn't really act like that's gonna be too big of an issue or anything."

Now the tricky part.

"Thing is, I... well, I already mentioned working out a deal and, yeah, here's that part of it. Thing is that running the kind of business I've been running on this island, you sorta accumulate your operating costs and you take a lot of risks, stick your neck out and all that. I mean like I said, nobody's really moving around too much- and that's smart of them on account of moving around is getting exposed and putting yourself in danger- but I'm doing that pretty much every waking moment. So... some kind of... I guess what I mean to say is I just need some sort of compensation."

What kind? Not a hat. He already had a hat. Maybe just put the ball in her court.

"Doesn't have to be anything big or anything. Just, I mean, if you're interested, go ahead and make me an offer and I guess we'll see if we can work it out?"
Jeremy Franco is alive. You can write a better ending, goddammit.

Charlie DuClare is dead. And nothing was easy anymore except to smile.
Julian Avery is dead. Courage was the man with a gun in his hand.
JJ Sturn is dead. Fuck it, all good things gotta come to an end.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Jonny
Member Avatar
You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
[ *  *  * ]
A ha. A hahahahahahaha. Ha ha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YES. Good lord good fucking Christ holy shit this was the best. This- unbelievable. There was this section of Jeremy's mind, all fenced in and a sign with big red letters labeling it WILDEST DREAMS, and Jeremy was knocking the gates down and bursting in and then shooting right beyond the whole place. While riding a burning robot dinosaur. That's how awesome his situation was.

But this was no time for Jeremy to be resting on his laurels. Oh no no no. There was still a lot of work to be done here, because- can you fucking believe it?- Rosa said she wasn't done. He just had to tell her where Ilario was, and then his day was about to get ten times more awesome. Easy. And then once they found him, they'd do it all again. Not so easy. And it'd kinda be awkward what with Ilario being around- was he gonna watch? Was he into that sorta thing? Fuck it, Ilario could do whatever he wanted. Jeremy was gonna have another shot at heaven with Rosa and everything would be totally worth it.

Jeremy wondered for a second if he was maybe pressing his luck a little.

And then he remembered, haha, of course he wasn't, because he had a fucking lucky hat.

"I... wow, Rosa, I never expected I... you're a really amazing girl, you know that? I mean, of course I'll help you find your brother now, it's- deal's done, deal's made, boom, sold, no haggling necessary!" Nervous laugh. Why the fuck couldn't he stop doing that? "Okay, okay. I saw Ilario at the- oh God, what do you call it-" whirled his finger in the pattern of a circle, clearly indicating a ferris wheel but Rosa didn't seem to have any guesses so she wasn't helping- "Fun Fair! Right, Jesus, sorry about that, the name just got away from me for a sec is all but yeah, that's where I saw him and if we're lucky that's where he's still hanging out."

Jeremy shifted his weight around a little. That wasn't enough details. He needed more, or else she wouldn't believe him. Or else she'd just tell him that she wasn't buying it because if he couldn't paint her a picture that meant he obviously hadn't seen Ilario so he could just go fuck himself which was not the kind of fucking Jeremy was interested in. So he had to win her over with details. That's what had worked with dumbass chick. That's how you make a sale. With the details.

“See, the guy was sorta rattled, he was sorta freaking out and I think the island was sorta getting to him because that's what it does to you, y'know? That's just the sorta game this place plays. Anyway, I think he's probably fine right now cause I did my best to calm him down and help him out-” details that make you look good are the best details- “and then I told him he should stay put. So unless some kinda dangerous character showed up and scared him off- which I mean, I hope that didn't happen since I like the guy too- then he's probably still at the Fun Fair and we should head on over there!”

Perfect.

“Looks like we can maybe hit the place before sundown if we- if we... hey, Rosa, something wrong? You, uh, alright?”

Her facial expression was indicating quite clearly that yes, there was something wrong, and no, she was not alright.

Fuck.
Jeremy Franco is alive. You can write a better ending, goddammit.

Charlie DuClare is dead. And nothing was easy anymore except to smile.
Julian Avery is dead. Courage was the man with a gun in his hand.
JJ Sturn is dead. Fuck it, all good things gotta come to an end.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Jonny
Member Avatar
You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
[ *  *  * ]
This is not over this is not over this is not a fuckup you can fix this. A lesser businessman wouldn't be able to fix this! They would fuck up here, they would back down like maybe they'd admit to everything and say they were sorry. Back down? That would be cowardice. Backing down when you haven't exhausted all your options is cowardice. It's giving up when you don't need to, it's fucking pathetic. Wasn't gonna happen. Wasn't gonna happen. If Jeremy was gonna say he was sorry, it was only gonna be after he'd gone through every other possible option.

At which point saying sorry would be totally okay and he'd be completely alright with it and nobody could make him feel bad about it.

But first. "Okay, whoa whoa whoa! I- alright, first off! Fun Fair, like I said, that's where I saw him last, that's where he's still gonna be unless he- maybe, I dunno, maybe he decided he wasn't gonna wait around for me to find you or your sister and he just took off on his own? But I told him he ought to say put and he said he would so Fun Fair, that's where we're going, I mean it!"

That's not what she was really asking, though. She wants proof. So give her proof, and do it fast. Try not to say a bunch of useless bullshit words you don't need to say, alright?

"Now, uh, more important. Far as weapons go, he had a- Christ, those little toy guns that shoot foam stuff at- nerf guns? Is that it? Yeah, I think that's what they're called, he had one of those. Obviously wasn't pointing it at anyone, or- uh, right."

Yeah, that was a start. It seemed honest, right? Like he was struggling to remember the name of something he'd definitely absolutely seen, not struggling to come up with a lie? It was- yeah, no, it was good. She would believe it. She had no reason to doubt it, unless- wait shit, maybe she'd already seen someone with a nerf gun and she'd get suspicious of the idea that someone else had them? But how the fuck was Jeremy supposed to know that? Acceptable risk.

"Next question was... clothes? Like what was he wearing?" What the fuck? How was Jeremy supposed to know that, even if he had seen Ilario? "I mean I don't- look, Rosa, I've met up with a couple dozen people here already, I can't really remember what every one of them is wearing and like- a nice shirt, does that sound right?- besides, our conversation, me and him, it sorta took place at a bit of a distance like I didn't really ever get up to right next to him so I don't really remember all the... details, I mean, yeah."

This felt uncomfortable, a bit. She probably wasn't entirely sold yet.

"Look, Rosa, can I just say one thing? I mean, no doubt you know your brother way way better than I ever will, but like, think about it this way, neither of us have ever seen him before, like, when he's on an island and he's on SotF. So I think maybe if it sounds weird that he freaked out, I think- he was probably just, y'know, not really used to the whole thing and it all just comes at once, like- I mean, I freaked out too! I just, haha, probably I got lucky by waking up earlier than he did, you know? Yeah?"

It was all so reasonable! It all made so much sense. There was pretty much no way she could call bullshit on any of that, no way she could react with anything other than a grudging Alright Jeremy, go ahead and take me to him, unless
Jeremy Franco is alive. You can write a better ending, goddammit.

Charlie DuClare is dead. And nothing was easy anymore except to smile.
Julian Avery is dead. Courage was the man with a gun in his hand.
JJ Sturn is dead. Fuck it, all good things gotta come to an end.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Jonny
Member Avatar
You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
[ *  *  * ]
Man's reach exceeds his grasp.

Someone wise and famous had said that once. It was probably, uh, Shakespeare seemed like a good bet, unless it was one of those things where you think it was Shakespeare but really it was just some douchebag who wrote a play in the 1920's and now nobody even remembers anything about them except one quote they made. Well, no, Jeremy couldn't really go around calling that guy a douchebag, since he'd said some quote that applied pretty well to Jeremy's current situation and that had to be worth something, or whatever. Because, like, Jeremy had tried to reach for having lots of sex with Rosa, but that ended up exceeding his grasp, which was sorta what the quote was about and so it really got him on a personal level.

Question: Why the fuck was Jeremy Franco even thinking about this right now?

Answer: Anything, absolutely anything, to take his mind off the searing pain in his balls.

Didn't work too well. An unedited version of the above thoughts would have likely contained one or two interruptions every sentence, one or two instances of Oh Jesus Christ my balls, the pain, the pain. Not a good place to be. The worst place to be. Just a bunch of spasms and maybe he was also crying a little (but maybe not so don't necessarily act like he is, that would be unfair to the guy!) and maybe he was sorta grabbing onto some clumps of dirt with his hands and clenching and tugging and tearing and trying to just fucking do something right now. Furiously grabbing a patch of dirt didn't mean shit, but it was something. It was accomplishing something. It was succeeding at something.

Basically, it was the opposite of everything he'd just done for the last however long his conversation with Rosa had lasted. Three minutes? Five? How long had it taken him to fuck everything up so royally?

Or, uh, or maybe not? Maybe... not... too royally? It was like... yes, on one hand, you can go ahead and call it pathetic delusion for Jeremy to try to spin this all into a positive. But on the other, he does not even slightly give a shit about that and he's gonna do it anyway. Here goes, don't laugh: he actually came out ahead when you averaged what just happened to him. Yeah, there was a lot of pain right now, that was unavoidable. Oh well, he could fucking deal with it. It'd fade after a while and he'd be up on his feet again and he'd deal with it like a fucking man. But, like, look at this way, how many guys could say they'd gotten that far with Rosa?

Wait, no. Wrong way to look at it.

Rosa was really hot. There we go, that was a better way to look at it. Rosa had just done sex acts to him and Rosa was really hot. Make whatever cracks you want about her being a slut (no seriously, go ahead, Jeremy will probably join in), but she was still fucking hot so getting to make out with her meant something. It meant a LOT. It meant that all this pain- even now, fading, getting more manageable- had been worth it. It meant that Jeremy had, despite his failure to reap the biggest reward of all, still come out of the situation doing pretty well for himself.

It meant Jeremy had turned a profit.

Okay. That's probably an exaggeration. More like broke even.

But regardless. He did the only thing he could, now that the pain was subsiding enough for him to move properly again. He got up, he dusted himself off, and he set off in search of some more profit to turn.

(Jeremy Franco continued elsewhere)
Jeremy Franco is alive. You can write a better ending, goddammit.

Charlie DuClare is dead. And nothing was easy anymore except to smile.
Julian Avery is dead. Courage was the man with a gun in his hand.
JJ Sturn is dead. Fuck it, all good things gotta come to an end.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
DealsFor.me - The best sales, coupons, and discounts for you
« Previous Topic · The Woods: Coastal · Next Topic »
Add Reply