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The Only Way Is Up; TOPIC CLOSED
Topic Started: Aug 21 2010, 11:56 AM (9,518 Views)
Rattlesnake
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Now you may be wondering, who was wearing the bolo tie? Me or the shark? Answer: YES!
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
"Son of a monkey's left nipple."

B088: Start

Cody Jenkins tried holding his map upside-down. It didn't help. He hadn't expected it to, of course, but it was just one of those things people did, like touching wet paint or pushing harder on the buttons of a dead remote control when it's perfectly clear that neither will do any good. He knew that these urges were completely asinine, but also that holding out would simply increase the burning desire to be stupid, so he simply gave in to these impulses as a matter of course.

The problem with the map was that it simply didn't show what he needed to know. It was all fine and dandy if you wanted to move from one corner of the island to another without swimming, or if someone who had lost their map and who desperately needed to avoid getting wet was interrogating you about its contents at gunpoint, but seeing as roving about the island like a man looking for his car keys was stupid, and that there seemed to be a shortage of directionally-challenged wicked witches on the island, it was perfectly useless to him except to hold at funny angles waiting for the unintelligible mess to resolve suddenly into "SOUTH, YOU RETARD!"

In short, he was lost.

Under normal circumstances, "lost" didn't worry Cody much, because normal circumstances "lost" involved either paved roads or smoke monsters. In the woods, however, "lost" had a very nasty ring to it, and that went double when better than 250 other beweaponed seniors were lost, and the authorities weren't going to do anything about it, because the authorities were precisely the ones who had put them there in the first place as part of a heavily-publicized recurring terrorist attack. And, he thought, it went quadruple when the terrain was all hilly and tree-y and one was carrying a pack on one shoulder and an axe on the other, although there were plenty of cameras around that he could vent his rage at. Everyone did it, of course, and it really just boosted the ratings, but if that was what it took to get the word out to everyone, he could deal with it, and maybe even tell people he was doing it ironically, because doing lame stuff ironically was apparently awesome.

He could hear people up ahead, specifically someone trying to put the moves on the ladies. He hurried forward, because one of them might know what in the world they were doing, and also there was probably at least a guy and a girl, who could easily be friendly and hot, respectively. Stepping brashly out of the trees, he leaned on his axe, looked at them, looked at his map, turned it sideways, looked at them again, and then said, in earnest curiosity, "Hey guys. You know where we are? 'Cause I can't make heads or tails of this thing."
VeeFive


V4


NO. THERE IS NO MORE TIME, EVEN FOR CAKE. FOR YOU, THE CAKE IS OVER. YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE.

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Rattlesnake
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Now you may be wondering, who was wearing the bolo tie? Me or the shark? Answer: YES!
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Cody cocked his head and looked on with mild consternation. He hoped he wasn't walking in on anything, but then realized that it didn't really matter if he had, seeing as he had a fire axe and that judging by Leila's reaction, they weren't going to be gangbanging him any time soon. Not that he seriously considered using the axe, of course, but it was a good thing to have as a deterrent. He took another couple of steps forward.

"So, I don't wanna, like, ruin the moment or anything, actually I think you guys might have already ruined any sort of 'moment' that was going on, but really, do you at least know where we are? 'Cause I figure we're in the mountains, only that doesn't help because they're kind of big. Big as mountains, I'd say, actually."

He hoped that that last bit might loosen them up. People liked humor, especially when they were in such a stupid situation as this. The problem was, of course, that he wasn't sure that it was actually funny, although maybe if it was unfunny enough, it might wrap around to funny again and at least give them a chuckle. His prognostication seemed to be at least partially correct in that between them, they seemed to be attractive, nice, and mentally stable - but not individually, of course, and three redeeming qualities is a tough split between two people.

He scraped some dirt with the spike of his axe while he waited.
VeeFive


V4


NO. THERE IS NO MORE TIME, EVEN FOR CAKE. FOR YOU, THE CAKE IS OVER. YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE.

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Rattlesnake
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Now you may be wondering, who was wearing the bolo tie? Me or the shark? Answer: YES!
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
((Super-delayed post. Writer's block is a cruel mistress.))

And now everyone was just coming right out of the woodwork.

Heh. Woodwork. We're in the woods. Better not say that one aloud...

So, first there was Jimmy, and then - no, first was him, because he'd kind of walking in on what he didn't exactly want to call their 'moment,' seeing as that words was generally used for something more magical than a shouting match. So, there was him, and he had to guess that Jeremy had burst in before he had, since neither he nor Leila was dead, as would be the most likely outcome of them traveling together. Darnit.

So, there was Leila. And then Jeremy, and then himself. And now Jimmy, who had walked into the open and ruined his excellent disguise as an extremely foul-mouthed tree. Just when things were getting awkward, there was some disturbance and a rock came tumbling down to his level, and there was another guy walking on some little ridge. And meanwhile, everyone seemed to be vying for the attention of the one girl. It was kind of like a feeding frenzy, or that one time when someone had dared to say the word "baby" in a nursing home. And all he wanted was just a good idea of where he was, darnit.

"All I want is a just a good idea of where I am, darnit."

The whole scene was quite a bit more than he had expected, just a few minutes ago and he was strolling unaware over the mountain and now there were a bunch of people here, and really the thing he wanted most was a nice place to go sit down or lie down or something, maybe take a nap or something, just to rest himself and be ready for whatever came next. But this - oh, honestly, three slices of bread? Is this The Bachelorette?

He frowned. He didn't want to just slip away unannounced, which would be rude or something, although that didn't really matter because holding out your pinky didn't stop bullets. He strolled over to a tree and sat down on a matted tangle of exposed roots, looking over the situation, eying the guys surrounding Leila, looking up at the elevated hiker with only slight consternation, probably being a lot cooler about it than he had expected. Swinging the spike of his axe into the ground, he looked on, wondering if he could even get a word in edgewise.

"You know, maybe I'll just kind of walk wherever, I'm sure these mountains end somewhere..."
VeeFive


V4


NO. THERE IS NO MORE TIME, EVEN FOR CAKE. FOR YOU, THE CAKE IS OVER. YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE.

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Rattlesnake
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Now you may be wondering, who was wearing the bolo tie? Me or the shark? Answer: YES!
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Now he really wanted to slip out.

He looked nonchalantly at Jimmy, who seemed to think he was going to talk him out of his only weapon. He wasn't going to be a tool, though. Well, he, Cody, wasn't going to be a tool. He, Jimmy, was going to be a tool anyways, and it didn't do any good being a tool of a tool.

"Ummm, you know, I'm real happy for you and all that, but I don't really think I wanna be a tool. Or give you my tool, so I can be a tool giving a tool to a tool. Not to be personal, or anything. Just I dislike the concept of tools."

He turned with the rest of them, looking again at the group arriving above them.

Of course they have guns, isn't the point of this to kill each other? Guns kind of help a lot there. Just as long as they don't shoot me for this thing. Or try to make me be a tool.

Cody Jenkins was not a tool.

Other than that fact, the situation was spiraling in random directions, none of which he liked. There was Jimmy's touching speech, and then the gunmen... and now he was being called a bastard, which didn't really matter because he wasn't going to stick around long. Then the gunmen trying to be all cool and make them lay out their weapons. For goodness sakes, the axe was supposed to be his friend...

He tried to be calm, and was, for the most part, successful. But there's something about having a gun pointed at you that triggers a primal sort of terror that makes you want to do a lot of contradicting things at once, and then compromise by doing nothing except sweat a whole lot. In a more academic sense, though, Cody knew that a gun would be the least of his worries. It might hurt to get shot, or he might be one of the lucky ones who felt nothing. But if he was going to die in the next week or so, and he assuredly was, then there wasn't really much to fear. A more painful death, maybe, but there weren't many ways of being murdered that weren't stupidly painful.

"So, I don't really wanna stick around here if you're going to pretend like you'll be able to shoot me, or escalate things with this axe or whatever, you know, it's just nice to have so people leave me alone, except that doesn't seem to be working now, but maybe people without guns will leave me alone because they think I'll kill them. Or they'll just kill me anyways because they want to be a massive tool. So yeah, I'll just kinda go now. Remember, what's the Fonz like? Nice and cool."

With that, he scooped up his bag with the spike of his axe, laying it over his shoulder like a bindle. It wouldn't be terribly practical to go real far like that, but it was sort of silly, and nice for forgetting about people pointing guns at you, not to mention completely non-aggressive. And if that's what it took to not get shot right there and then, that was cool with him.

((Cody Jenkins continued in Your Cross to Bear))
VeeFive


V4


NO. THERE IS NO MORE TIME, EVEN FOR CAKE. FOR YOU, THE CAKE IS OVER. YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE.

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