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Daniel Vaughan
Topic Started: Feb 25 2010, 04:54 AM (454 Views)
gambit508
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Has His Eye On Someone
[ *  *  * ]
Name: Daniel Vaughan
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12th
School: Bayview Secondary School
Hobbies and Interests: Classic Video Games, Movies and Music from the 80ís, Biology

Appearance: Daniel is an average-looking 18 year old, topping off at 5í7Ē and weighing 166 lbs. His red hair is kept in a pony tail, to keep it from falling in front of his green eyes. He usually wears jeans and a t-shirt. His nose is small and his entire face is covered with freckles. His left cheek has a scar on it, caused by a fight with muggers. He has a light muscular build, like a runner.

Biography: Daniel had, if such a thing is possible, a normal upbringing. He was born in St. Paul to his parents, Brian and Kirsty Vaughan. He had an older sister, Sadie and a younger brother, Jude, a year difference both ways He woke up, went to school, did his homework. He did pretty well in school at beginning, but not enough for anyone to notice him. His life seemed to be of relative normalness compared to most other people.

All three Vaughan kids were equally loved by their parents, yet the older Vaughanís made sure to contribute to their kidís interests. For Daniel, this was classic video games, music and movies from decades before. While all his friends were busy on their Xbox, Daniel was hard at work firing Metal Blades at Wood Man on Mega Man 2. Daniel also found his parents old collection of movies and music, and was able to convince them to let him borrow them.

Daniel had always liked old stuff. When watching the news, he saw wars, famines and sickness, and came to the conclusion that everything was better in the older decades. He also started to take an old-fashioned look on things, deciding that it was his job as a man to protect women and children. He started working out, even taking a class in Karate, but he forgot most of the skills in the upcoming years.

The first few years of high school were interesting for Daniel. He didnít hang out with any of the cliques, but instead meandered about, never making any lasting friends, but instead thousands of first impressions. He does rather well in school, making solid Bs in most of his classes. He shows an affinity for science, especially that related to his chosen job field of Biology, a job field chosen due to his father being a Biologist. He currently isnít part of any clubs, he tried the gaming club but left when he realized it was more for table-top gaming.

Danielís sister left in his junior year to go to college, leaving Daniel as the oldest Vaughan, and he suddenly found himself thrust into this new sense of responsibly at home. Soon most of his video game time was spent helping Jude with his homework. However this led to a closer feeling to his brother, and a sense of needing to protect him.

This sense led to him needing to protect Jude from a group of muggers as the two walked home from school. Daniel mentioned he didnít have any money, but the muggers ignored him and attacked. Daniel tried his best to hold them off as Jude ran home, but the muggers got in some hits, one with a knife cutting open Danielís cheek, before the police came. Danielís dad said that scar will forever be a lasting reminder of Danielís bravery and loyalty to his brother. To this day, he refuses any attempts to remove it using cosmetic surgery.

Danielís personality can be summed up in three words, friendly, loyal and brave. Daniel views people from how they dress and act, deciding to ignore the people who dressed in urban or gothic styles. His views on protecting women leads him to be a rather supportive and protective boyfriend; he will try to stop anyone who hurts a girl. Despite this, he currently does not have a girlfriend.

Advantages: He is very charismatic and friendly, so most people can trust him easily. He also has some sense of defense and fighting due to his history in karate, so he would be able to fight back if needed to.
Disadvantages: He isnít a leader, heís a follower. He would be more likely to take the hit for someone else than to allow them to take it so he can win. He also, while being average in his fighting skills, wonít be able to last long due to it being awhile since he was in classes, especially in armed combat.


Edited by gambit508, Feb 26 2010, 12:11 AM.
Jonathan Jarocki-B015
QOM: "Oh good, one person isn't going to kill me out of two hundred and seventy five, what a relief"
Current Location: Hall of Mirrors
Current Weapons: Steyr TMP (x4 clips [capacity 15 9mm rounds], 50 Rounds Left)
Current Supplies: 1 Mountain Dew Can, 3 M&M Packets, 2 Bread Loaves, 2 Cracker Tins, 4 Bottles Of Water, 1 Lighter
Current Status: Injured
Kill Count: 0
Injuries: Busted Lip

"Caedite eos. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius"
"Damnant quod non intellegunt "
"The game of love is never easy, that's what makes the prize so wonderful"
v5 Concepts

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MurderWeasel
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Hi Gambit! Daniel's profile looks pretty good, but is DENIED pending some adjustments. First off, I'd like you to expand his appearance section a little. What's Daniel's build like? Why does he always wear blue? Also, you end the last sentence with a comma, where it should be a period.

Daniel's bio could also use some expansion, and some tone adjustments. SOTF profiles should read like they were written by an impartial observer, and the phrase "His life seemed to be just like an old sitcom from the 50s. " is a bit too informal for that.

I'd also like to know more about Daniel's life growing up. Why did he take to older video games? How was his early schooling? Why did his sister leave, and where did she go? Why did Daniel choose to resist muggers instead of simply giving them money?

Daniel's personality is also a touch vague. You state that he made no close friendships, but also that he befriends everyone he meets, to the point of being willing to fight to the death for them. That seems quite extreme, especially since that's the sort of thing most high school students would never have to deal with. I'd like you to tone it down or explain it a bit. I'd also like to know more about his defense of his girlfriends. Has he dated many people? Why is he so protective?

Another thing I'd like to see elaborated on is Daniel's school life. What are his favorite classes? How does he do in school? Is he part of any extracurricular activities (sports, theater, music, etc.)?

Finally, Daniel's advantages and disadvantages, specifically those related to combat, should be explained and justified in his bio. How does he know how to fight? Has he gotten in fights before? Why won't he last long? What are his issues with armed combat?

Post here when you've got that taken care of, and I'll give Daniel another look. Thanks!
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki
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gambit508
Member Avatar
Has His Eye On Someone
[ *  *  * ]
Fixed
Jonathan Jarocki-B015
QOM: "Oh good, one person isn't going to kill me out of two hundred and seventy five, what a relief"
Current Location: Hall of Mirrors
Current Weapons: Steyr TMP (x4 clips [capacity 15 9mm rounds], 50 Rounds Left)
Current Supplies: 1 Mountain Dew Can, 3 M&M Packets, 2 Bread Loaves, 2 Cracker Tins, 4 Bottles Of Water, 1 Lighter
Current Status: Injured
Kill Count: 0
Injuries: Busted Lip

"Caedite eos. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius"
"Damnant quod non intellegunt "
"The game of love is never easy, that's what makes the prize so wonderful"
v5 Concepts

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
MurderWeasel
Member Avatar
You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Daniel looks much better Gambit! There are still a couple very small things I'd like you to fix up.

First off, I'm still a bit confused about Daniel's romantic situation. It sort of sounds like he has a girlfriend, or has had one in the past, but I can't really tell which. I'd like you to clarify if he's got one now, please.

Secondly, I can't really make sense of the sentence "To this day, he refuses to let anyone try to disfigure that scar. " Do you mean he's resisted attempts to remove the scar through cosmetic surgery?

Finally, and this is really minor, you've skipped a couple extra lines between the sentence "He currently isnít part of any clubs, he tried the gaming club but left when he realized it was more for table-top gaming. " and the start of the next paragraph. It'd be great if you cut the extra blank space.

Post when you've got that done, and I'll give Daniel another look. Thanks!
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
gambit508
Member Avatar
Has His Eye On Someone
[ *  *  * ]
Fixed
Jonathan Jarocki-B015
QOM: "Oh good, one person isn't going to kill me out of two hundred and seventy five, what a relief"
Current Location: Hall of Mirrors
Current Weapons: Steyr TMP (x4 clips [capacity 15 9mm rounds], 50 Rounds Left)
Current Supplies: 1 Mountain Dew Can, 3 M&M Packets, 2 Bread Loaves, 2 Cracker Tins, 4 Bottles Of Water, 1 Lighter
Current Status: Injured
Kill Count: 0
Injuries: Busted Lip

"Caedite eos. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius"
"Damnant quod non intellegunt "
"The game of love is never easy, that's what makes the prize so wonderful"
v5 Concepts

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
MurderWeasel
Member Avatar
You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
You got everything I asked for. Thanks! Daniel is APPROVED for pregame.
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
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