Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to Survival of the Fittest, a RPing board loosely based off of Koshun Takami's Battle Royale, with its own unique plot and spin on the 'deadly game'. We've been around quite a while, and are now in our thirteenth year, so don't worry about us going anywhere any time soon!

If you're a newcomer and interested in joining, then please make sure you check out the rules. You may also want to read the FAQ, introduce yourself and stop by the chat to meet some of our members. If you're still not quite sure where to start, then we have a great New Member's Guide with a lot of useful information about getting going. Don't hesitate to PM a member of staff (they have purple usernames) if you have any questions about SOTF and how to get started!

Let the games begin!

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Ash Morrison; Second character
Topic Started: Feb 5 2010, 11:51 PM (500 Views)
ET.Requiem
Confused Writer
[ *  * ]
Name: Ash Morrison
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: 12
School: Bayview Secondary School
Hobbies and Interests: Reading, studying, exercising.

Appearance: Ash is about 5'9, and weighs 145 pounds. She’s quite fit, but she’s not as toned as the athletes in the school. Her looks are quite average, bordering on cute in a way. She has big slate-grey eyes, a button nose, pale skin due to a habit of exercising indoors, a heart shaped face, and quite fittingly, short ash blonde hair.

She doesn’t wear makeup, mostly because she doesn’t really see the point of making herself look more attractive. She also wears thick clothing most of the time, although her horrid sense of fashion forces her to stick to neutral colours in order to prevent her from wearing a truly eye scarring outfit. She tends to wear a beige turtleneck sweater, black sweat pants, and black running shoes.

Biography: From the time Ash was born, she had been rather unsociable. Growing up without a father just made her worse. She’s a cold girl, who only warms up to those who she trusts. Her mother (Erica Morrison) and little sister (Tabitha Morrison) have tried to help her with this problem, but she hasn’t made much progress on that front, due to three bullies engaging in a protracted campaign to get back at her. This made it harder for her to distinguish friend from foe, so she doesn’t try to talk as actively as before.

Ash is quite stoic, and she rarely shows emotion to people outside of her family. The vast majority of those occasions were times when she had to defend herself in the few fights she got into, but there have been cases where she actually smiled at jokes or visibly expressed regret for hurting somebody. This is all due to a difficulty in expressing herself in front of the other students. She simply finds it hard to reveal what she’s feeling to people she isn’t familiar with. Unfortunately for her, this means that the other students see her cold side most of the time.

As a result, she’s an unpopular person. This is compounded by a more recent incident, where she fought three girls who had planned to take photos of her in the washroom and post them onto the Internet. Ash managed to see the cell phone camera and knock it away in time, but it led to a brawl where she was forced to fight as viciously as she could in order to get away. She succeeded in escaping, but not without some severe bruises and cuts from the group attack. She managed to hurt them just as badly as they hurt her, although this only made the girls resent her even further. Later on, Ash discovered that the three were after her because they thought she had posted some nasty comments on their Facebook wall. She’s tried to apologize, but it hasn’t done anything to solve the problem.

Erica spends most of her time at her job as a lawyer, usually leaving Ash and Tabitha alone. She struggles with the number of demands her little sister makes of her, although she manages to fulfill them with some struggle. Even studying, which is something that consumes most of Ash’s time, is considered secondary to the welfare of her 7-year old sister. Since she isn’t comfortable with interacting with her peers, she spends most of her free time reading or exercising. This has changed recently, as she has made more of an effort to talk with other students.

While she is a bookworm of sorts, her intelligence is only slightly above average. The breadth of knowledge she has does not make up for the lack of depth that plagues her. Philosophy is one of her weakest areas, as well as chemistry and history. She does make up for it in other areas, but those three soft spots are something that plague her time and again. Ash has tried to correct those problems, but it still hasn’t worked out in her favour.

She always tries to get in at least 30 minutes of rigorous exercise every day, which has worked out to her benefit so far. Her fitness levels aren’t on par with more dedicated athletes, but she can definitely give them a challenge when she pushes herself. Ash’s main strength is her constitution, which has allowed her to bounce back from some pretty nasty injuries and from illnesses that kept her down for days.

Advantages: She has a lot of willpower, and can remain eerily composed even in dangerous situations. While she is only moderately skilled in hand to hand combat, her viciousness and willingness to use any means to beat her enemies in a fight tend to make up for the gap in ability.

Disadvantages: Her cold behaviour makes her quite unlikeable, making her a very unpopular person.
Edited by ET.Requiem, Feb 10 2010, 11:47 PM.
V3 Character
B88: Jeff Thorne - Dead from gunshot wounds.

V4 Characters
B103 - Kevin Harding - Killed by a javelin.
G035 - Ash Morrison - Tumbled down a hill.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
BetaKnight
Member Avatar
In some cultures, what I do is considered normal.
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Ash is temporarily DENIED.

To be honest, Ash sounds like a pre-built player. As she is written now, she comes across as a sociopath. She is "unsociable" and only expresses emotion when fighting. At 18, she has only recently begun warming up to her own family. So this character does not know how to create or is incapable of building positive relationships with classmates AND her own family? This is a serious red flag.

In addition to her anti-social tendencies, she apparently is an experienced ass kicker. Not even a fighter, but a straight up ass kicker as referenced by her messing up multiple girls single-handedly. According to this profile, one of the girls even needed corrective surgery. Plus, a reputation as a fighter tells me that Ash is a regular combatant. If Ash is so stoic, why is she viciously fighting with people? The way it is currently written seems to broadly hint at some sort of rage disorder.

I really have a problem with the statement, "Since she does not have the benefit of regular social interaction with her peers...." I beg to differ. Ash does indeed have regular social interaction with her peers. It occurs five times a week for roughly six and a half hours at a time. This social interaction with her peers is called "School". The socialization of similarly-aged children is one of the primary functions of the educational system. Ash cannot be lacking in socialization. She could have trouble socializing, but not lacking in it. Sorry.

Also, there are some conflicting statements in the bio that need addressing.

You write that, "She is not suited to the task of watching over her baby sister, although she can determine with some difficulty what she needs at the time." You follow that up with the statement that Ash's sister is 7 years old. Most 7 year olds are quite capable of stating what they need. In fact, most are relentless in stating what they want or need until said needs are met.

You also state that Ash "always tries to get in at least 70 minutes of rigorous exercise every day, which has worked out to her benefit so far. Her fitness levels aren’t on par with more dedicated athletes, but she can definitely give them a challenge when she pushes herself." So Ash exercises for an HOUR AND TEN minutes EVERY DAY, but you don't think she's on par with the student athletes who generally only train during their season and generally train three or four times a week?

Also, please remove the paragraph that addresses Ash's stoicism and rep as a fighter from the Appearance section of the profile and move it into the Bio section.

In the Disadvantage section, you mention that Ash has a tendency to say and do aggravating things, but this is never brought up, mentioned, or discussed in the bio. A statement like this needs to be explained and expanded upon. And with her reputation as a serious ass-kicker, is anybody REALLY going to punch her or antagonize her? You will need to come up with a different disadvantage for her.

Ash could be a very realistic and interesting character, but right now she comes across as very one-dimensional and designed specifically to go postal on people comes game time. Please keep in mind that for version 4, we are looking for characters who are "normal" and "average" students. Think about the students you attend(ed) school with and use them as a template and standard for behavior. If you need some advice, feel free to PM me.

Once you have addressed the issues mentioned above, repost here and we will be with you shortly.
Version 5
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ET.Requiem
Confused Writer
[ *  * ]
Okay, I changed my profile. I hope it's satisfactory now.
V3 Character
B88: Jeff Thorne - Dead from gunshot wounds.

V4 Characters
B103 - Kevin Harding - Killed by a javelin.
G035 - Ash Morrison - Tumbled down a hill.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
BetaKnight
Member Avatar
In some cultures, what I do is considered normal.
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
APPROVED
Version 5
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Create your own social network with a free forum.
« Previous Topic · Approved Registrations · Next Topic »
Add Reply