| Welcome to Survival of the Fittest, a RPing board loosely based off of Koshun Takami's Battle Royale, with its own unique plot and spin on the 'deadly game'. We've been around quite a while, and are now in our thirteenth year, so don't worry about us going anywhere any time soon! If you're a newcomer and interested in joining, then please make sure you check out the rules. You may also want to read the FAQ, introduce yourself and stop by the chat to meet some of our members. If you're still not quite sure where to start, then we have a great New Member's Guide with a lot of useful information about getting going. Don't hesitate to PM a member of staff (they have purple usernames) if you have any questions about SOTF and how to get started! Let the games begin! |
| Warren Black; first character yay | |
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| Topic Started: Jan 27 2010, 12:43 PM (586 Views) | |
| Breven | Jan 27 2010, 12:43 PM Post #1 |
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Cannon Fodder
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Name: Warren Black Gender: Male Age: 17 Grade: 12 School: Bayview Secondary School Hobbies and Interests: Acting, Swimming and Polyamory Appearance: Warren Black is young man with a medium build; he stands at an average height of 5’8. He weighs 172 pounds which he has toned into muscle. The teen has a soft face and features that give him a kind look. His face holds smooth complexion while around his eyes crow’s feet are developing from all the script reading he’s done, giving a dark look to the boy’s green eyes. Warren’s sandy blond hair is always slicked back. Warren’s body is toned yet it lacks stamina. The vain young man wears a black silk shirt with the sleeves rolled up and black pants with green threading. Biography: As a child Warren was very outgoing and joyful as soon as he could talk the boy would approach total strangers always eager to start a conversation and talk about himself. In that respect he has not changed at all. Being forward and shameless is what got Warren into stardom at a young age. Opportunity came to him with unsurprising boldness. Warren upon meeting a man involved in television in the mall one day, the six year old child demanded to be put on TV. After a discussion with the child's parents Warren got to appear in a clothing commercial and was even allowed to deliver some lines. The seed of acting had been planted and from that moment on nothing could deter Warren from acting. His parents were both supportive in their only son trying his best at a young age. Warren was not getting the results he wanted and despite more then a few auditions nothing came of his efforts save the occasional commercial, this began a tiny shift in the young boy’s psyche it became less about entertaining to be object of attention and more about doing it for himself and what he wanted. Four years passed between his young optimism and his change in worldview in this time thanks to his new outlook at age ten Warren Black got a bit part on a daytime soap named: "All of the Children" a spin off of a better show. With this opportunity came new responsibility like all the lines the young boy had to remember. Warren felt happy with his entitlement and people waiting on him hand and foot. Unfortunately over the seasons Warren's grades began a steady decline and his late night script readings damaged his eyes. Warren fell in love with stardom the attention and adoration were fantastic, but what was even better was the position; the fact that he is above others in responsibility. By age 15 the young boy who formerly was just bold and wanted everyone to look up at him had become the teen who was narcissistic and looked down on everyone else. His parents put their foot down and pulled him from his beloved program at the cost of the end of the entire season's pay thus far. Embittered by his loss Warren began to keep people at more of a distance, merely playing the role of listener or friend but caring less and less. With no motivation to pick up his marks the highschooler would do illicit favors for marks or befriend a student that excels in the course he was taking. Warren tried not to do it often but he never felt bad about it. Warren developed a small reputation for an attraction on for anything with two legs, if he had much social standing this killed it. The teen usually hung with the loose crowd. Warren enjoys his bisexuality regularly if he can and never attempts to keep secret about it. With an abundance of free time the former star took up swimming. Swimming regularly toned up his appearance so he was never ugly in his mind, however despite incredible speed in the water he never could keep up on land in track or other running sports. Swimming was a natural choice on two levels first Warren loves himself and can never fat or flab to creep in unnoticed. Secondly the complete lack of violence in swimming is appreciated Warren detests fighting out of concern for his looks but would have no problem getting back at some who hurt him. The teen has outright refused to play any sport that can bruise or scar him. Warren is aware of his Narcissism and knows it affects him but he believes he can handle it on his own. He works hard acting out coping strategies like joking around when he's proved wrong so he doesn't seem as pig headed. He likes doing kind deeds to make it appear as if he pays more attention to people's feelings then he does. As a worldview Warren truly believes that he is one of the few special and unique people and sees patterns in people to make them appear more ordinary to him. Without a real constructive outlet like he used to have Warren puts up more and more emotional barriers. The good kid that wants people to laugh and smile is buried deep down underneath a lot of lies and boasting Warren has fed himself over the years. Advantages: His physical shape is good and his physical appearance is even better. He is all but unshakable in his ability to play roles helpful to hurtful if he ever did have to do anything immoral Warren can justify it by claiming it wasn't him. He is eternally confident and never considers self doubt or personal recriminations. If he did something it was the wisest course at the time. His need to be in center stage could save lives or cost them but whatever the case Warren is unwilling to play second fiddle. Disadvantages: Self absorbed beyond reason. The gorgeous man is still rather below average on all purely academic pursuits. Warren now needs glasses for his reading glasses he refuses to wear except in private and never takes them outside his house. His Pride is unbelievable and being ignored is would drive him up the wall. Warren can only rationalize his arrogance so much and as such would have a hard time accepting help even in critical situations. He underestimates people quite regularly viewing everyone as ordinary and himself as extraordinary, lets him believe everyone is less at least to a point. Even if he is beaten he would acknowledge it as a lucky shot or if unavoidable that the individual has some skill in a particular area. |
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| MurderWeasel | Jan 27 2010, 04:32 PM Post #2 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Hi Breven! Welcome to SOTF! Warren is temporarily DENIED. There are some things I'd like you to fix before I approve him for pregame. To start with, I'd like more information on his appearance. The big things that are missing are a weight and preferred clothing. Warren's biography also needs a lot more information. You've got a good concept and start, but I'd like more detail. What sort of commercial was Warren in? What do you mean when you say he's sexually active, yet unsure? How does he feel about perceiving himself as less intelligent? I'd also like to know about Warren now. Who are his friends? How does he do in school? How does he act with people? Does he have any siblings? It would also be good if you restructured things so they were in a chronological order, as right now it's really hard to tell what happens when. You should also bring up all of Warren's hobbies, advantages, and disadvantages in his bio, as right now a lot of them come out of nowhere. Warren's disadvantages are also a bit of a mess. Specifically, the sentence "A slight squemishness towards murder more then morality until is near a person as they die Warren will be hesitant to kill in any ‘messy’ manner" bothers me. It doesn't really make sense, and if it means anything like what I think it means, it's not a disadvantage at all. The assumption in SOTF is that characters will not be eager (or, in many cases, even willing) to kill their classmates. Warren's aversion seems normal and natural, not a specific flaw. On a similar note, the bit in Warren's bio about how he'd play the game should be removed. I'd also like you to read over the profile again to make sure everything flows well. Some sentences, such as "A mess of sandy blonde hair collects into a ponytail in the back and deep green eyes stare out", don't really make much sense, and would probably work better as two phrases. I'd recommend you check out this character creation guide while editing Warren's profile, and read some of our Approved Registrations, such as Elma's Amanda Sinclair and Slamexo's Amber Whimsey to get an idea of what we're looking for. Post here once you've got Warren edited, and I'll give him another look. Thanks! |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
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| Breven | Jan 30 2010, 04:23 PM Post #3 |
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Cannon Fodder
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Thanks for the advice for a beginner it really helped. I looked over a bunch of things. I really wrote over a lot of things keeping the idea the same Warren is in my mind a fair bit better |
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| MurderWeasel | Jan 31 2010, 09:33 PM Post #4 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Thanks for the edits. Warren still could use quite a bit of grammar editing, though. For example, this "A medium build young man, if a little shorter then average standing all of 5’8 He has warm soft features that give him a kind look and soft gentle features his cheeks and brow don't have any lines or scarring from his complexion." should be at least three seperate sentences. Also, phrases like these: "Weighing in at all of 172 pounds." "A mess of sandy blond hair gelled into wild forms daily." are fragments, and quite hard to follow. I'd like you to give Warren another proofreading for that sort of stuff. If you need any grammar help for any reason, just PM me and I'll give a point-by-point breakdown of what needs to be fixed and recommendations on how to do it. It would also be really great if you skipped lines between the paragraphs in Warren's bio, as that makes things much easier to read. I'm a little worried about the fact that Warren enjoys fights. Why? What has happened to him in fights? This needs a lot more explanation. I'd also like to know whether Warren has any real friends. Surely someone has made an impression on him. Also, I see gossip and womanizing in Warren's hobby list, but not in his bio. It would be great if you tied them in. Similarly, Warren's advantages and disadvantages should be things mentioned in his bio, and be clear advantages and disadvantages in the game (how will needing glasses to read hurt him on the island?). Post when you've got him edited, and I'll give him another look. PM me if you need any help with the editing process. |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
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| Breven | Feb 5 2010, 11:39 AM Post #5 |
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Cannon Fodder
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I got him good and edited |
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| MurderWeasel | Feb 5 2010, 09:08 PM Post #6 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Alright, Warren looks way better. There are a few little things I'd still like you to fix, though. To start with, "Appearance:" should be bolded. It looks like that got changed in the editing somehow. I'd also like to know what Warren tends to wear. Once you've got that taken care of, post again and I'll give Warren another look. Thanks! |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
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| Breven | Feb 12 2010, 10:23 AM Post #7 |
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Cannon Fodder
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Done I hope |
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| MurderWeasel | Feb 14 2010, 11:29 PM Post #8 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Looks like you got what I asked for taken care of. Warren is APPROVED for pregame. |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
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