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Aston Bennett- Edited
Topic Started: Dec 18 2009, 01:00 PM (654 Views)
infinityhype
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Name: Aston Bennett
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Grade: 12th
School: Bayview Secondary School
Hobbies and Interests: Basketball, cross country, and biking. She also enjoys reading books (when she has time) and volunteers at the animal shelter.

Appearance: Aston is 6’0” and weighs 167 pounds. She has dark brown hair, cut short and gelled into spikes. She has a wide forehead with thin eyebrows and hooded eyes fringed with dark lashes. Her eyes are dark brown, almost black. Her face is pitted with acne scars from severe breakouts in her younger teens. Her nose is crooked from an injury that didn’t heal properly and she has a square jaw and thin lips.
Aston is tall and muscular, with tanned skin from all the activities she does during the summer. She prefers to wear guys’ clothing because it is “more comfortable” in her opinion. Because of this, she gets mistaken for a guy by people who don’t know her, but she isn’t bothered by it.

Biography: Aston was born January 24th at 9:27 A.M. to Maxwell and Alyssa Bennett. The middle child of the family, between older brother Kyle and younger brother Wallace, Aston has always competed for her parents’ affection. Aston was forced to go to Kyle’s football and basketball games, which gave her the answer to winning her parents’ affections. She felt that if she acted more like her brothers, her parents would pay more attention to her. She started playing basketball and running track with local leagues in elementary school, and continued playing basketball into her middle and high school years, trading track for cross country her freshman year. She started road biking during the summer her seventh grade year and has raced competitively for over a year. Aston has two border collies, Lars and Rex, adopted from the shelter she volunteers at. She loves them and takes them with her when she runs or bikes.
Despite all of her activities, Aston makes good grades and keeps at least a B+ in all of her subjects. English and math both appeal to her, while the arts bore her to tears because she has no real artistic talent, acting, or singing ability.
Aston keeps to herself most of the time, not because she’s shy, but because she’s narcissistic. She will cooperate with people when necessary (sports teams don’t bother her), but she doesn’t particularly like relying on people in other situations. She is extremely competitive and loves to crush people when it comes to contests, especially her siblings. Most of the few friends she has are guys, because she isn’t girly and doesn’t like the drama that comes with hanging around lots of girls. The girls she does hang around are usually from the teams she competes with. When she does talk, she’s sharp, sarcastic, and comes off as callous or uncaring. She is very negative and cynical. Her personality and looks are enough to drive any guy seeking a romantic relationship to head for the hills, which is exactly what she wants. Aston has no attraction to either sex, though she does have kind of a soft spot for her friends.
Aston is most likely to give her trust to people with the same interests as her. Sports and games are the only place she believes she can forge meaningful relationships. Her nature drives her to seek out other people as competitive as she is. So basically her “friends” are her “rivals”. She only trusts people like her because she likes to think she is the model of all that is good and upstanding in humanity, therefore people like her are worthy of her trust. She will occasionally make exceptions for people who seem to mean her no harm and make no attempts to change her or point out her flaws (because she is perfect, after all).
Her loyalty only comes after someone has “proved themselves”. This means that if someone gains her trust and holds this trust for a long amount of time (meaning they don’t do anything to upset her or go against her), and they have the traits she sees as “advantageous” (personality traits like hers) they earn her loyalty. Since she believes she can make no mistakes that might put her at a disadvantage, this loyalty can never be revoked once given. Aston will stand behind and protect the people she is loyal to no matter what, and she expects the same from those she is loyal to. Because there’s no point in being loyal to a person who can’t give her some sort of advantage.

Advantages: Aston is athletic, with amazing stamina and endurance. She is also intelligent and if her trust is earned, she’s the most loyal friend anyone could ask for.
Disadvantages: Aston is not quick to trust anyone and isn’t very friendly, making her loyalty hard to earn. She gets angry in situations that spiral too far out of her control and will not let go of grudges if offended. Her loyalty is also her fault, because she thinks if someone is worthy of her loyalty they are worthy of it forever, making her easy to betray if someone gets into her inner circle.
Edited by KillerVole, Jan 5 2010, 08:24 PM.
V4
G113 Aston Bennett - "Of course I know what I can do for you, but what advantage can you offer me?"
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MurderWeasel
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Hi Infinity, and welcome to SOTF!

Aston is temporarily DENIED. There are a few things I'd like to see fixed before I approve her for pregame.

First off, I'd like to know Aston's eye color.

Secondly, I'd like more detail about Aston's hyper-competitive and narcissistic nature. There seem to be a lot of contradictions; you say that she only cooperates when necessary and doesn't have many friends, but then you list her loyalty to her friends in her advantages and disadvantages. I want to know where that loyalty comes from, and what sort of person it applies to. You also say she's a good sport, but also sharp, sarcastic, callous, and uncaring. How does that work? Does she act differently towards people in sports?

I'm also worried about Aston's personality, because right now it seems evident that you intend her to be a "player" (someone who willingly takes part in the killing aspect of SOTF). There's nothing wrong with having a character who does kill in SOTF, we just prefer the transition from normal high school student to someone willing to do bad things to be handled in-game, in a realistic manner. Right now, I'm worried about Aston's hyper-competitive nature combined with the phrase "the truth is she will do anything to win when no rules are set. " This seems pretty tailored to describe the SOTF situation, and I'd rather see it edited a bit so it no longer sounds like she'll willingly kill anyone in game.

Post here when you've got things edited, and I'll give Aston another look!
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
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MurderWeasel
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Hey Inifinity, if you've edited Aston, could you actually post? Changing the title and tags is a touch more confusing. If you've done the edits, just toss a reply here and I'll give Aston another look.
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder
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infinityhype
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[ * ]
Name: Aston Bennett
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Grade:12th
School: Bayview Secondary School
Hobbies and Interests: Basketball, cross country, and biking. She also enjoys reading books (when she has time) and volunteers at the animal shelter.

Appearance: Aston is 6’0” and weighs 167 pounds. She has dark brown hair, cut short and gelled into spikes. She has a wide forehead with thin eyebrows and hooded eyes fringed with dark lashes. Her eyes are dark brown, almost black. Her face is pitted with acne scars from severe breakouts in her younger teens. Her nose is crooked from an injury that didn’t heal properly and she has a square jaw and thin lips.
Aston is tall and muscular, with tanned skin from all the activities she does during the summer. She prefers to wear guys’ clothing because it is “more comfortable” in her opinion. Because of this, she gets mistaken for a guy by people who don’t know her, but she isn’t bothered by it.

Biography: Aston was born January 24th at 9:27 A.M. to Maxwell and Alyssa Bennett. The middle child of the family, between older brother Kyle and younger brother Wallace, Aston has always competed for her parents’ affection. Aston was forced to go to Kyle’s football and basketball games, which gave her the answer to winning her parents’ affections. She felt that if she acted more like her brothers, her parents would pay more attention to her. She started playing basketball and running track with local leagues in elementary school, and continued playing basketball into her middle and high school years, trading track for cross country her freshman year. She started road biking during the summer her seventh grade year and has raced competitively for over a year. Aston has two border collies, Lars and Rex, adopted from the shelter she volunteers at. She loves them and takes them with her when she runs or bikes.

Despite all of her activities, Aston makes good grades and keeps at least a B+ in all of her subjects. English and math both appeal to her, while the arts bore her to tears because she has no real artistic talent, acting, or singing ability.

Aston keeps to herself most of the time, not because she’s shy, but because she’s narcissistic. She will cooperate with people when necessary (sports teams don’t bother her), but she doesn’t particularly like relying on people in other situations. She is extremely competitive and loves to crush people when it comes to contests, especially her siblings. Most of the few friends she has are guys, because she isn’t girly and doesn’t like the drama that comes with hanging around lots of girls. The girls she does hang around are usually from the teams she competes with. When she does talk, she’s sharp, sarcastic, and comes off as callous or uncaring. She is very negative and cynical. Her personality and looks are enough to drive any guy seeking a romantic relationship to head for the hills, which is exactly what she wants. Aston has no attraction to either sex, though she does have kind of a soft spot for her friends.

Aston is most likely to give her trust to people with the same interests as her. Sports and games are the only place she believes she can forge meaningful relationships. Her nature drives her to seek out other people as competitive as she is. So basically her “friends” are her “rivals”. She only trusts people like her because she likes to think she is the model of all that is good and upstanding in humanity, therefore people like her are worthy of her trust. She will occasionally make exceptions for people who seem to mean her no harm and make no attempts to change her or point out her flaws (because she is perfect, after all).

Advantages: Aston is athletic, with amazing stamina and endurance. She is also intelligent and if her trust is earned, she’s the most loyal friend anyone could ask for.

Disadvantages: Aston is not quick to trust anyone and isn’t very friendly, making her loyalty hard to earn. She gets angry in situations that spiral too far out of her control and will not let go of grudges if offended. Her loyalty is also her fault, because she thinks if someone is worthy of her loyalty they are worthy of it forever (because she would never want to admit a mistake in judgment), making her easy to betray if someone gets into her inner circle.


Sorry about that. Let me know if I need to change anything else!
V4
G113 Aston Bennett - "Of course I know what I can do for you, but what advantage can you offer me?"
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MurderWeasel
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[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Thanks! That's much better. The only thing I'd still like to see is a bit more of an explanation of her loyalty in her bio, as I'm still a bit unclear of how one would earn it and what it entails. Post here when you've got that done, and I'll give her another look!
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
infinityhype
Member Avatar
Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
Name: Aston Bennett
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Grade: 12th
School: Bayview Secondary School
Hobbies and Interests: Basketball, cross country, and biking. She also enjoys reading books (when she has time) and volunteers at the animal shelter.

Appearance: Aston is 6’0” and weighs 167 pounds. She has dark brown hair, cut short and gelled into spikes. She has a wide forehead with thin eyebrows and hooded eyes fringed with dark lashes. Her eyes are dark brown, almost black. Her face is pitted with acne scars from severe breakouts in her younger teens. Her nose is crooked from an injury that didn’t heal properly and she has a square jaw and thin lips.
Aston is tall and muscular, with tanned skin from all the activities she does during the summer. She prefers to wear guys’ clothing because it is “more comfortable” in her opinion. Because of this, she gets mistaken for a guy by people who don’t know her, but she isn’t bothered by it.

Biography: Aston was born January 24th at 9:27 A.M. to Maxwell and Alyssa Bennett. The middle child of the family, between older brother Kyle and younger brother Wallace, Aston has always competed for her parents’ affection. Aston was forced to go to Kyle’s football and basketball games, which gave her the answer to winning her parents’ affections. She felt that if she acted more like her brothers, her parents would pay more attention to her. She started playing basketball and running track with local leagues in elementary school, and continued playing basketball into her middle and high school years, trading track for cross country her freshman year. She started road biking during the summer her seventh grade year and has raced competitively for over a year. Aston has two border collies, Lars and Rex, adopted from the shelter she volunteers at. She loves them and takes them with her when she runs or bikes.
Despite all of her activities, Aston makes good grades and keeps at least a B+ in all of her subjects. English and math both appeal to her, while the arts bore her to tears because she has no real artistic talent, acting, or singing ability.
Aston keeps to herself most of the time, not because she’s shy, but because she’s narcissistic. She will cooperate with people when necessary (sports teams don’t bother her), but she doesn’t particularly like relying on people in other situations. She is extremely competitive and loves to crush people when it comes to contests, especially her siblings. Most of the few friends she has are guys, because she isn’t girly and doesn’t like the drama that comes with hanging around lots of girls. The girls she does hang around are usually from the teams she competes with. When she does talk, she’s sharp, sarcastic, and comes off as callous or uncaring. She is very negative and cynical. Her personality and looks are enough to drive any guy seeking a romantic relationship to head for the hills, which is exactly what she wants. Aston has no attraction to either sex, though she does have kind of a soft spot for her friends.
Aston is most likely to give her trust to people with the same interests as her. Sports and games are the only place she believes she can forge meaningful relationships. Her nature drives her to seek out other people as competitive as she is. So basically her “friends” are her “rivals”. She only trusts people like her because she likes to think she is the model of all that is good and upstanding in humanity, therefore people like her are worthy of her trust. She will occasionally make exceptions for people who seem to mean her no harm and make no attempts to change her or point out her flaws (because she is perfect, after all).
Her loyalty only comes after someone has “proved themselves”. This means that if someone gains her trust and holds this trust for a long amount of time (meaning they don’t do anything to upset her or go against her), and they have the traits she sees as “advantageous” (personality traits like hers) they earn her loyalty. Since she believes she can make no mistakes that might put her at a disadvantage, this loyalty can never be revoked once given. Aston will stand behind and protect the people she is loyal to no matter what, and she expects the same from those she is loyal to. Because there’s no point in being loyal to a person who can’t give her some sort of advantage.

Advantages: Aston is athletic, with amazing stamina and endurance. She is also intelligent and if her trust is earned, she’s the most loyal friend anyone could ask for.
Disadvantages: Aston is not quick to trust anyone and isn’t very friendly, making her loyalty hard to earn. She gets angry in situations that spiral too far out of her control and will not let go of grudges if offended. Her loyalty is also her fault, because she thinks if someone is worthy of her loyalty they are worthy of it forever, making her easy to betray if someone gets into her inner circle.
V4
G113 Aston Bennett - "Of course I know what I can do for you, but what advantage can you offer me?"
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MurderWeasel
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Thanks for taking care of things! Aston is APPROVED for pregame!

For future reference, you can edit your profile and just post "Done with the edits" or something. We just keep track of edits by watching the last post column of the forum. I've gone ahead and changed the first post to the approved version of Aston.

Welcome to pregame!
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
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