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| Dirk Smith | |||
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| Topic Started: Dec 7 2009, 12:06 PM (632 Views) | |||
| Dirge Fireborn | Dec 7 2009, 12:06 PM Post #1 | ||
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Cannon Fodder
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Name: Dirk William Smith Gender: Male Age: 17 Grade: 12 School: Bayview Secondary School Hobbies and Interests: Camping, Hiking, Hunting, Knife throwing, Reading, Eating Appearance: 6'2, 145 lbs. Tall and almost skeletally skinny, Dirk's cheekbones appear to stick out, and his eyes seem slightly sunken in which, in combination with his dark blue eyes and dark brown shoulder length hair (worn loose and uncombed) with orange tips, makes him seem like a zombie. Adding to the zombielike appearance is his short fingernails, chewed short by him when he was bored (bad habit). He wears a blue Casio watch on his right wrist, and Oakley glasses to correct slight short-sightedness, and has light tan skin. Dirk's typical garb consists of thick soled brown hiking boots, brown or black cargo pants (size 32/34, a black military style belt, and a long T-shirt with varying logos from Old Navy to Quickilver, as well as a thick grey aviator jacket and grey snowboarding gloves when it's cold. Dirk also carries around a blue laptop bag with his crimson red Gateway laptop and school books in it. His pants pockets usually contain several colors of pens, pencils, a Flip phone/MP3 player, two bandannas, and his green velcro wallet; and he has a 3 inch carabiner knife clipped to his belt. Biography: Dirk was born and raised in Colorado, but moved recently, ending up with Bayview as the closest school to his house. While he lived in Colorado, Dirk went hunting almost every weekend during the season, and just went camping the rest of the year. Dirk spent roughly half his free time in the woods, often losing himself in the patterns and scents of nature. To him, being outside, surrounded by plants and small animals, was more home than anything else. He joined the Boy Scouts of America at the age of eleven, and worked hard on learning his knots, knife safety, and self-defense. He achieved the rank of Eagle by the age of 16. In his troop, this was considered very young to achieve such a rank. It was also just a few months before he moved to Minnesota, when he had to quit scouting because he couldn't find a decent troop in his new home town. At the ripe young age of 12, his dad bought him his first gun, a .22 cal rifle, as well as a bowie knife for skinning the animals that he shot. By the age of 14, he had already killed, skinned, and stuffed (with some help) several deer. When he moved, he was disappointed to find that there were more strict laws about hunting in the new city, in addition to not being able to bring his taxidermied prey. He still uses his gun occationally at an NRA shooting range, just to keep sharp, but he had to find a new hobby that didn't involve carrying a gun in the woods. He started collecting knives, learning how to use them by hunting squirrels, and building a small collection, now his small collection of throwing daggers (kept sharp, since he uses them as darts), switchblades (with dulled blades), and multitools make up most of his hunting equipment (for smaller game, like rabbits). His parents allowed him to do this, knowing that he had his own personal rules about how his knives would be handled, and with his scouting experience, he was plenty safe with them. He also knows how to make several kinds of traps, due to his hunting and BSA experience, as well as knowledge of how to use, store, sharpen, and even make his own knives. Near the beginning of 11th grade, Dirk started to get interested in comics, specifically Japanese Manga, and the animated versions, in order to find another outlet for all his energy (knife throwing and sword practice didn't use very much energy). Thanks to this hobby, Dirk has come up with several varieties of fantasy swords in his collection, mostly just for show. Before he moved, his animal collection consisted of several animals, including a wolf (hunted out of state). He hunted all of them himself, with just a little bit of help from his dad to get the wolf. His parents were both very active in his life, his mother teaching him how to cook (so she wouldn't have to make all his food for him), clean, and perform first aid ("Just in case" his mom always said), while his dad, a fire alarm engineer, and weekend hunter, taught him outdoor skills. They remain together, giving Dirk a very stable family. In addition, they always tried to get him to read, or at least try to read. They managed to get him reading at a higher level than many of his classmates after he discovered that books were a great way to waste time while waiting for deer to come along. His parents also encouraged him to learn more about the world around him, besides what he could learn with his own senses, so they bought him a laptop for his 15th birthday. His laptop now holds maps of his favorite hunting grounds, specs for several types of guns and blades, and schoolwork saved on it. Shortly after his 17th Birthday Dirk got his first job as an assistant floor worker at REI, one of his favorite places to buy outdoors equipment. Unfortunately, he was only able to work there for a few months before his dad's job required that they move to Minnesota, where his dad's company was opening a new branch, and the boss figured that his dad would be a great manager for the new office. In school, Dirk found Mathematics and English to be his favorite classes. He also enjoyed reading during his freetime, which after moving to Minnesota, rapidly earned him the title of Bookworm. He also enjoyed the different kinds of extra classes he could take, and he took several engineering classes, along with home-ec in High School. In general his habit of reading causes him to pay less attention to his surroundings. Unless something shocks him out of it (like an alarm, or someone shouting), he will read for several hours without stopping. Besides actual education, Dirk spends most of his school time at the library or with his small group of friends, a cluster of bookworms like himself, who are separated from the majority of the student body because the don't seem cool. He straddles the line between cool and uncool, in part because he knows how to act cool, he just chooses not to, as he finds that it takes too much effort to be cool. He is physically capable of being cool, and some of the less cool people on campus would consider him cool, while the cooler ones consider him uncool. Advantages: Dirk has fairly decent gun knowledge and extensive hunting knowledge gained from his father. In addition, scouting gave him extensive knife knowledge, a decent amount of survival knowledge, and extensive camping experience. His final advantage is that he knows how to make a fire with almost anything (even two sticks). Disadvantages: Has very little body fat, and has a somewhat high metabolism (genetically). He also has a tendency to become absorbed in a task, tuning out all other tasks until he finishes it. Also, here's a picture Edited by Dirge Fireborn, Dec 11 2009, 10:47 PM.
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To exist is not to survive To survive is not to live To live is not to thrive To thrive is not not win To win does not mean to be victorious Victory is conditional | |||
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| ifnotwinter | Dec 7 2009, 02:47 PM Post #2 | ||
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half Iago, half Fu Manchu, all bastard
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Hi, and welcome to SOTF! Unfortnuately Dirk is temporarily DENIED pending changes. The biggest thing, and the one I'd like to see you change in this revision, is detail. We ask for very detailed profiles in SOTF, and I'm afraid Dirk's just isn't quite up to snuff. I'd recommend looking through the Approved Registrations forum (specifically at the one-shot approvals) for an idea of just how much detail we're looking for. Trixie Trent, Andrea Raymer, and Mike Moretti are excellent examples of this. Please make the changes I've specified (or PM me if you have questions) and then reply in this thread, and I'll give Dirk another look. Thanks! |
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(so you've got to keep in mind, when you try to change the world for the better not everybody's gonna be on your side) | |||
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| Dirge Fireborn | Dec 7 2009, 04:44 PM Post #3 | ||
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Cannon Fodder
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I added more detail to his background and appearance, since I didn't know which one you thought needed more detail. | ||
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To exist is not to survive To survive is not to live To live is not to thrive To thrive is not not win To win does not mean to be victorious Victory is conditional | |||
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| ifnotwinter | Dec 7 2009, 07:53 PM Post #4 | ||
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half Iago, half Fu Manchu, all bastard
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Hi again! So Dirk's appearence is quite good now, but his biography needs a lot of work. A typical SOTF biography is four-six paragraphs in length, and should include as much detail as possible about your character's likes and dislikes, habits, friends, beliefs, and/or family life. With Dirk, I see a lot about one aspect of his character - his hunting - but almost nothing about everything else. If I were to remove that aspect I would end up with this. "Dirk was raised in Colorado, but moved recently, ending up with Bayview as the closest school to his house. He joined the Boy Scouts of America at the age of eleven, and achieved the rank of Eagle by the age of 16. Near the beginning of 11th grade, Dirk started to get interested in comics, specifically japanese Manga, and the animated versions, finding another outlet for all his energy." I'd like you to take another look at the three profiles I linked you above. All three have detailed, well fleshed biographies that do a good job of showing the important aspects of the character's personality without making it all about one thing. Reply here once you've made the changes, and I'll look again, okay? Thanks. |
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(so you've got to keep in mind, when you try to change the world for the better not everybody's gonna be on your side) | |||
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| Dirge Fireborn | Dec 7 2009, 08:31 PM Post #5 | ||
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Cannon Fodder
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Ok, I expanded on the biography, and added a little bit to his appearance. | ||
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To exist is not to survive To survive is not to live To live is not to thrive To thrive is not not win To win does not mean to be victorious Victory is conditional | |||
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| MurderWeasel | Dec 9 2009, 07:56 PM Post #6 | ||
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Hi Dirge! Face is really busy and has asked me to finish Dirk's critique, so I'll be handling it from now on. There are still definitely some things that need revision. To start with, info about Dirk's personality should be rolled into his bio. We'd like all profiles to follow the same format. One element that is fairly unnecessary in Dirk's bio (and his appearance) is the long lists of things. The amount of money he is carrying isn't really all that relevant, and actually breaks the flow of the sentences up somewhat. The same is true of his merit badge list and animal collection. I'd like to know more about Dirk's life besides hunting. What else does he do in his free time (right now, all his other hobbies are tied to hunting)? What is he like in school? Does he do well? What are his favorite classes? What sort of people does he hang out with? How does he treat them? Basically, I'd like you to flesh out Dirk's life as it relates to things besides hunting. This guide may be helpful. It would also be nice if you made sure to skip lines between your paragraphs; right now some of them are stuck together. I'd also like to know a bit more about his weapons collection. Are all of his swords sharpened? How do his parents feel about his interests? Is he responsible? Particularly, I'd like to know about the switchblades. Switchblades are illegal in both Colorado and Minnesota, as well as federally, with exceptions being made only for private collectors to posses in their homes or exhibits. Also, Dirk would not have been able to (legally) kill a wolf in Colorado, since all wolves in the state were killed or driven out, and efforts to reintroduce them have only recently begun. Finally, Dirk's advantages and disadvantages need tweaking. I don't see how being tall is a disadvantage, and his overfocus is not brought up anywhere in his bio. Please clarify things and add a couple more disadvantages. Also, please write the advantages and disadvantages (like the whole profile) in complete sentences. So, in summary, add more to Dirk's personality and interests, and explain his school life a bit more, and then post here and I'll take another look at him. Thanks! |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |||
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| Dirge Fireborn | Dec 10 2009, 12:20 PM Post #7 | ||
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Cannon Fodder
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Ok. I think I got everything you asked for KV. | ||
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To exist is not to survive To survive is not to live To live is not to thrive To thrive is not not win To win does not mean to be victorious Victory is conditional | |||
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| MurderWeasel | Dec 11 2009, 07:06 PM Post #8 | ||
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Thanks for the changes, Dirge. Dirk is looking much better! There are just a couple little things I'd still like to see. I'd like to know why Dirk straddles the line between cool and uncool, as it seems a somewhat odd decision. I'd also like his disadvantages fleshed out a little bit more, as right now they're somewhat scant and a bit confusing. You state that he is not very physically active, but his interest in sword training and outdoors activities seems to suggest otherwise. Also, I'd like it if you could figure out a couple more disadvantages. You mention that Dirk can get completely caught up in reading; does that mean that he sometimes focuses too much to pay attention to his surroundings? Post when you've got those bits added, and I'll give him another look. Thanks! |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |||
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| Dirge Fireborn | Dec 11 2009, 10:48 PM Post #9 | ||
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Cannon Fodder
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Ok. Fixed. I tried to explain how he straddles the cool/uncool line (which I do in RL) but it isn't really something that is easy to describe. |
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To exist is not to survive To survive is not to live To live is not to thrive To thrive is not not win To win does not mean to be victorious Victory is conditional | |||
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| MurderWeasel | Dec 13 2009, 12:57 AM Post #10 | ||
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Thanks for the edits, Dirge! Dirk is APPROVED for pregame! | ||
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |||
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3:16 AM Jul 11