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Jason Clarke; Second Attempt
Topic Started: Nov 29 2009, 01:20 AM (493 Views)
decoy73
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Name: Jason Clarke
Gender: Male
Age: 16
Grade: Senior
School: Bayview Secondary School
Hobbies and Interests: Survivor, running, swimming, field hockey, automotive science, tutoring

Appearance: Jason is one of the smallest males in the class, being only 5’6” and 122 lbs. He has a large nose, described as a “Saget nose,” and a very distinctive moustache that many people have likened to Borat or Luigi, along with a thick beard that comes out during swim season, which makes him look like a 25 year old rather than a teenager. His straight black hair is slicked back, so as not to get in the way of his dark brown eyes, both of which complement his light brown skin. When not in heavy physical activity, he dresses in a collared shirt, slacks and dress shoes, and sometimes a tie, a throwback to when he went to school in Britain. The one thing that people think of when they talk to him is his Yorkshire accent, which many of the women see as his other standout feature, easily overshadowing his average appearance.

Biography: Jason Clarke is one of the more exotic members of the Bayview Secondary Senior Class. Jason was born to a Caucasian father (an accountant for KPMG) and a Hindu mother (a banker) in Leeds, Great Britain, where he spent the first 13 years of his life. While in Leeds, Jason had two main interests: cars and Survivor. He watched both the British and American versions of the show with his father, and over the summers, helped refurbish an old Mercedes, which, because of their location (close enough to the city to simply walk or use a bus), was never used. When Jason was seven, his instructors noticed his talent for math and science, recommending private tutors for those subjects. With Jason’s approval, his parents obliged, and Jason started to excel, with his confidence in math and science, Jason started to branch out, joining many intramural activities, mainly field hockey, swimming, and track. The biggest change that came to Jason was when he was thirteen, when his father received a promotion to head of KPMG’s Auditing Department in Minneapolis. Taking the entrance examinations, Jason was allowed to skip second form (eighth grade in American terminology), and go directly to secondary school.

Joining Bayview was pretty tough for him at first, being one of the smallest and youngest, but he really hit his stride when he was teamed up with a sophomore member of the (American) football team in math class. He had been doing pretty badly in math, and needed to get an 80 on his next test to pass and stay on the team. So, Jason helped him out, slowly and patiently, working from the basics of the subject matter, to find the mental block. The football team won their next game, as that sophomore had gotten a 96 on that test. Since then, Jason has not only received more people to tutor, but a high level of respect from the athletes, his friends, and his parents, who bought him a Scion tC for his 16th birthday, which he has just started to drive, having received his license, and modify, continuing his automotive interests. Building on that, Jason joined the three teams he had played in Britain, field hockey (to the amazement of the boys), swimming, and track, while not excelling, showing a great effort.

Jason is the person who always has a smile on his face, mainly because he needs a reason to not be happy. Jason’s default opinions of people are positive, once again needing to have a specific reason to not like a person. So Jason is on good terms with pretty much the entire class.

Advantages: Jason has five main things going for him: his love of Survivor, his intellect, the respect he has, his focus, and the fact that he is more fit than he appears. Jason has practically grown up on Survivor, having watched every episode with his family. One of his dreams is to go on the show, and he already has a rudimentary strategy to help win involving how he is perceived by the other players, and how he would be connected enough to make it through. This allows him to make a plan on who to team up with, and how to eliminate threats. His intelligence allows him to think quickly and from all angles. Four years of tutoring the sports teams has given him a decent level of respect, making him an attractive asset for an alliance. Also, his participation in field hockey, swimming, and track have made him more athletic than one would expect, specializing in getting to places quickly. Lastly, whenever Jason makes a truly serious goal, he sticks to it, single-mindedly continuing until it is finished. As an example, Jason has refurbished one car, modified another, and tried out for Survivor twice, in spite of being too young and not a US citizen.
Disadvantages: Jason’s lack of focus and small frame. While Jason can be a human calculator and extremely focused at times, there are other times when he just can’t seem to sit still. Indeed, for every one goal he has met, there are ten that he has left unfinished. For example, studying for a test could take him an hour if he buckles down, or he could end up dropping off five minutes in because of what’s on TV, or because he wants to go online, or any number of reasons. Second, being 120 lbs. means that Jason can only do so much physically. In a straight physical fight, Jason could end up having to run if he doesn't want to be beaten.
Edited by decoy73, Jan 10 2010, 12:14 PM.
Female #16: Jaime Schanbacher; Status: ACTIVE 0
Female #42: Sabrina Luz; Status: ACTIVE 0


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MurderWeasel
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Hi decoy, and welcome to SOTF!

Jason is temporarily DENIED, but I think you should be able to fix him up pretty easily.

The first thing I'd like you to do is remove the references to other characters in Jason's bio. While it does illustrate your point, it breaks up the flow, and doesn't really add anything.

Jason's biography is pretty good. It would be great if you broke it up into a few more paragraphs, though. It also contains some thoughts that are not completely fleshed out. You say the Mercedes he worked on was never used because he lived too close, but you never say what to, which makes the statement hard to understand. Similarly, I don't see the connection between the football player passing the test and winning the game (was he in danger of being suspended from the team?). Finally, who is Eric Lorenz, and why is Jason on bad terms with him?

Also, I'd like you to fix the subject/verb agreement in the sentence "Jason’s default opinion of people is that (s)he is “cool,” once again, needing to have a specific reason to put that person in the “dislike” chart." It would be best to just replace "(s)he" with the plural, "they" since it is the appropriate pronoun to refer to people as a group. Another issue is the sections of the sentence in quotes. They come across as too informal. All profiles should read as if they were written by an objective third party. For the same reason, I'd like you to cut the line "This would help him if not for … " from Jason's advantages.

Jason's advantages are disadvantages are fairly good, but I'd like a bit more information on his focus (and sometimes lack thereof) in his bio. Also, his likely unwillingness to kill people unprovoked is more of an assumed standard for most high schoolers than a specific disadvantage. If you mean that he's more empathetic than most people, I'd like you to make that a little clearer and stronger.

Post here when you've got Jason edited and I'll give him another look! Thanks a ton.
Edited by MurderWeasel, Nov 29 2009, 05:45 PM.
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki
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decoy73
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Here's Jason Clarke v.1.1. Tweaks include:
* Removal of all other students on the roster.
* Explanation for why he never used the car
* Explanation that the football player needed that 80 to stay on the team
* Fixing of grammar
* Examples to Jason's focus and lack thereof
Female #16: Jaime Schanbacher; Status: ACTIVE 0
Female #42: Sabrina Luz; Status: ACTIVE 0


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Survivor: The Cursed Islands


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MurderWeasel
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Looks good. Thanks for making the changes. Jason is APPROVED.
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki
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