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Clio Gabriella
Topic Started: Nov 23 2009, 03:47 AM (614 Views)
Brackie
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personification of adhd
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Name: Clio Gabriella
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: 12
School: Bayview Secondary School
Hobbies and Interests: Archery, Sewing, Music (performing), Biking, Shooting

Appearance: Clio is extremely beautiful, standing at 5'6'' and 114 pounds, bearing long black hair that reaches down a little past her shoulders, with a few purple streaks running through it. She wears a pink lanyard around her neck with a key on the end, with the words, 'To My Heart' inscribed on it. She has heterochromia iridis, meaning one of her eyes is a different colour than the other. While one is green, the other is hazel, thought this is not noticeable at first glance. Her lips are a normal size, and a darker red than most peoples.

She is almost flat chested, and very thin, with a smooth chest with the faint outline of muscles due to her frequent exercise, and smooth legs which are waxed regularly. She wears self-designed clothes, generally consisting of knee-high colourful skirts and skintight shirts with a logo she designed herself existing somewhere on the shirt.

Biography: Clio was born in Verona, Italy, to Francis and Illona Gabriella. She had a relatively normal infancy, but that changed when her parents were gunned down inside their home right in front of her when she was 5 years old. According to police reports, her parents had snitched on a local branch of the mafia, and the first order once they were released was to end their lives. Clio was soon after released into foster care, and her new parents, Maria and Angelo Costello, had already arranged for her to move to America. Specifically, St. Paul, Minnesota.

After settling in, her parents immediately sent her to counseling to deal with her parents death. After many years, she was finally ready to deal with the loss head on without psychiatric help, and at the age of 9, she made decided to never become a victim to anyone or anything. Throughout her childhood, she talked her foster parents into letting her take numerous self defense classes, to make sure that she was always ready if she was attacked or in danger, although they point-blank refused for her to have any gun training, as she was far too young. She would continue these classes at ascending levels until the end of secondary-school.

Her school life had nothing significant happen to her, as she was simply a normal student, getting average grades with the odd 'A' every now and again. She did however become interested in a subject that no-one else enjoyed: Genealogy and Genetics. While she could never quite understand the science behind Genetics, she had an avid interest for the history of her traits and the parts her ancestors played to make the world what it was. It was also during her childhood that she discovered a fluency at playing piano. She practiced and played for 3 years, up until she was 12 years old, until an audition for a special camp for the gifted changed her course of life again.

As it was a very prestigious and competitive camp, one of the other pianists at the age of 8 years old had been pushed almost until breaking point by her parents, was so disillusioned by the whole auditioning process, that she was under the impression that she could only win if she eliminated the competition, starting with Clio. The girl broke Clio's hands with the piano lid while practicing in order to stop her from auditioning. Although the girl was charged and banned from the auditions, Clio was crushed, as the lid had hit a fragile nerve ending, rendering her unable to play the piano ever again.

For the next 5 years, Clio became recluse, not speaking to anyone. While school stayed normal, as well as her classes in self-defense, her parents finally allowing her to pick up shooting, puberty passed her by, and she did not notice the amount of boys who were attracted to her. Her parents had tried to speak to her, but she ignored them, refusing to listen to any advice anyone gave her, trying to become almost completely self-reliant. That was, until she met a boy when she was 16. His name was Nathaniel, and she met him on an internet chat-room. She became quickly attracted to him, because of the way he talked. He was able to make her feel special, something that her foster parents could never do exactly right. Over the next few months, Clio and Nathaniel traded stories of their lives, and she grew even more in love with him. However, he went missing from the chat-room for a few months, and Clio grew worried. With eventual consent from her parents, she visited his house, which she found was in a neighboring town. She arrived at his house, only to see him from her car coming home with a girl about her age: his girlfriend.

Something inside Clio almost snapped, and she became unstable. While she initially only confronted him, she attacked him after a comment from his girlfriend regarding her figure provoked her. She broke his hand and causing wounds that required a large number of stitches. She was charged and almost jailed, when Nathaniel withdrew the charges. He had realized how he had made her feel, felt responsible, and apologized to Clio for leading her on: what Clio saw as affection was simply Nathaniel's writing style, as he wrote the way he wrote to her about everyone and everything. Her parents were furious with her, and as well as taking her out of her shooting lessons, they forced her to open up to them about everything from that point on.

While Clio was initially reluctant, she decided it was best that she become more of an outgoing person. She joined numerous clubs around the school including archery, biking, writers corner, and several other clubs that were popular. In regards to her social life, she regretted the assumptions she made with Nathaniel. She felt that she could have handled it better, and that she should be meeting people in person rather than long-distance, which contained more risks. She knew that school was a great place to do this. She decided never to become a product of popular culture, and started to design and make her own clothes and bags, which her parents approved of.

Around this time, she also found out that there were other boys that liked her, and not just for her personality. According to one of her first boyfriends, she was one of the most beautiful in the school, and soon became notorious for having a large amount of boyfriends over the next few years. Most of her relationships did not last past one day. Clio started reconsidering her lifestyle when she found her name on one of the bathroom cubicle walls, surrounded by many different slurs. She decided that she should stop having so many partners, and made the bold move of joining GODSpeed. This Christian group helped her redeem herself, and she vowed to become faithful to only one partner.

Advantages: Clio is an expert in the fields of self-defense and shooting, though she has not had lessons in a while, and is an experienced athlete. She is generally outgoing and likable, and although she is reluctant to, can use her looks to manipulate people to her advantage.
Disadvantages: While she may be good with weapons, her hands are weak, and thus she may not be very quick to use a weapon, nor very useful in hand-to-hand combat.
Edited by Brackie, Dec 9 2009, 07:22 PM.
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

I can't sing but I wrote you a song

Wrong notes but the melody's so clear

When I'm lost, I'm still close to gold

cause I found my treasure in you
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MurderWeasel
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Hi incrobe! Clio is temporarily DENIED. There are a few things I'd like you to work out before I accept her for pregame.

The first issue is that many of her interests do not come up at all in her biography. I'd like each one to get at least a mention.

The second thing is that Clio has a lot of really out there things in her bio. We try to keep characters fairly realistic, and, while no one element in her biography is implausible, taken together they seem at the very least highly unlikely. The one that causes me trouble specifically is a twelve year old breaking her hands. It seems very over-the-top for someone at that age, and I'd like to see it either toned down or explained a little more (perhaps the other girl was trying to maim her, just hurt her slightly, but, being young, hurt her more seriously by mistake?)

I'm also confused about Clio's self-defense training. The impression I get from her biography is that all the training happened between the ages of five and twelve. I'd like more detail on the sorts of shooting practices entailed in her training, because I don't see reasonable adults letting, say, a ten year old train with a pistol. I'd also like to know why she still has all her skills, as the impression I get from the bio's phrasing is that she hasn't done much with it in six years.

I'm also a touch confused by her relationship with Nathaniel. It's a good element, but some of the parts are a little unclear. How old was he? If he was under 18, he couldn't have rejected treatment without his parents' approval. Also, the timing is a little confusing, since he dies within a few weeks of telling her. I'm not sure what type of cancer would act so quickly, without displaying any signs she'd have picked up beforehand. I'd just like a little more detail in this section, please.

Finally, I'd like some clarification of Clio's advantages and disadvantages. You say she is likely to use her looks to her advantage, but that doesn't really seem to follow from her biography. I also don't understand why she is so dependent on her peers. It doesn't really make sense with what you've said about her in her bio. Please provide a little clarification on those points, as well as whether she's stayed in practice with weapons and self-defense.

Let me know when you've updated Clio and I'll give her another look. Thanks!
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki
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Brackie
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personification of adhd
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Thnx for pointing that out. I think I may have cut it out and not pasted it back in again.

My brother tried out for one of those things when he was 11, and that exact same thing almost happened to him. Just saying.

Her training has all been rephrased.

Nathaniel's relationship has been fleshed out a bit more.

Added stuff and taken things out from her adv. and disad.

Fingers crossed for approval!
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

I can't sing but I wrote you a song

Wrong notes but the melody's so clear

When I'm lost, I'm still close to gold

cause I found my treasure in you
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
MurderWeasel
Member Avatar
You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Thanks incrobe! There are still a few things I'd like you to fix up for me before I approve Clio.

First (and this is something that I missed last time) I'm fairly sure indigo is not actually a natural eye color. I'd like you to change this up so everything is natural (colored contacts are quite alright, though).

I still would really like some more explanation of the cancer incident. How would a 16 year old get a special lawyer to defend him? What sort of loophole would apply only to one specific condition? What type of cancer does he have, anyways? Since SOTF V4 is focusing on realism, it's really important that this sort of detail for an event this unusual be fleshed out.

Finally, there are still some contradictions relating to Clio's love life that confuse me. Why did she turn to so many partners after being involved in such a serious relationship? Also, could you please rephrase the sentence "She is generally outgoing and likable, and although she is reluctant to, likes to use her looks to manipulate people to her advantage." I don't understand why she is reluctant to do something she likes doing.

Finally, the bit about her becoming upset when questioned about her past sort of comes out of nowhere. Could you tie it in with her bio a bit more, please?

Thanks a ton! Post here when you're done and I'll give Clio another look.
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki
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Brackie
Member Avatar
personification of adhd
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Thnx for pointing out the eye thing. I must have not been thinking or something.

No need to worry about the cancer thing, it's gone. As for the story replacing it, if it seems a bit too player-ish, I'm not really sure how to finish that plotline without therapy, and I'm looking for a bit less therapy among my characters.

Everything else has also been edited.
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

I can't sing but I wrote you a song

Wrong notes but the melody's so clear

When I'm lost, I'm still close to gold

cause I found my treasure in you
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
MurderWeasel
Member Avatar
You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Alright, it's looking much better, but there are still a few things I'd like cleared up. The first is, after attacking someone, I can't really see Clio still being allowed access to weaponry. I'd also like a little more detail on the incident. Did she mean to hurt him that badly, or accidentally do so? (The latter makes the lack of therapy more believable) Why did Nathaniel drop charges? How does Clio feel about it all now? Was it part of her decision to change her life?

Let me know when you've got that handled and I'll take another look!
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Brackie
Member Avatar
personification of adhd
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Edited.
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

I can't sing but I wrote you a song

Wrong notes but the melody's so clear

When I'm lost, I'm still close to gold

cause I found my treasure in you
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
MurderWeasel
Member Avatar
You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Thanks for all the changes, incrobe. Clio is APPROVED for pregame!

There's one little thing I'd like you to fix up before V4 proper. One sentence reads "After many years, she was finally ready to deal with the loss head on without psychiatric help, and at the age of 9, she" and then stops. If you could cut the ending or add whatever is missing, that'd be great. It doesn't matter for now, though.
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
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