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Robert Lerger; Attempt number two
Topic Started: Nov 22 2009, 11:39 PM (343 Views)
armeggedonCounselor
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Name: Robert Lerger
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: Senior, 12th grade
School: Bayview Secondary School
Hobbies and Interests: Music, Drama, Physical Science

Appearance: Robert is not a very robust male. He weighs only 150 pounds, but is almost six feet tall. His skin color is fairly pale, as he spends far more time indoors than he does outdoors, and is Caucasian. He is not heavily muscled, but has enough muscle to get by in basic life. His features are best described as ordinary. His most striking facial feature is his eyes, which are hazel in color and look like they have a marbled texture. They are round, as he is Caucasian. They are fairly normal sized, neither large nor small. His eyebrows are thin and blonde, so they are generally hard to see unless right in his face. His nose is slightly flattened, due to years of sleeping on his face. His face is devoid of facial hair for the most part, as he meticulously shaves it. He wears a bit of foundation to hide small out bursts of acne. His lips are thin and soft. His cheekbones are slightly higher than average, giving him a literal long face.
The majority of his height is his legs; he has long legs. His hair is blonde and is cut fairly short, just long enough to cover his ears and hang in his face comfortably. He generally wears fairly tight clothing, although he doesn’t wear pants that are tight in the crotch. He finds them itchy and uncomfortable. He typically wears open toed shoes, although often he’ll wear generic sneakers if he has to. He holds his body tall and slightly shifted back, a mix of habits brought from his mother, a strict lady especially in concerns of poise, and from standing in choir and singing, as the slightly back shift of his weight helped keep him from losing too much breath support. His right arm is slightly stunted, and has a line of scars running from wrist to shoulder.
He acts a bit arrogantly, being as he is near the top of his class. Also, he acts arrogant to hide his own distress in social situations, often not talking to people because of fear of hatred or being reproved. Thus, his social status is fairly low, even among his ingroups. When he does talk, he typically uses higher level English, due to his mother’s absolute hatred of slang and poor grammar. He is weaker in his right arm than his left, and is ambidextrous, although he writes better with his left arm. His right arm has a more limited range of movement, because it didn’t heal properly after he broke it as a child.

Biography: Robert was born eighteen years ago in Chicago, Illinois. He was a normal baby, having normal baby adventures. He never really knew his father, as he had disappeared on his mom while he was young. She used to joke, the rare times she did so, that he had owed money to the Mafia and had had to run away to keep Robert and his mother safe. He is a third generation American on his mom’s side, and is descended from German immigrants, who were supposedly Nazis, although even his strict mom has mellowed on the Anti-Semitism front. Of course, his great grandmother was a Nazi supporter, and still buys into that kind of thing, and tried to bring him up as a proper Hitler’s Youth. His mother quickly severed ties between her grandmother and her son. She no longer wanted any part of the Nazi movement, and she taught Robert to feel the same way. He is not anti-Semitic in the least, due to early teaching from his mother. His mother had help from her family, although not her grand mother, to raise him, so he had never been wanting, although the lack of a strong father figure caused some severe self-esteem issues.
When he was six, he and his mother moved to St. Paul, Minnesota, where his grandparents lived. He never had any siblings he knew about, although he may have a half-sibling due to his father being out of his life. He was a bit of a loner child, even at age six, although he made a group of very close friends. He had only one major incident while he was a child. He fell off a rock in the Chicago City Park, breaking his arm badly. It never quite healed right, causing weakness throughout the rest of his life. It had not healed right because he had broken it too badly for proper healing; he had almost completely shattered his forearm. He had to learn to be left handed because of it, and he developed a minor fear of heights. He grew up in St. Paul, making friends and enemies, as life goes.
He joined the choral programs at school and sang with a barbershop chorus outside of school. He also joined the theatre department, getting a few low roles as well as one or two lead roles. He really did enjoy drama, but not nearly as much as he enjoyed singing. He got fairly good grades in school, at least a B in each class. He excelled, however, in Math and Science, but especially Physics. He joined a few physics based clubs while he was in Middle School, but did not join many clubs in High School, due to an increased focus on social requirements. He had never been good at talking to people, especially in a social setting. During his teenage years, he took a few martial art classes, but has not taken a class for four years, mostly due to breaking his arm again after punching a bag poorly. It healed back to the way it had been before the recent break, but was still weak.

Robert is a bit of a nerd, both in the music sense and in the intellect sense. He is generally a nice guy, but he has a few major things that bug him, and his temper snaps very easily, due partially to constant repression of other emotions. He used to be a bit of a whiny child, constantly throwing tantrums over nothing. This got him teased quite a bit, so he soon moved to the other extreme of hiding his emotions, which quickly developed a short fuse temper. He has since gotten over both problems and settled on a middle ground, but his temper still flares easily. A person hurting other people is often a cause of temper flares, as well as general bullying, although unless it’s his good friends being bullied, he’ll keep the reaction to a simple grumbling. His gimpy arm is a bit of a literal and a figurative sore spot. He has gotten into fights in the past, due to people teasing him or bullying his friends, with the typical consequences. He almost ended up in jail once, but was remanded into his mother’s custody on parole. She beat him badly that day, and it was the last time he had ever gotten into a fight. He finds that he has a high pain tolerance in general, mostly due to beatings from his mother and his arm being in almost constant pain.
He enjoys helping people to his utmost ability, although his utmost is not very much, and he’s often too shy to offer his help. Despite his amiable and generally nice personality, a good amount of people think he’s weird, and he’s not had a girlfriend yet, even at this age. Due to bullying and a poor family life, his self esteem is rather low, to the point that he punishes himself for the slightest infraction against the strict code of ethics he uses. He used to cut himself, on the inside of the thighs, but stopped when his mom sent him to a psychiatrist. He still bites the inside of his cheeks when he is embarrassed or upset, which happens often.
He has a few major phobias. He is very claustrophobic, to the point of panicking on elevators. This is due to one bullying event, when a number of his erstwhile friends dared him to hide in a trunk. They then locked the trunk, and generally behaved like little bullies do, laughing and joking around about Robert’s panicking. He is mildly acrophobic, requiring a moment or two to compose himself if he’s in a high place. He has an irrational fear of spiders, due to spiders often being found in tight spaces. The fear of spiders is caused by his claustrophobia, in other words.

His mother was an extremely strict woman, often beating him with a ruler if he spoke back or slouched in his chair. He, by necessity, quickly began keeping his posture well, and became very polite to her and others. He also was made to eat very healthy meals, only rarely being allowed to eat fast food, and kept from drinking sodas. This caused him to be fairly healthy throughout his life, aside from his bad arm.

Advantages: He is healthy, he has large lung capacity due to singing, and he knows how to fight. He also has a fairly large capacity for pain. He can do higher level math with ease, in his head, and knows enough about physics to use his knowledge to his advantage.
Disadvantages: His right arm is weak and prone to breakage, which could cripple him. He is not able to keep from depression without medication or emotional support. He is easily distracted, and often gets lost in thought.
Edited by armeggedonCounselor, Nov 23 2009, 02:00 AM.
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MurderWeasel
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Hi Serpantis! I'm glad to see you around again.

Robert is temporarily DENIED. There are some areas of his biography I'd like to see expanded on and explained more before I approve him for pregame.

His appearance is for the most part well written. I'm slightly confused by the phrase "His most striking facial feature is his eyes, which are hazel in color and look almost like marble, except not white." Are you trying to say they have a marbled texture? It's hard for me to tell.

Robert's biography is where I'd really like to see things expanded. You mention that his mother has mellowed out about antisemitism, but it's really hard to tell if she's still somewhat anti-semitic or not. If she is, how does Robert feel about that? Does he share her views?

I'd like to know why Robert's arm healed badly, too. Was he given improper treatment, or was the break particularly bad and awkward? It seems a bit odd for doctors to just let it grow back crooked.

The second biography paragraph could also use a lot of expansion. Why does Robert have such a short temper? What makes him snap? Why has he gotten into fights? What were the consequences?

I can understand him hurting himself due to poor self-esteem, but I don't quite buy him not caring at all if he's hurt. I'd like you to drop that detail or explain it a bit more. Wouldn't he still want to avoid negative sensations?

I'd also like to know why Robert is claustrophobic. Did he have a bad experience with enclosed areas? Does he fear being unable to move?

Robert's advantages and disadvantages could also use some work. You say that he knows how to fight, but I'm left a little unclear on the point? Has he learned most of what he knows from experience? From his karate classes? This is a detail that should probably be expanded on more in his biography, as it's a significant advantage. I'd also like to know more about his pain tolerance. Where does it come from? Has he learned to live with pain due to his injured arm?

In his disadvantages, I'd like to know where his depression and easily-distracted nature come from. Both should come up in his biography at some point.

Finally, a couple of general requests: It'd be great if you broke Robert's profile up into a few more paragraphs to make it easier to read. Also, there are some informal bits that I'd like you to change, particularly the use of you ("unless you're right in his face") and the use of the term "Berserk Button". We prefer tropes to not be cited directly in profiles.

When you get Robert fixed up, post here again and I'll take another look at him. Thanks a ton, and welcome back!
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armeggedonCounselor
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I have edited. I would like to additionally point out that his depression stems from the logical progression of his low self-esteem due to his mother demeaning him and his lack of a strong father figure.

Please instruct me further if it is still unsatisfactory. I strive always to become better, and will take all your constructive criticism with an open mind.

Does that make me seem like a suck up?
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MurderWeasel
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Don't worry about sounding weird. Everyone here is happier when folks take criticism well. Speaking of which, you've fixed up all the points I asked, and Robert is APPROVED for pregame.

One request for when you submit him for V4 proper: it would be great if you skipped an extra line between paragraphs, as Word-style formatting looks a bit odd in the forum. Thanks a ton!
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Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
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Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
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