| Welcome to Survival of the Fittest, a RPing board loosely based off of Koshun Takami's Battle Royale, with its own unique plot and spin on the 'deadly game'. We've been around quite a while, and are now in our thirteenth year, so don't worry about us going anywhere any time soon! If you're a newcomer and interested in joining, then please make sure you check out the rules. You may also want to read the FAQ, introduce yourself and stop by the chat to meet some of our members. If you're still not quite sure where to start, then we have a great New Member's Guide with a lot of useful information about getting going. Don't hesitate to PM a member of staff (they have purple usernames) if you have any questions about SOTF and how to get started! Let the games begin! |
| Mirabelle Nesa | |||
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| Topic Started: Nov 19 2009, 12:51 AM (506 Views) | |||
| Grim Wolf | Nov 19 2009, 12:51 AM Post #1 | ||
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The Very Best
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Name: Mirabelle Nesa Gender: Female Age: 17 Grade: 12 School: Bayview Secondary School Hobbies and Interests: Martial Arts (Baguazhang and Savate), Reading, Romance Appearance: Mirabelle Nesa is five feet, five inches and and weighs in at a scant 127 lbs. She has long dark hair, silky in quality, richly tanned skin, and deep, calm hazel eyes. Her face is heart-shaped, her hair cascading prettily to mid-back. She has a small nose but her ears are perfectly proportionate to her face. She has rich, full lips. Her body is wiry and well-muscled: her abs, arms, and legs are all extremely toned. Her breasts rank in at a B-Cup, but for her size they look quite good. Mirabelle Nesa is attractive. Her body is toned, her face is beautiful, and she takes great care of her appearance. Her years of training in the martial arts have given her a natural grace to her movements which, complimented with the simple yet close-fitting dresses she favors above all others, Biography: Mirabelle Nesa was born in St. Paul Minnesota to Jean and Eloise Nesa, two recent immigrants from France with a fluent grasp of English. Thus Mirabelle Nesa has grown up speaking both French and English What troubles she had to deal with growing up were by no means extraordinary. Her father, the owner of a local restaraunt (Jean's Cafe) supplied most of the money for the house, while her mother, an aspiring novelist, has grown dejected over the years. Despite her listlessness, however, Eloise was in no way cruel to her daughter: to this day they share a good relationship. When she was five years old she saw a martial arts movie and, inspired by what she had seen, asked her father to teach her how to fight. Her father, a master of Savate (a sort of French Kickboxing), agreed, expecting her to quit early Yet she did not: she maintained her interest, fought him, learned surprisingly well. By the time she was twelve she had learned all the essentials and most of the complexities, and her father declared that she would have to learn more on her own. Fotunately for Mirabelle, St. Paul Minnesota happened to be home to Lin Xiang, a master of Yin Style Baguazhang. Baguazhang, a martial art which relies on flowing, evasive movements focused on using the opponent's strength against them before striking with sudden, furious force in order to permanently incapacitate an opponent, fit Mirabelle's style of fighting perfectly, but the philosophy of the martial art itself eluded her, as did mastery: it has been the subject of many arguments between her and Lin Xiang. She is quite good at both arts, however: the Yin focus on upper body strikes complements the Savate's emphasis on kicking. Somewhat surprisingly, Mirabelle has little or no interest in sports or club activities. While she enjoys daying--more than one man has fallen to her charms--she remains a virgin (if not a complete innocent). This may be because of her domineering personality. She is an intense person, if not always a very focused one: her grades hover perpetually around a 3.0 and she is easily distracted in class. Because of her mother, Mirabelle is somewhat troubled by the ghost of failure. She wants, above all else, to be a professional martial arts instructor in the style of Master Lin Xiang, but her mother's dejected attitude about her own dreams occasionally leaves Mirabelle feeling listless. She is not the easiest person to get along with: she tends to be extremely strong-willed, though rarely arrogant, and is quite stubborn. This is quite often a point of conflict between her and Master Xiange because the idea is so fundamentally opposed to the art of Baguazhang. Her love of the martial arts comes from a determination to acheive her dreams. Martial arts means a great deal to Mirabelle. While she started practicing when she was five, she has come to love what it symbolizes: the ability to have strength in an otherwise unpredictable world. She is not a fight junkie or anything of the sort: she simply recognizes that violence can be a powerful force and has taken advantage of that force herself. She has a great admiration for Master Xiang, considering him quite wise, and for her father, who has managed to keep his cafe afloat through surprisingly difficult times. Because of her mother, Mirabelle has an enormous love for literature: she reads constantly. She particularly loves Stephen King's The Dark Tower series, Garth Nix's Sabriel and The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever. Somewhat strangely for such a dominating personality, long observation of her parents has instilled in Mirabelle a desire for passionate romance. This is complicated by her fierce temper, which she usually controls with her friends but cannot keep in hand while involved in a relationship. Advantages: Mirabelle is strong-willed and psychologically health: she has what is commonly referred to as a 'warrior' personality. She is very, very good at hand-to-hand combat and quite in shape for her age and size. She will not be easily cowed and can be quite bold. On account of her personality and her enormous self-confidence she is also uncannily tough. Disadvantages: Mirabelle has never had to deal with a truly difficult situation before, so she may very well succumb to shock late-game. Her attractiveness could very easily make her a target for reckless or desperate boys. Because she fears failure so much, Mirabelle may force herself to fight back when the smarter choice is to run. Also because of her domineering personality, finding allies may prove to be a challenge. Her relatively sheltered life has given her few survival skills to balance out her combat abilities, so surviving on her own may proven challenging. Edited by Grim Wolf, Nov 20 2009, 04:05 PM.
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Want to buy my book? See my short stories? Read my fanfiction? Visit my website! V6 Players Tara Behzad: "They don't get to decide how I die." Lizzie Luz: "I don't want to go." Alex Tarquin: "No more masks." V5 Players V4 Players
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| ifnotwinter | Nov 19 2009, 09:37 PM Post #2 | ||
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half Iago, half Fu Manchu, all bastard
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Hey! So you've got a pretty good start here, but there are a few things I'd like to see changed (as well as just a couple minor slipups) before I can toss her the APPROVED sticker. Just quickly before we get into any of the character stuff, you've got a couple BBCode slipups :p There's a missing italic tag in the bio and her name isn't bolded. The character stuff isn't bad at all, there are really just a couple of things. One thing is her weight. If she's in such good shape/has B-cup breasts, she should probably weigh a little more. She's not underweight right now, but she's on the low side of normal and it's a weight that isn't at all conducive to muscle mass. Maybe up it by fifteen lbs or so? I'd also like the teeniest bit more elaboration on her martial arts. Most of it is awesome, very detailed and I enjoy how it's been tied into her background, but I'd really like to know what style of Baguazhang she practices (Chen Style, Fu Style, etc). And the last thing is I'd like you to scoop "no psychological trauma which will send her spiraling out of control mid-game" out of advantages, since - well, it's not really an advantage. Most normal students wouldn't, it's kind of like having a disadvantage of "can't shoot a gun upside down". Anyway, fix those up and I'll be happy to approve her. Thanks! |
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(so you've got to keep in mind, when you try to change the world for the better not everybody's gonna be on your side) | |||
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| Grim Wolf | Nov 20 2009, 01:33 AM Post #3 | ||
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The Very Best
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Wait, 'can't fire a gun upside down' isn't a legitimate disadvantage? I've used it on all the profiles so far! Heh, yeah, alright. Fixed. Upped her by ten pounds (117 was feelin' a bit light, but I want to keep her pretty skinny and she's toned rather than ripped) and specified her striking style. Ready for your approval. |
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Want to buy my book? See my short stories? Read my fanfiction? Visit my website! V6 Players Tara Behzad: "They don't get to decide how I die." Lizzie Luz: "I don't want to go." Alex Tarquin: "No more masks." V5 Players V4 Players
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| ifnotwinter | Nov 20 2009, 01:33 PM Post #4 | ||
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half Iago, half Fu Manchu, all bastard
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Almost there! You're still missing a '[' on the bolding for 'Name', although that's a quick fix. The other thing is something I wish I'd addressed earlier, but one of our admins brought it to my attention and I agree that it should be something you should consider. All of your characters so far have at least one trait that makes them very suited to SOTF. Hunting, martial arts, SOTF psychology/tactical planning, etc. In v4 we're trying really hard to steer away from having characters pregenerated to work well in the Survival of the Fittest setting. Take a look at Anna Chase, Kimberly Nguyen, and Roman Jackson. They're all one-shot approvals, but most of all they're very normal high-school students. That's not to say that you can't have characters with natural advantages - we have several characters with martial arts experience, etc - but since it's in every one of your characters so far I'd like you to keep in mind that we're not looking for an ideal contestant, we're looking for normal high school students. I'm not going to tell you to take martial arts out of her biography, but I am going to ask you to keep this in mind when either creating new characters, or submitting for v4 proper. Thanks! |
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(so you've got to keep in mind, when you try to change the world for the better not everybody's gonna be on your side) | |||
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| Grim Wolf | Nov 20 2009, 04:16 PM Post #5 | ||
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The Very Best
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Fixed. I...hmm. Yes, I guess that's true, isn't it? I'd protest in the case of Meramac--all he's got going for him is his speed--but other than that I think you're right. My characters do all seem to have a competitive edge. Hm. Simon isn't the problem, of course, he's a character I'm kicked around for quite some time and has appeared in a number of RPs, some iterations more ridiculous than others. But guns have always been his thing. I didn't submit that looking for a competitive edge: I just kind of did it. Raidon I'll grant you. And Mirabelle as well. Raidon is built to have all sorts of psychological conundrums while playing, that's what he's designed for. As for Mirabelle... ...Hmm. Raidon will probably get some more revision. Mirabelle and Simon I think have reached the forms I'm keeping. As for David, there's a lot I could change. The other problem, of course, is that I honestly believe all players would have some sort of competitive advantage in the game unless they literally sat at home and did nothing all day. Even a gamer might have learned hand-eye coordination or basic tactics or...something. There's just so much that can be cross-applied. Like Lucy's knowledge of plantlife in any sort of natural environment. All that jazz. But that's a valid point. I'll make some alterations. |
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Want to buy my book? See my short stories? Read my fanfiction? Visit my website! V6 Players Tara Behzad: "They don't get to decide how I die." Lizzie Luz: "I don't want to go." Alex Tarquin: "No more masks." V5 Players V4 Players
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| Greg The Anti-Viking | Nov 22 2009, 12:35 AM Post #6 | ||
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On the left is a mod, on the right is a pre-made psycho...get the picture?
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Hello, Greg The Anti-Viking here, Face is going away for a few days and requested me to look at the profiles that she has critiqued before. As I see it right now you have done everything that she has requested for and will be Approved for pregame. However I do wish to note that you do keep in mind the stuff that Face has talked about, you seem to be using this correctly so I don't see any problem here, but as always just be careful to not overstrech the bounds with the martial arts! Also I suggest that when you apply for V4 proper that you read this out loud to yourself as I caught a couple grammar issues, but nothing that deserves denial for pregame, just make sure you keep an eye on it and you'll be fine! Have fun and enjoy all of your pregame! Edited by Greg The Anti-Viking, Nov 22 2009, 12:35 AM.
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v5 characters B054:Oscar Trig-Smoker, Artist, Film Buff Please, message me if you have ideas, I sure don't! Fall down seven times... Stand up eight... Japanese Proverb | |||
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