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John Smith
Topic Started: Nov 15 2009, 04:40 PM (317 Views)
Acelister
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Ask me about Transformers The Movie Abridged!
[ *  *  * ]
Name: John Smith
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Grade: 12th
School: Bayview Secondary School
Hobbies and Interests: Manga, art, gardening

Appearance: Not quite overweight, but on his way there at 165lbs on his 5ft 8in frame, John enjoys working with his hands outdoors, but enjoys food more. His face is chubby as a result. As such, he prefers to wear loose-fitting clothes such as sports jerseys - despite barely knowing the Vikings are a football team - and jogging pants. He doesn't wear jewellery. His hair is light brown and kept short, his eyes a deep blue with flecks of grey in. There is a light beard starting on his chin, but he hasn't bothered starting to shave yet.

Biography: John's parents work at the McNeely Conservatory together, where they first met and later married, having him. He has always been an only-child, until recently his parents revealed that they are expecting his sister. Despite being the artist of the family, he turned down the opportunity to decorate the nursery, preferring pencils to paints. Also being a keen gardener, he decided to plant some seeds in her name, so they would flower in time for her birth.

He's grown up in the area of Saint Paul, MN, though doubts he's made much impact with his classmates over the years, due to his natural shyness which developed through grade school when he didn't enjoy sports. The other kids loved learning football, whereas he would have chosen to stay indoors and draw.

When he grew older, he learnt of an art style that he enjoyed emulating - manga. When a nearby comicbook shop started to stock manga, he was the first to buy it. When he started at high school, he met others who had started buying manga, though the more that came out, the more it became obvious they enjoyed different genres - which helped a lot when suggesting and trading volumes. His three best friends are manga-readers, though he doesn't tell just anyone about his hobbies.

He's never strived to be the most popular person in school but that's never stopped him from helping someone if they needed it. He started acting this way rather than let the few instances he was bullied scar his life and friendships. As he doesn't see his skills as an artist or gardener as particularly liked things in school life, he told others that he went on vacation during past summers - though he didn't travel any further than CLAMP sent him in the evenings. He joined the state's Youth Job Corps, using his gardening knowledge to work at one of the local landscaping firms - who have agreed to take him on full-time when he finishes school. He lied because he was once caught by classmates, leaving a comicbook store with a volume of Dragon Ball, which resulted in ridicule for liking 'Japanese porn comics'. That is the reason he prefers to read his manga at home or at one of his friend's houses rather than in public.

He longs to have his art on display, but has always doubted he is good enough for that. It's one of the reasons he gardens - so people can see his work, without creating a spectacle of it. It shows he has an eye for detail, which his mother helped him develop by always doing the Spot The Difference with him in puzzle magazines. He doesn't want to go to university after school, despite his mother telling him he should study art, as he doesn't want to be rejected. Other than his excellent grades in art, he is an average student, barely scraping a B when he's lucky.

Other than drawing and manga, there are few things he enjoys doing. He doesn't drink or do drugs - the one time he drank was at his cousin's wedding, and it left him quite confused. The next day, he realised he had his first kiss - then spent a few hours making out with one of the party goers named Ted. He still hasn't plucked up the courage to tell his friends about it, fearing they will make fun of him. He still hasn't decided if he's gay or not, having told himself he needs to be one or the other.

Advantages: His attention to detail is very good and his apparent weight will make others misjudge his strength.
Disadvantages: John lacks confidence in his abilities and is touchy about his weight. He may be too nice for his own health in a combat situation, not wanting to hurt anyone.
Edited by Acelister, Nov 18 2009, 03:48 AM.
V5 Concepts:
Max 'Hans' Casson: A white supremacist with a mean streak normal pro-Aryan attitude. [His views do NOT reflect my own, so everything said in pre-game is all him]


V4


Go and watch Transformers The Movie Abridged!
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MurderWeasel
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Hi Acelister, and welcome to SOTF!

John is temporarily DENIED. I'd like a little expansion on him before I approve him for pregame.

Basically, what John could use is more details. In his appearance, I'd like to know how tall and heavy he is (with numbers, please), what his hairstyle is, what type of clothes he likes to wear, etc.

His biography could similarly use expansion. Right now, it doesn't tell me much about him except his interests, employment, and home. That's a good start, but it could use more. Please add a bit about John's personality, his relationships with friends, his performance and interests in school, and the like. I'd also like a bit more history of his life. He also has some contradictions (he likes seeing overconfident people fail, but would still help them) that would make great springboards to a more detailed personality, if you expanded them.

Finally, all his advantages and disadvantages should come up in his biography. Why are his looks deceiving? Why does he lack confidence? Why does he pay attention to everything?

I recommend you check out this helpful character creation guide and some of our Approved Registrations, such as faceinabook's Erik Laurin for an idea of what we're looking for.

Post here once you've edited John, and I'll give him another look.
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki
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Acelister
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Ask me about Transformers The Movie Abridged!
[ *  *  * ]
Thanks for denying. :) I'm too used to 'growing' a character through an RP. But as it's likely John will only be alive for a couple of days, that's not really a lot of time to grow anything!

I rewrote most of it, shuffled about some other stuff and added quite a bit. Anything else you feel I should add, just mention it.
V5 Concepts:
Max 'Hans' Casson: A white supremacist with a mean streak normal pro-Aryan attitude. [His views do NOT reflect my own, so everything said in pre-game is all him]


V4


Go and watch Transformers The Movie Abridged!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
MurderWeasel
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Thanks for adding the detail, Acelister! John is APPROVED for pregame!

One thing I'd like you to change before V4 proper: please put his advantages into standard sentence format instead of the current list format. Thanks a ton, and nicely done.
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
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