Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to Survival of the Fittest, a RPing board loosely based off of Koshun Takami's Battle Royale, with its own unique plot and spin on the 'deadly game'. We've been around quite a while, and are now in our thirteenth year, so don't worry about us going anywhere any time soon!

If you're a newcomer and interested in joining, then please make sure you check out the rules. You may also want to read the FAQ, introduce yourself and stop by the chat to meet some of our members. If you're still not quite sure where to start, then we have a great New Member's Guide with a lot of useful information about getting going. Don't hesitate to PM a member of staff (they have purple usernames) if you have any questions about SOTF and how to get started!

Let the games begin!

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Patrick McMurphy; The Choir boy from Blighty
Topic Started: Nov 11 2009, 12:06 PM (630 Views)
Le Quinne
Member Avatar
Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
Name: Patrick McMurphy
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Grade: 12th Grade.
School: Bayview Secondary School
Hobbies and Interests: Playing Piano, Attending the local church choir, while back in England he attended the Scouts Organisation, regularly plays world war II simulator Hearts of Iron and has a deep interest in British Military History.

Appearance: Patrick McMurphy is a clean shaven, well dressed young man. He is the spitting image of his father when he was younger: well groomed medium length red hair, slender athletic build owed to many years, coming in at just over 150 pounds. He has pale, freckled skin owed to spending much of his life in the sunless English countryside, but to make his skin appear more flesh coloured and to cover his freckles he wears small amounts of subtle foundation, a secret he is feverishly embarrassed of. He is rather on the small side for his age, being only five feet seven, and again this is one of the things he is extremely concious of, and is a sore topic with him. He has incredibly light green eyes, but these are one of the few features of his body he is comfortable with.

Patrick dresses in a sort of semi-formal style, having a large wardrobe of shirts (of almost every colour), jackets and sweater vests, as well as all the other sorts of accessories that come with suits. His upraising in the quaint British countryside left him with little concept of modern fashion, especially exacerbated by the fact the fashion in America is so distant to that from that of mainstream England

Biography: Born and raised in the border regions between Scotland and England, in the North-East County of Northumberland, son to a Northern Irish Ex-Special Forces captain and an American school teacher, he spent most of his life being home schooled in a small church hall by his mother, that was only attended by four other children his age.

His father was an incredibly forceful, devout and controlling man; from a very early age he was pushed away from academic studies to preparation for what his father hoped to be a very strong military future much like his own. From an early age he and his father embarked on camping trips, hunting expeditions and long, arduous hikes. He also taught his son military history, and played tabletop war games as an alternative to entertainment, his father bought heavily into the hysteria surrounding video games and TV being owed somewhat to his strong conservative upbringing.

As he began to mature and reach adolescence, he began to feel uncomfortable with his fathers ambitious forcefulness. He began taking extra studies outside of his normal school times, though to hide this from his father's dominating gaze he did while being out under the pretences of going on a long walk during nights where his father let him have time to himself. However, worrying his mother would betray his secret, these lessons were taught by the local Father, Harold, of the village parish. Here he began to develop a close relationship with Father Harold, and through this began to develop a strong sense of religious morality. More and more he began to think about his fathers demands of him having a military future, realising that in his future he would have to kill on command, with no choice of his own.

At the age of 16, Patrick's father signed him up for a Private Military Academy, but Patrick full out refused to leave academic education. It finally came out that he'd been taking extra lessons in his spare time and his father, assuming the worst while full up of alcohol, suspected something foul had gone on between his son and Father Harold. Grabbing his shotgun, he took the law into his own hands, and in his drunken rage savagely murdered the Father. Patrick's father was arrested, however, the people of the village began to talk, and in fear of local infamy, Patrick's mother fled back to her home country of America, where she spent the next year living with her mother in Saint Paul, Minnesota, where she once taught before going to England with Patrick's father. After much string pulling, she arranged to have her son transfer into Bayview Secondary School.

Here he found himself friendless and unused to the pace of life. So soon after the loss of the only man he'd ever considered a friend, Patrick fell into deep depression and increasing amounts of paranoia. Because of this, at school he keeps a low profile. However, this is not helped by the fact he has a strong accent and immediately became a thing of interest amongst his peers. While it took a long time for him to readjust, after a few months he began to extend his friendships out, finding solace doing small amounts of voluntary community work and joining in the school choir. Having found a SMALL friendship group mainly consisting of the so called "geek/nerd" community, though he did have friends outside of this, they were shocked to learn he'd never used a computer. For his Seventeenth birthday his mother bought him an exquisite antique piano, to try and re-engage her sons lost aspirations. His friends pooled together and bought him a cheap computer, and began to introduce him to video games. Most of the games he played he didn't instantly connect to, but when he tried the complex military world war II simulator Hearts of Iron, despite the painful memories of his father it brought back, he was taken instantly, sinking hours a night into the game.

Finally realising the worst was behind him, he began to come out of his depressive phase, and extending his social circle.

Advantages: Has a knowledge of basic outdoors survival including food preparation and gathering, and has a decent level of fitness due to years of physical preparation for a military career by his father. Has a basic but more or less useless and outdated understanding of military tactics.

Disadvantages: Patrick has a strong moral code, and is utterly against needless senseless killing, making him an unlikely player. He is very concious of what he considers flaws in his appearance, especially his make up wearing and short height, and when pushed on these things he views as flaws becomes increasingly angry. After the traumatic incident of his father murdering his first true friend Father Harold, Patrick has been prone to phases of intense depression and paranoia. In these semi-psychotic episodes, Patrick has on occasional times became increasingly delusional. With the risk of one such episode happening in the game, he has a chance of becoming an immobile wreck, or at very best (if you can call it that) losing his grip on the reality of events.
Edited by Le Quinne, Dec 13 2009, 12:46 PM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ifnotwinter
Member Avatar
half Iago, half Fu Manchu, all bastard
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Just a quick thing before you get a full review - could you take the underlining off the headings? It just makes it a lot easier for us when we go through to stick these into the wiki.

Cheers C:


marc st. yves
light it up or burn it down we'll all die in fire
{food for thought}


phineas rosario
fall down seven times stand up eight

sebastian conway
can't see the forest for the trees
{book of sparrows}


(so you've got to keep in mind, when you try to change the world for the better not everybody's gonna be on your side)
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Le Quinne
Member Avatar
Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
Easy as pie.
/done
Edited by Le Quinne, Nov 11 2009, 03:34 PM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
MurderWeasel
Member Avatar
You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Hi Le Quinne, and welcome to SOTF! Patrick's profile is a good start, but he is temporarily DENIED.

I've really just got a few issues with his profile as it currently is. To start with, the biggest problem is that Patrick's entire biography is built towards him being highly skilled in military and combat matters. This, combined with his newness to the area, means that he has few connections to other people, and all the skill he needs to dominate the game. I'd like to see both of these elements toned down a bit, the military one mores o. Right now, it doesn't make sense to me for him to be dumped into public school after years in a military academy and being home schooled, especially at an age where he should theoretically be done with school completely.

I'd also like to see his advantages and disadvantages balanced. Right now, he has huge combat advantages, and his only disadvantages are a lack of teamwork and a distaste for "needless killing", but not a total aversion to killing. The first doesn't really make sense to me (doesn't the military rely on teamwork and trust?) and the second doesn't really hinder him at all, if he considers self defense a good cause to fight for.

I'd also like to see a little more depth added to his character. Right now, I know his history with military matters, that his father died, and that he's into church (though I don't know why). It would be great if you could expand a bit on some of those things (I'd particularly like to know why he's so involved with religion and how his father's death has affected him). Adding a few other details to round out his personality wouldn't hurt either.

Also, a small note: the city is Saint Paul, not Bayview.

So, in summary: please tone down the advantages and military aspects some (it would be great if you dropped the military school bit), add a few more disadvantages, round him out a bit, and change the city name. Let me know when you've updated him, and I'll take another look.
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Le Quinne
Member Avatar
Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
I'll get on with that at the first opportunity.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
MurderWeasel
Member Avatar
You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Alright! Please don't post until you've made the changes. We like a mod to have the last post in each thread until it needs a new critique, as that helps us organize things.
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Le Quinne
Member Avatar
Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
Could this character please be moved to the abandoned section, I wish to start again with some of the concepts of Patrick I liked and put it into a new character.

Thanks for the feedback.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ifnotwinter
Member Avatar
half Iago, half Fu Manchu, all bastard
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
No problem.

This character has been abandoned by the handler.
Edited by ifnotwinter, Nov 20 2009, 01:20 PM.


marc st. yves
light it up or burn it down we'll all die in fire
{food for thought}


phineas rosario
fall down seven times stand up eight

sebastian conway
can't see the forest for the trees
{book of sparrows}


(so you've got to keep in mind, when you try to change the world for the better not everybody's gonna be on your side)
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Greg The Anti-Viking
Member Avatar
On the left is a mod, on the right is a pre-made psycho...get the picture?
[ *  *  *  * ]
Le Quinne has requested that this profile be sent back to the registration section

Please post when you have made the necessary changes Le Quinne and we will return to reviewing him!
v5 characters
B054:Oscar Trig-Smoker, Artist, Film Buff

Please, message me if you have ideas, I sure don't!

Fall down seven times...
Stand up eight...
Japanese Proverb
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Le Quinne
Member Avatar
Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
All done for now mate. Thanks for bumping him back up.
:)
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
MurderWeasel
Member Avatar
You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Hi again Quinne! Thanks for taking care of things for me. There are just a couple minor things I'd like to see clarified before I approve Patrick. First off, I'd like to know more about his interest in British military history and WWII sims in his bio, since they come up in his hobbies section.

Secondly, I'd like to know what Patrick usually wears.

Post here when you've taken care of those two things and I'll give Patrick another look. Thanks a ton!
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Le Quinne
Member Avatar
Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
Pretty simple things to throw in mate, not too hard to work in an actually.


Hope that's fine now.
Quinne.

x
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
MurderWeasel
Member Avatar
You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
There's just one last thing I'd like you to add to Patrick, which I forgot to mention last time: a weight. Get that in, post here, and I'll go ahead and approve him. Thanks!
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Le Quinne
Member Avatar
Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
Kinda took me a while to give that one an answer, hard to guestimate what a guy a few inches shorter than me, about my size of clothes but slightly more muscular than me would weigh.


But done.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
MurderWeasel
Member Avatar
You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Thanks! Patrick is APPROVED! Welcome to pregame!
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Create a free forum in seconds.
« Previous Topic · Approved Registrations · Next Topic »
Add Reply