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Michael Bucholtz
Topic Started: Nov 2 2009, 06:27 PM (756 Views)
VegetableRightsActivist
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Blast Hardcheese
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Name: Michael Bucholtz
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: Senior
School: Bayview Secondary School
Hobbies and Interests: Spelunking, Hunting, Skiing, Hiking, Golf.

Appearance: Michael stands at 6' 5" and weighs 217 lbs. He has short, brown wavy hair, and green eyes. His face is ovular in shape. He has small scars across face from years of hunting and other physical activities. he usually wears a ragged olive hunting jacket with black t-shirt under and matching pants, with worn brown work boots. He also has an olive complexion. Has a very short scruffy beard. His body type is a muscular build.

Biography:
Michael is an only child of a single father. That father, Lawrence Bucholtz, moved him and his son into a rural area of Maine after his wife died. Michael is very close to his dad, him being the only family he could really remember, his mom dying when he was two. His father taught him almost everything he knows now, with the exception of the school education. Growing up in a roughneck area of Maine, Michael moved to St. Paul, Minnesota with his father two years ago. In Maine, he was an avid outdoors man, taking after his old man. His father, an ex-Green Beret, taught him everything he knew about the outdoors. He also taught him to shoot a gun. A Winchester Model 70, to be precise.

Michael went on his first hunting trip when he was 12. Two years later, and he almost had his own trophy room. He continued to hunt in St. Paul, although it was difficult due to him living in the city. He also loved exploring caves, due to an abundance in his area. During the winter, one of Michael's favorite sports was skiing. He couldn't hunt, and the caves were almost inaccessible. Cross-country was his best, but downhill and trick skiing were favorites of his. He entered a competition three years ago, but didn't place in the top 3.

In his sophomore year at high school, he led the school rifle team to the State finals, only to lose in a shoot out. Not the most social kid in school, but had a sizable amount of friends, most likely due to his size. A lot of people were afraid of him, although those who got to know him knew he wouldn't harm another person. He was advised to do football his junior year, but found his calling playing golf, due to the lack of a rifle team. His shots weren't accurate, but he could really smack it on the drive. During one of the practices, he knocked the ball nearly 400 yards.

Michael planned to become a professional hunter, or even a competition shooter. Many people commented that he would make a good soldier. However, Michael doesn't think he has the guts to kill a human. While most of the times he hunted they used the body for food, the times that he hunted for sport made him feel uncomfortable. He does not like the prospect of killing someone or something without a reason. While most people rebut this by saying that he would be fighting for his country, or that it would be them vs. him, he still did not feel good about killing something with a conscious.

Advantages: His lifetime of hunting gave him an adept skill at shooting. He knows his way around forests, and has good survival instincts. He is very strong, and able to carry large amounts of equipment. People often come to him for protection.
Disadvantages: He is a large target for other shooters, and his large frame makes him unable to hide most of the time. He is not very good at forging friendships, so he may be on his own during the competition. He is unwilling to kill humans, although this situation may be an exception.
Edited by VegetableRightsActivist, Jan 16 2010, 02:17 AM.
My Characters in V4:
-Michael Bucholtz
-Sebastian Grant "S.G." Powell
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nope
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throw that pussy like i'm famous
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Please read the stickies & rules for character applications before submitting profiles in this forum. Incomplete profiles are not allowed in this forum, & should instead be saved to your own computer.
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VegetableRightsActivist
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Added more to his backstory. I hope he is realistic enough. I really hope he isn't overpowered.
My Characters in V4:
-Michael Bucholtz
-Sebastian Grant "S.G." Powell
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Namira
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Null sheen.
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Just a quick fix before you get a full critique. Can you please adjust the formatting of the profile so that it fits what's given in This topic? It's just the bolding of headings.

I know it seems a nitpick, but it really helps us later on when we're doing wiki work.
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SotF: Mini - SCdoes a-rolling! - PV3 Prologue ongoing!
Draw Thread! - Pathfinder! - Writing Thread!

Adequate summary of my personality
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VegetableRightsActivist
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Blast Hardcheese
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Done and done. No Problem.
My Characters in V4:
-Michael Bucholtz
-Sebastian Grant "S.G." Powell
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Crash
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Just get rid of the green colour in the titles and you'll be all set for a full review, Veggie.
v4 Characters:

G23: Claire Lambert: Property of the Fabulous Mr. Toben

v3 Characters:

B65: Dorian Ibanescu: Coastline

Deceased:

B57 - Jeff Marontate: Cleaved
B120: Jim Middleton: Pummeled
G61: Anna Grout: Submitted
G62: Andrea Vanlandingham: Martyred
G39 Alexis Machina: Crushed
G23: Trish McCarroll: Defeated


natlei was sleeping in her bed when someone came thru her window "get away rapist" she said still half asleep and hit one of them in the head with her liucky frying pan then went back tyo bed them men the injected her with a sedative and carried her off
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VegetableRightsActivist
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Color removed. Also, I changed his height and weight, to make the size comments more appropriate.
Edited by VegetableRightsActivist, Nov 6 2009, 01:36 AM.
My Characters in V4:
-Michael Bucholtz
-Sebastian Grant "S.G." Powell
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VegetableRightsActivist
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Added a new advantage, due to it being in the bio, but not listed.

Uhhh, hello? Can I get a review?
My Characters in V4:
-Michael Bucholtz
-Sebastian Grant "S.G." Powell
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MK Kilmarnock
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Hate, hate, HATE!!!
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Hello, and welcome to Surivival of the Fittest, VRA! It looks like we've had some trouble moreso than usual with getting Michael a full review, but now that you have the knowledge and experience, you know which pitfills to avoid now. Minus one, which I'll go over right about... now.

The administrators and moderators here at SoTF work hard to make sure the game keeps going, and try as we might, sometimes things get put aside so we can handle our lives and work or school. As such, sometimes it takes a little while for one of us to be able to reach you. Never, under any circumstances, should you ever bump a thread on the registration board, or you end up being moved to the last of the line for any submissions. Now that we have this settled...

I'm MK Kilmarnock, one of the mods on this website, and let's see how we can get Michael accepted today! Currently, Michael is DENIED, but it's nothing we can't just fix.

First up, his appearance. I can get into the apperance and have something of a picture of how Michael looks, and that much is good. However, even the apperance needs to be in complete sentences. For instance, "Michael stands at 6'5" and weighs 217 pounds".

The biography is also fairly solid (besides the fact that there should be a paragraph break between it and the apperance section). Michael being from New England is something of a big plus with me, it's nice to see a character that hails from Maine. It doesn't take long for some tense issues to raise their ugly heads, though, so here's a tip: keep everything in the past tense. There are some rare times when a bit of present tense isn't too bad, but keeping everything in the past tense is a good way to go.

This next bit is both a compliment and pointing out a critical error: I love that Michael is an outdoorsman. There aren't too many kids in Bayview that could be pegged as an outdoors type person to the extent that Michael is, and that sets him apart. Unfortunately, there is a critical error here, and I'm not liking it. It's stated that those who got to know Michael knew he 'wouldn't harm a fly, let alone another person'. First of all, how does somebody who wouldn't harm a fly hunt and kill things? This leads us to the disadvantages section, where this weakness of his was noted... yet, thanks to the above inconsistency, it just makes it seem like a filler weakness to make him appear more balanced.

Basically, the jist of what I'm trying to say is that while the offset of 'great power yet unwilling to hurt anything' is original and sweet, and his hunting could be seen as killing for food and only for food (whereas sport made him uncomfortable), he seems built to play the game. My only suggestion to you for this problem is to play Michael carefully. Always consider his hesitation to harm anybody with every action you make with him.

As a final note on the biography, that bit about Michael being the only child of a single father? Insert that closer to the beginning of the bio.

Advantages and Disadvantes need full sentences as well. Everything else is fine.



SUMMARY:

Full sentences in appearance.

Paragraph break between appearance and bio.

Tense issues

Move the bit about his single parent upwards.

Fix that contradictory 'will not harm/kills' thing.

Consider how to play Michael carefully.

Full sentences in advantages and disadvantages.

Once you fix these, you should be ready for another go, and probably an acceptance.
Edited by MK Kilmarnock, Nov 8 2009, 11:11 PM.
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VegetableRightsActivist
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Blast Hardcheese
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I think I've fixed most of the things that you pointed out. I'm sorry for getting impatient, but I've been anticipating taking part in SotF since I first read about it. I clarified that he wouldn't hurt a person, and in the text it said that hunting for sport made him uncomfortable.
My Characters in V4:
-Michael Bucholtz
-Sebastian Grant "S.G." Powell
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MK Kilmarnock
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You didn't fix the tense issues like I asked, but for the time being, I'd like to see Michael in pre-game and I'm sure you would like to as well. He's APPROVED for the time being...


BUT.

As pregame draws to a close and the actual game starts taking resubmissions of characters, run Michael's profile through spellcheck to iron out those bothersome errors. And with that anecdote about the bear and the cave, fix. The. Tense. Issues.

That is all.
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Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5

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