| Welcome to Survival of the Fittest, a RPing board loosely based off of Koshun Takami's Battle Royale, with its own unique plot and spin on the 'deadly game'. We've been around quite a while, and are now in our thirteenth year, so don't worry about us going anywhere any time soon! If you're a newcomer and interested in joining, then please make sure you check out the rules. You may also want to read the FAQ, introduce yourself and stop by the chat to meet some of our members. If you're still not quite sure where to start, then we have a great New Member's Guide with a lot of useful information about getting going. Don't hesitate to PM a member of staff (they have purple usernames) if you have any questions about SOTF and how to get started! Let the games begin! |
| Eloise Heaton; Online gamer and devoted sister | |
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| Topic Started: Oct 28 2009, 02:20 AM (629 Views) | |
| Deleted User | Oct 28 2009, 02:20 AM Post #1 |
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Name: Eloise Heaton Gender: Female Age: 18 Grade: 12th Grade School: Bayview Secondary School Hobbies and Interests: Online Gaming, Strategy Games, Music, World History, Military Strategy Appearance: Most people comment that Eloise looks a lot like her twin brother Elliot and she does. She has long honey colored hair that goes down past her shoulders, and shining butterscotch eyes that are rather uncomfortable to stare into. The reason is that due to her lack of focus and interest, she seems to stare right past other people. The resemblance is so uncanny that gender differances aside, they could almost be identical. Her height is 5'3" and at 122 pounds, she has a rather lithe figure. which she prefers not to show off. The primary reason for that is that she's rather shy about her breast size, or rather lack thereof. When it comes to clothing, Eloise prefers long sleeve shirts with pink and black horizontal stripes and blue jeans. Always clipped to the jeans are a set of keys with keychains of Rika Furude and Rena Ryugu attached. She keeps multiple copies of her outfit so she never has to switch clothing choice and tends to keep a greyish flannel shirt lying around. Usually for the purposes of tying it around her waist, but she rarely does that in public. She rarely wears it around other people, instead preferring to carry it around. She owns a brown backpack, and seems to have trouble carrying it around due to its weight, but pretends she doesn't. She always keeps a photo in the back pocket of her jeans. Biography: Eloise grew up with her fraternal twin brother Elliot in a suburb of St. Paul. During her childhoood, she led a rather bland and ordinary home life in which her parents were happily married, although her brother had trouble keeping up with her active and energetic behavior. In elementary school, she had some friends, and managed to keep an A average. However, she always seemed to stare off into the distance, almost as if classwork was boring to her. On her spare time she would sit around playing games like Stratego, Risk, or Chess. After it was discovered how good she was at strategy games, people stopped wanting to play with her because she always won and never let anyone else have a turn to win. When others did win, she would throw a massive fit. Needless to say, she hates to lose. Eventually, during the first year of middle school it was discovered that the reason her brother had trouble keeping up with her was because he had asthma. It was around then that Eloise became more protective of her twin and spent more time at home to watch him more carefully. As a result, her grades began to decline as she became more and more facinated with a wonderful facet of society called the internet. Midway through the last year of middle school she stumbled upon a real-time military combat strategy game on the internet called Red Storm Rising, where she became known as LilacRose42. During freshman year of high school, someone started a rumor that she was sleeping with her brother. While it wasn't true, and she constantly denied it, it has more or less followed her ever since, although not as many people bring it up anymore. Becaue of that, unlike middle school, where she tried to maintain friendships with some people, she tended to avoid people in high school out of shame in favor of her online comrades in Red Storm Rising. Although, she's not shy about talking to any fellow players she meets offline. Since she really doesn't care about her grades, she usually keeps them at a C average just so she won't fail and have to repeat a year of high school. The only classes she gets decent grades in are ones that involve world history. In the last year, however, she's started to become more active again. Due to her slightly reclusive internet-going sense of self, she's a bit shy and is more or less simply thought of by people who don't know or remember the rumor as that girl who sits over there. Since fewer people remember the rumor these days, she's trying to become more popular since she wants to have a few pleasant memories of high school before graduating. However, the fact that she has problems associating with people in person, and that she's a little overprotective of her brother doesn't help her case. At home, she drops her loner facade in favor of a calmer, more laid back apperance. She gets along reasonably well with her parents, but the way she sometimes changes her mood on a whim worries them. It always makes her uncomfortable when they ask her if she's depressed. It does seem like its true given the fact that she's not too social at home either. After all, all she really does is either sit on the internet playing Red Storm Rising or hang out with Elliot. He's currently away for a six week drawing course, which is a constant source of worry for Eloise because of his asthma. Usually when she's in her room, she turns on various songs she likes and sings them to herself not caring if she bothers anyone. She prefers songs from anime and video games. These songs are always kept on CDs so she can listen to them in public on her discman. Naturally, she's not actually allowed to listen to her discman whenever she wants. Because of that, she's taught herself to overlay any song of her choice over reality in her mind and hear it as if it were actually playing. Doing so helps her with her focus. However, her loner nature is more deceptive than readily apparent, even to those who figure out it's an act. Behind that thick shell she builds around herself is a charismatic leader waiting for a chance to shine. It's rather evident from the fact that when she becomes LilacRose42 on the internet, she goes from reclusive loner to gifted commander all in the span of minutes. In most matches she plays in Red Storm Rising, she tends to take a less active role, preferring to command her allies instead. Although when she actually decides to play rather than issuing orders, her lack of skill becomes more apparent. She has a weakness when it comes to PvP matches that keeps her from ever achieving her full potential. Due to her arrogance, or rather childish iresponsibility, she tries to convince herself and those around her that the problems don't even exist. She usually blatantly states that things are not her fault. Despite her lack of ability, her dream is to be in the top ten. When she's not playing, she tends to hang out in a chat room on one of the Red Storm Rising servers called RSR T10PC. It's a chat where some of the players occasionally congregate to talk about the SOTF. Essentially it's a chat place for Red Storm Rising players who are fans or critics. She seems interested in all the topics that come up, but most people think she's faking it because Syera White Arcana is also interested and it's known that she tends to make opinions based on those Arcana has. In reality she is unopinionated, but looking for a reason to make a formal opinion. Ever since the chat admin, RubyCubi, vanished, Eloise has been inching further and further away from her neutral stance on the chat discussion. She lost interest and stopped visiting the chat after another player took up the admin role in Ruby's absence. Eloise has some interest in military strategy and idolizes great conquerers, commanders, and strategists such as T.E. Lawrence, Che Guevara, Stonewall Jackson, George S. Patton, Ho Chi Mihn, Erwin Rommel, and Oda Nobunaga. She has a desire to be great like they were and wants to enlist in the army after college. However, due to her focus issues, it is unlikely she could ever get in. She has this personal belief that she is destined to be greater than all of them, though she would prefer not to mention to anyone that she's not really cut out for actual combat and would prefer to just be the person giving orders. Advantages: Eloise may not seem it, but she could almost be considered a master of strategy due to her skill with strategy games. It should be noted that her hidden charisma could very well save her from her own arrogance. She has an rather psuedophotographic memory, mostly of what she learns online, but it can also apply to things she learns offline too. She's capable of carrying slightly heavy things for a short period of time around due to her experience carrying around her backpack. Despite her lack of activity in life, Eloise is actually quite energetic. Disadvantages: Most people think she's arrogant to a fault, but it's more childish irresponsibility. She thinks that just because she's one of the 25 best Red Storm Rising players in the Upper Midwest region, that her strategies can apply to anything. Obviously that is not true. She really doesn't like to admit fault if she does something wrong, usually denying any involvement or wrongdoing in such situations. If you've seen her play a game of any sort, then it's quite apparent that she absolutely hates losing, which can affect her judgement at times. She seems to have a little bit of a hard time associating with people in person and finds it easier to associate with people whom she can't see, hence her internet addiction. In addition, because of her brother's condition, she tends to get nervous when away from him for too long. Her online one-on-one combat weakness in Red Storm Rising could translate to a very real weakness in the SOTF as it could very possibly cause her to avoid others depending on her confidence unless she has a companion. Also, unless she's really focused on something, she has a tendency to lose interest in things really quickly. In addition, at 122 pounds, her small figure makes direct confrontations with others harder. |
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| MurderWeasel | Oct 28 2009, 03:24 PM Post #2 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Welcome to SOTF, Echo Hawk! Unfortunately, Eloise is temporarily DENIED, and she's going to require some pretty major revisions. The basic problems I have with Eloise all stem from one concept: realism. SOTF is about throwing realistic characters into situations they are entirely unprepared for and seeing how they react. All characters in SOTF should be characters who would be appropriate for a realistic high school RP. Eloise is not. There are some elements I would like to see removed or excised because of this. To start with, I'm really skeptical about the incestuous implications. I strongly doubt that, assuming incest is what's going on, no one would have noticed or caught it. It also seems pretty unlikely. If you want to keep this aspect of her character, you're going to have to do an incredible job justifying it, and quite frankly, I'd rather see it go. I'm also having issues with Eloise's online gaming. It is, quite simply, way too big of a thing. Half or her biography is devoted to it, and you go into far more detail than we need. Her accomplishments are over the top (I'm looking at the part where she's the second best player in the world, the part where she's world famous, and the part where she's part of the longest game ever running here). I'd like this all toned way down. The biggest issue I have with Eloise, though, is that she is obviously set up to be a player (someone who actively participates in SOTF, willing killing other students). There are tons of things screaming this to me: her eyes shining with "immense creepiness", her interest in SOTF, her interest in military history, her arrogance. I know exactly how she's going to act in the game, and that's a bad thing. I need all of this dialed way back or removed, particularly the interest in military matters and strategy. I'd also like two more things removed: The bit about rolling dice doesn't work. It feels too much like a slightly changed Two-Face shtick. The other thing I want removed is the TVtropes references. A lot of people on here like TVtropes, and a good number of us (myself included) found our way here through the site, but constant references to it get really old really quickly, and drag the mood of the RP down. For some good examples of realistic characters, I recommend you check out MK Kilmarnock's Liam Brooks and Solomir's Peter Siu. This helpful character creation guide is also a good thing to look over. Post here when you've got Eloise fixed up, and I'll check her out again. Again, welcome to SOTF, and don't worry about not being accepted on the first shot; most character profiles require at least one round of revision. |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
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| Deleted User | Nov 9 2009, 01:32 AM Post #3 |
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Okay, sorry it took so long, my laptop kinda died on me while I was working and it took me a week to get a copy of my profile revision. Annnnyway, I improved it, toned things down (I think) by making her a bit more childish and giving her issues with focus. And... I somehow made her even more like me, damnit. How do I keep doing that? |
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| MurderWeasel | Nov 10 2009, 08:04 PM Post #4 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Hey Echo! I'm sorry to hear about your computer. Thanks for fixing Eloise up. She's much better now. There are still a few things I'd like you to take care of for me, though. The first is issues of formality. All the profiles should read as if they were written by an impartial observer, so phrases like "you'll notice something that's interesting" and "of the players of Red Storm Rising would tell you the same thing. (although they will usually add an astrisk accompanied by the phrase "sucks ass at PvP matches")" should be rephrased (also, the profanity should be removed from the profile. It's fine in-game, but makes profiles sound informal). Similarly, all the bits you put in quotation marks should be reconfigured to stand without them, and sound more formal. You also include a lot of unnecessary detail. You don't need to change it for pregame, but for reference, in future profiles you don't need to bother with information such as: character's underwear choices, cell phone models, playlists, and exact reading lists, unless the information is very important to getting a good understanding of the character. A simple summary, like "Eloise likes music from anime" will suffice. As I said, don't bother changing it now (unless you really want to), just keep it in mind. Eloise's profile also has a few grammatical errors left in it, as well as run-on sentences. Just give it another read through and break up any really long, multiple clause sentences and you should be fine. Finally, there are a couple things I'd like to see clarified. You state in Eloise's advantages that she is aware of her weaknesses, but chooses to ignore them, but I don't see this awareness evidenced anywhere else in her profile. If you either add a bit about it, or remove it (or point it out, if I'm just missing it) that would be great. I'd also like to know a bit more about why Eloise acts how she does. Why is she trying to become more popular? Why does she still keep up the loner facade? You've got a good start with her negative memories of being teased; I'd just like to see a bit more. Let me know when you've got her fixed up, and I'll take another look at her. Thanks! |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
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| Deleted User | Nov 12 2009, 08:39 AM Post #5 |
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Okay, I did another revision. My comment is actually longer, but I PMed the rest to you because I'd rather my random scattered thoughts not be available for everyone view. |
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| MurderWeasel | Nov 13 2009, 07:23 PM Post #6 |
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You've been counting stars, now you're counting on me
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Alright. It looks like you've got everything I asked for taken care of, so Eloise is APPROVED for pregame. There is one little thing that I'd like you to change before V4 proper that I forgot to mention before, though. The term "Heel-face turn" should be replaced with a non-trope synonym. Thanks a ton! Welcome to pregame. |
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V7: Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki Library Vee Misty Browder drawn by Ryuki | |
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