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Abrielle Lisle; -total newbie- ;A ;
Topic Started: Aug 26 2009, 06:48 PM (436 Views)
cheeruru
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Cannon Fodder
[ * ]
Name - Abrielle Janae Lisle
Age - 17
School - Bayview Secondary School
Grade - 12th

Hobbies and Interests -

More than anything, Abrielle loves reading, especially clsasics such as the Scarlet Letter, Animal Farm, and her favorite Lord of the Flies. She also enjoys sewing (which she's not very good at, but she enjoys it anyways) and researching things that intrigue her.


Appearance -

Abrielle Janae Lisle is a very short, very thin girl who looks nothing her age. She stands at only 5'0" and weighs as little as 105 lbs. In accordance with her small complexion, she gets sick very easily; she's sick so often that she's been threatened to stay back grades several times.

Her only curves, though very slight lies in her hips. As a matter of fact, if it wasn't for her blonde hair and her hips she could easily be mistaken for a younger boy, maybe a junior high student.

She dresses very plainly, mainly neutral colors such as grays, creams, blacks, and whites, as not to bring much attention to herself. She is usually seen wearing some sort of skirt or capris and t-shirts; a very comfortable attire for her. She also enjoys wearing over sized flip-flops (she's a size 5 and she wears size 7 shoes) and, on occasion, her purple Converse. She keeps her light blonde hair in two pigtails, and only takes them out to wash her hair and sleep.


Biography -

Abrielle was born October 5th, 1992 in Seattle, Washington to mother Sarah McCormick and her father Peter Lisle. However, she only lived in Seattle for the first two years of her life when she got extremely sick. Her and her parents, her mom which was then unemployed, were forced to move to Albany, New York near her grandparents due to financial issues.

Her family remained there for nine years, until Abrielle was eleven, when they moved to Augusta, Maine. There, they lived a very steady life. Her dad had gotten a job as a history teacher for juniors and her mom had gotten a job as a nurse at a local hospital.

However, a week before Abrielle's 15th birthday, her father was in a fatal car accident, dying on impact.

Abrielle and her mother were absolutely shocked; they had finally been leading a decent life only being forced to move again, this time a few states south. She, though very reluctant about doing so, had to make new friends, in which she failed at doing; she didn't want new friends, she wanted her old ones back in Maine. So she became the quiet girl she is now; always reading and studying at her bustling school;

Bayview Secondary School.


Advantages -

Though she doesn't seem to have many advantages being the way she is, she has a few (maybe not as important or as advantageous as others...if that makes sense). For example, she's very light and is a very fast runner. Not only that, but she can run without making very much noise. Another advantage she has is that she blends very easily into the background as she's very used to doing. She doesn't consider many of her classmates friends, so there is no one she completely trusts.


Disadvantages -

Again, she's very small and, as before mentioned, gets sick very easily. Being outside for so long in such conditions is bound to make her sick, being a great disadvantage to her and a great advantage to others. She also is wary of weapons and gets extremely sickened at the sight of blood.



((Goodness, I hope this is an okay application! If you have any suggestions, I'm opened for any. Thank you SOOO much for reading and I hope you enjoyed my app!))
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DetectiveArcher
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Lieutenant Obvious
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First of all, on behalf of the rest of the staff, let me welcome you to the board. Second of all, I have to inform you that this profile is DENIED. But, that doesn't mean you've lost your shot at getting Abrielle into V4. It simply means there are some things that need to be addressed.

First and foremost, there is the matter of the formatting. We're rather strict as to the layout of character profiles, so please model your profile after this template.

Moving on to the content of the profile, I have to say that the appearance section is rather sparse with details. You do a good job describing her size and figure, but give no facial features. Remember to include eye color and shape, cheeks, lips, and nose, as a general rule.

The biography is also lacking in details. It is done in such broad strokes that the reader can't get an idea about what Abrielle is like. There's no details as to what she does, or how she interacts with anyone. There's nothing on her hobbies and interests or really anything that says anything about her.

There's also the issue of her move to St. Paul and attending Bayview. Moving at the age of 15, but being 17 by the time of V4, I find it hard to believe that she doesn't talk to or interact with anyone, which seems to be the case. Being a solo case for two years is a hard thing to accomplish, without forming some kind of connection with at least one person.

Her advantages are also not mentioned in her biography and seem to come out of nowhere. From her description as sickly, I hadn't imagined Abrielle as a runner at all. Remember to add these, as well as her hobbies and interests in her biography.

Finally, there are some grammar and tone issues that need to be taken care of as well. As a general rule, don't use parentheses to add unnecessary information. Remember these profiles are done by professional people. They only want the facts and that is what should be included.

Now, don't be discouraged. Not everyone makes it in their first attempt and there's no reason as to why Abrielle can't be in v4. Just go back and address what I've brought up and resubmit her.
Maybe the night seems so dark because the day is much too bright.

v3 Characters-
Petra Elizabeth Andrews, Morgan Green, Edward Sullivan

v4 Characters-
Ilario Fiametta III, Roy Archer, Riley Flynn, Olexia Kovacs
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cheeruru
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Cannon Fodder
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Alright! I totally understand. I apologize for the vague biography, I'm honestly not used to writing detailed bios. However, I will change this up and resubmit it when I'm ready.

Thank you!
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Namira
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Null sheen.
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Please don't post until you've made the actual changes. This might seem a little odd, but it can be confusing to the staff. Often, we just check who posted last, and if that person is the creator of the profile, it's assumed the changes have been made.

Anyway, don't think I'm biting your head off. It's really just to ease things along.
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Namira
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Null sheen.
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This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested from the staff.
Posted Image
SotF: Mini - SCdoes a-rolling! - PV3 Prologue ongoing!
Draw Thread! - Pathfinder! - Writing Thread!

Adequate summary of my personality
V6 Corner
V5 Kiddies
V4
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