| Welcome to Survival of the Fittest, a RPing board loosely based off of Koshun Takami's Battle Royale, with its own unique plot and spin on the 'deadly game'. We've been around quite a while, and are now in our thirteenth year, so don't worry about us going anywhere any time soon! If you're a newcomer and interested in joining, then please make sure you check out the rules. You may also want to read the FAQ, introduce yourself and stop by the chat to meet some of our members. If you're still not quite sure where to start, then we have a great New Member's Guide with a lot of useful information about getting going. Don't hesitate to PM a member of staff (they have purple usernames) if you have any questions about SOTF and how to get started! Let the games begin! |
| Dominic Hoffman | |
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| Topic Started: Mar 8 2009, 01:36 PM (573 Views) | |
| Badb | Mar 8 2009, 01:36 PM Post #1 |
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Trained for combat by a cabal of hacktivists.
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Name: Dominic Hoffman Gender: Male Age: 18 Grade: Senior School: Bayview Secondary School Hobbies and Interests: Motorbikes, Firearms, Old Western Movies, Video Games, Dodgeball, Watches SotF Regularly Appearance: Dominic's the type of guy that can blend into the background, he's of fairly tall, somewhat muscular build from his his years of fixing motorbikes, and sports Short, dark brown hair, and a thin, stubble-like beard. His face is circular, with deep blue eyes and a small nose, defined jaw and large ears. He has naturally long eyelashes, which combined with his long hair when he was younger made him look somewhat effeminate, which was the sole reason he grew a beard and shaved his hair. He has several scars from various accidents and an operation when he was a baby. Dominic usually wears a navy blue jacket and faded jeans, and occasionally covers his short hair with a bandanna in cold weather. Biography: Dominic's earliest memory is waking up halfway through an operation for a hernia, which he later heard was called "anaesthesia awareness". When he was two, his parents left him at the home of his Grandparents and left his life for good. From then on Dominic grew up with his Grandparents in California, And lived there happily. His Grandfather used to be a biker, and quickly taught the young Dominic to learn how to ride a Bike at the age of 8, and teaching him how to maintain them by the time he was 12, as a result of this, He grew quite close to his grandfather. At this point, Dominic was a regular child, being described as the "class clown" at times, always cracking jokes, but otherwise a fairly good pupil. But In his early teenage years, Dominic changed dramatically, with declining grades, and a complete change in his personality, becoming cynical and antisocial. His Grandparents chalked it down to teenage angst, but Dominic himself wasn't sure. It was around this time he spent most of his time watching movies alone or turning his repairing talents to airsoft or BB guns, and firing them in his back garden. This lasted until he was 16, when he was given an ultimatum by his grandparents: change his attitude and get his grades up, or be kicked out. He chose the second option, and now lives with his aunt and cousin in St. Paul, Minnesota. However, since his move he's returned to his hobby of fixing motorcycles, and attempted to adopt a less antisocial approach to school, but isn't well known outside of the people he sometimes plays Dodgeball with (He claims the only sport he's good at). In the two years since he's Moved up to Minnesota, he's started watching Survival of the Fittest on TV, but is sceptical about the whole thing, believing it to be a fixed, and likening it to professional wrestling, while sometimes wondering what it would be like to enter the game himself. Advantages: He's got fairly good reflexes from playing Dodgeball a lot, and he's good shot with a Rifle or Handgun. Also, he's seen the previous two SotF's, so he's pretty desensitised to violence. Disadvantages: He has a tendency to crack jokes at bad times, and has little to no hand to hand fighting skills. |
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V5: B035 - Ray Gilbert - DECEASED - Guy Fawkes Mask - Too Far Gone G029 - Zoe Leverett - DECEASED - Machete - To Really Be Alone, To Pick At All the Bones [/spoiler]
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| Megami | Mar 8 2009, 04:01 PM Post #2 |
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Squishy
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Not a bad start at all! That said, I'd like you to elaborate on just a few things for me, and you'll be on your way to getting approved for pre-game! --- Name: Dominic Hoffman Gender: Male Age: 18 Grade: Senior School: Bayview Secondary School Hobbies and Interests: Motorbikes, Firearms, Old Western Movies, Video Games, Dodgeball, Watches SotF Regularly ((So, everything in this section looks good. In fact, it's nice to see that Dominic has more than one or two interests. Definitely makes him feel more realistic, so, good job there!)) Appearance: Dominic's the type of guy that can blend into the background, He's of average height and weight. Short, dark brown hair, and a thin, stubble-like beard. ((This sentence here is a fragment and needs to be completed.)) His face is circular, with deep blue eyes and a small nose, defined jaw and large ears. He has naturally long eyelashes, which combined with his long hair when he was younger made him look somewhat effeminate, which was the sole reason he grew a beard and shaved his hair. ((I like this touch.)) Dominic usually wears a navy blue jacket and faded jeans, and occasionally covers his short hair with a bandanna in cold weather. ((Alrighty, this isn't a bad character description by any means. However, there's a bit that could stand to be added to it. What color is Dominic's skin? Black? Tan? Ghostly white? Also, while I don't have a difficult time picturing his face, his body leaves a bit to be desired. "Average" could mean something different to a number of people. Does he have anything that defines him? Maybe muscled arms from working on motorcycles, or an old scar from an accident? Anything at all? Traits like that would make Dominic stand out more as a person.)) Biography: Dominic grew up with his Grandparents in California. His Grandfather used to be a biker, and quickly taught the young Dominic to learn how to ride a Bike, and maintain them. ((So, I like this. Unfortunately, it lacks a lot of detail. My first thought is, what happened to his mother and father? Does he live with his grandparents out of preference or because he has to? How was his relationship with his grandparents from a young age? The fact that he and his grandfather spent time together makes me think they might have been close. How old was he when he took up an interest in motorcycles? When did he ride his first one? This is a cool hobby, it's definitely worth delving further into.)) At this point, Dominic was a regular child, even if he was the "class clown" at times. ((Here's another area that you can flesh out to make Dominic feel more real. What kind of things did he do to be considered the class clown? Was he a good student despite being a goofball?)) But In his early teenage years, Dominic changed dramatically, with declining grades, and a complete change in his personality, becoming cynical and antisocial. It was around this time he spent most of his time watching movies alone or out shooting at a range. This lasted until he was 16, when he was given an ultimatum by his grandparents: Change his attitude and Get his grades up, or be kicked out. ((Mmkay, this part could use a little bit of work. I know a lot of people like to flesh stuff like this out in-game, but we have to know enough about it to make him pass the approval, alrighty? What happened to Dominic that made him change so drastically? Typical teenage angst, or something else? Also, California law states that any person under the age of 16 years old may not possess a handgun unless accompanied by a parent or guardian while participating in legal recreation activity involving firearms, or must have written permission from their parent or guardian to do so. So, his grandparents approved of him going off to the shooting range by himself for hours despite his delinquent behavior?)) He chose the second option, and now lives with his Aunt and cousin in St. Paul, Minnesota. However, since his move he's adopted a less antisocial approach to school, but isn't well known outside of the few activities he signs up for. ((So, it seems like Dominic leaves a lot of his angst behind when he moves to Minnesota. What happens when he gets here that makes him more social toward people? What kind of activities does Dominic sign up for and get involved in? This is the prime opportunity for you to go into that. Does he still like motorcycles? Now's the time to elaborate on all those interests you described above to make Dominic feel more real!)) In the two years since he's moved up to Minnesota, he's started watching Survival of the Fittest on TV, but is skeptical about the whole thing, believing it to be fixed, and likening it to professional wrestling, while sometimes wondering what it would be like to enter the game himself. ((This is a nice touch, as it covers one of the interests you listed above.)) Advantages: He's got fairly good reflexes from dodgeball, And he's good shot with a Rifle or Handgun. ((So, when did he play dodgeball? Be sure to include that somewhere in your profile, cause it's listed in his interests, but if he's good enough to have gained advantageous traits from it, it's worth covering in the bio.)) Disadvantages: He has a tendency to stress under the tiniest bit of criticism, and has little to no hand to hand fighting skills. ((Once again, this is something that should be included in the bio. He doesn't take criticism well. What caused it? Lots of room for elaboration there. Overall, the profile's a nice start, but there are lots of little things that could be fleshed out to make Dominic stand out from the crowd. So, work on that for me, post here and let me know when you're finished, and myself or another staffer will be happy to re-review your profile when it's ready!)) |
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Misa Achtland Ayako Okogamine Kevin De la Torre Melissa Angelicchio | |
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| Badb | Mar 8 2009, 04:32 PM Post #3 |
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Trained for combat by a cabal of hacktivists.
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Fixed it up a bit. EDIT: And a bit more |
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V5: B035 - Ray Gilbert - DECEASED - Guy Fawkes Mask - Too Far Gone G029 - Zoe Leverett - DECEASED - Machete - To Really Be Alone, To Pick At All the Bones [/spoiler]
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| Megami | Mar 9 2009, 02:13 PM Post #4 |
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Squishy
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Thank ya. Approved!. Happy pre-gaming!
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Misa Achtland Ayako Okogamine Kevin De la Torre Melissa Angelicchio | |
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