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Yossarian's Wacky RPG!; WARNING: Not for normal people!
Topic Started: Jan 11 2009, 05:22 AM (1,165 Views)
Yossarian
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evolved into EPIC Yossarian
[ *  *  * ]
Hello folks!

Welcome to the forum incarnation of my old Wacky RPG Session, made with friends long time ago (it was on a school trip, and we ended with official warning from principal for 'Uncontrollable laughter during the Lights Out' ;])

Here's the deal: This RPG will not have any amount of sense. Don't even think about it. It's gonna be crazy as hell. You'll make totally stupid characters, who will do stupid things, and I, as your GM, will provide for you even more idiotic events to further escalate this nonsense thing.

What's the purpose? To Laugh. If you have normal sense of humor - stop reading this and go away, because you'll only shake your head with disbelief of human stupidity, if you'll take it serious. If your ideas sometimes makes people around you, to call for psychiatrist - Welcome aboard. This is something created for people like you!

How this is gonna work:

After you'll create your characters, I'll place you in the world of game, with few descriptions of world around. Then, you'll write below your actions, and after all the players will post me their actions, I'll write another descriptions etc. it will look like this:

My future posts
 


Place for some events that will affect whole the world

Player one: You see blablablablablablablablablabla

Player two: After you blablablablablablablablablabla

Player three: Your plan to blablablablablablablablablabla

Player four: Some more bullshit.

Player five and six (at the beginning of the game you don't know about other players, unless you  will specify, that two players started the game as a friends. On the other hand, nothing forbids you to make contacts with yourselves, when the game will star): Even more bullshit


And the process is repeated to the time, when

1) You'll be bored
2) I'll be bored
3) V4 starts

Then I'll think of some really stupid ending.

THE WORLD: Crossing of Terminator and Fallout. Machines actually turned against humans and nuked all the world... Now Their main base is located on the North of America (whole north... from the West to the East Coast). Reorganized humans made new army to hold the perimeter. So far so good. On the South on the other hand, there is something called Neo-Jungle. Neo-Jungle is a jungle filled will all kinds of mutated plants, mutated animals and mutated (no longer) human beings. The mutants can be seen in whole America, but they are constantly hunted by Mutant Hunters (duh...). Center of America is a Typical Fallout world.

Yeah, I know, that the world seems normal, but don't worry, that's mine and your work to change it ;]

CHARACTERS: Everything. Yes. Everything, as long as it's stupid. If you'll create a normal character - be sure, that all the nastiest things will happen to him. The more Wacky idea, the better.

EXAMPLE 1: God, who returned from his vacation only to see, that the world is now totally fucked up. He decided to go there, and change everything. Unfortunately, polluted Earth atmosphere changed him into nerd-looking guy, who can speak only in three tailed beavers language. However, he can regain his God Powers for 5 minutes if he'll drink POWERTHIRST (which is extreme rarity of course).

EXAMPLE 2: Human who thinks, that he's a Killing Machine. Since he had no metal to build his upgrades, he have scanning eye, weapon, body implants etc. from... Cardboard... His ultimate goal is, of course, to destroy all humankind, and he drinks oil.

There. I created them in like 2 minutes. No reason to drill it more, I think you have the big picture already.

PLOT: I have absolutely no fucking idea. Post your characters, and I'll think of something stupid.

Number of players: Max - 6. Min - 2.

So if you're waiting for V4, and can't stand the fact that your Samuel 'Badassmotherfucker' Guts 'Idontremember' Wraith character is not suitable for SotF, then join us today!
Posted ImagePosted Image

V4 Alive:
B019 - Maxwell Crowe (In Transit) - Weapon: Auto Mag 180 (.44)
B068 - Michał 'Mike' Maszer (The Key) - Weapon: Cyanide Pill
B075 - Robert 'Rob' Jenkins (In Transit) - Weapon: Kevlar Bulletproof Vest, M15 General Officers (.45 ACP)
B078 - Gareth 'Gary Griffith (The Warehouse) - Weapon: Nightstick


V4 Dead: None (Yay!)

V5 (Hopefully): No ideas yet ;]

This is not a song, IT'S A SANDWICH!!!

Mah achievements:
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Darkling Perhaps
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[ *  * ]
I love it! My friends and I did a superhero game with extremely similar intentions. My power was to make my eyeballs stretch. Anyway I'm so in. I'll post my character when I have more time.
Hungry?
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I brought leftovers...


Mark Tavarian - A rotting corpse at the Sea Cliffs
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Super Llama
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STILL THE BEST 1973
[ *  *  *  * ]
Alright, you've caught my interest.

Name: &^!!*(
Short Bio: A living agent of destruction who has been sent to Earth to establish communications between humans and the beings of the Higher Plane. Unfortunately, being a physical manifestation of destruction, he can only communicate through blowing shit up. Enjoys fingerpainting and classical jazz.
Posted Image
Enough expository banter! Now we fight like men! And ladies! And ladies who dress like men! For Gilgamesh...it is MORPHIN' TIME!

V5 hopefuls:
Hiro Fukuyama: "N-n-no, I-I'm not scared."
Lucy Rosenberg: "If you're looking for friends, I don't think I can help you with that."
Angus McDonald: "To hell with you! If anyone here deserves to live, it's me!"


The Dead


banthesun
 
She wanted those horrible metal balls to stop banging against her legs

ZombiexCreame
 
But would Celeste even want help from a guy that whips out his pistol without a second thought?
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Yossarian
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evolved into EPIC Yossarian
[ *  *  * ]
Perfect... that's exactly what I was expecting... Come on guys! there are still up to 4 free places! ;)
Posted ImagePosted Image

V4 Alive:
B019 - Maxwell Crowe (In Transit) - Weapon: Auto Mag 180 (.44)
B068 - Michał 'Mike' Maszer (The Key) - Weapon: Cyanide Pill
B075 - Robert 'Rob' Jenkins (In Transit) - Weapon: Kevlar Bulletproof Vest, M15 General Officers (.45 ACP)
B078 - Gareth 'Gary Griffith (The Warehouse) - Weapon: Nightstick


V4 Dead: None (Yay!)

V5 (Hopefully): No ideas yet ;]

This is not a song, IT'S A SANDWICH!!!

Mah achievements:
Spoiler: click to toggle
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Jonny
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You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
[ *  *  * ]
Alright, I just thought of an original concept. Tell me if it's okay.

I don't know if any of you guys have heard of the Lord of The Rings (and if you did, you probably just think it's a movie), but in it, there's these things called the Nazgul, or the Ring Wraiths. This thing, essentially, would be my version of the head Ring Wraith, mixed with a bit of Samuel L Jackson from Pulp Fiction, mixed with a little bit of Guts from Berserk.

Samuel 'Johan' Guts 'Badassmotherfucker' Wraith, as his full name is known, is probably known as the most feared person in school Center of America. He is monstrously strong, and is capable of crushing skulls with his bare hands (this being one of the reasons that he is an All American in football, basketball, and baseball the best Mutant Hunter in all of everywhere). He is also a devout Christian, but he believes that God has designated him as one of his chosen, and that he has the right to do to others what he will. This attitude, which causes him to try and violently assault whoever he pleases if they annoy him, has led to the nickname of 'Badassmotherfucker' One time, when he was 13, a trucker mutant pissed him off at a gas station. Samuel ended up killing the man mutant and his two friends probably a couple dozen more, but got away for it because he knew all forensic procedures by heart and cleverly destroyed all evidence of the crime is really, really powerful.

Samuel is also an anime and manga fan, getting his other nickname from his love of the Monster anime and manga. He often dresses like various different anime characters, his favorite, being of course, Johan from Monster (although it doesn't work the best, considering he's black and bald). People would say something to him, but as Samuel says, they 'shut their fucking mouth if they know what's good for them.' Samuel is also a homosexual, but no one loves him because of his fearsomeness, and he angsts about it constantly. Samuel, also not known to those who would call him a brute, is a genius of amazing proportions, his IQ being 200+.
Jeremy Franco is alive. You can write a better ending, goddammit.

Charlie DuClare is dead. And nothing was easy anymore except to smile.
Julian Avery is dead. Courage was the man with a gun in his hand.
JJ Sturn is dead. Fuck it, all good things gotta come to an end.
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Yossarian
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evolved into EPIC Yossarian
[ *  *  * ]
As long, as GM won't be bitching about TMs of Samuel 'Johan' Guts 'Badassmothefucker' Wraith, then sure ;]
Posted ImagePosted Image

V4 Alive:
B019 - Maxwell Crowe (In Transit) - Weapon: Auto Mag 180 (.44)
B068 - Michał 'Mike' Maszer (The Key) - Weapon: Cyanide Pill
B075 - Robert 'Rob' Jenkins (In Transit) - Weapon: Kevlar Bulletproof Vest, M15 General Officers (.45 ACP)
B078 - Gareth 'Gary Griffith (The Warehouse) - Weapon: Nightstick


V4 Dead: None (Yay!)

V5 (Hopefully): No ideas yet ;]

This is not a song, IT'S A SANDWICH!!!

Mah achievements:
Spoiler: click to toggle
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Jonny
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You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
[ *  *  * ]
Wha? Huh? No, you've got me mixed up with some other guy. This is an original idea that I created on my own initiative.
Jeremy Franco is alive. You can write a better ending, goddammit.

Charlie DuClare is dead. And nothing was easy anymore except to smile.
Julian Avery is dead. Courage was the man with a gun in his hand.
JJ Sturn is dead. Fuck it, all good things gotta come to an end.
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landlocked
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Supreme Ruler Of All Video Land
[ *  *  * ]
OKAY I TOTALLY JUST THOUGHT OF AN IDEA THAT IS TOTALLY MINE BTW

Name: Commiechu

Short Bio: "Commiechu enjoys long lines, vodka and hates your freedom." Commiechu thinks that all people should be equal and anyone who disagrees with him will be killed with a horrible storm of lightning and death. Commiechu knows Thunderbolt, Hyper Beam, Sheer Cold (War) and Growl. Commiechu also fights with a hammer and sickle, which it became proficient with due to thousands of years of training. Commiechu is also a musical conductor, which is good because he has a full orchestra that follows him around and plays epic, operatic music to accompany anything he does that is awesome. Which is everything.

Posted Image

Tried making the sprite myself. That hammer and sickle is hard to sprite...

EDIT: THE WHITE PIXELS THAT I FORGOT TO ERASE ARE STATIC FROM HIS ELECTRIC POWERS, OKAY.
"Standing there in the middle between life and death gave me a delirious, almost evil sense of joy." --Max Beckmann
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Darkling Perhaps
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[ *  * ]
I have my idea! My character is a man in a suit who just realized the world was in such a state of disarray. Before hand he went to 'work' and came 'home' to sit on his couch and stare at the empty box, soap operas running through his head. The revelation was brought about by a horribly mutated gerbil named Gil who talked him into actually looking around and realizing no one else was still going to work. Also he random grows and expulges mutations, much to his dismay, his whole body in a constant state of flux. He'll often forget about what he's doing and concentrate on some mundane task that fills his mind, changing the crazed world around him into the 'old' world as he knew it in his eyes, thus trying to 'open' a monster to get to the supermarket. Gil is commonly trying to keep him on task.
Hungry?
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I brought leftovers...


Mark Tavarian - A rotting corpse at the Sea Cliffs
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Yossarian
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evolved into EPIC Yossarian
[ *  *  * ]
OK people... 4 is enough to play... if someone else wants to join, he have time to Sunday 18 January. No matter what will happen, we'll start on Monday...
Posted ImagePosted Image

V4 Alive:
B019 - Maxwell Crowe (In Transit) - Weapon: Auto Mag 180 (.44)
B068 - Michał 'Mike' Maszer (The Key) - Weapon: Cyanide Pill
B075 - Robert 'Rob' Jenkins (In Transit) - Weapon: Kevlar Bulletproof Vest, M15 General Officers (.45 ACP)
B078 - Gareth 'Gary Griffith (The Warehouse) - Weapon: Nightstick


V4 Dead: None (Yay!)

V5 (Hopefully): No ideas yet ;]

This is not a song, IT'S A SANDWICH!!!

Mah achievements:
Spoiler: click to toggle
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Ella
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Surprise V3 Winner
[ *  * ]
Name: Sakura Naruto Sasuke Bleach Yaoi Cullen Johnson

Bio: Sakura is the result of a dangerously handsome vampire and the most beautiful catgirl in all the land falling in true love. Shortly after she was born, her father died (of being cut into pieces and burned) and her mother promptly died of grief. She became an orphan and grew up to be the coolest half cat half human half vampire in the world. She is trained in the ways of the ninja and is also a soul reaper only instead of a Zanpakuto she uses InuYasha's sword. She enjoys watching attractive asian boys make out.

Picture:
Posted Image
hi i am a little bee

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Yossarian
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evolved into EPIC Yossarian
[ *  *  * ]
Ok guys (and girls)! As promised, we are launching the game right now. I'm surprised, that we managed to (almost) reach the limit!

NOTE: Everything below is one big joke, so don't get offended people. I'm not writing it seriously...

..............................................................................


Another day came to not so peaceful now US of A. Somewhere north of New York, another wave of oil-thirsty humans fights and dies with ruthless machines for freedom. Somewhere in Texas, local rancher sends his new black workers, bought on the slaves market, and whips them for no good reason... But who cares about those losers? They are so fucking boring! Let's see how 5 different beings from all across the universe begins their... <ahem> epic journey...


&^!!*(: You were enjoying your favorite Earth drink 'Explosiv-O' (with Explosion. REAL EXPLOSION) in local jazz bar in the shithole previously known as New Orleans. You were enjoying, because in the middle of some mediocre jazz band performance, some masked niggers came in. At first, you didn't even had a slightest idea, what they wanted, because they were shouting something in this gibberish Earth language. The message saying 'CARROTS ARE JUICY!', which came with explosion in the back of the bar, confused you even more. But before they drove away with their Nissan Skyline ZXCR (full tuning!), they left those funny communicators in form of red burning sticks. However, the message contained in them pissed you off. 'FUCK JAZZ! 50 CENT RULEZ MOTHAFOCKA!'. You exploded (and thus destroyed the remains of the bar). Now it's personal!

Samuel 'Johan' Guts 'Badassmotherfucker' Wraith (in future mentioned as SJGBW): For the first time in like 2 years, something interesting happened. Your biggest nemesis, the second best mutant hunter in the USA and the leader of the gang, the 'not-so-infamous-as-you' 50 Cent, sent you the letter of challenge. This puny idiot seems to think, that he have balls made of even colder steel than yours. He want to make a freestyle contest in the outskirts of New Orleans today at the sunset. Your awesomeness prevented you from noticing orange Nissan Skyline ZXCR (full tuning!) [yes that's the full name of this car] driving near your house.

Commiechu: You were traveling through the 'Nowhere' desert in Lousiana (don't look at me like that. There is no marsh in Louisiana anymore. Only desert... and jungle on the south...) near New Orleans. Your orchestra was playing truly epic overture 'Tocata Cephalothorax' after you ate giant radioactive scorpion (you also learned some new poison attacks now). I mean... WAS playing before all the musicians got killed by some niggers in Nissan Skyline ZXCR (full tuning!), shooting with their Micro-Uzi and shouting 'DRIVE-BY SUCKERZZ!!' You have lost your orchestra... Are you gonna leave it that way?

Unnamed Darkling's Character: You were sitting on you comfortable sofa, watching the 1387 rerun of the 456321th episode of 'The Amazing Empty Box' soap opera. Rosalinda was just about about to confess her love to her coffee maker, when suddenly the show was interrupted, by some good looking man behind the oldschool deck. 'We are interrupting this program, to inform you about some recent news. The not-so-infamous 50 Cent challenged the infamous Samuel 'Johan' Guts 'Badassmotherfucker' Wraith to the freestyle duel on the outskirts of New Orleans near the abandoned diet cola factory. The experts are saying, that this duel may change the fabric of the universe forever. The tickets are available at the factory right now. Number of seats limited. And now, we are going back to our normal program...'

Sakura Naruto Sasuke Bleach Yaoi Cullen Johnson (in future mentioned as SNSBYCJ): This definitely isn't a good day. The sun is awfully bright today, your favourite Bloody Mary flavored lollipops are sold out, and instead of some cool looking Asians, you can only see the posters of 50 Cent's and Samuel 'Johan' Guts 'Badassmotherfucker' Wraith's showdown. But don't worry. This thing will probably attract some people, and some of them should be Asians definitely... Meanwhile, the orange Nissan Skyline ZXCR (full tuning!) stopped nearby. One of the black gangstas is shouting in your direction. 'YO Bitch! Wanna take a ride?'


..............................................................................

This is only an intro, so it's not even 1/100 as wacky as planned, but don't worry. This will change soon ;]
Posted ImagePosted Image

V4 Alive:
B019 - Maxwell Crowe (In Transit) - Weapon: Auto Mag 180 (.44)
B068 - Michał 'Mike' Maszer (The Key) - Weapon: Cyanide Pill
B075 - Robert 'Rob' Jenkins (In Transit) - Weapon: Kevlar Bulletproof Vest, M15 General Officers (.45 ACP)
B078 - Gareth 'Gary Griffith (The Warehouse) - Weapon: Nightstick


V4 Dead: None (Yay!)

V5 (Hopefully): No ideas yet ;]

This is not a song, IT'S A SANDWICH!!!

Mah achievements:
Spoiler: click to toggle
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Super Llama
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STILL THE BEST 1973
[ *  *  *  * ]
&^!!*( was rather cross. Just a moment ago had he been listening to the soulful sounds of Duke Louis Ellingarmstrongton and the Clever Band Names, when suddenly a gang of hoodlums showed up and began shouting nonsense and insults. How very rude. This was certainly not his month. First his girlfriend said that the two of them should see other people, and then he was given this assignment to establish communications with one of the lower planes. And now this. One thing was for certain, as soon as he found these hooligans, he was going to give them a stern talking to.

But where did they go, he wondered. Fortunately, he happened upon a couple of native New Orleanites, and got the idea to ask for directions.

"Pardon me, sirs. I am looking for a gang of hoodlums that came by in an automobile recently. Do you happen to know where they went?"

Unfortunately, his attempts at communication only managed to chase them away, as a nearby car exploded in a massive fireball, then an underground gas main, and then a crow that happened to be passing by, and then, as if it hadn't had enough, the car exploded a second time.
Posted Image
Enough expository banter! Now we fight like men! And ladies! And ladies who dress like men! For Gilgamesh...it is MORPHIN' TIME!

V5 hopefuls:
Hiro Fukuyama: "N-n-no, I-I'm not scared."
Lucy Rosenberg: "If you're looking for friends, I don't think I can help you with that."
Angus McDonald: "To hell with you! If anyone here deserves to live, it's me!"


The Dead


banthesun
 
She wanted those horrible metal balls to stop banging against her legs

ZombiexCreame
 
But would Celeste even want help from a guy that whips out his pistol without a second thought?
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Darkling Perhaps
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REMOTE TERMINAL ACCESS ONLY
[ *  * ]
The channel was interrupted???






How odd.

This seemed like a perfect chance for some existentialism! The man looked down at himself, realizing his suit was a bit smudged on one pant leg. He'd have to fix that, but he wasn't looking at his rugged good looks and charming physique. Instead the man was looking inward, at once through his own mind to figure one important question and the second was to ponder why he suddenly had a large mouth-like opening grinning up at him from his stomache. "But back to the first question!" his stomache stated. Yes... that one. "Hey, Gil! What's my name?"

The smallish gerbil popped up from the kitchen, a plate full of home-baked cookies in his freakishly large arm-like tail. And when I say cookies I of course mean delicious kittens, they're like rampant in the area and ya know, a mutated gerbil inb the future's gotta do what a mutated gerbil in the future's gotta do. Anyway Gil chirped up, his bass voice a loud contrast to Megan's latest screech about the towtruck's baby from the TV. "Um..... Yes?"

"Yes it is then! Or at least untill I think of something better!" Yes quickly 'stomached' (get it? get it? Fine...) the kittens and stood up. "Well, Gil, it's a world of business, and we are its rapists! Let's go!"

And as Gil clambered up Yes's suit to sit among the pens in the horribly stretched pocket they set at, maybe to the duel, maybe to a David Bowie concert. We shall see what we shall see.
Hungry?
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I brought leftovers...


Mark Tavarian - A rotting corpse at the Sea Cliffs
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Jonny
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You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
[ *  *  * ]
"Man fears the darkness, and so he scrapes away at the edges of it with fire."
- Rei Ayanami, Neon Genesis Evangelion


Sam Wraith wondered every day: was he the darkness... or was he the fire? Maybe he was man, or the abstract concept of a scraping motion. Sam was often given to a proclivity for such philosophical musings, as he was more of an intellectual warrior poet than a simple brute. But at the end of the day, he knew he was the fire. He knew it because he was certain in his own moral wisdom, which is what fire symbolizes in that Evangelion quote, and also because fire was badass.

And Samuel "Johan" Wraith was a badass.

(He was a badass)

He was a badass on the day when 50 Cent challenged him to a free-style rapping battle. On the day... when everything changed. On the day when some fool was enough of a dumbass to challenge him like some sort of cockmonger. It began like any other day... Sam woke up and reached for a skull on his nightstand, crushing it effortlessly. He did this every morning to cement how much of a badass he was, in case anyone was watching him, which was actually probably likely since he was very famous and beloved.

Didn't 50-Cent know of Sam's reputation? He was by far the most powerful and accomplished free style battling rapper in America, and everyone should know that. Maybe Cent hated Sam because of his sexuality... just like all the rest did. Nobody understood him and his gay lifestyle, but that was the fate of someone as sophisticated as Sam living in a primitive and Republican society. George W. Bush was a bad president.

Or maybe... FiftyCent was intending to lose? It could all be part of some extremely elaborate master plan, a "Xanatos Roulette" so to speak, similar to those employed by Light in Death Note.* But even if that were true, Sam would definitely be able to see it coming and counter it beforehand, just like Near in Death Note. Of course, Near was a shitty character, and Sam hated himself for being like Near... but it was the path he had been destined to walk on. And now... what could be do... besides walk down the path... and accept the pain? That pain... was part of his destiny. It was part of... his plan.

"Exactly as planned!"
- Yagami Light, Death Note


But that was enough planning for the day. The rest wouldn't involve any plans at all... though most free stylers extensively planned their raps before the battle, Sam "Guts" Wraith was too good for that... he went in with no preparation, because he was just so brilliant that he could improvise. The only decision he had left to make was whether to arrive on his Ferrari or his motorcycle.

"Why choose?", thought Sam with a smirk, as he put in his sunglasses and took out the keys to his custom-made Ferrari motorcycle, which was colored midnight black and made personally by Ferrari.

On the way to the battler rapping, Sam noticed one of the posters advertising the event on a concrete wall. Without stopping his motorcycle, he punched a hole straight through Fifty-Cent's face on the poster, and the concrete behind it. Sam smiled a cunning smile as he said aloud,

"It's fitting that I smashed you literally on that poster, because at the rapper battle... I'm going to beat you."

* ((If that's actually 50Cent's plan, to lose like that, then Sam would probably realize it because he's really smart and perceptive, so you should tell me if that's his plan or not))
Jeremy Franco is alive. You can write a better ending, goddammit.

Charlie DuClare is dead. And nothing was easy anymore except to smile.
Julian Avery is dead. Courage was the man with a gun in his hand.
JJ Sturn is dead. Fuck it, all good things gotta come to an end.
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