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Carson Baye
Topic Started: Aug 17 2008, 10:11 PM (1,365 Views)
RaggedDruid
Survivor
[ *  * ]
Name: Carson Baye
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12
School: Southridge
Hobbies and Interests: Football, anime, video games, industrial music

Appearance:
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 210lbs, mostly muscle

Carson has short black hair that used to be shaved to a "military" style, but has grown a bit since. He has somewhat generic facial features, except for a rather long and pointed nose, and blue almond-shaped eyes. He has a small mouth, a square jaw, and large ears. He has a build typical of someone who's been a defensive lineman for almost the entirety of high school, which is to say he's pretty ripped.

At the time of his kidnapping, he was wearing:

KMFDM "Nihil" jacket
Nine Inch Nails "Year Zero" T-shirt
Levi Strauss Co. 501 jeans
Nike sneakers

(If it wasn't listed, it's generic.)

Biography:

Carson Baye had a relatively normal life up until April 20, 1999. He had loving parents and a twin brother who he loved.

His "rich uncle" in a sense (close friend of his father) was Sascha Konietzko, of KMFDM fame; his dad used to work as a roadie for various bands, including KMFDM, and the two became friends at some point on the XTORT tour. Due to the financial status he got from this, he would make it relatively anvilicious to most people he met that he had that connection.

He was an anime fan from about age 7 on, due to his dad showing him the Manga Entertainment preview with the song "Ultra" by KMFDM on it; he conveniently forgot to turn it off before the main feature of the tape, Ninja Scroll, was over. As such, Ninja Scroll is one of Carson's favorite movies, anime or not; the nostalgia factor has nothing to do with it, or so he says.

On 4/20/1999, the Columbine High School shootings occurred. From then on, he was a celebrity in the worst way possible due to his uncle's "association" with the tragedy. He was never allowed to play with any of his friends, and he was often made a scapegoat for anything bad that happened in the general area. He eventually became extremely bitter about how he was being ostracized for something that he couldn't control, and he began lashing out at people in an almost completely inexplicable manner.

In 9th grade, he began playing football. He was originally disallowed from being on the team due to the supposed "moral complications" of it; "Uncle Sascha" offered the coach a fair sum of money to let Carson on the team, and he became one of the best defensive linemen in the state.

In 11th grade, his dad took him trap-shooting to see if he had any talent at it; trap-shooting was a bit of a family sport, and Carson had a cousin who managed to do fairly well on the national circuit. Carson was fairly good at it at it, so trap-shooting became a very common activity for him when there wasn't a big game coming up.

A month before the senior trip, Carson was kicked off the football team and suspended for a week for getting in a fight with the coach's son. The thing that sparked the fight was relatively minor; the coach's son asked Carson if he could borrow a dollar at lunch, which made Carson go into an unstoppable rage. Apparently the coach's son had sneaked up on him, which apparently required him to punch the offender in the face and stomp on his testicles. Saying Carson is an asshole would be understating it.

His favorite bands are KMFDM (of course), Nine Inch Nails, Skinny Puppy, Godflesh, and Rammstein. KMFDM is the earliest of the listed bands that he was introduced to, due to the aforementioned connection with their lead singer; all the others were introduced to him by their touring with KMFDM at some point.

His favorite movies are Ninja Scroll, Akira, Ghost in the Shell, Demon City Shinjuku, and Perfect Blue; he was "indoctrinated" into anime fandom at a young age, and his tastes slowly developed over time into what they are now. To be fair, though, he knew about a lot of those movies long before he had seen them due to the previews on his copy of Ninja Scroll.

Advantages: He's strong and he can fire a gun decently enough.

Disadvantages: He's a complete jackass to anyone he doesn't know, and some people he does. He's also a bit trigger-happy; this results from having fired guns on at least a weekly basis for almost the past 2 years. One of his only friends likened him to Bando from Elfen Lied due to the obvious personality resemblance, and the resemblance in their big "kick the dog" moments. If he doesn't get extremely lucky he'll get a bit dead. He also really, really doesn't work well in groups or with others, if it wasn't obvious from looking at the rest of his personality.

((OOC: I know Carson's life is uneventful compared to Sloan's, but Sloan was intended to have a big storyline if he lived long enough to meet Danya. Carson's relatively expendable. As far as I know, having a famous person as a friend of my character's family isn't godmoding since it has pretty much no bearing on his status in SOTF.

His personality's bad enough that his physical strength shouldn't be too god-modey. I plan on making him completely unsympathetic, an antihero at best and a dog-raping jackass at worst.))
Current Character:
Ed Parks - Permanently Denied?
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Megami
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Squishy
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Not a bad start, but it needs a little work. I'll start with the appearance section. The main problem is... it reads like a list. You could easily incorporate everything you listed into sentences to expand the biography, and, just like we've been seeing quite often with new profiles lately, your character pretty much lacks a face. He's got black hair and a long nose. No eye color. No nothing else. That needs to be spruced up a little bit, and let's make paragraphs, not lists, please.

Moving along to his bio, there's a lot of room to fix things up. Firstly, I don't have a clue who KMFDM is, so I'm assuming that there are other people on the forum who don't either. What does Columbine have to do with your character? It seems like it was just thrown in there to give your character some sort of angst, honestly. If that's what you're going for, that's fine, I guess, but it needs to be tied in a lot better. Why would a school board in California ridicule a student who knew somebody who somehow played some supposed part in the school shootings? If you're gonna put that in there, it needs to be explained a lot better.

There's a lot of irrelevant information in his profile too, like the one sentence about his girlfriend or the one sentence about his favorite music/anime. It's fine to include that kind of stuff, but you can explain it in more than one sentence. Moving along to his advantages, you say he can fire a gun well, but there's no mention of him ever even using a gun, so where'd he pick it up at? That definitely needs to be included in his bio if you plan on having him be proficient with firearms. Guns aren't something you just pick up and learn instantly.

You say he's an asshole, but you've barely explained his personality other than the fact that he's inexplicably bitter toward his peers. How'd he ever manage to get a girlfriend if he's so bitter? Overall, this isn't a bad start, but this profile definitely needs some work before it can be approved.
Misa Achtland

Ayako Okogamine

Kevin De la Torre

Melissa Angelicchio

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RaggedDruid
Survivor
[ *  * ]
Fixed.

KMFDM is a band; it was one of the bands that was made into a scapegoat for the Columbine shootings, although it didn't get quite as much media attention as Marilyn Manson and the like. When the Columbine media circus happened, a lot of parents tried to keep their kids away from the stuff that was scapegoated for the shootings. Carson has direct ties to one of those things. So, naturally, he was ostracized.

I don't really see how any of the stuff I put in his appearance section fits in his biography, aside from his build which is already expanded upon in there.
Current Character:
Ed Parks - Permanently Denied?
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Megami
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Squishy
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Approved.
Misa Achtland

Ayako Okogamine

Kevin De la Torre

Melissa Angelicchio

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