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| Shawn Dalsim | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 27 2008, 07:29 AM (464 Views) | |
| El Duque | Jul 27 2008, 07:29 AM Post #1 |
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I Suck At Writing to Justify Doing It for Free
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Name: Shawn Waits Gender: Male Age: 21 Grade: 12th School: Southridge High Hobbies and Interests: Booze, Gambling, Piano, Strippers, Jail-Bait, and Cigarettes. Appearance: Shawn stands in a slightly slouching fashion and has a very lithe body mass with little fat to him but with no protruding muscles as well. His facial features are at first glance very bland and normal looking, however after looking at him for long periods of time you can see that his eyes have a very heavy look to them as if he wished he was asleep, his expressions are stern, serious, and yet somehow very cynical in appearance. He has nothing that distinguishes his look from anybody else, such as facial hair, scars, or tattoos. His skin tone is neither to dark or to light, it's a very clear balance of the two. His hair is perhaps the only thing shocking about him as it's an almost bright red. Despite that, his favorite garb is much more subtle. A gray, cotton suit jacket, warm and comfortable on his shoulders, covers a simple, black button up. Complimented by an unadorned white tie and grey pants over black shoes. Biography: Shawn defies any pretense of character or personality that can be considered ‘righteous’ or even ‘decent’. A man who lives only by his truest and most immoral passions, he indulges in every vice the world may conjure. Squandering his earnings on booze, women, and more booze, he dares not sully his life by not living it to the fullest, or adhering to societal norm. Indeed, he is a man who could care less about the starving children in whatever impoverished country; he’d rather be spending his time getting loaded or screwing around, though preferably both at the same time (a winning combination on any day of the week). Aside from that, Shawn is also a masterful gambler. And by masterful, I mean extravagant. And by extravagant I mean wasteful. And by wasteful I mean that he’s really horrible at it. Regardless, on a lucky day, Shawn makes great use of his illegitimate winnings and makes no secret of it. Throwing his money at every indulgence imaginable, he is a man known throughout the city for his insatiable appetite and indomitable spirit. Free and young, he desires nothing else in life but to satisfy his most primal needs. Like his nature may attest, he doesn’t take very many things to heart. Always liable to laugh off an insult and down another shot, Shawn is the epitome of a good time with his sultry wit and inappropriate comments. Lighthearted and forever relieved of moral obligations, he is a man known to bring out the best of people through the worst. Alcohol, sex, and a foul mouth are his tools, and he wields them with brutal precision. Rather reckless as well, Shawn is not one to back away from a challenge and it has gotten him into a fair few scuffles in his time. A masterful musician, he finds himself making his money as a piano player at a local non-all age's bar, having failed almost every grade of highschool several times (Having spent seven years in Southridge), he is regarded by many to be a lost cause and many are surprised to see the Shawn is actually graduating this year: Probably because he's already a well known Piano player, known for the drunken swagger he carries into his recordings. In school Shawn is merely a presence, usually just being there and hardly ever doing the right amount of work. When told that he had to graduate this year or he would be ineligible for a highschool diploma he did the necessary work and that's all. Perhaps this is because of his strained relationship with his parents, raised by a single mother who was more focused on having her own good time than raising him he has found it strained to put any effort in anything. He's been living with his best friend Patty since he was eighteen (she's currently working at a law firm as a secrertary and is well taken care of enough) since he was eighteen, but his house is known as a haven for other disenchanted youth: music is always playing, a floor is always available for sleeping, and Shawn is always available to not give a shit. Advantages: Street-Smart, Clever, Witty, and a decent fighter, Shawn has all the necessities of someone having the potential to take the game if he gets lucky enough. Disadvantages: His chemical dependencies are numerous and his risk gauging ability is non-existent, really, he's the type of guy who'd rush a man with a shotgun just to test his luck. |
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"My man got too familiar and I’d ended up having to whoop his ass, man, you know. Because he would step across the line. Habitually. He’s a habitual line stepper.” - Charlie Murphy v7 Ace Beats: Varsity Blues - Wale C.C. Mac: I Do - Cardi B | |
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| I'm a Cactus | Jul 27 2008, 07:04 PM Post #2 |
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do you want to go to war, balakay?
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Not bad, but I think you need to add a bit more on the biography. Why does he fail grades. Is he stupid, does he just not care? Also, how is he socially. Does he get along with anyone, or avoid people? Who does he like? How's his home life? Does he live with his parents? Just elaborate a bit, and I'll be happy to put him through. |
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--- The Future The Past Meanwhile... | |
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| El Duque | Jul 27 2008, 10:34 PM Post #3 |
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I Suck At Writing to Justify Doing It for Free
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Added in what you asked. |
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"My man got too familiar and I’d ended up having to whoop his ass, man, you know. Because he would step across the line. Habitually. He’s a habitual line stepper.” - Charlie Murphy v7 Ace Beats: Varsity Blues - Wale C.C. Mac: I Do - Cardi B | |
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| I'm a Cactus | Jul 27 2008, 11:34 PM Post #4 |
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do you want to go to war, balakay?
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How is it that he can live on his own at the age of eighteen while working part-time in a piano bar? Not to poke holes in it, but that's kind of difficult. Especially if he gambles away all of his money and has a strained relationship with his parents - hence no support there. Sorry, but this needs fixing. |
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--- The Future The Past Meanwhile... | |
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| El Duque | Jul 28 2008, 12:03 PM Post #5 |
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I Suck At Writing to Justify Doing It for Free
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He's also a semi-recongnized recorded muscician (as implied by the fact that he has recordings) and as said by the fact that his house is home from disenfranchised youth, it was kind of implied that he had a rotating door of roommates. |
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"My man got too familiar and I’d ended up having to whoop his ass, man, you know. Because he would step across the line. Habitually. He’s a habitual line stepper.” - Charlie Murphy v7 Ace Beats: Varsity Blues - Wale C.C. Mac: I Do - Cardi B | |
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| I'm a Cactus | Jul 29 2008, 12:03 AM Post #6 |
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do you want to go to war, balakay?
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I still don't buy it. He's a recorded musician, fine, but he also gambles away all the money he can get his hands on. Which...doesn't really work for having your own place. And having a rotating door of roommates is going to piss off ANY landlord. Sorry man, I can't let this though as it is. |
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--- The Future The Past Meanwhile... | |
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| El Duque | Jul 29 2008, 12:30 AM Post #7 |
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I Suck At Writing to Justify Doing It for Free
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Dodd, tell me, what exactly do you want? You can just assume that he has enough money for his rent every month, let's just say he always has a lucky streak at just the right time. And a staggering majority of gambling addicts own their own place and still maintain their jobs, I should know, a good friend of mine is still renting out their place even though they have a staggering amount of debt (over 80,000 dollars). |
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"My man got too familiar and I’d ended up having to whoop his ass, man, you know. Because he would step across the line. Habitually. He’s a habitual line stepper.” - Charlie Murphy v7 Ace Beats: Varsity Blues - Wale C.C. Mac: I Do - Cardi B | |
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| I'm a Cactus | Jul 29 2008, 12:45 AM Post #8 |
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do you want to go to war, balakay?
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YEs, but you've basically described a loser who basically indulges in every vice he can, is shitty at gambling, and is still a student, who has no help with his parents. It's not actually plausible for him to live on his own at that age. If I can't live on my own, with a job and a university degree, and a loan of twenty-thousand dollars, this guy can't live on his own while being a deadbeat compulsive gambling addict who gets lucky every once in awhile and doesn't have a high school diploma, not to mention lives in a poorer economy in an area that's likely a bit more expensive. It just doesn't work, man. I'm sorry, but it doesn't. |
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--- The Future The Past Meanwhile... | |
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| El Duque | Jul 29 2008, 01:08 AM Post #9 |
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I Suck At Writing to Justify Doing It for Free
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Barring the fact that he makes his money as a musician, a career that (last time I checked) is pretty lax in it's school requirements and lives in the established "ghetto zone" of Highland Beach. Yeah, sounds like a real ritzy life, right there. |
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"My man got too familiar and I’d ended up having to whoop his ass, man, you know. Because he would step across the line. Habitually. He’s a habitual line stepper.” - Charlie Murphy v7 Ace Beats: Varsity Blues - Wale C.C. Mac: I Do - Cardi B | |
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| I'm a Cactus | Jul 29 2008, 01:17 AM Post #10 |
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do you want to go to war, balakay?
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Not saying it's a ritzy life, I'm saying that it doesn't afford him the financial backing to pay for his own place. Also taking into consideration the fact that the roommates thing would be tolerated by pretty much ANY landlord for approximately five seconds. I'm also saying that if you're not willing to modify it to something a little more realistic, it's not getting through. |
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--- The Future The Past Meanwhile... | |
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| El Duque | Jul 29 2008, 11:25 AM Post #11 |
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I Suck At Writing to Justify Doing It for Free
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The point that I'm trying to make Dodd is that you're being just a teensy tiny bit nit pickeyy, Shawn isn't the first character to live on his own nor is he the first character to have a gambling or drug problem, also applying your life to this is pretty ill advised. Crack addicts who dropped out of school and spend all their money on crack livce in houses, as do a lot of drug addicts. People manage in spite of their problems and people manage despite not having a degree, that's not to say that they're successful. just saying that they get by. That's all Shawn does, get by. And quite honestly, it's fine, I will just state that he's living with a more successful friend his age. But, this is quite ridiculous, especially considering that the issue wasn't even that unrealistic (because trust me I've seen it) then a lot of the other stuff we've seen roaming through the registry ("Somehow someway they let you take a year off of highschool to travel the world and fuck terrorists?" , "lol, you killed an entire factory worth of people and nobody suspected you?" or, "So, I hear you're a successful movie star going to a public highschool in a small town"). There's a thin line from being strict with quality and just being anal. EDIT: And just to prevent a v1 Andrew mistake, his name is Shawn Waits, I typed in Dalsim because I was playing SFII at the time... |
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"My man got too familiar and I’d ended up having to whoop his ass, man, you know. Because he would step across the line. Habitually. He’s a habitual line stepper.” - Charlie Murphy v7 Ace Beats: Varsity Blues - Wale C.C. Mac: I Do - Cardi B | |
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| I'm a Cactus | Jul 29 2008, 06:46 PM Post #12 |
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do you want to go to war, balakay?
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Y'know, Slacker. There comes a time when you've just got to accept things and not debate them until the cows come home. I'm going to let someone else approve you, because quite honestly? The thinly veiled shots at me and some of the other people here aren't exactly appreciated. |
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--- The Future The Past Meanwhile... | |
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| El Duque | Aug 2 2008, 05:34 PM Post #13 |
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I Suck At Writing to Justify Doing It for Free
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Well, since Dodd doesn't want to take a look at this, can someone else? |
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"My man got too familiar and I’d ended up having to whoop his ass, man, you know. Because he would step across the line. Habitually. He’s a habitual line stepper.” - Charlie Murphy v7 Ace Beats: Varsity Blues - Wale C.C. Mac: I Do - Cardi B | |
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| SOTF_Help | Aug 2 2008, 05:47 PM Post #14 |
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Winner
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Approved. |
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9:53 AM Jul 11